Haunted (34 page)

He blushed. “Yeah, there are perks. I try to be good and just sign autographs and stuff, but when they come to the hotel or are hanging around the bus? It’s too tempting. Especially if there’s a couple of them and they, well, you know.” He licked his lips and grinned.

“Alright, we get the picture. What about the worst thing?”  

His face fell and his eyes were suddenly wet. I almost didn’t think he was going to answer me but then his voice came out low. “The fighting. I hate fighting and that’s all we’ve been doing for months. Even before Maggie died. We were fine while we were recording the last album, all excited about touring to support it. But then we started partying all the time, Devon wasn’t ever happy with anything and he was on edge all the time. Maggie wasn’t happy because of Thomas. Star you were a mess and Mage, I don’t know. You and I were just doing our thing, right? Until the release party?”  

Mage nodded. “Yeah, I kept telling everyone I had a bad feeling. Every fiber of my being knew that we were headed for tragedy. I couldn’t tell them how or why and no matter how much I told people they needed to get their shit together. It just spiraled out of control. I was having dreams constantly that I couldn’t explain. The night before the party I even talked to Marcus on the phone and told him I thought we should cancel, that something bad was going to happen. He just blew me off and told me about all the pussy that was going to be there, just waiting for me. Unfortunately for Maggie, that night I was just as wasted as everyone else. I’d even been doing lines with Thomas so I knew how fucked up he was. I should have stopped her from leaving with him.”

Jade hugged him. “C’mon, man. You didn’t know that was what the tragedy was going to be. None of us had any clue. And she didn’t tell us how bad things were with Thomas.”

Jade turned to me and said, “We only knew he was an ass to everyone else. We didn’t really know how bad he was treating her. I hate what happened. I hate it that we didn’t know what to do.”

A tear rolled down his face and I hugged him to me. He held on and cried, Mage rubbing his back from the other side. Star was silently crying to my left and I reached over and grabbed his hand. He squeezed back.

I took in a deep breath. “I’ll tell you guys what I told Devon. Maggie was going to do what she was going to do. I can tell you from experience that women in those relationships usually don’t respond well to pressure from family and friends. They have a tendency to push people away who don’t support them. She knew you guys didn’t like Thomas, right?”  They nodded. Jade sniffled and rubbed his nose on the back of his arm. “So if you told her he was no good for her and she should leave, how do you think she’d respond?” They shook their heads and were quiet. “I can tell you she most likely would have told you to stay out of it, she had it handled. Like she said to you, Star, ‘I got this, don’t I always got this?’” He nodded and sobs wracked his body. He threw an arm over his eyes and cried. I let that sink in for a bit and then I said. “She knew you guys loved her. That was the most important thing. If she would have lived, she would have eventually gone to one of you for help. She wouldn’t want you to blame yourselves.”

I wasn’t sure if they were hearing me until Jade said in a whisper. “I miss her so much. I really, really miss her.” The others murmured their agreement and the four of us just sat there holding each other for a while.

Then Star said in a shaky voice, “You want to know what my best and worst are?”  

“Of course, Star. You go.”

He took his arm off his eyes and stared straight at the ceiling. “The drugs.”

I waited to see if he’d continue but I had an idea what he meant.

“The drugs were the best when I had them. They were everywhere, they were free, and they were plentiful. I didn’t have to feel anything if I didn’t want to. I could do whatever I wanted to and not worry about the consequences. It was the best. And then it wasn’t. It was the worst because I hated who I was. I hated how I felt, how I treated all of you and everyone around me. I hated how much like my father I sounded whenever anyone would try to confront me. And I hate what it did to Maggie.” He was holding my hand tightly and I rubbed my thumb over his knuckles to let him know I was there for him.

Jade said quietly, “I hated what they did to you too, Star. I missed you. I’m glad you’re back.”

They smiled at each other and Star let go of my hand to do a bro handshake with him.

Mage just smiled and said, “You are one of the strongest people I know Star, and I’m so glad you are better. I will do whatever it takes to make sure you stay that way.”

Star smiled sadly at him and said, “Thanks, buddy, but it’s up to me to do whatever it takes to make sure I stay this way. I know you guys are here for me if I need you, but I have to do this by myself.”

Mage nodded.

We sat there in silence for a bit in various embraces when Mage cleared his throat. “Uh, guys? I’m glad we had this talk and all but can we finish the movie now? My favorite part is coming up.”

We all laughed and untangled ourselves.

“Let me take a bathroom break and I’m good to go.”

