Haunted Heart (10 page)

Ruben snorted, looking away, angry at himself for feeling irked. “Why do you think? Whenever he comes around, he tries to get me out of the house, as if a change in attitude is all it takes. A phobia has its roots in depression and other mood disorders, as well as traumatic events and other disasters. Unfortunately, kind words and encouragement from loved ones isn’t always enough.”

“I see.” Duncan seemed pensive, neutral.

“But when I was raped, before the agoraphobia took over my life, Ben was at my side when I needed him the most. He’s a good man.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Duncan popped a ham-and-cheese-filled baguette bit in his mouth and chewed for a while. Ruben followed his lead and ate one tiny asparagus and beef wrap, adding a rice ball after that to complement the flavor. “I think he was testing me when we met. He spoke of you in a somewhat condescending manner. But then he became very overprotective. I believe he wanted to see what I would do.”

Ruben found himself chuckling at the remark. “Ben can be devious, it’s true. He’s not as simple a man as he seems.”

Duncan smiled, nodding. “I have a funny feeling he did that to see if I could coax a positive reaction out of you.”

“To see if you could do better than he did, is that it?” Ruben felt like he should have been vexed at his brother’s subtle manipulations, but he wasn’t. Benjamin wasn’t trying to control his life but to improve its quality. It was an admirable goal. Blood wasn’t always thicker than water, and Ruben suspected there were families out there that had rejected their children for far less than a phobia. In all honesty, Ruben was fortunate to have a meddling brother like Benjamin.

“Maybe.” Duncan shrugged, but from his relaxed smile it was clear to Ruben the mood was no longer as tense and serious as it had been. “My estimation of him rose while we talked.” He glanced at Ruben, an inquisitive look gracing his handsome features. “Are you going to see him? I get the sense he would like to but doesn’t quite know how to broach the subject.”

That was a bit surprising. Though Benjamin called at times, he always seemed distant and in a hurry, like he was contacting Ruben on a whim and then got bored before they even started. It seemed that had been the wrong conclusion.

“I think I will,” Ruben declared, the decision taking shape in his head, solidifying. He looked at their picnic on the blanket. “We should probably eat this before it gets bad.”

“I agree.” Duncan dove into the snacks with gusto, obviously hungry after a long day at the office. So for a while they ate in silence, and the plates began to empty as they progressed.

All that time, though, Ruben kept surreptitiously watching Duncan. The way he licked his lips clean sent a jolt of heat straight to Ruben’s groin. The way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed made Ruben want to suck on the delicious-looking lump. The happy noises he made when he savored each and every bite had Ruben breathless with want.

Thoughts swirled in his mind. What would Duncan be like in bed? What did he want, what did he like, and how? Would Duncan be aggressive and rough or gentle and slow? Would he take his time or go straight for the prize? Did he like to top or bottom? Did he enjoy kissing only lips, or did he prefer to smooch other places as well?

The provocative images fluttering through Ruben’s head had his heart thrumming hard. Ruben wondered if his and Duncan’s desires met. Ruben didn’t know what he needed because he had no experience. But he knew he wanted an easy intimacy that would relax him and promise his instincts he was safe to experiment with love.

Watching Duncan eat was making Ruben ravenous, so he said in a rush, “I like what you’re wearing.”

After blinking when his focus was removed from the food, Duncan glanced down at his clean jeans, crisp, cream-colored dress shirt, and golden-hued silk tie. “I came here straight from work. I didn’t get the chance to change.”

“I don’t mind. I like your, um, business casual.”

Duncan grinned, but he didn’t look at Ruben, just the plates before him. “I like what you’re wearing too.” His voice had gone husky, and it had Ruben tingling all over.

For today, Ruben had chosen slightly less baggy clothes. He had on black jeans, new ones he had gotten from a mail-order catalog. They were loose fitting but still showcased more of his figure than ever before. Same thing with the dark-gray, woolly, V-neck sweater he had on, which actually didn’t hang on his body so much as it hugged his contours.

Yes, he wore these for Duncan. Maybe he wanted to be seen by Duncan.

“Thanks.” He tried not to sound too boyish and shy, but he didn’t think it worked.

Duncan chuckled, his gaze still on the food he nibbled. “You’ve just showered.”

Ruben’s eyes widened. “H-how…?” He had washed in hopeful anticipation of hot nudity. It had been a strange, bewildering thing to desire, but while he had showered, those intimate thoughts had dominated his actions.

