Heart in Wire: A by a Thread Companion Novel (23 page)

They’d been enjoying their newfound sexual attraction, but he could tell El was still confused by everything. Patrick decided he needed to bring up the elephant in the room. They were on the beach watching Cooper chase birds. The waves crashing on the beach were soothing and his thoughts drifted to Jamie, but he shook them away. He couldn’t think about Jamie.

“So, I guess I really fucked everything up.” Her raspy voice shook him out of his thoughts.

“El, you’ll be okay.” He lay back in the sand, propping himself up on his elbows, and took a sip of his beer. He contemplated what she meant about fucking everything up. Cooper chased birds up and the down the beach, in and out of the waves, barking and jumping at each bird.

“I didn’t know it would be like this…” she started. “He would’ve killed me.”

“Yes, he would’ve.” Patrick nodded, then reached out and pushed her hair back from her face so that he could see her eyes.

“This was the only way,” she repeated, like she was trying to convince herself.

Patrick grabbed her hands and kissed her palms. “You know that it was.”

“I didn’t know it would be like this.” Her voice broke with an emotion that Patrick wished he could erase for her.

“We did what we needed to do to protect you.” He had to think in black in white about this because if not, he would be just a criminal, a murderer, and he couldn’t justify that to himself.

“Jesse’s still on board?”

“Oh yeah, we went to a party together in Atlanta. I was all over Twitter and Facebook, me partying with him.” Patrick thought back to the nightclub he’d been at with Jesse, taking pictures and acting like he was having a good time, all while he was thinking about killing Jamie. He was shocked he’d done it, that he was able to get in the right frame of mind to be able to kill someone he’d known all his life.

“Okay, good. I don’t want this on you. If shit goes down, I’ll take the blame.”

“El. He was forcing you to leave with him; no one will ever believe you were behind this.” Patrick raised himself up and pulled her in between his legs, facing him. “This was the only way. You know that. You’ve got to handle your shit, El. You can’t fall apart on me. I did this for you.”
Don’t fall apart on us.

“I know.” There was an uneasy pause. “Anyone see you at the airport?”

“No. Jesse had a change of clothes for me in a car he borrowed and your dad drove me to the plane in Atlanta. The car I left at National was still there and no one was the wiser. When I finished, I flew back to Atlanta and your dad was waiting. Jesse’s plane just sat there and waited on me. It’d be awesome to be rich like that.” Patrick had never experienced money like that, his parents worked hard for everything they had growing up. Patrick had been paying for his own bills since high school. He’d never met a person with shitloads of money who was genuine and remembered his roots, but then again, he didn’t know too many rich people.

El haphazardly brushed the sand back and forth with her foot. “How did you know he’d take the bait?”

Patrick had run through a ton of different scenarios in his mind, but the one that actually worked was pretty simple. “Because I would’ve.”

“Patrick, I’ll
never
be able to thank you enough.”

“Sure you can, El.” He took his sunglasses off and looked into her eyes, then leaned in and nuzzled her neck. They would be together and that would be payment enough.

“How?”

She started putting her walls up again; he could see her shutting him out. “Don’t,” he said, pulling her hand in his. “Come back with me. Let him go. That’s why
we
did all this—so you can move on, El.”

El looked away from him to the waves crashing and Cooper diving into the surf. “I don’t know if I can,” she whispered.

Her words settled on his skin and it began to burn with indignation. No, he wouldn’t let this happen. Anger busted from his gut like he was on fire, and he exploded. “Fuck, El, if it’s George you want, go back to George! Just live your fucking life! If you don’t, all of this was for nothing. That, I won’t forgive you for.”

He didn’t mean one fucking word of that.
Be with me.
He jumped up and made his way to find the bottle of vodka.

Chapter Twenty

THE BEGINNING AND THE END OF EVERYTHING

Patrick was driving, fast, up 95 headed home. He called Billy to make sure Millie had moved out—he had no idea, since she wasn’t taking his calls. He thought back a few hours. There was so much he’d wanted to say to her, but he hadn’t said any of it. He’d only pulled her into his arms and whispered that she was his person. He wished now he’d told her he needed her as much as she needed him. They’d made love that morning; he stayed in her after they’d finished. He ran his fingertips over her face, memorizing how she looked at that moment. He’d almost confessed that he was utterly and completely in love with her and they could make it through this together. He’d almost confessed that he felt as if his heart lived in her chest.
Almost.

He cursed himself for not telling her all the things that made him love her. Her laugh, her dirty mouth, and her intelligence were just the tip of the iceberg when he thought about what he would miss if she didn’t pick him. Now he knew why people left their spouses if they found this…what they had…
was
it love? It felt different, uncontrollable, and he was helpless to fight against it. It was a soul stirring, conscience disappearing, dick hardening kind of love that he’d only felt when El was touching him.

