Hard To Love (23 page)

Two months had passed and I had finally moved in with Nick,
making Seattle my new home. My mother was happier than I had
seen her in years, and so was I. Nick and I had finally broken the
news to his sister and father, both of whom were ecstatic to hear
the news. His mother, on the other hand, took a while to accept the
fact that this was set in stone. No one would make either of us
change our minds. Claudia was more than willing to help me plan
my big day.

“Thank you for helping me out today
,” I said, sitting on the
bench at the park.
“Of course! I’m so happy for you guys. I’m so lucky to finally
have a sister.” She hugged me.
“Me too,” I said honestly. I was an only child and never really
dated anyone who had a sister, so it was nice to finally have one.
“You don’t think it’s too early to start all this planning?”
“No, most of the wedding planners I know said it can take a
year, maybe even more than a year, making sure everything is set
in place. Deposits made or paid in full to prevent anything causing
a disaster. Unfortunately, things can and will go wrong the day of,
but it gives you a sense of peace knowing you did what you knew
needed to be done. Everything else is all everyone else’s doing.”
She laughed.
“Nick is lucky to have you.” I said. We walked out to the car
after a long day of trying on dresses. She turned to look at me, her
lips curved up on one side.
“Nick is not the only lucky one. We all are,” she said. “You
have no idea how much happier he is, being with you.”
“As am I,” I said with a happy sigh. Then suddenly I felt
strange, as if I was about to faint.
“Lauren? Are you all right?” Claudia asked, panic in her voice.
“You just suddenly went pale.”
“I—I don’t know. I feel funny.” I pressed the back of my hand
to my forehead. “I’m sweating.” I gasped.
Then it went dark.

When I came to, I was in a hospital bed. This was starting to get
old. How many times does this happen to one person in their life?
I let out an exasperated sigh and sat up, feeling a slight twinge in
my side. Nick appeared from behind the curtain.

“Hey.” Hi
s face filled with worry.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Claudia said you went pale and then you fainted,” he said.
“Do they know what’s wrong?” I asked.
“No, they said it would take an hour at least for blood work to

“You won’t.” I smiled. “I’m fine.” Just then the doctor walked
in.
“Miss Miller, how are you feeling?” she asked, walking to the
opposite side of the bed from where Nick was sitting.
“I guess I feel okay.” I shrugged. “There’s a slight pain in my
pelvis, but other than that . . .”
“What kind of pain? Sharp or shooting pain?” Her brow
furrowed, concerned.
“Uh—well, when I move, it tends to shoot, but as I lie here, it’s
just a twinge,” I replied.
“Hmm.” She looked at her clipboard. “Well, it’s hard to say, but
I can have a look,” she said, flattening out the bed. Then I felt her
press on my abdomen, then lower. “I’m going to have a look with
the ultrasound, make sure everything is all right.”
“Ultrasound?” Nick asked, looking up at the doctor.
“Well, yes, in cases when there is a positive pregnancy, we like
to make sure there is no sign of—” She paused when she saw the
look on our faces. “You didn’t know?”
“No—I haven’t even missed my period,” I replied, confused.
Nick’s eyes glistened as he stared at me. “How far along am I?”
“Let’s have a look,” she said, then left the room. Nick and I just
stared at each other in silence. When she returned, she wheeled in a
mobile ultrasound machine. She plugged it in and waited until the
light turned from orange to green. I pulled my pants down enough
to bare my pelvic bone, lifting my shirt over my belly. My heart
raced and the nerves kicked in. Nick took my hand and pressed his
lips to my knuckles. Nick and I waited anxiously as she rolled the
wand over my belly. When she was done, she turned to us with a
grave look on her face.
“I’m sorry. The pain is due to an ectopic pregnancy,” she said. I
gasped, and then squeezed Nick’s hand. “That’s when the sac
remains in the fallopian tube and grows.”
“What does that mean?” Nick asked. I knew the answer, having
heard of this condition from other people.
“It means they have to remove it before it bursts.” I sniffed back
the tears, resting my head back.
“There’s no way to fix it?”
“Unfortunately no. If you waited—well, it would be
dangerous,” she said, touching Nick’s arm. “We can do this today
to prevent any further problems.”
“Okay.” I nodded, shutting my eyes. Nick kissed my forehead.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” I cried.
“I’m here I won’t go anywhere.” He said bringing my hand to
his lips.

