Heart Of A Cowboy (3 page)

He dismounted and strode away from her before she could think of a retort, some kind of defense for herself. She shouldn't have lashed out at him. He was right. Nicholas had told her that on more than one occasion, especially when she'd wanted to march up to the last school and face those kids who'd teased Nicholas and made fun of him. If it had started again, she would have to do something different. She wouldn't let her son be miserable for another school year.

 

Zachary stood at the edge of the stream that ran through his property and watched the kids wade across it. Their giggles peppered the air and brought a smile to his mouth.
He'd enjoyed living near his niece and nephews, but at night he always went home to an empty house with no child's laughter to fill it or bedtime stories to tell. And yet, Jordan had moved on with her life and had all of that with Nicholas.

The boy captured his attention as he bent down and stared at something on the ground. He picked it up and straightened. When he saw Zachary staring at him, Jordan's son crossed the creek and approached him.

“Look what I found. This is a
Terrapene carolina triunguis.
” Nicholas held it up for Zachary to see. His expression must have conveyed surprise because the child added, “A three-toed box turtle. They were common where I used to live. They eat insects, worms, fish, berries, snakes.”

“Did you have one as a pet?”

“No. They're better off in their natural habitat. I have a dog named Tucker.”

What eight-year-old kid knew the scientific name of a turtle? At least he assumed that was what the child spouted off. “Do you like science a lot?”

Nicholas shrugged. “It's okay. I really enjoy math the most. I've been working on algebra, but tell you a secret—” he leaned toward Zachary “—Mom's not very good at it. I have to teach myself.”

“Teach yourself? That's mighty ambitious.”

“I love to learn.” Nicholas set the turtle on the ground.

Like his mother.
Jordan had always been a good student while he'd been more interested in sports, especially riding. She'd helped him with his classwork and he'd taught her to ride. For a brief moment he allowed himself to recall some of the good times he and Jordan had in high school—when she'd helped him cram for a test and he'd made an A or when he'd worked odd jobs to save enough to buy her a necklace the first Christmas they'd been together.
The glimpse of her smile had made it all worth it. Randy's voice calling Nicholas pulled Zachary away from the past—thankfully. He didn't need to remember.

Jordan's son flashed him a smile. “Gotta go.” He whirled and raced toward the other kids.

Zachary watched the children talking. Nicholas pointed at something in the creek and Jana squealed, ducking behind Randy. A brown, foot-long snake slithered through the water. Zachary slid his attention to Jordan. Her eyes grew round, and she backed away from the stream. She never did like snakes.

He chuckled, remembering that time he'd found one on her porch. She'd jumped into his arms so fast he'd staggered back, almost losing his balance. But he'd recovered and tightened his embrace, cradling her against him. The onslaught of memories cracked a fissure in the wall about his emotions.

Those carefree days were over. She'd walked away from him and never looked back.

“We better get back to the barn.” Zachary started for his horse.

“Do we hafta, Uncle Zachary?”

He glanced at his niece. “Yeah, Alexa will be here to pick up Jana.”

Nicholas had already crossed the stream while the other three were still on the opposite side. They reluctantly followed. For a few seconds a yearning for what he didn't have inundated Zachary. But he pushed it aside. He just had to be satisfied with having a niece and two nephews. And staying out of Jordan's way.

S
ore, Jordan slid to the ground back at the barn half an hour later, keeping her eye on her son to make sure he dismounted okay. He did, almost like a pro. She had to admit everything Nicholas did he did well. He was quick to pick up things. But usually they weren't physical activities.

Jordan caught sight of Zachary taking a few extra moments to explain to her son how to take care of his horse after a ride. Nicholas absorbed what Zachary told him with his usual intense concentration. She knew that after this he wouldn't have to be told again. Zachary patted him on the shoulder. The smile her son gave Zachary right before he strode away to tend to his gelding stirred doubts in her that she hadn't made a good choice all those years ago.

That brief scene confirmed she had to tell Zachary about Nicholas soon. There was no way she could keep her secret if they were both living in such a small town. He was bound to find out some way or another. She still didn't know how she would break the news. Tell Zachary first or Nicholas? She felt in over her head. But maybe this was one of the reasons she'd finally come home. She wanted Nicholas to be surrounded by family—even Zachary's. It would be to
her son's benefit, and maybe for once, she wouldn't feel so alone in this world. Yes, she'd always had the support of her mother, grandmother and sister, but long-distance support wasn't the same as immediate face-to-face interactions. And yet, for years she'd lived far away from that support because of her feelings toward Zachary.

Could she really tell him? If she kept quiet, she wouldn't have to see him. She could even leave Tallgrass. He never had to know. That idea suddenly appealed to her because every time she thought of telling him about Nicholas, her stomach coiled into a hard ball.

“Hi. Jana told me your son had his first riding lesson today.” A young woman with long, curly mahogany hair and soft, dark brown eyes stopped next to Jordan. “I'm Alexa Ferguson, Jana's stepmom.”

Jordan shook the hand the twentysomething offered her. “Nice to meet you. My son enjoyed getting to know Jana and the others. He can be shy around new kids.”

“So can Jana, but this year she's come a long way.”

“How so?”

