Hawksfell Manor 05: Graham's Game (9 page)

She couldn’t ask the question burning within her, though. Neither of them were in need of a lady’s maid, and she wasn’t going to be mistress to them either.

Without another word, she dressed quickly and left them. Thankfully no one was about when she reached her attic room. It was then and only then that she let the tears fall. She cried for the intense pleasure they gave her and for the incredible tenderness they showed.

As for anything her own heart might be feeling? She would just ignore it and hope that no one at the manor ever learned of her indiscretion with the earl’s latest relative and his good friend. She would never be so lucky as to get the countess to write any sort of recommendation should this be the reason for her termination.

* * * *

Colin stared at the closed door after Lily left them. “That was surprising.”

Graham pulled on his trouser and ran a hand through his hair. “I wanted you, Colin. I wanted her to love you, too.”

Colin’s stomach dipped as he turned to face his friend. “You love me, Graham?”

Graham’s gaze skittered away, though. “You’re the closest thing I have to family, you know. The earl and the other Hawks aside.”

Colin knew he shouldn’t say it, not right at the moment, but he had to anyway. “I love you, too.”

He held his breath, but Graham only gave a jerky nod. “Look, I don’t know how to do this.”

Colin held up a hand. “I’m not asking you to decide our future, for God’s sake.”

Graham finally met his gaze. His dark eyes almost looked haunted, and Colin fought the urge to wrap his arms around him.

“I want you both,” Graham said. “And I don’t know how the hell this happened.”

Colin swallowed his own conflicted feelings and dressed. “I think I should go back to Spencer House.”

“Just like you told Lily?”

Colin shrugged. “It seemed like the thing to say at the time. She looked so hurt, though. That, I hadn’t expected.”

“You heard her tale, Colin. Her last employer raped her, for God’s sake! And we just took her. Over and over. No doubt she feels like she doesn’t matter.”

“She matters to me.” The words startled Colin as he said them. They felt right, though. True. “She’s beautiful and sweet, and she’s our match sexually. Now I doubt we’ll get to both love her.”

“I know. She’s become more than a diversion, that’s true.”

“More than a game?” Colin had to know.

Graham shrugged. “I don’t want to see her hurt, actually. Any more than I’d want to see you injured. Hell, I want to keep her safe. That was never part of the game I’d planned in my mind. Is that love, do you think?”

Colin found a smile. They might not have the answers, but at least they were talking open and honestly, like they always had. “How the hell would I know if that’s love?”

Graham chuckled. “I have to figure this all out, though. Gabriel said we can stay as long as we like.”

“You, Graham.
You
can stay. You’re his family.”

“He extended the invitation to you.” Graham looked pensive for a moment. “You know, I think he suspects we’re closer than friends.”

Colin’s heart jumped a beat. “Are we?”

Graham met his gaze. “I fucked you, Colin. You’ve pleased me before, and I fucked you.”

“So what? Isn’t that what happened at Spencer House the night before we came here?”

Graham groaned. “Please don’t remind me.”

“What?” Colin could hardly believe his ears. Any hope he had for some sort of future seemed far out of reach. “You regret that night,” he muttered.

“God, no! I am making a mess of this.” Graham’s eyes were so serious, something he’d rarely seen. “That night felt so different from anything I’ve ever encountered, Colin. I didn’t want it to change our friendship.”

“Ah.” Colin let out a breath. “So you decided to pretend it never happened.”

“I suppose. I couldn’t manage that, though. And now that we’ve added Lily to the mix…”

He caught Colin’s gaze, and he felt an echo of the pleasure Graham and Lily had given him.

“She’s a perfect fit,” Colin said.

Graham stared at him for a beat. “For what?”

Colin thought for a moment, and then he knew. “For us.”

Graham just shook his head, uncertainty clear on his face. Well, Colin wouldn’t be the one to smack some sense into his Hawk mind. It was up to him to decide what future he wanted.

As for Colin, he knew. He wanted a life with both Graham and Lily in it.

Cabot put the finishing touches on Graham’s dinner dress that evening, keeping his eyes downcast.

“You know, you don’t have to feel badly for wanting her,” Graham said.

Cabot lifted his head to face him. “My lord, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t, hmm?” Graham arched a brow. “Seems to me that what I saw you attempting out by the garage was quite clear. Have you forgotten?”

