Healing Rain (26 page)
Pain tears into him as he stares at his usually headstrong wife, completely shattered in front of him, an empty shell of who she used to be. Her desolation breaks him, making him do what he swore he would never do, realizing it’s the only way to keep her there until he can get Chase to help her. Kas hates himself for his next actions, but he can’t let her leave, not now, not in her current dangerous emotional state. He jerks the bag away from her, throwing it down onto the floor as he takes her arm firmly in his hand. He pulls her towards the bedroom as she struggles for him to release her. She twists and pulls against him but his grip is unrelenting as he practically drags her. He forcefully sits her down on the bed, his treatment rough, dominate, but careful not to hurt her. “You will not leave this house! You will not leave this room! Do not even think about getting off this bed! Do you hear me?” he yells at her, his voice demanding absolute obedience.
Raina doesn’t respond, just sits motionless, staring at the floor.
“Answer me, Raina!” he commands, despising how he is treating her, ordering her around, but at a complete loss of knowing what else to do to keep her there until he can call Chase. Seeing her so broken, lying in the floor in her curled up fetal position scared the hell out of him, he can’t let her go anywhere alone right now.
Raina doesn’t respond, and Kas quickly leaves the room, grabbing his cell, dialing Chase’s number on the way back to their bedroom. He stands outside the door, going stark raving mad as he watches his wife sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes void and her body rigid. Chase answers, and Kas quickly explains everything, asking him to come straight over.
Kas waits impatiently, his sanity slipping with every passing minute until Chase finally arrives. Chase is stricken by the panicked expression on his best friend’s face when Kas answers the door.
“She’s in the bedroom.”
Chase goes to Raina, slowly lowering himself on his knees so he is eye level with her. The detachment in her eyes alarms him, “Hey, honey, talk to me, tell me what’s going on.”
Raina doesn’t move.
Chase glances at Kas, witnessing his obvious concern. He stands up, walking to the door, “I need to be alone with her.”
Kas hesitates, then nods curtly, walking away as Chase closes the bedroom door.
Chase studies her for a few seconds, replaying in his mind the recording, remembering all of the blistering words her father scourged her with. He is amazed she has managed to make it this far without having a complete mental breakdown from the repeated beatings, days of starvation, rape, and the severe emotional abuse she has suffered. He can tell that she is dangerously fragile at the moment, and he treads carefully. He returns to his position on the floor in front of her, gingerly taking her hand in his, softly rubbing his thumb across her soft skin, studying her for any reaction. “Raina, I’m going to ask you some questions, and I need you to answer them fully and honestly, but first, I need you to look at me.”
She still doesn’t move.
“Look at me, Raina,” Chase encourages calmly.
Slowly, she raises her head, the heartbreaking emptiness ripping into him.
“Why were you leaving?”
She shrugs, the slightest movement of her shoulders as an answer.
“You do know why, now tell me,” he keeps his voice firm but calm.
“I taint everything I touch,” she whispers the words her father has littered upon her.
“That’s not true,” Chase maintains his calm tone even though he is anything but calm on the inside.
Raina looks at Chase, her disbelief at his words evident her eyes. “My father, Brian, Chris, they all treated me like I am only property. Kas, he has never treated me that way, he’s never hurt me, but I have hurt him, over and over, again.” The cold, hard emptiness in her gaze penetrates his soul as she continues, “I don’t deserve him. My father is right, I will only ruin him if I stay.” Her gaze is hollow, like she’s looking right through him.
Chase places himself in front of her gaze firmly, trying to tame the conflicting emotions tearing him apart. “Why do you think you don’t deserve him?”
Her eyes return to the floor, and Chase gently squeezes her hand, “Answer me, Rain.”
“He deserves someone who doesn’t have my history, someone who doesn’t drive him crazy by defying everything he says. I don’t mean to push him, but I always do anyway. He didn’t want me to go undercover, but I went with Michael and Brent, and look what happened. I didn’t tell him about the kiss, I knew I should’ve told him immediately, but I didn’t, and he thought that I wanted Brent. He thought we were having an affair, and even with him thinking I was unfaithful to him, he still tried to protect me. He set the alarm when he saw that I hadn’t activated it, making sure I am safe.”