When the doctor returned, she explained the two options we had
at that time. One was an injection of a drug that would stop the
growth and make it dissolve; the other was to remove it with a
scope and repair the tube if there was any damage.

“So we can start with the injection first, then monitor you to
make sure your hormone levels go down. If they don’t, then we
can inject you once more. Then we’ll go from there,” she
explained. I nodded, fighting back the tears. “I’ll be back.” She left
the room. Nick shut the door, then got in the bed next to me,
wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m sorry
,” I said, turning to look at him.
“For what?”
“Not being more careful.” I sobbed.
“This doesn’t seem like something you can prevent,” he said.
“I mean the pregnancy. I’m not on the pill. I should have told

you.” I hugged him
.
“I should have thought about that as well. I’m not upset that
you’re pregnant. I’m upset that you’re hurt and we are losing the
baby.” His eyes were filled with sincerity. Then I started to cry.
“I love you,” I sobbed on his shoulder.
“I love you too,” he said, kissing my head.

The next evening after we got home, I crawled in our bed and
cried. I had never factored in having children. I had always felt one
day I would have one or two, but to have that taken away just in a
blink of an eye was scary. I felt Nick’s arm wrap around me, and
he nuzzled my neck, kissing me sweetly.

“Claudia asked if you were okay. I didn’t tell her what
happened. I figured I’d leave that up to you,” he whispered in my
ear. Slowly I turned to face him.

“
I feel so blessed. I couldn’t have asked for a better man to
love,” I said.
“October 25
^th
,” he said, dragging his thumb across my cheek.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“The day I first laid eyes on you,” he smiled.
“Okay, what about it?” I asked.
“We can get married on that day,” he said, smiling.
“Next year?” I asked, unable to contain my excitement.
“Or this year,” he replied with a shrug.
“Well, that’s only four months away.” I bit my lip.
“Think you can handle that?” He pressed his forehead to mine.
“With Claudia’s planning skills, I’m sure we can.” I laughed.
“Good.” He kissed me. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life
with you.”
“Me too,” I said kissing him.

*****
The next morning I woke, showered, then got dressed then
called Claudia to ask her for assistance in planning my wedding.

I also intended on calling Cassie. She would, of course, be my
maid of honour. When I got to the kitchen, Claudia and Mason
were already there. “Hey,” I said nervously.

Mason glanced at me once, and then looked at Claudia. Nick
stood with them, smiling. I was curious to know what was behind
that grin of his.

“Nick has filled us in on you
r plans.” She sauntered towards
me. “And I would be honoured to help you plan the perfect
wedding. I wouldn’t want anything less for my favourite older
brother. No offense, Mason.”

“None taken,”
he scoffed.
“I have also taken the liberty of inviting Cassie down for the
weekend so you can fill her in, in person. She should be here in a

