Haunting Leigh: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy (Literal Leigh Romance Diaries Book 4) (3 page)

Chapter Five

Invitations to the Party

Thankfully, the rest of the occasion was less eventful. If you don’t consider how Lindsey turned the Horah dance into a spinning circle of disaster. She somehow managed to get her feet tangled together, making it look more like a hockey game than any dance I have ever seen. Sarah, Bill, and their little brood went about visiting relatives while the rest of us talked at our table. All except Gertie.

Brad’s eyes darted around the room. “Has anyone seen Gertie?”

I looked over my shoulder. “You know Gertie. It’s like trying to catch a butterfly with that girl.”

“She’s over there,” Lindsey pointed to the people mingling across the room. “Leigh? Who’s the old guy she’s talking to?”

“Oh, that’s Rabbi Majikovsky. The guy is ancient, and you’ll never meet a nicer man. I’ve heard that he just turned a hundred years old.” I imagine Gertie was drawn to him because she sometimes enjoyed talking to the elderly. As she listened to them reminisce, it allowed her to catch up on some of the things she had missed during her frozen years. Even more likely, she was hoping for some guidance with her newly minted love for Brad. If I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Gertie truly is the sweetest person I’ve ever known.

By the time Gertie fluttered her way back to the table, the guys had wandered off to check on the football scores. Our conversation had turned to the upcoming Witches Halloween Gala.

“Have you ever been to the Gala?” I asked Gertie.

“No, I have always wanted to go. I think you have to be on some list of the older, more well-known witches. Of course I wouldn’t be on that, so it really is a special thing to have gotten these tickets from Marie Laveau.” Gertie opened her purse and retrieved several postcard sized envelopes. “Which is what I have right here!” She handed one to each of us. I eagerly opened my invitation and read it over.

The International Sisterhood of Witches requests the pleasure of your company at the 316
th
Annual Witches Halloween Gala

For the benefit of Supernatural Being Charities

Halloween Night 

Reception at six o’clock - Dinner at seven o’clock

Witches Ballroom, Salem, Massachusetts 
Attire is formal, Witch hat with broom.

“Witch hat? Do you think they mean Wicked Witch of the West pointy hat? And black flowing robes?” Kelly asked.

“I suppose if you’re going to be a witch, you’ll have to dress like one. I know one thing for sure, I won’t be wearing black. Just leave the hats and dresses up to me, girls. I’ll be sure to have us all looking great.” Gertie bounced with joy at the prospect of creating custom looks for all of us.

“You can make mine black. I’ve always wanted to play the part of the Wicked Witch.” Kelly said.

Lindsey quickly threw a fun jab at Kelly. “You’ve got the part down. You may as well dress for it.”

“Thank you, Gertie. I trust your judgment completely. Although you may want to skip the invisible fabric option on those. As far as our guys go, I’m thinking black tie and tux, that sort of thing. I don’t want to see any more of Randy’s disco pimp suits. I really don’t.” I just had to say it. I knew if it was up to Randy, our guys would look like a cavalcade of dumbasses strutting down the red carpet. The thought of it gives me the hebejeebees.

Gertie moved the topic of conversation to men. Specifically, Kelly and Lindsey’s dates. “How have Luke and Derek been acting now? I was a little worried when I heard about them being changed into calves.”

“They seem to be right back to their original selves. I have to tell you guys, there isn’t anything serious happening there. If that’s what you are wondering about. What I mean by that is, there is no long term commitment anywhere on the horizon. It’s really just a matter of physical convenience, you could say.” Lindsey seemed to tiptoe around the status of their dates.

“What she’s trying to say is that Derek and Luke are our fuck buddies now—the rare, occasional fuck buddies.”

“Hmm. Interesting. Do you ever switch them around? I’m just curious if you treat them as interchangeable.”

Lindsey was blushing. “No, but Kelly and I have discussed that possibility. We haven’t said anything to them.”