A tear rolls down her cheek, and she angrily wipes it away, causing a little relief to seep into Chase at seeing some kind of emotion slip through the emptiness. He is beginning to understand her turmoil. She has been severely punished for the simplest of mistakes, for things she didn’t even do wrong and has been brainwashed into believing she deserved it. Chase knows that cognitively she realizes she didn’t deserve the beatings, but on some recessed level, she still harbors guilt and blame. He takes a deep breath before continuing, “You feel guilty because you feel you have hurt Kas, and you haven’t been punished for it.”
The shame in her eyes speaks volumes, “When he was leaving, I needed him to stay, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him,” she begins, then stops, the shame overtaking her.
“You wanted Kas to punish you instead of leaving,” he whispers.
“I almost begged him to so he wouldn’t leave.” She drops her head in her hands and begins to sob, the shame engulfing her at her admission, knowing she has to be damaged to have thoughts like that.
Chase wraps his arms around her, his heart breaking at her grief. “Raina, do you feel you deserve for Kas to punish you?”
“I don’t want him to. I don’t want him to hurt me, but I can’t stand this guilt.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
Her body is still shaking from her sobs as she slowly shakes her head, “No, not really.”
“Good, Raina, very good. You don’t deserve to be hurt. Do not feel guilty for having the thought go through your head, you didn’t act on it. Just because you thought it doesn’t make you weak, there’s nothing wrong with you for thinking that. We all think crazy, destructive things in our most stressed state. What we do with those thoughts is what is important. You felt a huge loss, and it’s perfectly natural for us to try to bargain so we don’t have to experience that loss. It’s so common to want to bargain that it’s named as one of the five stages of grief. You stopped yourself, that’s very good, very healthy.” Chase takes her chin in his hand and looks at her, the sincerity shining in his eyes, “You not going through with asking Kas to stay and punish you instead, shows me just how far you have come. I’m very proud of you.”
Raina wipes her eyes, trying to stop the tears.
“I want you to know that Kas wouldn’t have punished you anyway, even if you had begged him to. He knows, and I’m pretty sure you know, that if that ever happened, the relationship would never be the same. The whole dynamics would change, and you would have suffered a huge loss anyway. Kas would never hurt you. You don’t deserve to be hurt. The guilt you feel is largely unwarranted. We all make mistakes, but how we handle those mistakes and how others deal with our mistakes, makes or breaks relationships. I know he wouldn’t mind me telling you this, when he showed up at my door he was devastated. The last thing on his mind was causing you any pain. He loves you exactly as you are, including your tenacity. You have done nothing to taint him, you have helped make each other better. I have seen so much positive growth in Kas since you came into his life.”
Raina sniffles, her sobs calming.
“I had no idea Brent felt anything for me, I swear.”
“I know that, Rain, and more importantly, Kas knows that now. What do you say about joining him in the living room. He’s very worried, and I think you should talk with him about this.”
Raina hesitates.
“I know that he gets frustrated sometimes, but that’s part of a relationship. People have their own minds, their own opinions, and sometimes that causes conflict, but I can assure you that even in his most frustrated state, he has never regretted being with you. You are the best thing that has happened to him, Raina. He loves you.” Chase tilts her chin so she is looking at him, “Just ask him, you will see the truth. You need to talk with him about what you told me.”
Raina chews on her bottom lip, contemplating everything Chase has said as he takes her hand and leads her into the living room. Raina sees Kas sitting on one of the kitchen chairs, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. She walks up to him, softly touching his arm, and he raises his head, worry swimming in his dark eyes. He stands up, searching her, relief igniting in him when he sees her conflicting emotions. He will take almost any emotion over her broken despondency. He pulls her into his arms, sliding his hand underneath her auburn hair, wrapping his fingers around the back of her head, as he brings her even closer to him. He presses his head to hers, “I love you so much, baby girl.”
Chase can see that they can handle this on their own now, and he wants to give them their privacy to talk and heal from the recent stress. He nods at Kas, and Kas gives him a look full of appreciation, silently thanking him before he walks out the door.
Kas’ embrace is warm, comforting, and Raina wants to just get lost in it, but he pulls away, taking her hand in his, holding it behind his back as he leads her to the couch.
“Please, talk to me, Rain.”