few hours,
” Nick said, walking around the counter and scooping
me up in his arms.
“Sounds like you have everything under control,” I replied.
“Is that okay?” he asked, putting me down.
“Yes, its fine. I—I haven’t even told my mother yet,” I said.
“We can go to Portland and take her out to dinner and tell her if
you like,” he suggested.
“I should have you plan the wedding. You seem more organized
than I thought a man could be,” I replied with a chuckle.
Claudia interjected, “Uh—men can’t be in charge of the
wedding plans.” Nick looked at her perturbed.
“Are you okay?” He pulled me close.
“Yes.” I said lacing my fingers behind his head.
“I’m not rushing this, am I?” he asked.
“No, its fine,” I said.
“You would tell me if it wasn’t okay, right?”
“Yes,” I sighed. God, I loved him. “Yes, it’s fine.” I kissed him.
“Okay, I’ll stay out of your hair.” He said kissed me, and then
left with Mason in tow.
When everyone was gone and Claudia and I were alone, she
took my hand and pulled me over to the couch.
“Is everything all right?” she asked.
“Yes.” I let out a sigh. “Is it possible, to have someone love me
this much?”
“Yes.” She sighed with a smile. “I envy you both, you know.
Nick has always been so respectful of other people’s feelings.
He always thinks of everyone else over himself.”
“I figured that out, our second day together.”
“He is an incredible man. People adore him,” she added. “I have
always looked up to him.”
“I can see why,” I said, smiling.
“So tell me. What are you envisioning for your big day?” she
asked, taking my hand in hers.
“Honestly, I never thought about it.” I said with a shrug.
Claudia didn’t like my answer to much so instead we sat for
hours, looking through magazines she brought over. We looked at
bride dresses and bridesmaids gowns. I started to get excited more
than I had thought I would be. Cassie arrived just after lunch, and
she cried hugging me, congratulating me over and over. I asked
her to be my maid of honour, and the crying began again. It was
great to have my mind on the wedding rather than on the recent
miscarriage.

It was the day of the wedding and we were at the church.
Cassie and my mother came in to find me sitting on the floor, out
of my dress, in a panic.

“I don’t kno
w,” I replied. “There is something in the pit of my
stomach that I can’t explain.”
Cassie knelt next to me, holding my hand, “Is it Nick?”
“
No
!” I responded immediately. She looked up at my mother.
“Is it too fast?” I asked, looking at her, then up at my mother.
“Do you love Nick?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
She crouched in front of me. “Do you want to spend the rest of
your life with him?”
“Yes.” I smiled.
“Are you happy?” Her hand slipped in mine as she helped me
up.
“Yes.” My eyes started to well.
“Then get dressed and marry your prince, sweetheart, because
he is out there and he is waiting to hear you say those words.” The
smile on my face was one of so much joy. My heart started to race
and tears began to flow.
“It just seems so unreal.” I sobbed but laughed at the same time.
“You and Nick went through a lot to get where you are now.”
“I know.” I hugged my mother so tightly that she coughed.
“I can’t breathe, darling.” She laughed, letting me go.
“Did you memorize your vows?” Cassie asked, pointing to her
temple with a smile.
“I did.” I sighed. I wanted to surprise Nick with my own vows.
“You look great, by the way,” I said, hugging Cassie. She was
in her grape-coloured A-line princess one-shoulder, knee-Length
chiffon bridesmaid Dress.
“Well, you’re the belle of the ball, so let’s get you in that
gorgeous dress of yours,” she said, walking over to the cabinet.
She gently removed my pure-white mermaid-style strapless
dress with the ruffled top, chapel train and satin embroidered
beadwork under the bust.
“Ready?” she asked once I was in my dress. Sucking in a deep
breath, let it out slowly then nodded. Cassie nodded, and left the
room. My mother stood by the door, waiting for her cue. My
mother was walking me down the aisle in place of my father.
Once the music began, so did the butterflies in my stomach.
“That’s our cue.” She smiled and held out her hand.
As I walked down the aisle, the nerves didn’t calm one bit.
Everyone smiled and snapped pictures as we walked past them. I
finally got a clear view of Nick as we hit the middle of the aisle
and my heart pounded in my chest. He looked dashing in his three-
piece jet-black suit with satin lapels and white ascot. My mother
hugged me, and then stepped away. Nick stepped forward, taking
my hand, and I felt his hand shaking nervously, which made me
feel better that I wasn’t the only one who was nervous.
The officiant started the ceremony, lasting a little less than
twenty minutes until we reached the most important part of the
ceremony. “And so here you are today to say your marriage vows
to each another. Mr. Porter, please go first. The ring please,” the
officiant said, and Mason handed the ring to Nick. Nick reached
out to take my hand in his. “Lauren, when I look in your eyes, I
know I have found my home. In your heart, I have a love I never
imagined existed. In your soul, I have found my mate. With you, I
am whole. You make me laugh. You let me cry. You are my
breath, my every heartbeat. I couldn’t imagine a single day without
you. I am yours forever and always.” He slid the ring on my finger,
and my body shook tremendously. Then he added, “Miss Miller, I
give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you.”
Sniffles from the crowd behind us could be heard. I couldn’t
take my eyes off him, and the longer I stared, the more the urge to
burst into tears became greater.
“Miss Miller,” the officiant said, “the ring, please.” I turned to
face Cassie and took the ring in my palm. I took Nick’s hand in
mine, and as I spoke, my voice shook. “From the first moment we
met and I looked into your eyes, I knew you were my inspiration
and my soul’s fire. You taught me how to love, laugh and cry.
Every day that we spend together, you fill me with joy. I’m in awe
of you and blessed that you chose me. I am yours forever and
always.” I slid the ring on his finger, never taking my eyes off him.
Nick’s eyes began to water. “Mr. Porter, I give you this ring as a
daily reminder of my love for you.” We both stood there, staring at
each other. He mouthed “I love you,” and I reciprocated, smiling.
“So now, by the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband
and wife and invite you to kiss one another.” At this point I
practically jumped in his arms, crushing his mouth with mine. We
both whispered words of love before turning to face our family and
friends. “Please put your hands together . . . Congratulations to the
newlyweds!” Everyone stood, clapping as we walked back down
the aisle.
As soon as we were in the limo, I turned to Nick and planted a
big kiss on his lips. Both of us were unable to stop smiling. Nick
wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close.
“Mrs. Porter.” He hugged me, kissing my forehead.
“Has a nice ring to it,” I giggled. “No pun intended.”
“I bet,” he said and kissed me.
“You still haven’t told me where we are going on our
honeymoon,” I said.
“I told you it was a surprise, so you will have to wait and see,”
he replied.
“I love you, Nick.”
“Forever and always.” he smiled, looking down at me with
those sexy blue eyes.
“Forever and always.” I reached up to kiss him.