“Your hair is still damp in places,” Duncan replied with a wicked grin. “I can smell the orange blossoms and bamboo too. I like the combo. Makes me hot.”

Ruben blushed, feeling the heat suffuse his skin from top to bottom. He couldn’t speak.

Duncan, however, didn’t have the same problem. “Did you touch yourself in the shower?” Ruben gasped. Was the man clairvoyant? “Did you think of me?” Yes, he definitely was!

“I… I….” Words wouldn’t come, neither denials nor affirmations.

“I dream about you, you know.” Duncan smiled suggestively as he spoke, and though neither looked at the other, the tension between them mounted like steam in a pressure cooker. “You distract me at home and at work. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Ruben was breathless, and his heart beat faster with every breath he took. Duncan had vowed they would take this slow. Yet his words were sweet enticements of things to come. And to surprise Ruben even more came the epiphany that he didn’t want Duncan to stop talking.

Duncan licked a few drops of apricot-mustard sauce from his lips, and then he locked eyes with Ruben. He leaned forward—and he didn’t stop there. He sort of crawled and stalked over to Ruben, like a hunting feline, closing the gap between them. When Duncan stopped his advance, he was so close to Ruben, they were all but touching.

“I dream of your skin, so soft and warm.” His fingertips made contact with Ruben’s cheek, sliding down to his jawline, then down his throat to graze his collarbone. Ruben shivered but said nothing to make the man stop. Duncan dipped his head down to kiss Ruben’s pulse point and then nibbled tenderly on his earlobe. “I fantasize about your lips, how perfectly they fit against mine, their sweet taste I can’t get enough of.” Duncan brushed his lips over Ruben’s, the touch as quick and fleeting as the wind. With a whimper, Ruben found himself chasing Duncan’s delectable mouth until the man relented, and they kissed.

When they parted, both men were flushed and panting.

Ruben felt intoxicated and dizzy, and his cock was rock hard in his jeans. But he didn’t care if the bulge of his enthusiasm showed. “I like kissing,” he confessed demurely, smiling.

“I like kissing
you
.” Duncan emphasized his own admission with another quick kiss. “I’d love to kiss you all over.” His heated gaze swept over Ruben, who was sweating with the build-up of fire within. “I dream of kissing your—” He stopped abruptly, leaving Ruben hanging.

“My what?” Ruben asked quietly, worried Duncan wanted to stop. He knew in his heart he would say no if things went beyond his limits. So far, though, they hadn’t.

Duncan looked up at him again, this time serious and intense, the desire evident but with a hint of hesitation and uncertainty. It was as if the man didn’t know if he should speak his mind. “Your cock. I wish I could kiss your cock.”

The threat of fainting was imminent for Ruben. “Y-you w-would do that…?”

The remark made Duncan grin again, salaciously. “Suck your cock? I’d absolutely love to do that. If and when you want.” His pupils dilated, pushing out the blue into a thin ring. “I’m sure your cock tastes divine. I could suck you for hours and enjoy every minute of it.”

Ruben had never heard anyone say these words to him. They sounded like profanities, dirty and tawdry. But they were also hot, passionate, needy, and they drove Ruben mad with want he had never experienced before. Not even in sex education class had he heard cock mentioned so many times. Wait, in fact, he had never heard that word, just penis.

So now that Ruben had let the words sink in, he had to decide whether he wished for that to happen. Did he want Duncan to deliver on his promise?

Yes! Oh, God, yes, please
. Ruben swallowed hard.

“W-would I have to take my clothes off…?” Surprisingly, it was
that
thought—not the one about getting his dick sucked—that awakened his panic. No, he couldn’t be naked in front of Duncan. Not yet, anyway. He just wasn’t ready.

Duncan smiled softly, as though he understood. “That’s the beauty about blowjobs and sex with guys. No need to get undressed completely. All I need is access to your cock, and I can have that without stripping you of your shield.”

Ruben waited for the disappointment to make its appearance in Duncan, but it never did. Maybe he was all right with the idea of not seeing Ruben naked. At first it was Ruben who felt disappointed. But then he figured Duncan was trying to let Ruben do things his way, at his pace, and all doubts evaporated.

“Um, okay….” He worried his bottom lip to the point of bleeding. “W-what do I have to do…?”

