Heart Matters (21 page)

Her smile was idiotic before it grew nervous. “We
made a deal. The marriage is a sham. He only wants me in his bed
and…”

“And you agreed?!” Mark almost shouted, shifting so
that he was facing her. “Jess, what the hell is wrong with you? You
of all the people? You? You agreed to such a deal? Why?”

She was embarrassed now, stung by his reaction. Was
the deal between Steven and her as bad as it sounded? Or did it
sound bad only to the people who loved her? She squared her
shoulders, raising her defiant chin. “Because I want him in my bed
too!”

If a jaw could open and crash on the ground below,
it would certainly be Mark’s. He simply gaped at her trying to
frame sensible words to tell her. When he couldn’t, he looked away
at the ocean, willing the raging blood in his veins to calm
down.

“Do you think so little of me that you won’t even
look at me now?” Her small voice accused him.

Mark’s eyes sought hers immediately and he shook his
head. “It’s not that, baby girl. It’s just that I can’t digest the
fact that you could agree to a relationship like that. If it were
so, you would’ve let go of your past long ago.”

The gray eyes stormed over. “What Jake did to me
isn’t something I can let go.”

“Nor is what happened between us then.”

She blushed furiously averting his soul searching
eyes. His sucked in sharply in surprise. “You still think of me?”
His question was incredulous.

Jessica covered her face with her hands then sat
back sideways to him. She pulled his arm over her shoulder and once
again clutched his denim jacket. “Let’s sit this way where I can’t
see your eyes. I won’t be able to talk if you keep judging me like
this.”

“I’m not judging you.”

“You are.”

Silence once again stretched between them and she
spoke after a good five minutes when she had mustered enough
courage to go on. “Ever since that night with Jake and then with
you, time and again I get nightmares,” she stated tonelessly, aware
that his grip tightened on her shoulder on instinct. “It’s always
the same. I feel Jake’s hands on my body; ripping my clothes,
touching me…it’s as hideous as it’s actually happening all over
again. I then start crying and calling for you. And suddenly you’re
there; taking me in your arms, keeping me safe, loving me. I always
go back to sleep less frightened, Ty.”

She snuggled closer to him and he drew her closer.
“I met a lot of men over these years but I was never able to trust
them completely. I met Adam, who I thought could give me happiness
but I could never give myself completely to him, Ty, I just
couldn’t. You were always on my mind when any man touched me.”

She drew in a deep breath and sighed. “But then I
met Steven. I don’t know what happened or how. I just saw him and I
melted. He...he...makes me feel something I don’t have control on.
With him; when he kisses me, I feel lost and needed and so
completely safe! I..,” she paused wondering if she should go on but
she just had to tell him, “I don’t think of you when I’m with him,
Ty.”

Mark swallowed the lump in his throat, his heart
constricting so tightly, he felt he would die. Although, he never
had any hopes of them being together, he still loved her and to
hear her admitting to loving someone else wasn’t easy. “So I was
right,” he finally said, “You love him.”

Jessica shook her head. “I don’t know. I know he
doesn’t.” Her voice cracked remembering her wedding night. “He
doesn’t even want me anymore.”

“Why is that?” He tried to peer at her but she
pushed his face away.

“Don’t look at me; I can’t talk if you do that.”

He chuckled, dropping a kiss on her temple. “Okay, I
won’t look at you. What happened?”

Jessica drew in a deep breath and told him about her
disastrous wedding night with Steven. She felt him shaking beside
her and realized he was laughing silently. “What are you laughing
for?” she demanded punching him in the gut.

“Ouch!” he winced before laughing again. “I was just
imagining poor Steven shocked to find his bride moaning for someone
else!”

“I wasn’t moaning!”

“Was too.”

“Was not!”

“Okay.” He burst out laughing again while she
bristled silently.

“Are you finished sniggering?”

“Almost.” He brought his laugh under control and
finally they once again sat in silence. “So what did you call me
for?”

She stood up abruptly in a huff but he caught her
hand stilling her flight. She turned slowly to face him, her stormy
eyes staring at him. “I called you so that I can know from you what
do you see when you look at me? If Steven wanted me just in his bed
then why did he leave me?”

