Healed (5 page)

“How could you
, Anna?” My voice was low, and I allowed the hurt to come through.

“I didn’t mean to
, Lexi,” she whispered.

“You have known how long I’ve loved Bryce. How long I have waited for this moment.”

“I just…”

“Why did you choose this moment to be the worst best friend ever?” I cried out, angry and hurt. “How could you
, Anna?”

“It wasn’t just me
, Lexi.
He
slept with
me,
too.”

“Yeah
, after you drugged him,” I spat out.

“I didn’t drug him,” s
he cried out. “We made love, Lexi. Bryce and I made love. I didn’t make him do anything.”

“Sex isn’t love
, Anna.” I was deliberately cruel. “Just because you were a slut doesn’t mean he loves you. He loves me. He wants to be with me.”

“Who doesn’t want to?”

“What?” My voice rose. “Is this because Luke told me he loves me? Are you that jealous of me?”

“Luke loves you?” I heard a sharp intake of breath and
, for a moment, I felt a shred of sympathy for her.

“I can’t believe you did this to me
, Anna. How could you?”

“You’ve never been here for me
, Lexi. Do you realize that? I’m always here for you. Always listening. Always sympathizing. Always there, in the background for you to talk to. But are you ever there for me?”

“What are you talking about
, Anna? I have been here for you our whole lives.”

“No you haven’t!” s
he screamed. “When Eddie died, did you ask me if I was okay?”

“Anna
, why would I ask you that?” I frowned into the phone.

“I know he tried to rape you
, Lexi and I hate him for that. But I loved him. I was trying to help him.”

“What are you talking about
, Anna? You barely knew him.” And then I remembered our game again. I had chosen Bryce and she had chosen Eddie. I thought back to our sophomore year, when Anna had first decided to volunteer at the pound, she had done so because Eddie had been doing community service there. And when she had dragged me to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I hadn’t minded because Bryce had been there, it hadn’t even crossed my mind that Eddie would have been there as well. “Why didn’t you tell me, Anna?” I whispered into the phone in shock. “You were in love with Eddie, weren’t you?”

“Can you believe you’re supposed to be my best friend and you never knew?”

“You never told me, Anna.”

“I tried to tell you all the time
, Lexi. But you don’t care. You only ever seem to care about yourself and what’s going on in your life.”

“That’s not true
, Anna.” I bit my lip. “You’re my best friend. I’m always here for you.”

“No. No you aren’t.” Her voice went silent and we sat on the phone just listening to the silence. “Do you remember when I got the job as a tutor? I told you how excited I
was because I thought it would give me a chance to get to know Eddie better.”

“Not really,
” I sighed, not recalling the conversation.

“But then you told me you were trying to establish a relationship with your dad. And I knew how important that was for you
, so I didn’t mind that you had changed the subject on me, even though I had been trying to talk to you about Eddie.”

I sat on the bed, my head still pounding
, even though I had taken the headache tablets. “I don’t remember, Anna.”

“And then, a couple of months later, Eddie and I went to lunch together. He wanted to thank me for helping him get an A and I was
so excited and I called you to get some help picking an outfit.”

“You and Eddie went to lunch together?”

“You told me you were too busy to talk, because your mom was having one of her episodes. You told me you would call me back. But you never did. And I called you back that evening and your mom said you were having a sleepover at Luke’s.”

“I’m sorry I forgot to call.”

“It’s not just that, Lexi. Do you know how many times you’ve invited me to a sleepover at Luke’s?”

“It’s not my place to invite you to Luke’s
, Anna.”

“It doesn’t mean that you couldn’t have asked him to invite me. How many times have you done that?”

“Anna, I don’t…” My voice trailed off as I heard her crying on the other line.

“I’m really sorry
, Lexi. I really am, but I don’t think I’m the only bad friend here. And if you can’t see that, well, I don’t know what to say.”

“Anna, I don’t understand
, we were always in this together.”

“No
, we’re not, Lexi. You always say that we’re the invisible girls but we’re not. I am. I’m the only one who is invisible. No one sees me. Everyone sees you. Luke, Bryce, even Eddie. They all wanted you. Not me. No one sees me. I’m fed up of being a nobody.”

“But Anna—
”

“
—I know you think it’s shitty that I slept with Bryce and maybe it was. But I’m so fed up of this life. I’m so fed up of being the sidekick, here just to see you find love. What about me? When’s my time?”

I lay back on the bed
, unsure of what to say and then Anna hung up on me. My eyes were dry, but I felt like crying. I wasn’t even sure what to think or feel about what she had said. Nothing could excuse her for sleeping with my boyfriend, but maybe she was right. Maybe I had been a bad friend to her. Maybe I had taken advantage of her friendship. Anna was just always there. I always knew I could count on her when I needed someone to talk to.

I sighed as I realized that I hadn’t really been there for her as much as she had for me. Even when it came to her liking Luke, I was pretty sure that she had a crush on him, but I’d never asked her. Never tried to pry and see if my thoughts were correct. And I wasn’t sure why. Maybe I was scared that she and Luke would get together and I would be the odd one out. Because that was what she was. She was the odd one out in the friendship. Or maybe they both were. Maybe I was the sun to their planets. Everything in my life revolved around me. Maybe the real issue was that I was selfish.

I wanted to call Luke. I wanted him to tell me that I wasn’t selfish. That I was a good friend. A good person. I had always thought that Anna and I were in it together. We were the invisible girls. But maybe only one of us was really invisible.