“Lie down and let me take care of you. I promise I won’t hurt you. If you say stop, I won’t go any further, okay?” Duncan’s kind reassurance gave Ruben exactly what he needed, a sense of safety while experimenting with something new.

“Oh, okay. Um, here…?” Ruben pointed at the blanket.

Duncan cocked his head and looked away, toward the stairs. He frowned. “Where will you be most comfortable?”

His lover-to-be was being considerate, Ruben realized, avoiding the place where he had been violated. Even if Ruben did sleep in that room every night. But Duncan’s thoughtfulness warmed Ruben’s heart. “Here’s fine. The bedroom’s fine too. But if you’d prefer here….”

Sighing with relief, Duncan nodded. “Here it is, then.”

Duncan pressed his hand gently on Ruben’s shoulder and pushed a bit. Ruben got the message and leaned back, first on his elbows, then on his back. The woolly blanket tickled his neck where his skin was exposed. But he felt warm and mellow, unafraid.

Licking his lips, Duncan knelt between Ruben’s legs. His hands hovered over Ruben’s groin, but he met Ruben’s gaze. “Tell me to stop, and I will. I promise.”

Of that Ruben had no doubt. He may have been inexperienced, but he wasn’t a naïve youngster anymore. He didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, and he didn’t lay down his trust like a welcome mat. “Yes.”

Duncan popped open the top bottom of Ruben’s jeans. The sound seemed awfully loud in the quiet house, almost obscene with the sensual promise ahead. Then he placed his palm over Ruben’s growing erection, squeezed gently, and then rubbed.

Ruben moaned. He had no control over the reaction. The sound escaped from his core without his permission. But he felt he could show this part of himself to his lover-to-be.

Duncan is already my lover. My. Lover
. Ruben sighed at the thought. He had been so sure he would never have that.

And, God, how good it felt to have another man’s hand resting on his dick. Ruben felt the heat emanating from Duncan, the weight, the pressure. It was heavenly. And that slow rubbing, no rush at all, made Ruben’s toes curl.

That’s when the questions rose from the sea of doubts. Was his cock too small or too pink? Did he smell clean enough? Would his come taste horribly bitter? Were his balls too tiny or too big? Should he have shaved? Not that he had much hair down there.

Panic began to swell in Ruben’s chest, compressing out all the air, leaving him gasping for breath.

Duncan touched Ruben’s thighs, caressing them soothingly. “Shh. It’s all right, Ruben. Nothing’s going to happen you don’t want, okay? Can you calm your breathing for me?”

That must have been Duncan’s lover tone, Ruben concluded, so tender, reassuring, and soft. Ruben felt like the fall into the dark pit within halted when he landed in warm, white cotton. Duncan kept the panic at bay, and serenity took its place.

“Y-yes.” And he did too. The constricting feeling subsided, and his lungs felt normal again. His heart slowed down from its frantic beat, and his muscles relaxed. “S-sorry.”

“No.” Duncan shook his head, adamant. “You have nothing to apologize for, Ruben.” His hands made comforting circles over Ruben’s thighs. “You want to stop?”

Alarmed, Ruben called out, “No!”

“All right, all right.” Duncan smiled, but it was kind and understanding. “That was my wish too.”

Then Duncan gripped the zipper of Ruben’s jeans and tugged it down. The sound was sharp and scratchy, and Ruben swallowed hard. His insecurities were wreaking havoc with his self-esteem, but he willed himself to stay still. He stared at the ceiling, unable to look down where his lover was about to touch him. He just knew if he did, he’d run away.

And Ruben didn’t want to run away.

Closing his eyes, he focused on feeling. Duncan parted the flaps of his fly, and Ruben felt his cock push out, restrained only by the tight cotton briefs he wore to hide the signs of his libido on the rise. Now, though, he no longer needed to. Duncan was allowed to see his arousal.

That was when Duncan made a long, appreciative sound deep in his throat. It sounded like the yum-yum noises he made when he ate, and Ruben beamed. Duncan liked what he saw!

Duncan pressed his palm against Ruben’s dick, massaging the growing member to a full erection. Ruben bit his bottom lip to prevent the whimpers from escaping. Cool air brushed over his cockhead. He realized his penis had broken free from the briefs, on its own or with Duncan’s aid.

Then several sensations washed over his body and consciousness at once.