Should he have begged her to pick him? He wanted to tell her to come home, but he didn’t. He’d almost turned around ten times just to hold her tonight and whisper in her ear how much he loved her.

Patrick hadn’t felt so at peace with a decision in his entire life; the woman he loved was safe and they would finally be together. He hadn’t even showered this morning because he wanted to smell her on him. Her legs had tangled with his while they slept, a surprising and welcome feeling. El was what he wanted, what he needed. He’d never felt this combustible just from someone touching him; she could just look at him and his dick would get hard. This is what he’d denied for five fucking years. They were finally going to get a chance. He knew she needed some time to come to grips with what they’d done, he understood that. He was still processing the fact he’d killed someone, or maybe he wasn’t processing, but ignoring that he’d killed someone. Jamie would’ve killed her, Patrick knew that, but it didn’t change the fact he put a bullet in someone that used to sneak him dip during baseball games.

He pulled out his phone and voxed her.

“Breaker, breaker,” he said, trying to keep his voice light.

Nothing.

He tried again. “El?”

Silence.

He wasn’t surprised, she was probably outside with Cooper. She’d been ignoring her phone anyway.

I can’t do this without you.

Instead of saying that, he pressed the vox button again. “Don’t make me come back to get you. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

When he pulled in the driveway, Billy unexpectedly opened the door.

“What’re you doing home?” Patrick asked as he walked up the stairs.

Billy smirked. “I figured you may need someone to drink with.”

“You are a wise, wise man, William.”

“So, as you can see, this side of the room is newly decorated. I call it ‘police tape chic.’ And do admire the blood splatter and brains on the wall—not everyone has such modern art in their home! Though I think I may need to do some redecorating.”

“Shit,” Patrick said, shaking his head. “Sorry, man.”

“Hey, nothing like a little blood and brains to get my ass to Home Depot.” Billy walked into the kitchen and poured two tumblers full of whiskey.

Patrick chuckled as he took his glass and took a tentative sip. “Now how do you know it’s going to be that bad?”

Billy’s eyebrow raised in question. “Am I wrong?”

“No.”

“You okay?”

“I’m suspended in fear,” Patrick acknowledged.

Billy cocked his head to the side in question before he turned up his drink.

“I poured my fucking heart out, man. I mean, I’ve never done that before, told someone they were my everything. Shit, I’ve never even felt like this before.”

“Wait…you did?”

Patrick nodded and took a sip of his whiskey.

“What’d she say?”

“Not much. We did have sex for two days though.”

Both of Billy’s eyebrows rose again at that admission. “Oh really?”

Patrick nodded.

“This is messy,” Billy muttered.

“It felt like perfection,” Patrick said in a low voice. “That is, until I left and she didn’t tell me she was coming home...to me.”

“Well, she obviously broke up with George, so where else would she go, Patrick?”

“Way to boost my confidence, dude.”

“I’m just being realistic.”

“Do you think she’ll go back to him?”

“I hope not, Patrick. For your sake, I hope not.”

Billy refilled both of their glasses; they were in for a long day.

The next morning, Patrick got out the shower and walked naked to his room. It was bare of the life it once had without Millie. He’d found the note she’d left him when he got back yesterday.

Patrick,

I’m not sure why you lied to me for so long, but you are a pretty good liar. Stella should know. I hope all your lies swallow you whole.

It stung a bit; he knew he’d royally fucked up with Millie. She was one of the best people he knew and she didn’t deserve what he’d done to her. For over a year, he thought he’d loved her and maybe he did love her, in a way. He’d told himself he loved her. He told her he loved her.
Liar.
Patrick missed her glow; she was always so full of light and brought happiness with her wherever she went, even when she was cussing you out. It was nice to be in her radiance for a while, but she was right. He was a liar and a killer. Millie deserved someone better than him.

He pulled on a cream cable-knit sweater and jeans plopped in the chair. His phone dinged.

Headed back from home depot need anything

Patrick shook his head with a smile; Billy was painting the front room so El wouldn’t be reminded of Jamie and what happened here. Patrick wasn’t the only one ready to get her back home.

No

Then he thought better of it.

You better get more beer

Patrick and Billy had been waiting…waiting to figure out if El was coming or not. She wasn’t answering his calls. He was hitting the end of his phone against the table, turning it over and over again, when he heard her car door slam in the driveway. He was through the door in three seconds, his heart beating out of his chest.
She picked him
. He’d known she would; he’d felt it in his gut. They were connected. His spirit soared with the knowledge that she was his. “El…” Her name escaped his mouth unconsciously.
His.

She’d been crying, her eyes were red, her face splotchy. He’d kiss every fucking tear away; he’d soothe her wounds like she did for him.