She tells him what she confessed to Chase, and Kas’ heart constricts with guilt that his leaving caused her so much pain and confusion. “I will never hurt you. I will never want to hurt you. I love you, I want to protect you, not punish you because I’m angry, or because you’ve hurt me. I know that I yell sometimes, but I swear to you, I have never wanted to cause you any harm. The thought of laying a hand on you in any way other than lovingly sickens me. I feel terrible with treating you like I did tonight, I was just terrified of you leaving. I can’t take that.” His eyes drop to his hands as he whispers, “I’m not strong enough to lose you.”
“But, I’ve put you through so much.”
“Raina, you have
given
me so much. Everything you have done, you have done because you honestly felt it was right, to protect me, or to protect those girls. Yes, I have been furious at you for some of your choices, but I also respect you for those same choices. You can drive me insane with your stubbornness, but your tenacity and your passion, I absolutely love that about you. I will be completely honest with you, there are times when I wish you would just obey me, but not because I want to control you. It’s my job to protect you, and your actions scare the hell out of me sometimes. Don’t you ever feel like you don’t deserve me, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I am blessed to have you in my life, I thank God for you every day.”
Pain and relief flicker across his face. Stress is etched in every line as he looks away before slowly returning his gaze, his dark eyes filled with absolute resolve, “When you walked into my life, I knew at that moment who I am, everything inside of me was no longer mine. One touch from your hand is all it took, from that second on, I knew that I will always belong to you.”
A tear slides down her cheek, and Kas wipes it away with his thumb. He pulls her onto his lap, holding her in his arms as she lays her head against his chest, nestled under his chin. She lets his warmth comfort her as she leans into the strength of his embrace for several minutes before she speaks again, “Kas?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“You came back to me before you knew the truth? Why?”
Kas gently pushes her back, the potent truth shining unmistakably in his eyes, “Because, darlin’, you are worth fighting for.”
The next few weeks have shown Raina’s continued progress. The intensity of Kas’ relief is palpable at he watches his wife’s spunky spark growing brighter every day. Her tenacity has returned, and he takes every opportunity he has to encourage her strengthening self-confidence. They haven’t heard any more from Chris, and Pete has made sure the guards are staying on top of his every move. Both he and Chase have paid careful attention to Raina’s behaviors, and Kas keeps reminding himself to bite his tongue when she pushes herself, as long as her choices don’t have a negative impact on her well-being.
The summer has been unrelenting with the humid heat and without much needed rain. Kas is sweltering as he walks the streets known for extra-curricular activity when the sun goes down. They have been checking with every known prostitute and dealer, trying to gather more information on the enigmatic Ghost. He meets up with Jake at the end of the beat, “Get anything?”
Jake wipes his brow, adjusting his sunglasses as he shakes his head. “No one is talking.”
Kas throws him a bottle of water, “I told you to keep hydrated.”
“I’ve drank two bottles already,” he states, draining half of the new bottle in one gulp.
“C’mon, let’s head back.”
Kas cranks up the air conditioning when they climb into the agency SUV. He checks his messages, hearing that Russo, Austin, and Frank haven’t had any luck either. He could tell that some of the girls were holding back, obviously too scared to give any information. He decides he will bring Chase along on the next round. He dials Raina as they get closer to the agency, “Hey, beautiful, want to go to the lake this weekend?”
“You just want to see me half naked.”
He laughs, “Well, that’s a given, darlin’.” He hears her beautiful giggles on the other end, and it soothes his heart. “Jake and I were talking about spending our days off down at the lake. I know the other guys will want to go, and Jake’s bringing Maya, so what do you say?”
Raina hesitates, “Sure. I can grab some sun.”
“It’s too hot for you to be sunbathing. The water will feel much better.” He’s met by silence, “You there, Rain?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” she begins, “but, I don’t exactly know how to swim.”
A mixture of sadness and excitement stings him, “That’s alright, I can teach you. We’ll go to the gym tonight.”
Jake gives Kas a quizzical look when he hangs up. “She doesn’t know how to swim?”
“She didn’t have anyone to teach her,” Kas states sadly, remembering the embarrassment in her eyes when she had admitted that she didn’t know how to drive. His heart constricts as he thinks of how she was robbed of so many childhood rites of passages because of her father.
“I
won’t
let
you go under, I promise,” Kas assures her, holding his arms up, motioning for Raina to take his hands and get into the water.