“Oh, and we’ve been bouncing some other pretty bold ideas around as well. You can just use your imagination on that. Lindsey’s being a big chicken about it. So far the craziest thing we did was set up another strip poker game, and this time we weren’t shut down by the morality patrol. So I guess you could classify that episode as same room sex until Lindsey got all shy and they went to another room.” Kelly gave Lindsey a disapproving look.

“I was starting to feel—funny—that I could see what you were doing.”

“That’s the whole point, Lindsey! Anyway, if I’m being realistic about the lack of commitment and acknowledge the fact that this relationship is purely a physical one, it’s actually quite liberating. I’m trying to talk Lindsey into all sorts of things before we lay it on those boys. After all, we will probably never get a situation like this again. Eventually we’ll be like you two. Locked into some monogamous commitment and never having the chance to explore a little. Plus, we are the ones that control when the booty call happens. They aren’t allowed to just show up whenever the hell they want some. The whole thing is really empowering. In fact, I now know exactly why men have been treating women the same way since the dawn of time.”

“Wow! Just wow!” I really had no words. I could see Kelly’s point. I suppose you could say I missed out on that type of thing, but I’m not much of an explorer. I am way too content with Hunter and my committed relationship.  Still, it just seemed a little wrong. “But, Kelly, do you think that turning the tables around on men is fair? After all, not every man objectifies women like that. I’m not trying to judge your behavior or anything. I just think you should do something because it’s something you believe to be in line with your conscience, not out of some desire to dish out retribution on the male gender. Do you know what I mean?”

“And I’m not every woman. Besides, I don’t treat every man like they are my personal playthings, just Luke and Derek.” Kelly winked at me. I knew her well enough. “Don’t worry, I’m not actually giving men their day of reckoning. Those boys are totally into it. It works out for them, too. They don’t have to chase some campus co-eds around, pretending to be something they aren’t. If one of them should get lucky on campus, then he has to worry if the chick is going to be a totally obsessed freak. So of course, they have overwhelmingly consented to our little agreement. It’s probably most guy’s dream, really. ”

“I don’t think that arrangement would work for me. You sound like Esmeralda and Marie with their stud of the month club, what with using riding crops and all.” Gertie shook her head. “As for myself, I’m trying to figure out how to get Brad and me to the next level. You know what I mean? Together in the same location. This long distance thing really sucks. And now I don’t even have my new toys to enhance our phone calls.”

When Gertie once again mentioned how much she wanted to resolve the geographic space between her and Brad, I knew what she was after. She wasn’t going to break her promise to use magic on him. She was trying to poke around until she had garnered enough sympathy that I would use my magic to get Brad to move to Louisiana. Until she outright asked me to, I was in no hurry to offer my literal witchcraft services on her lover. However, I could easily remedy the loss of her plastic treasures. I reached into my purse and handed Gertie the Jumpin’ Jackrabbit. “Here, take this. I know I’ll never, ever use this, not after what my mom told Kelly.”

“Thanks, Leigh.” Gertie quickly slipped it into her purse.

I was ready to return to the talk about Halloween. “Now, back to the Halloween Gala. What do you think it will be like?”

“I have no idea, but I am so excited about it.” Lindsey replied.

“Part of what makes it exciting is the fact that it seems so mysterious yet fun at the same time.” Kelly added.

I had to agree with Kelly’s assessment. “Gertie, could you come up a day or two before the gala and bring the dresses with you? That way we can try them on and make any last minute changes.”

“I sure will. Oh, Kelly and Lindsey, I just remembered. Elspeth Ross sent her Grimoire back from Scotland. She gave me a note to pass along. I have it here somewhere.” Gertie fished around her purse and came up empty handed. “Wait! I know where I put it.” She put her hand down the front of her dress and pulled a piece of paper from some secret hiding spot in her bra. “Here you go.” Gertie said as she handed it to Lindsey.

Lindsey arched back, scrunching her face in complete and total disgust. “Yuck! Sorry, Gertie. I love you to pieces, but I don’t want to touch something covered in boob sweat.”

