Harvest of Hearts (27 page)

“Jah.”

He heard disappointment. Did she think he was ending the relationship? Or was it that she couldn’t promise exclusivity? She fell silent.

“Care to commit, Shanna Stoltzfus?” he asked after a long stretch of quiet.

She kicked something in the road. He heard it clatter against the ground. A soda can, maybe. “I still have some reservations.”

Reservations?
His heart felt as battered as the pop can.

“Not about you.”

They’d already discussed that. Matthew frowned. “The Ordnung.”

“Nein, my nursing degree. It might be about pride, but I do want to earn it. If I came back here as a midwife, I’d want to have all the training I could get to do the job right. I’m also not sure the bishop will permit me to return. You saw how he looked at me. He accused me of lying without even bothering to verify whether I’d told the truth, which I had.”

He sympathized with her. After all, it seemed he had some explaining of his own to do. The bishop had seen him cuddling with Shanna in public, not to mention driving her car.

“Would you return if he let you?” A hard question, but he needed to know. If she said nein, he’d need to decide if he was willing to leave the Amish for her.

“Would you leave if he didn’t?” She kicked the can again.

Matthew closed his eyes and considered it. Since he’d already joined the church, if he left, he’d be shunned. But he doubted that would harm his relationship with his family. Daed’s sister had been shunned, and Daed still welcomed her into their home whenever she visited. He’d be afforded the same grace. But could Matthew abandon his beliefs? His current relationship with God? He knew that some Englischers professed belief in the Lord, but this faith was all he knew, and he didn’t want to lose his Savior.

“Never mind. That wasn’t fair of me to ask.” The can clattered in the road again. “Ich liebe dich, Matthew, and I want to come home to this community. After I get my degree, though.”

His heart lightened. She loved him? He couldn’t control his grin. “Which will be when?”

“December. But I’ll graduate in May. Next year.”

He reached for her hand, curling his fingers around hers. He didn’t want to wait that long for her, but he would if he had to. If only they could work it out so that she could have the best of both worlds. He had to try. “I’ll talk to the bishop.”

“About what?”

“About what it’ll take to get you home. Sooner, rather than later.” He stopped and pulled her against him in a hug. “I’m so glad you weren’t hurt, Shanna. Please, don’t ever do this again.”

“I won’t.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “But really, you shouldn’t waste your time talking to the bishop. I’m not ready to kneel and confess. I want my degree, and that’s still frowned upon.” She snuggled closer as her eyes drifted to his mouth and lingered there. The air between them sizzled.

Matthew caught his breath, and his gaze dropped to her lips. He immediately forced his eyes up to meet hers. “I’m not going to kiss you again, so don’t look at me like that.” He didn’t dare. Not now.

“But you want to.”

“But I won’t.”

She leaned in a centimeter closer.

He released her and backed away. “I can’t wait till we get married.”

“But you haven’t asked me to marry you, Matthew Yoder. You just assume I will. What if I won’t?”

Matthew smiled. “You will. Might as well get that into your head right now, Shanna Stoltzfus.”

“Are you sure?” she teased him.

“Jah, I’m sure. You wait and see.” He touched her nose. “I’d best be getting you back so you can eat that ice cream.”

“You sure you don’t want to make out first?”

Ach, he wanted to. “Nein.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’d be about me being an ice cream substitute.”

“I can’t think of a better one.”

He laughed and elbowed her playfully in the side. “Kum on. Let’s go.” He grasped her hand in his, and they began retracing their steps. They’d barely reached the turnoff to the driveway when they heard the clip-clop of horse hooves and the crunch of buggy wheels over gravel.

Matthew glanced over his shoulder and lifted a hand to wave to whoever was driving by.

The bishop.

When the Sunday preaching service ended, Shanna trailed out of the barn after the rest of the women and went to help set up the cold meal on the tables. She tingled as she remembered the awareness of Matthew’s gaze on her when she’d walked into the church service with the other maidels. She hadn’t dared to look at him, knowing she’d blush. Instead, she’d shyly dipped her head and focused her gaze on the ground.

Throughout the service, she’d struggled to keep her attention on the messages by the different preachers. It’d been so long since she’d listened to High German that her mind wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, her thoughts had wandered over to the opposite side of the barn, where Matthew sat with the other unmarried men, next to his friend Jacob. Matthew had caught her eye once and winked at her, and she’d daydreamed the rest of the time, imagining what their future together might be like.

Now, she yanked her mind back to the present, just in time to keep the platter of sliced ham from slipping off of the table and onto the floor.

“Want to help me with the desserts?” Becky came up beside her, carrying her boppli. “There is this luscious-looking chocolate cream pie that I dream about after every church Sunday, and yet I’ve never had a piece. It’s always all gone by the time I go through the line, since I have to feed Emma first. I’ve often considered taking that pie before the meal and eating it all by myself.” She laughed.

Shanna shook her head to help clear her thoughts.
Concentrate.
“I’ll help you. I love chocolate cream pie. I ate a whole pint of chocolate ice cream last nacht, single-handedly. And I want more.”

“A woman after my heart.” Becky looked around and lowered her voice. “I attempted to duplicate that recipe and brought a couple along. They’re in my picnic basket, along with some fried chicken, potato salad, and bean salad. I learned my lesson about going through the line. There’s hardly anything left by the time I feed Emma and get out there, so I’ve started fixing a plate before church and hiding it in my basket. Want to share one of the pies?”