Cabot placed Graham’s things on the dressing table, then turned to face him. “I’ve apologized to her, my lord. It was never my intention to frighten her.” Regret was in all his looks, and Graham knew the footman spoke the truth. “She’s just so bloody beautiful.” His eyes went wide. “Forgive me for plain speaking!”

Graham shook his head. “No reason for forgiveness. Not on my part. Not for your language nor for the sentiment. She is the prettiest girl I’ve ever encountered.”

“She’s a good girl, Lord Weston. She might be lovely to look at, but she’s never…” Cabot swallowed. “She wasn’t here before the earl wed.”

Whispers of the gossip Colin had shared came back to him. Gossip which Gabriel confirmed, actually. “What do you mean?”

“She was never a part of that business.”

Cabot looked expectantly at him, and Graham nodded. “Thank you, Cabot. You may go see to Mr. Spencer.”

Cabot bowed and left. Graham had known that about Lily, that she’d come to the manor months after Gabriel’s wedding, but having the footman say it made him feel better somehow. Like she’d been waiting for him and Colin to make her theirs.

“What the hell am I going to do?” he asked himself.

He went downstairs to wait for dinner with the earl and his family. It was clear that Colin was smitten with the girl. More than smitten, if Graham didn’t miss his guess.

“And he loves me,” he marveled aloud.

“What’s that, cousin?” Matthew Hawk asked.

“N–nothing,” he answered.

Matthew laughed softly, coming to stand close to him. “I’ve seen that expression before, Graham. In the mirror, actually.”

Graham thought for a moment. This was a man who obviously loved his wife. That lady, Posy the former parlor maid, was nearby as well. Her pretty little face with its large blue eyes sparkled as she swatted Matthew’s arm.

“Do not tease Graham,” Posy said. She looked over at the countess. “Millicent, do tell Matthew to play nice.”

“Matthew is your concern, Posy,” the countess said with a smile. “As for Graham…” She tilted her head to the side, considering him for a long moment. “
Are
you playing, Graham?” she finally asked.

Graham stilled. She couldn’t know about his original intentions when he first came to Hawksfell Manor. His first match had been with Lily, which had effectively put an end to any game-playing with the staff on his part.

“I’m just awaiting dinner, Millicent,” he assured her with a smile.

She quirked him a look. “Of course.”

“Good evening,” Colin said, joining them.

“Hello,” the earl said. “We’re apparently discussing games, Colin.”

Graham flinched as Colin paled a bit. His eyes sought Graham’s. He nodded at Colin, a gesture he didn’t much care if the others intercepted. It was a friendly nod of greeting, really. When Colin’s eyes warmed, Graham felt it like an embrace.
Colin loved him.

The dinner gong rang, and they went in to eat. After, when the Hawks and Colin separated from the ladies, Matthew came up to him again.

“What is this ‘game’ business, Graham?” he asked.

“It’s nothing.”

“You went all red, and when Colin joined us he went all white. There’s something going on.”

He saw that Colin was speaking to the earl, so he bent his head to Matthew’s. “I’ve taken up with one of the maids.”

Matthew blinked then nodded. “Ah. And you’re just playing and she wants an arrangement.”

“No,” Graham countered softly.

Matthew quirked a brow. “No about the game or no about the arrangement?”

“Both, actually,” he admitted.

“What of…” He tossed his head in Colin’s direction. “I know you’re quite close.”

Graham studied Colin where he stood with the earl. He was so handsome, so earnest. He was such a good man and a great friend, and Graham couldn’t consider his life going forward without him. He couldn’t speak of it to Matthew, though.

“It’s like that,” Matthew said.

Graham searched his cousin’s face. Knowledge showed in his eyes, and for the first time Graham felt a kinship toward one of these Hawks. “I…”

“With Posy and me…” Matthew interjected with a smile. “I don’t suppose you know of William?”

“The footman?”

“First footman, actually. And only because he insists on bringing something to our union.”

Graham suspected an arrangement among the earl and his wife and her third cousin, but was such a thing going on in Matthew’s marriage as well? “Your union. You and Posy…and William?”

Matthew gave a slow nod. “I’m not the first Hawk to break his curse with two loves. You have but to look at my brother to see the evidence of that.”