“Please.” Kelly said in her smartass tone. “Relax. It’s just her titty pockets. Like you have never done this at some point? Let me read it.” Kelly snapped the note from Gertie’s hand.

“Yeah, Lindsey, don’t worry about it. Lady boobs are kosher. It’s not as if she pulled it out of my Uncle Ron’s sweaty ass crack.” I nodded to my sweaty uncle who was still laboring to crack jokes and pleading for laughs at a nearby table.

“Lindsey! Look at this. Elspeth said that because of the circumstances under which we came in contact with the Grimoire, it means that it specifically sought us out. According to Elspeth, we are really witches! You, me, even my boneheaded brother. I wonder what happens next. It’s not like we have any cool witchcraft yet.”

“Really? I guess you were right, Gertie. Elspeth just confirmed it. This is going to be great!”

“That is awesome! My best friends get to join me in this witchy lifestyle. My guess is that you’ll be summoned to the union just like I was. Maybe Elspeth’s spell book will contain all of the powers you will be able to use.”

Chapter Six

Runaway Golem Continued

Mondays aren’t my favorite day of the week. Thankfully, I get the support from a classroom of children that actually enjoy being in school on Monday. I guess they have yet to learn the pain Monday can inflict on the soul. Often it’s their enthusiasm alone that pulls me through the day.

“Is everyone excited to hear the rest of our story, The Runaway Golem?” My eyes scanned eager students who cheered a resounding, “Yes!”

“Can someone tell me where we left off on Friday?”

I’ve come to the conclusion that Ben ought to start wearing some sort of support to hold his little arm up. “So far, Ben thinks he remembers. Anyone else?”

Jennifer raised a hand. “Where is Gertie?” Her question was backed up by the support of the other students. “Yeah. Where’s Gertie? We like her best!”

“I’m sorry, but Miss O’Leary had to go back home to Louisiana last night.” I paused to allow the booing to subside. “Okay, Ben. Please tell us where we left off.”

Ben recounted the last point in the story. “Ben found out that his grandparents and their friend the Rabbi made a golem to help them around their farm. When Ben’s grandpa took him to the barn to see the golem, it was gone. They think it ran away.”

“Very good, Ben. That was exactly where we left off.” I continued the story.

Ben’s grandma and Rabbi Silverstein followed Ben back to the barn.

“Oh no! How will we find it?”

“Grandpa? What does it look like?” Ben asked.

“It’s big and tall. So tall that it had to bend over to stand in the barn.” Grandpa said.

“It’s made from clay, so it has the same reddish color as my clay flower pots.” Grandma added.

“It looks a little like a big gingerbread man,” said the Rabbi.

“No. It looked more like a Pillsbury Dough Boy.” Grandpa corrected him.

Ben thought about it. Something that big should be very easy to find. They looked everywhere for the golem, but they still couldn’t find it.

Ben thought harder. The golem was made to help people and he must be getting hungry. They just had to find a place where he could help people and get something to eat.

“What do you have to do with the golem when you find him? Can you just turn him off?”

“We have to remove a piece of paper from his mouth. That is the magic that makes him come to life.”

Everyone followed Ben to the small town. They found the golem loading a delivery truck with fresh baked bread. Suddenly Ben had an idea. If they wanted the golem to come back to the barn, they needed to trick him. They went to the grocery store that was located next to the bakery. Then in the loudest voice he could find, Ben pretended to be talking to the grocer. “I’m sorry, but there will be no apples from the orchard this year. Our golem was going to help us, but he ran away. He shouldn’t have walked away from his job. The golem heard Ben and started to come towards him. Ben ran as fast as he could to the barn and went inside. The golem followed him in and as soon as the golem came in, grandpa and grandma hit him with hammers and smashed the golem into little bits. The Rabbi took away the piece of magic paper and gave it to Ben to keep. The end.

“That’s it? There isn’t anything else?” Ben asked.

“That’s lame, Miss Epstein,” said Mia. “Why did the Rabbi give Ben that magic note? You made it sound like Ben was going to maybe make his own golem with it. That’s just a big stupid cliffhanger!”