Mark looked up at her for the longest time before
reining her in towards him. When she was standing right before him,
he sat back with his arms crossed across his chest. He tilted his
head, a heartbreaking smile hanging around his lips. “When I see
you, Jessica, I see the innocent girl who stole my heart and never
gave it back. But I also see, a smart, sophisticated, gorgeous
woman who has finally set herself free to explore this world and
find true love. Although I don’t approve of the way you’re doing
it; yes I’m being judgmental, but I know it’s possibly the only way
you will get what you want.

“As for why Steven doesn’t want you anymore? It’s
just his ego getting in the way, baby girl. I can’t imagine any
hot, blooded man not wanting you.” He gave her a lopsided grin.
“Hell, I still get a hard on whenever you’re so much as near
me!”

Jessica stared down at Mark, his handsome face
trying best to mask his pain. What had she done to him? He was
still hung up on her all these years and she had moved on. And the
truth was she never wanted him to let go of her. She selfishly
wanted his love all for herself. A tear suddenly rolled down her
cheek, followed by others, silently chasing each other. His hand
immediately shot out to grab her hand out of concern and she was
sobbing full on by the time he had her cradled on his lap,
whispering soothing words in her hair.

When she felt calm enough to talk, she looked up at
him. “This is what I want from Steven, this kind of love. Am I
selfish, Ty? Look what I’ve done to you!”

“You haven’t done anything to me that I didn’t want,
Jess,” his voice was hoarse with emotion. “Give Steven a chance.
Let him come to you because I know he will. There’s no way he can
let you go when he has every license in the world to claim
you.”

“And what about you, Ty?” She placed her palm on his
cheeks. “You need to find someone to love.”

Mark’s eyes swam with a thousand emotions. “I
already have someone to love.”

They stared at each other for a long time, knowing
things couldn’t change between them even if they wanted. Then Mark
spoke, brushing the last errant tear off her cheek. “Don’t worry
about me, baby girl. I’m cool the way I am.” He smiled suddenly,
showing his brilliant teeth. “Think of me as your personal Batman;
send me a signal and I’ll be there.”

“Rubbish!” She laughed with him. “Am I really
gorgeous?”

He kissed the tip of her nose. “And wonderful,
innocent, beautiful, crazy, sexy; you name it and you got it. But
you’re also a married woman now and I’ll be a dead guy if Steven
ever finds you in my arms like this.” He nudged her and she got off
his lap. He rose to stand before her, his hands encircling her
waist. He gazed down at her, his chocolate eyes smiling. “Feeling
better?”

“Yep.” She smiled back, her head titling back to
regard him towering above her. “You’re taller than you should be,
Ty.”

At that he threw his head back and laughed. “Come
on, idiot. Let’s get out of here or I’m going to kiss you
silly!”

They walked away, holding hands like lovers, aware
that this was probably the last time they were meeting each
other.

Niki and Sean stopped by later that day to announce
they were officially engaged. Niki flaunted her engagement ring,
giggling like a teenager. Jessica congratulated both of them,
forgetting her own worries for a while. They looked so happy and
perfect together that she couldn’t help envying them. A futile hope
rose in her heart that one day she could be just as happy with
Steven. But she knew better. She was probably going to get divorced
once he got back. The thought sent painful spears through her heart
and she once again wondered why it hurt so much to think of such a
possibility. She had no answer as usual so she pushed aside the
thoughts for a while.

“Jessi, where are you lost?” Niki’s insistent voice
brought her back to reality.

“What? I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

“I, no, we were saying that since that ungracious
husband of yours is not around, why don’t you join us for a short
holiday?”

Jessica shook her head swiftly. “I’m sorry, I can’t
get away from all this.”

“Sure you can,” her cousin insisted, “We’ll be away
only a couple days. Come on, Jessi, you need a break.”

“But I…”

“Please say yes,” Sean interrupted, his voice
sounding so similar to Steven’s that she stared at him vacantly for
a moment. “What’s the matter?”

She shook her head, smiling at her own foolishness.
God! She was beginning to hallucinate. “Where are we going?”