Raina grabs his hands tightly, sliding in as he holds her up. She wraps her arms around his neck, chewing on her bottom lip.
“You can do this, Rain. You did great at the shallow end. I’ve got you, just trust me.”
She nods her head as he treads water, holding on to her waist, telling her to move her arms like he showed her.
“You can always turn on your back if you get tired. Keep moving your arms,” his voice is encouraging as he swims beside her. “That’s perfect,” he praises, being sure to keep his hand underneath her stomach so she feels more comfortable. “Okay, kick your legs. Keep them mostly under the water.”
Raina starts to kick, and Kas loosens his grip on her waist, and she kicks harder, accidentally kicking him in his most sensitive area, and he lets out a pained grunt.
She apologizes, quickly wrapping her arms around his neck.
“It’s alright,” he manages, through a ragged breath.
Raina can’t help but giggle at the expression on his face, quickly biting her lip to thwart her laughter. “I’m sorry,” she tells him again, her sheepish expression both slightly amused and greatly repentant.
He watches her bright eyes darken with desire as she leans closer to his ear. “I know how to make it all better,” she whispers, her voice an exhilarating seduction.
He feels better already as his hurt manhood swells appreciatively at the offer, “And just what are you thinking would be the best remedy?”
She arches her eyebrow, her blazing eyes promising a full recovery.
“I will take you to the side of the pool, and you can go change while I swim a few laps. I can’t get out of the pool at the moment, darlin’.”
“Okay, hurry.”
“Then get your intoxicating body out of here,” he winks at her, pointing to the dressing rooms.
She trails her fingers up his arm as he drives her home, driving him crazy to feel her healing touch. Leaning closer to him, she nibbles on the lobe of his ear, moving her fingers to his knee, inching higher.
He grabs her hand, brushing a kiss across her fingers, “You’re going to cause me to wreck, darlin’.”
“Hurry up,” she breathes, her body begging for his.
“If water has this kind of effect on you, I’m installing a pool tomorrow,” he teases.
He takes her hand, sliding her out his door, not wanting to take the time opening hers, when they pull into the drive. She has his shirt off of him and his belt buckle undone before the door is locked behind them. She continues to strip him of his clothing, shedding hers and jumping into his arms before they make it through the living room. He laughs as she tackles him, and he grabs her, tossing her on the couch.
“Get over here, right now,” she demands, her body beckoning him, unadulterated desire sending delicious tingles through her as she pushes up on her knees, motioning him forward with her finger.
“Yes, ma’am.” He slips his hands behind her neck, caressing her cheek with his thumb as he lowers his mouth to hers. Sweet, wet heat teases his mouth as her tongue plunders, sending a ripple of raw need through him. When he can’t wait one second longer, he lowers her to the couch, crawling over her as his hands leave a heated wake when he runs them over her body. “I love you, woman!” he tells her right before taking her into ecstasy.
Raina flips him over on his back, proud of herself for catching him off guard. She holds his arms over his head, and he lets her think she has him pinned. Straddling him, she trails kisses across his chest, loving how his body responds to her touch. She delivers more sweet torture, her fingers exploring as her hips swivel, eliciting very sexy, needy sounds from her husband. Her eyes are glued to his as she returns the favor, sending him into a blissful release.
Kas takes Raina to the gym the next two nights, making her promise to behave until they get home so he can finish teaching her how to swim. She fulfills her promise, not making one seducing move until they walk through their door, then all bets are off, and she takes her time showing him her appreciation. She is very excited when Friday evening finally arrives, and they throw their bag and tent in the jeep. Raina climbs inside, excited about another first...camping.
Kas laughs, his smile brightening his chocolate eyes when he sees Raina beaming at him as he slides inside next to her, “You ready, darlin’?”
She nods enthusiastically as they drive towards Cunningham Falls. He slips her hand in his, her carefree happiness a salve to his soul. She jumps out of the jeep when they arrive, grabbing their bag as Kas gets the tent. “It’s so beautiful,” Raina exclaims looking out over the moonlit lake.
Kas pulls Raina into his arms, “You’re beautiful.” Her shy blush does funny things to him, and his heart fills with so much love he doesn’t want to ever let her go.