“You really should have put a little more effort into that story, Miss Epstein. There was so much more you could have done with that,” whined another little voice.

Then I heard a loud banging sound from behind me. It was more like the deep resonating boom of a fist being pounded against a heavy glass window pain. I turned around and that is exactly what it was. I looked at the vertical rectangular windows that lined the wall. A large white club-like thing relentlessly beat on one of the windows. The children started to scream and I chased everyone out to the hallway. I looked back at the window and I saw it. A large round white head appeared. Its face looked like it had been crudely drawn on and given color with markers and crayons. The pane shattered and debris from the frame flew into the room. With a violent butt of its head, the pasty looking creature had rammed its body halfway into the room. “It’s the papier-mâché golem! It’s alive! Alive! Come to life!” Their shrieks filled the corridor.

My concern was only for the safety of my students. “Lock yourselves in your assigned bathrooms just like we practiced!” I pulled the alarm on the wall. In minutes this creature would be facing a tactical force with the ability to overthrow a small country. We were well prepared for this sort of thing. Well, not a golem thing, but you get the point. I was ready, confident, and brave. I’d let that golem tear me apart before it got to my kids. “Magic! Ah hah!” I realized I could take this thing out. I slipped and fell on the trash created by the monster’s thrashing movements. I had to make it to my desk. It seemed so difficult and it took an impossible bout of strength to reach up to my desk and snag my purse, but I did it. I took out my broom and looked up, ready to zap us both away to any place but my classroom.

I was too late. It fell on me and smothered me with all of its strangely soft material. It was lighter than I expected, yet I couldn’t find a way to get free. Then I felt it bite me with its pointy teeth.
Are they venomous?
I wondered. It was futile to resist. All that was left now were my muffled screams.

“Leigh! Leigh!” Hunter pulled the sheets off of me. “Are you all right? It looked like you were wrestling a bear under the sheets.”

“Huh? What? Where’s the golem? Is this where I zapped us to?” I was bewildered at first. Then I screamed. “It’s here. I know it is! I took it here!”

“Leigh, calm down.” Hunter sat up and put his arms around me. “It was just a bad dream, baby. There’s no golem here. You were dreaming like crazy, thrashing around and mumbling. You started crawling around under the sheet like you were looking for something. I guess you got all tangled up. Luna got worked up by the sheets popping up and down. She pounced on them and was biting, so I chased her off.”

“Huh. Just a dream. Ugh.” I said and laid down on Hunter’s lap.

Hunter held me and ran his fingers through my hair. “Yeah, it seemed like one hell of a nightmare. A golem of all things. You hardly ever hear stories about golems.”

“Oh, it’s because we were coming up with a new Halloween story in class based on folklore and legends. Gertie and I started writing one and I read the first half to the class. I am supposed to have the rest of the story for them tomorrow. My subconscious must have been trying to tell me I had forgotten to finish writing the story. I am totally unprepared.”

“I don’t know about this, Leigh. From any golem story I remember, they always end badly. Like horror movie bad. I know that the basic message is that humans often become overconfident in their ability to control the power of creation—of life itself. The creature starts out pretty tame, but before long, all of the negative forces of mankind have some sort of effect on it. The creator loses control of the golem and it goes off on a killing spree. Sometimes the golem kills its very creator.”

I thought a little bit about what Hunter said. I knew he was right. The whole premise of a golem story was that it
had to
end disastrously in order to make a point. “I think the lessons taught by the old golem legends were a big influence on the books
Frankenstein
as well as
Rossum’s Universal Robots
, which in turn was the genesis of
all
robot, cyborg, or android science fiction stories. And…you’re right. Every one of those stories ends badly.”

“Maybe you ought to nix the golem story for the kids. You know? What with magic becoming reality around here these days and all.” I nodded and closed my eyes. The last anxious remnant of the nightmare was gone and I drifted back to sleep in Hunter’s embrace.