Niki squealed with delight, hugging her. “We, my
dear, are going to Hawaii! Steven has a place at Maui.”

Jessica opened her mouth to protest but gave in when
the couple placed their hands on their ears. She laughed
unwittingly. Perhaps, she did need the break. She decided to throw
things on Lynn’s shoulders for a while and leave her tensions
behind. At least, she could have a good time without thinking of
Steven.

***

The apartment was silent when Steven let himself in
early next morning. He placed his single travel case and laptop bag
in the hallway before entering the lounge. He might be a
billionaire but somehow he hated being waited upon by his staff and
preferred to do his own chores. To be humble requires a strong
spine; his mother had often lectured him. Rosemary Hart was a
gentle woman who was taken away too soon from him when he had just
turned twenty. His father, Philip Hart, an equally gentle coffee
shop owner, had passed away two years later.

To be saddled with the responsibility of a younger
brother was almost too much to bear for Steven. Thankfully he had
met Jeff who shared the same fate as him and it was his friendship
that saw him through many hurdles in life. Steven’s goal back then
had been to get his degree in Business Management so that he could
carry forward his father’s small business to higher levels. That he
would become so successful was sheer luck. However, try as he did,
he couldn’t leave his humble background behind.

Now as he entered his sprawling home, he wondered
how his parents would have reacted to Jessica. Would they have
liked her? Yeah, he told himself. They would’ve loved her. She had
a strong spine. And he had selfishly wronged her. It was time to
make amends. Take things slow and see where it led them.
And
time to stop thinking with your jealous dick,
he chided
himself. Right now, he just needed Jessica to be with him.

He loosened the tie on his neck. It was only seven
in the morning so he went upstairs to check upon Jessica in the
master bedroom. She was not there. The bed had not been slept in he
observed his brows drawing together in a frown. He looked for her
in the bathroom and then went back downstairs on to the
terrace.

“Jessica?” he called and received no response. “Now
where the hell..,” he began, pausing as the front door opened
behind him. He turned to see his housekeeper enter.

“Oh, good morning, Mr. Hart, it’s nice to have to
back,” she said, smiling broadly.

“Thank you, Mrs. Jackson. Have you seen
Jessica?”

“No, Mr. Hart. She wasn’t here when I left
last evening.”

Steven’s heart constricted inexplicably. He
tried to keep his voice light as he dismissed the housekeeper.
“Thank you, Mrs. Jackson.”

Steven clenched his fists at his side. Had
Jessica left him? She said she had wanted to talk. Was this what
she wanted to tell him? That she was leaving? No! She couldn’t do
that to him! Steven felt an emotion that bordered close to fear,
distress and anger all mixed together. He strode back upstairs and
found most of her clothes hanging in the wardrobe. Their sight
somehow relieved him and he went to the phone by the bedside. He
called her apartment and got no response. Then he tried her office
and was met with the same response. He called Jeff and was met with
the answering machine that told him he was away with the family for
a brief visit to Cheryl’s parents. Finally, he spent fifteen
minutes searching for Lynn’s number. When he found it, he dialed
the number. Lynn replied a good ten rings later.

“Yes, who’s this?” her voice came back
groggy with sleep.

“Where is Jessica?” he demanded pushing
aside good manners.

“Steven? This is a surprise. How are
you?”

“Cut the sweet talk and tell me where she
is!”

“Oh, don’t know where your
wife
is
Mr. Hart?” Lynn’s voice came back edged with sarcasm.

Steven scowled furiously. Jessica had told
her the truth about their relationship. “No, I don’t!” he growled
back, holding the phone so tightly that his knuckles went white.
“Don’t try to be cute, Ms.Rogers, I warn you. Just tell me where
she is!”

“She asked me not to tell you,” Lynn
returned stubbornly.

“Lynn,” he spoke, his voice carrying
dangerous undertones, “In case you aren’t aware, I happen to
own
the company you
work
for. Now, if you don’t want
me to fire you right now, you will tell me where Jessica is. Is
that clear?”

He was met with a maddeningly long silence
then Lynn said, “You may go ahead and fire me if you want, Mr.
Hart, but I won’t tell you!”