They got up to do the same and to stretch. It was late, but I was still wired and I hadn’t seen this movie in forever. I hurried to my room to take care of business. I decided to get more comfy so I changed into my jammies and grabbed a pillow from the bed. I glanced at my phone before running back out the door and decided to check for messages. Devon had left a voicemail an hour ago.

“Hey beautiful. I hope you aren’t answering because you’re having fun with my boys, as long as it’s not too much fun. I miss you like crazy already, but I’m glad I came to do what I needed to do. Don’t worry about calling me back tonight, I just wanted to say I love you and then I’m going to sleep. I think I can actually sleep and maybe my dreams of you will chase the bad dreams away. Goodnight, chère.”

I clutched the phone to my ear and shivers ran through me. He loves me. How much more amazing could this man be? I thanked whoever was responsible for this miracle because that’s what it was. I came in here thinking I couldn’t work miracles, but I’d certainly gotten one.

With a smile on my face I bounced back over to the couches. The guys had grabbed some blankets and turned the lights out. I went back to my place and the four of us curled back up together. Star and I shared my pillow with our bodies pointing opposite directions. Jade and Mage did the same on the other side. These couches were huge, but the guys still had to hang their legs over the ends. Jade was using the ottoman for his, which didn’t look comfortable.

Mage turned the movie back on, I’m sure, because in my mind, I was dreaming the shower scene but instead of Dee Dee it was Devon in the shower playing his guitar for me. I sighed deeply and the last thing I remembered was being under the hot spray with him, our mouths on each other.

My next conscious thought was that there was an earthquake happening and I was trapped under something heavy. The noises I heard sounded like a chainsaw cutting away at something. It was hot and I was sticking to whatever surface I was on. When I opened my eyes in the dim morning light, I first recalled that I was in New Orleans and that they didn’t have earthquakes here. The next revelation I had was that the source of the earthquake was Jade, who had somehow managed to swing his legs on top of me and one of them was twitching. The chainsaw noise was Star snoring away on the floor where he’d rolled off the couch. I noticed he’d pilfered my pillow in the process. Lastly, the heat and stickiness were because my face was smushed into the leather couch and I was stuck to it with my own sweat and drool. Mage was lying half on, half off the couch, one leg swung over the back and the other hanging off the end. None of us could have gotten a good night sleep in this mess.

Jade shifted his legs. I could breathe a little easier and the shaking stopped...but then he started scratching himself and that was it.

“Uh, guys? I seem to have a problem here?”  

I heard groaning and Star’s snoring stopped. He popped his head up to become face to face with me. His eyes grew wide and then he started laughing, loudly.

“Star! What the hell!?”  

Jade groaned and started to roll over.

“Ow! Jade!”  

When he moved he now had me completely pinned, his feet tangled in my hair. My feet were under his back and tangled in his hair.

“Ah! I can’t move! Who’s pulling my hair,” he shouted.

Mage sat up and when he saw our predicament, he rolled off the couch cracking up on the floor next to Star.

“You guys aren’t helping here,” I tried to get out, but I was quickly losing air. “Jade!! I can’t move either! Will you two hyenas please give us a hand!?”  

Finally Mage and Star began the process of untangling feet from hair, none too gently I’m afraid. Then Jade further pained me by stepping in the middle of my back to get up. I cried out as my spine bowed under his weight.

“Oh no! Jaylene, are you ok? I’m so sorry! I’m really a sound sleeper, I had no idea!” Jade tried to help me roll over and the peeling sound of my face becoming unstuck from the couch made them all wince.

“Jesus! This is bad. How the hell are we supposed to tell Devon we all slept on his girlfriend?”  

I rolled my eyes as the guys all burst out laughing. “Ha ha, very funny. At least I can tell him you guys all suck!” That made the snickering worse. “Ok, not suck, you guys are all hair pullers and face smashers and pillow stealers!”  

The laughing stopped.

“That might not go over too well for us.” Jade sounded nervous.

I slowly sat up knowing I was a wreck. My back was killing me and I felt like the imprint of the leather was never going to come off. My skin hurt like I had an awful sunburn. I held my head in my hands and groaned loudly.

“What can we do, Jaylene? Are you going to be ok?” Star was rubbing my back while the other two nervously cleaned up the scene of the crime.

“I’ll be fine. I’m going to go do some yoga, maybe a run on the treadmill and a shower. When I go home tonight I’ll see if Mackenzie can work on me for a while.” I turned to look at Star whose concern was bleeding off him. “Did you know Mackenzie was a massage therapist?”  

His eyes flared at that. “Could that woman get any hotter? Really? Damn! Hey, Jaylene. I wanted to bring her something nice when we go tonight, that is, if I’m still invited?”  