“None of that, you two,” Austin winks at Raina as he walks by with the hot dogs, “at least not until you’re in your tent.”
Raina’s blush deepens and Kas laughs, “I love that about you.”
She looks at him, perplexed, “What?”
“How you are so innocent.” Kas wraps his arm around her as they make their way to the place where they are going to camp. “I’m thinking we need a spot a little out of the way.”
“Why?”
He leans to where his lips brush her ear, “Because, I also love it when you’re not so innocent.”
Her cheeks flame again, and he lets out a hearty laugh, “C’mon, darlin’, or I’m going to strip you down right here.”
Jake is stoking the camp fire while Maya is pulling the seats back, the night air still too warm to be close to the fire. Raina goes to help while Kas finishes setting up the tent. Both Raina and Maya are happy to see a familiar face with Austin, and they wave at Mandy as she walks towards them, with Frank and his date close behind.
“Hey girls, I want you to meet Josie,” Frank tells them proudly, wrapping his arm around the shoulders of the pretty lady holding onto his waist.
“I’m Raina,” she offers her hand to the shy dark-haired woman who Raina thinks looks adorable with her short, cropped hair.
Josie is introduced to everyone else as Kas walks up to Raina, slipping his arm around her waist. “Why don’t we go find some sticks for the hot dogs?”
Austin shoots Russo a knowing look and elbows Jake, who is clueless to anything but Maya right now. “We’re sending a search party out if you’re not back in ten minutes,” Austin calls after them as they walk into the darkness.
Raina snuggles closer to Kas, wanting to be near him despite the warmth of the star-filled summer night. He takes her arms, backing her against a tree, his eyes smoldering. He places his hands around her waist, slipping his fingers just a fraction of an inch inside the top of her jeans, caressing her smooth skin.
His smile is like a drug, and Raina pulls his lips to hers, wrapping her fingers around the back of his neck and into his hair, ready to be on the mind-blowing high that’s one-hundred-percent Kas. “What can we do in ten minutes?” she whispers, her eyes gleaming mischievously.
“Not nearly as much as I want to, baby,” he chuckles, moving his mouth to her neck, his nether region swelling when a pleased moan escapes. He takes a minute enjoying the feel of her against his lips before he pulls away. “We’ll pick up where we left off later,” he promises, his pride tripling when she whimpers at the loss of his touch.
Once they gather enough sticks, they make their way back to the campsite. Russo helps Kas sharpen the ends as the girls get all of the condiments ready for the hot dogs. Raina takes out the brownies she made, and Jake grabs one, “I was hoping you would make these.” He breaks it in half and hands one part to Maya, not wasting any time devouring his in one bite.
“Those are for after dinner,” Kas playfully admonishes.
“Yes, mother,” Jake quips, and Raina giggles.
Raina lays her head on Kas’ shoulder as they roast their hot dogs over the fire, feeling completely at peace in the tranquility of the evening and the company. She wishes Erik and Susanna came for the team outing, but Erik had made it clear that he is not the camping type, stating that is why God made beds and houses with four walls.
Kas glances at Russo, the only single person around the campfire, wishing he would have brought someone with him. Austin keeps trying to set him up with his ex-girlfriends, but Russo had teased him about not wanting his leftovers. Kas has caught him watching the new brunette agent on Grant’s team and is amused at how his burly friend is scared speechless every time she walks by.
Maya grabs the marshmallows, “Who wants S’mores.”
“What are S’mores?” Raina asks.
“Ahh, girl, that’s such a party foul not knowing what S’mores are,” Russo quips.
Jake glances at Raina, wondering what else she’s missed out on growing up. Even with his abusive father, he still had his mom and other family members around to give him some semblance of a normal childhood. He smiles when Kas grabs the needed items to make her the traditional campfire treat, knowing that he’ll do whatever it takes to show her everything she has missed.
Raina is sitting on the ground between Kas’ legs, her back leaning against his chest, as they stay up late talking and laughing in front of the fire. She lays her head against his shoulder as a yawn escapes.
“Ready for bed?” he asks, brushing a kiss against her temple.
She nods, and he stands up, taking her hand to help her as they tell everyone goodnight. He wraps his hand around hers as they walk to their tent. “Are you too tired to finish what we started earlier,” he teases, sliding his hand into her back pocket.