During the reception Mason came up to me, congratulating me.
It was the most honest thing he had said to me in months.
“Thank you, Mason. That means a lot,” I said, touching his arm.
He smiled at me, then leaned in and hugged me. “I wish you all
the best. If you need anything, just let me know,” he said,
sincerely.
“Actually, Mason, Nick and I would like to talk to you,” I said,
taking his arm and heading over to Nick. Nick caught my eye and
started towards us, looking all handsome in his three-piece suit.
Nick took my other arm and we walked out to the patio.
“What’s going on?” Mason asked nervously.
“Nick and I have talked about this a lot.” I looked at Nick,
shaking my head playfully. “And we have decided that we want
you to be the godfather of our baby.”
“Huh?” he gulped, looking at me, then over at Nick, who was
smiling proudly. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes, we found out two months ago. I’m four months along.”
“You don’t even look it.”
“The dress disguises it.” I laughed. “But thank you.”
“Why me?” He asked. Nick and I glanced at each other, and
then back at Mason.
“Because you’re our family and we love you, Mason. As long
as you can change your wild ways and commit to being a good role
model to our child, then there is no one else we would rather have
spending time with our baby,” I said.
“I don’t know what to say.” He rubbed at his jaw.
“You don’t have to answer right now. Think about it; then let us
know. Claudia is the god mother. She is aware we are asking you
and she didn’t oppose.”
“Okay,” he whispered. “I’ll do it.”
I grabbed him and hugged him tight. “Thank you.” I kissed his
cheek. Then Nick came over and hugged him.
“Thanks,” he said, pulling away.
“I’m surprised you would pick me after everything—”
“Mason, haven’t you learned by now that I do not hold a
grudge, ever? Honestly, life is way too short to be angry or hateful.
You didn’t try to kill me or anyone I love, so I have no reason to
hate you,” I replied. He nodded, speechless.
Together we went back in to enjoy the rest of the party.