I elbowed him. “Of course you are! Just because we’ve slept together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

He slapped his hand against his forehead and fell back against the couch. I couldn’t help but giggle. It was obvious they were all nervous about us sleeping together.

“Guys, how about we all go work out together and then I’ll make you breakfast? Mage, what time are you and Jade taking off?”  

He shrugged. “I was going to call my mama and have her come pick us up this afternoon sometime. Why? Oh, I bet you need a ride with your stuff, huh? Hey Jade? Why don’t you call Rudy and have him come get us in the Hummer so there’s room for Jaylene’s stuff?”  

He nodded. “I’m on it.”

We all headed down to the weight room after quick runs to the bathroom for morning business and tooth-brushing. Star and Mage hit the weights and Jade and I ran alongside each other on the treadmills. Music was blaring from the speakers and we were all just in our own worlds. I realized I still wasn’t used to all the skin. The guys were all shirtless, but it didn’t feel as weird after our night of bonding. I felt a lot closer to them, even though I still didn’t know Mage and Jade as well as Star. They’d all opened up to me and I was grateful for that.

I worked up a good sweat and then went over to an area with mats on the floor to stretch out. I stifled a laugh when I realized how hard they were trying not to watch me. Ok, they didn’t look at me like a sister or friend, but they were really trying to. I guess you couldn’t take the rock star completely out of them. Mage took my place on the other treadmill and he and Jade fell into step together. Jade had pulled his long hair back in a hair tie. Mage’s was sweaty and plastered against his back. Star’s short hair was sticking out all over. And while they were all beautiful in their own way, they had really won me over with their boyish charms and goofy sense of humor. Part of me was loath to think of them in their real element. As rock stars they probably weren’t this accessible.

“So guys, I have another question.” They looked curious but concerned. I laughed, “It’s not a huge deal. I’m just wondering how much different you are when you are doing the rock star thing. Because you guys are so much fun to hang out with, I just wonder if when my contract is up and you guys go back to being big time, how different are you going to be?”  

They looked at each other and I thought I detected a note of sadness.

Star shared, “I don’t know that we are really that different. We don’t try to put on an act I don’t think? But we don’t really share our nerdy side. Makes it rough with the fans when they think we are still nerds.”

Jade was smiling now. “And if they want to think we’re about what our music is about, I guess I don’t mind.”

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want to know the answer to the next question, but I thought I’d better ask. “Do you think you guys will ever settle down with someone or do you still like the chase?”  

Mage frowned. “I think what you’re really wondering is will Devon settle down or if he’s still going to be chasing skirt.”

I frowned and shook my head. “No, I don’t think I’m asking that. I wouldn’t want you guys to speak for him. And only time will tell what happens with Devon. No, I’m curious about you guys.”

He was still frowning, but he looked like he was deep in thought.

Star said, “I hope to settle down. I don’t need anymore empty relationships. I don’t want that life anymore.” He seemed determined to stay well and I was determined to help him however I could.

“I think you’ll have what you want, Star. And I’ll be here, however you need me.”

He smiled and winked at me.

Jade sighed. “If I can find the perfect woman I’ll settle down. I just don’t really know what I want. I can’t see past getting this album done right now so I don’t know what the hell is going to happen to me. Or what’s going to happen to us.”

Mage cut in. “Dude, we’re going to be fine. We’ll do the album and then we’ll figure it out. I don’t think we’re done yet. We’ve still got a lot of music left in us I think. As for settling down?” He got a sly smile on his face. “My woman is out there. She just don’t know she’s my woman yet. When it’s time, I will grab her up and we’ll have about twenty kids together. I can’t wait to be a dad.”

I giggled. “I can totally see you being a dad. You’ll be a good one. But twenty kids is a lot to ask of a woman. I’m assuming you meant one woman?”  

He laughed. “Yeah, one woman. Ok, maybe ten kids. Is that too much?”  

“I don’t know, the thought of giving birth scares the shit out of me so I am probably not the right person to ask.”

Jade raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you want to have kids?”  

I concentrated on stretching. I wasn’t sure how to answer that. “I don’t know. It’s scary. I am only just now doing a good job of taking care of myself. I don’t know if I’d make a good mom, I wouldn’t know what to do with a baby. I love kids...other people’s kids.”

The truth was I was terrified of ever having kids. What if I screwed up? My own mother couldn’t handle it, how did I know if I’d be any better? And with the upbringing I had? I didn’t ever want to put a kid through what I went through, the constant judgments and the pressures. I didn’t think I was that kind of person, but I didn’t want to gamble a child’s life on it.