“I guess I have seen the evidence. I just didn’t want to believe it.”

“Come now, Graham. You’re a Hawk. You fuck everything just like the rest of us.”

Graham offered Matthew a small smile. “I didn’t mean that. Of course I know our urges can take us anywhere for release. But for love? I just don’t believe it.”

“What are you two talking about?” Millicent walked up to them.

Graham hadn’t noticed that the women had joined the men in the drawing room up to that moment. Gabriel’s wife looked to be hiding a smile as she took Graham’s arm.

“Matthew has been bending your ear about something, Graham,” she said. “And what is that guilty expression on your handsome Hawk face?”

Graham felt his cheeks heat. “Guilty?”

“Hmm.” She tilted her head as she had earlier. “Never say you’re going to take away more of my staff.”

“Millicent!” Matthew said. “How can you talk of this here?”

“Pretty words, Matthew.” She winked. “Did you or did you not take my favorite parlormaid?”

“Hardly your favorite,” Posy said, coming to stand beside them as well. “Besides, Matthew is far from being the only Hawk to…” Matthew’s wife shrugged her slight shoulders.

“The only Hawk to steal away a member of our staff? Hardly. I’ve yet to find a chauffeur as capable as Mosley,” Gabriel put in from where he stood with Colin. “Colin, tell me you’re not with him in this endeavor.”

Colin met Graham’s eyes as his cheeks turned pink. He faced Gabriel. “I don’t know what you’re speaking of, Lord Hawksfell.”

The earl laughed and clapped Colin on the back. “Of course not.”

Graham found himself grinning now. This was passing strange, and not only because the conversation was so inappropriate. To joke with family was an oddity for him. With a pang, he realized he would miss it when his visit ended.

“So your chauffeur…?” he began in question.

“Is now with our cousin Derek Hawk, I’m afraid.” Gabriel’s dark eyes sparkled. “He and his wife cannot do without him.”

“Ah, his wife,” The countess’s third cousin Michael Crowley put in. “I believe she is Derek’s third cousin, isn’t that so Millie?”

The countess clicked her tongue, but affection was clear in her blue gaze. “Yes, Michael.”

“And you only have to speak to Gabriel’s man-of-affairs Grantley to know the truth of his particular arrangement,” Michael continued.

“Ah, but Grantley is as silent as a tomb,” Matthew quipped. “I daresay dear Millicent lost another fine maid with that business.”

“Business of the heart though, Matthew,” Posy said, her voice going soft. “Mary deserves everything she has.”

Matthew bent his head to Posy’s, their brows touching. “She’s not the only one.”

Suddenly Graham felt like an intruder once again. These Hawks had found their loves. True, he had Colin. If they continued to be lovers, he would thank his blighted Hawk stars. As to continuing on as they’d been, though? Taking nameless, faceless women together for a night’s pleasure? The thought caused his belly to clench.

After loving Lily, he couldn’t imagine a better match for the two of them.

* * * *

“So what was that about?” Colin asked Graham the next morning.

“What?” Graham shouldered his rifle and fell into step beside him.

The day was bright, and the chill of November all but forgotten as Colin and he joined the others for shooting. The participants were scattered far and wide over the earl’s wooded section of property, so he reasoned he wouldn’t get a better chance than now to discuss this with Graham.

All night he’d tried to make sense of what the others were talking about after dinner, but could only glean that there was more to every union than he first presumed.

“That oddly candid discussion in the drawing room with your relatives,” Colin said. “I know you and I talked about the earl and his wife.”

“And her cousin,” Graham put in. “Michael Crowley appears to be as much a part of that union as Gabriel.”

“Is it possible, do you think?”

“What are you asking? You and I have shared numerous women over the years, Colin.”

“I’m not talking about the fucking.”

Graham narrowed his eyes. “Are you saying you would welcome an arrangement like theirs?”

Colin looked at the ground as they continued through the woods. “I would welcome love, Graham. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Graham took his elbow and turned him. “I don’t know if I can do forever, Colin.” His dark eyes looked haunted. “I never knew my mother or father. The other Hawks have known only neglect from their parents or, in Matthew’s case, abuse. If we continue on as we’ve been, there may be more to consider than if the girl cares for us or not.”