“I’m with you.” Shanna resisted the urge to giggle. “Just don’t tell my former nutrition professor.”

“Your secret is safe with me. That pie is ours, then. I’ll go put my basket aside someplace where no one else will get into it. Ach, my stomach is rumbling already.” Becky took a step, then turned and looked at Shanna. “We’ll talk about what made you eat a whole pint of ice cream when we’re alone. Hopefully, it isn’t too serious.”

Shanna waved her hand in dismissal. “Not worth talking about. Just the death of a friendship.”

Becky’s brow wrinkled. “Not with Matthew?”

Shanna’s face heated. “Nein.” Should she even be talking about that relationship?

Becky smiled. “We’ll talk.” She bounced her boppli a little higher on her hip and hurried off.

Shanna quickened her pace and followed her into the kitchen. Becky deposited the boppli in a playpen in the corner and then headed for the dessert table. She handed an apple pie to Annie, who’d come up behind them, and then picked up the chocolate cream pie. “This is the one that Sara Shultz made. Doesn’t it look wonderful? Oh, there’s my basket. I’d better grab that before someone checks it and takes my pies.” She followed Annie out of the kitchen.

Shanna eyed the desserts. She was glad Becky wasn’t actually planning to take someone else’s pie and had brought her own. Shanna picked up two pans of brownies, one iced and the other topped with walnuts, and followed several other women outside to the long line of tables, where she put down the pans next to the chocolate pie Becky had carried out. It did look yummy.

“Not there.” Annie picked up the pans of brownies and moved them. “Brownies down here. I’m trying to keep this organized.”

Shanna studied the table briefly and then shook her head. “Nein. You have an apple pie over there, and then the brownies, and then cherry pie and chocolate pie. The peach pie is way down there.”

“Alphabetical.” Annie turned and flounced off toward the house.

Alphabetical? Was she kidding? Who did that? Shanna studied the table a bit more, then picked up the apple pie and moved it down next to the cherry one. Then, she retrieved the peach pie and set it down with the others. Was that mean of her? Probably. She looked up to make sure Annie hadn’t noticed.

As she glanced around, she noticed Becky hurrying back up the hill from a grove of pine trees near the pond, where Shanna could see her basket sitting on a quilt she must have spread out. “There,” Becky said, brushing her hands on her apron. “Our spot is saved.”

The men had been released from whatever business they’d been discussing after the service, and they started lining up for their food. Shanna hurried back to the house for a few more desserts—cakes this time. At least they had already been sliced.

After all of the desserts were on the table, Shanna moved into line behind the men, though she wasn’t sure she wanted to eat anything besides chocolate cream pie. But that would count as gluttony, the last thing she wanted to be guilty of. Especially after last night’s ice cream binge.

She filled her plate with some sliced turkey breast, a roll, a scoop of cottage cheese, and some salad, then started down the hill toward the spot Becky had saved. Matthew and Jacob were already waiting there. Shanna suddenly felt awkward. Becky hadn’t said anything about the men joining them. Surely, she didn’t expect Shanna to talk about private issues in front of them. So not happening.

When Matthew saw her, he waved his hand, motioning for her to come and sit near him. After a moment’s hesitation, she carried her plate the rest of the way down the hill and lowered herself next to him on the blanket.

She balanced her plate on her lap, set her tumbler of unsweetened iced tea beside her, and bowed her head in silent prayer.

When she finished, she looked up and caught Matthew eyeing her plate. “You’re eating light. Is that all you want?”

Shanna glanced at his dinner plate, piled high with an array of foods, and then his additional plate, which held a single slice of apple pie. She laughed sheepishly. “Becky promised to give me half of her chocolate cream pie. I’m saving room.”

Matthew shook his head. “A whole pint of ice cream last night and a chocolate pie today? One would think your world was collapsing.”

“Just a lot of stress.”

He suddenly frowned, then leaned in closer. “I’m contributing to it, ain’t so?” he whispered.

She wanted to say nein, but that would be a lie. Still, she didn’t want to make him feel bad. “Ach, maybe a little. Decisions, decisions, you know. I need to hire someone to make them for me. Then, I’ll just do what I’m told.”

Matthew’s lips quirked. “You don’t have a very gut record of doing what you’re told. But that’s part of your charm.”

She blinked at him. “What do you mean, I don’t do what I’m told? I do.”

He shrugged. “Well, I tell you to return home to the Amish, and you tell me nein. And that’s just one example.”

“Are there more?” Becky looked up from where she sat next to Jacob. “Ach, I’m so hungry.” She opened up her basket and took out the plate she’d filled earlier.

“Jah, there’s more. Lots more.” Matthew balanced his plate on his knee and reached over to tug Shanna closer to his side. “I tell her she’s going to marry me, and she says she needs to finish nursing school.” He winked at her. “It’d be so much easier if you’d just agree.”

Shanna’s cheeks heated, and she shrugged his arm off.

Becky laughed. “I don’t know what it is about these Pennsylvania buwe. They seem to make up their minds quick. Jacob had to convince me, too.”

Jacob gave her a tender smile, then turned to Matthew. “Speaking of which, I heard that the rest of the men in the swap are supposed to be arriving soon. Josh Esh told me in a letter that he’s packed and ready.”