It’s hard when you recognize that you’ve been a bad friend. It’s really hard.
I felt like I had blown my friendships with Luke and Anna. It seemed like there was no way to redeem myself now. No way at all. I dialed Bryce’s number, hoping he would answer the phone. The phone went to voicemail and I tried to ignore the pain I felt at his non-answering. I knew he had to be at Harpers creek. It was his go-to place, just like it was mine. But I didn’t know if he wanted to see me, I knew his demons must have been eating him alive right now.

M
ore importantly, I didn’t know if I wanted to see him. How could he have cheated on me? Already? It was something that I had never thought could happen. I was going out of my mind as question after question ran through my head and I knew that I had to get out of the house.

***

Driving around Jonesville is something I have been doing since I have been able to drive. I like to watch people walk down the street as I drive past them, listening to music. It soothes me and makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. Even though I’m only driving a Ford Escort, I still feel like I have it made. At least, more than the people who are walking do. I know that, perhaps, some of them are walking because they are exercising, but I like to think it’s because they don’t have a car. It’s an odd way to feel good about oneself, but I guess I’m a bit of an odd girl. That day, though, I drove aimlessly, changing from radio station to radio station, nothing quite catching me: not the top 40, not the country music and not even the 80’s and 90’s hits. And I didn’t even bother looking to see if anyone was walking down the streets. That didn’t matter.

“Is Your Life In Tatters?” read the sign that caught
my attention. I pulled over, parked and got out, hoping that I wasn’t about to venture into some scientology group or cult. I got out and saw that the sign pointed to a small cottage and the words ‘Psychic—Come and have your reading today’ were hanging above the door. I’ve never gone to a psychic before. I’ve never really cared to—I mean, who wants to fork over their money to someone who will just BS them? I don’t have a lot of money and I’m certainly not going to give it away to someone who’s a charlatan but, that day, I decided why the heck not?

I walked up to the door
, slowly, trying to talk myself into going in. “If it’s over $20 you will walk out, Lexi,” I told myself. I had nothing to lose. Everything in my life was falling apart.

“Hello
, my dear.” An elderly lady opened the front door and I peered at her in surprise. She was dressed normally, no veil around her face, or mountains of jewelry.

“Uh, hi.” I looked around
, quickly. “I think I’m lost. Sorry.” I made to turn around, but her next words stopped me.

“It’s okay
, dear, I’ve been expecting you.”

“What?” I felt a little scared at her words. “You’ve been expecting me?”

“Yes, dear.” She smiled at me, warmly. “Why don’t you come in? Let me offer you some tea.”

“Well…
” I paused, not wanting to be rude.

“You won’t offend me if you go, but I do think I can be of some help to you in your dilemma
, my dear.”

“Hmm okay?” Was she for real? How did she know I had a dilemma? But then I thought back to her street sign. Obviously
, anyone who was stopping for that sign was having issues—anyone could guess that.

“I have chocolate chip cookies as well
, Lexi.”

My mouth dropped open as she said my name and I stared at her
, suspiciously. What was going on here? “How do you know my name?”

“All will be explained
, my dear, all will be explained.” She opened the door wider and I decided to follow her in. She seemed so short and frail that I knew I could beat her in a fight if she tried anything funny.

“Would you like tea or coffee?”

“Coffee, please.”

“Have a seat, I’ll be right back.” And
, with that, she waddled off to the kitchen. I looked around the room curiously as she left. It was light and airy with two big, yellow couches. I was sitting on one of them next to an old sleeping cat and it appeared as though she had been sitting, knitting, on the other couch. It looked like she was making a scarf, and I wondered who she was making it for. I looked at the walls and there were lots of pictures of different lighthouses, but no family photos. I wondered if her family had disowned her because she was crazy. I mean, she didn’t seem crazy, but if she was passing herself off as a psychic then she had to be.

“I brought some gingersnaps and chocolate chip cookies for you
, my dear.”

“Thanks.” I studied her face as she offered me the plate of cookie
s. She had to have been about seventy-five. Her hair was pulled back in a bun and was pure white; she had sparkling blue eyes that belied her age and quite a lot of wrinkles on her face. She looked as normal as anyone’s grandma would look and not at all like I would have expected.

“The coffee will be ready soon
, dear.”

“How did you know my name?” I leaned forward, anxious to understand how she knew.

“Well, dearie, I had a dream.”

“A dream?”

“I know you young folks don’t believe in religion and what not these days, but have you ever heard of Joseph?”

“The father of Jesus?”

“That’s good, my dear,” she smiled at me, happily, “but no.”

“Oh.”

“Joseph was the son of Jacob. He used to interpret the Pharaoh’s dreams.”

“The Pharaoh? Like Tutankhamen?”

“Read Genesis, my dear, you’ll understand.”

“
Uh, okay.” Maybe this was a religious cult after all.

“I had a dream about you
, Lexi. I always seem to have a dream about the girls who are coming to see me.”

“Only girls?”

“No. But more likely than not, it’s a girl.” She smiled and stood back up. “The pot must be ready. I’ll be right back. Milk and sugar?”

“Yes, yes please.” I watched her walk out of the room and felt a strange calmness in me. My brain was telling me to run
, but I felt safe and curious. I wanted to know what else the lady had to say.

“Smile
, dear, it’s not nearly bad as all that.” She brought a tray in and I jumped up to help her. It looked too heavy for someone of her stature to carry.

“Shall I take it?” I offered a hand and she shook her head.

“I may look old and frail, but I’m still a very sprightly woman.”