Jade shook his head. “You’d be a great mom, Jaylene! Just look at how well you take care of us!”  

I laughed. “Yeah, but you guys are already grown ups with healthy egos. A child? I don’t know. They are so fragile. I wouldn’t want to screw them up.”

They all snickered and Jade said, “You’ve spent over a week with us and you don’t think we’re screwed up? Maybe your counseling skills are a little rusty.”

I laughed, but it was shallow. He was right about my skills. Before I started wallowing in self-pity, I decided I better go shower.

“I’m going to go clean up. What do you want for breakfast?”  

They all stopped and got starving caveman looks on their faces.

“Aw, Jaylene. Your breakfast is awesome. Can we have French Toast again?”  Jade was giving me his best pouty face.

I shook my head and laughed. “Of course you can. I’ll be down in a few.”

They fell into a conversation of grunts and I knew it was time to go.

I couldn’t shake this bad feeling I had as a result of our conversation. I turned on the shower and waited for the hot water. Once it was ready, I stepped under the stream and lost myself in the past.

“Hey Dad?”
 
I had just gotten my thesis back from my professor and the committee had given me an A, cementing my honors status for graduation.

“What is it, Jaylene?” He was in his study working on some plans for his next trip out of the country. Being a defense contractor meant long trips overseas to sometimes unforgiving locales and when he came home he was grouchy and usually sick. I took a deep breath and handed him my portfolio.

He looked over my professor’s comments. I waited impatiently, hoping this time maybe he’d finally be proud of me. “Well, they gave you good marks, but I still don’t understand why this topic has any merit.” I’d chosen to review the effects of divorce on academic achievement in girls. My professor thought it was a great topic, something that schools should be looking at as well as courts when making decisions about custody. I’d spent two years putting the research and interviews together.

“If a person chooses to be successful they will be, regardless of their background. I get tired of hearing people make excuses for themselves.” He handed the paper back to me and went back to his work. I choked back a sob.

I nodded and said quietly,
 
“Thanks. Sorry to bother you.” I turned and hurried back to my room, hoping I could hold back the tears until I was in the sanctuary of my room.

I wiped at my face, realizing that I’d been crying. I finished cleaning myself up and tried to chase that memory away. I was glad I was getting away from this place for a couple of days. I needed to be back in my current sanctuary and get a hold of myself.

When I finished and went back to my room, I saw I had two texts. The first one, from Mackenzie, said:

Hey gorgeous! Just wondered what time you were coming back tonight? I’m cooking tomorrow, but I could cook tonight, too, if you want. I just can’t wait for you to get back! ! ! Troy said he’s taking the weekend off since you’ll be here, so he’s leaving around midnight tonight and won’t be back until Monday. So hurry! ! ! !

I smiled. I missed her as much as she missed me. It meant so much to me to have a friend like her. She put up with a lot from me and had been so supportive with this latest venture. I started to think about what Star could bring her and remembered how much she liked the poppet drawings by an artist named Clay  down at the French Market. Perhaps he had a disguise good enough to get us in and out of there before we went to the shop. I answered her:

Not sure what time I’ll be there, I have to check with Star. Wondering if you might be up for sharing some of your massage therapy technique? I kind of spent the night on the couch with the guys and I’m a mess.

That was likely to get a lively response from her. The next text was from Devon. I felt my cheeks heat up.

Hey beautiful. I’m missing you something fierce. I hate it that I won’t see you until tomorrow. Everything ok?

I texted back:

I woke up a mess, got sweaty, took a shower, now need to feed the cavemen. Missing you too. My pillow still smells like you. Think anyone would notice if I carried it around with me? Looking forward to getting your smell all over my pillows at my flat. Everything ok with you?

I grabbed for my clothes and was getting dressed when he texted back:

Why did you wake up a mess? Sorry I missed the sweaty and the shower. I’ll get my smell all over anything you want me to.

I debated telling him I slept with his band mates last night, but I thought perhaps that wasn’t information for a text.

I woke up on the couch. Too much Rock n Roll High School and Twenty Questions. Did you sleep ok?

I hoped he didn’t have another nightmare. I went in the bathroom to fix my hair and when I came back there was this text:

That couch is not comfortable. I didn’t get much sleep, but I wrote a new song. It’s a sequel to ‘Mystikal Stick.’ It’s called Magic Pole. I think you’ll love it. I don’t think I want to know about Twenty Questions, I’m assuming that was Jade’s idea? Going to Daryl’s now. I’ll text when I’m done. Tomorrow can’t get here soon enough.