“The best thing my husband did for Jana was take her out of school and teach her at home. She'd developed separation anxiety when her mother divorced Ian and left. She was afraid she was going to lose him, too. She needed that time with her father. I don't advocate that for every child because a school placement is right for a lot of them, but some need something else. Jana was one of those.”

“So you think homeschooling is a good option for some?”
Is that what Nicholas needs?

“Jana has blossomed since she's been at home. When I'm not taking classes, I help Ian teach her. This past couple of weeks, I haven't had a chance as much since I'm doing my student teaching, and to tell you the truth, I miss working with her.”

“So it's been a positive experience?”

“It's been great. I'm finishing my elementary education degree, so it's a good experience for me. She's bright, and we've had so much fun.” Alexa hiked her large purse up on her shoulder.

“But you know what you're doing.” She didn't know the first thing about homeschooling. What if homeschooling was the answer if Nicholas continued to have problems at school? She'd never studied to be a teacher like Alexa. How could she teach her child with his high IQ? But she should check into it.

“The beauty of being part of the Helping Hands Homeschooling group is you have support from other parents who are doing the same thing and have probably gone through the same problems. Most of them don't have formal educational training.”

“Zachary mentioned something about being involved with the organization.”

“Are you thinking of homeschooling your son?”

Jordan searched the area and found Nicholas talking with Randy, both boys relaxed, grinning. “I never thought about that option for him until now.” She didn't know what to do. Going up to the school, talking with the teacher and principal really hadn't taken care of what Nicholas had needed at his last school.

“Why don't you come to an HHH meeting this week and talk with others who've been involved a long time. I've only been doing it since January.”

Jana ran up to Alexa. “Can Ashley come home with us today?”

“Sure. Your dad is working on the bench for your room so he'll be busy in the garage.” After Jana whirled around and raced to her friend, Alexa returned her attention to Jordan. “I hope I'll see you Wednesday night. I'll introduce
you to some of the others.” She rummaged in her big purse, pulled out a pad of paper and wrote an address down on it. “This is where we have our meetings.”

Jordan stuffed the note into her jeans pocket. She just might take Alexa up on her offer, especially if her son continued to have social problems. Yesterday morning, his second Friday, he hadn't wanted to go because of a stomachache, but today he'd had a great time interacting with the kids at the ranch.

After Alexa gathered Jana and Ashley to leave, Jordan called out for Nicholas to get into the car. Then she crossed to where Zachary stood by the corral with the horse that had been frightened earlier. He glanced at her when she came up to the railing next to him.

At the stream after he'd stomped off, they hadn't said a word to each other, but she needed to thank him at least. Soon enough their rocky relationship could be even rockier if she told him about Nicholas. “Thanks for letting us stay and for giving Nicholas a riding lesson.”

“No problem.” He kept his arms resting on a slat of the fence, his gaze trained on the horse in the paddock. “Even though I don't have any children, I love having them here at the ranch.”

Ouch! The jab at her earlier statement scored a direct hit, especially when he did have a child although he didn't know it. “I'm sorry I said that. It's obvious children respond to you. The kids enjoyed the ride today, especially Nicholas.”

“And that's why he's welcome to come out here and ride. He doesn't have to be part of the homeschooling group for him to be included. I saw how much he enjoyed it.” His tightly clasped hands attested to how much that invitation had cost him.

“Can I get back to you on that?”

“Sure. I'm here most days.” He shoved himself away from the railing and turned toward her. “For the lessons you can just leave Nicholas and come back in an hour. Most parents don't stay.”

There had been a time they had spent every possible moment together. Now it was obvious he didn't want to have anything to do with her. Which was the way she wanted it. What would he do when or if he discovered Nicholas was his son? For a few seconds she considered telling him and just getting it over with. The words were on the tip of her tongue. But she peered to her left and saw her son making a beeline for them. She didn't want everything to change with that revelation. She needed to do some thinking, praying.

“Thanks for the riding lesson. I haven't had that much fun in a long time.”

If she had been thinking of refusing Zachary's invitation, her son's declaration stopped that.

“You're welcome to come anytime.”

“Really? Great!” Nicholas beamed. “Mom, can I come next Saturday? The others will.”

“We'll see. Right now we need to get home. Nana's gonna wonder where we disappeared to.” Jordan started for her car.

“But Aunt Rachel knows. She'll tell her.” Nicholas halted his progress toward the Camaro, swung toward Zachary and waved. “Bye. See you Saturday.”

Jordan wanted to tell Nicholas no, but she knew she couldn't deny him an opportunity to ride, especially since it was his father who would be teaching him. As she pulled away from the barn, she glimpsed Zachary leaning back against the railing, studying her with those intense green eyes.

His last expression, totally unreadable, stayed with Jordan the whole way home. Twenty minutes later she
pulled into the driveway of the two-story house where she'd grown up. Her sister lived down the street. After years away, she and Nicholas were finally surrounded by family members—more than she'd counted on when she'd decided to return to Tallgrass.

“I need to take care of Tucker. I'll be out back.” Nicholas hopped from the car and raced toward the backyard and the dog that had been his companion through his ordeal to fix the hole in his heart.

Inside she found her mother lying down on the couch in the den with a cold pack on her forehead. Jordan started to back out of the room when her mom shot up.

“How did it go riding?”

Jordan sank into a chair, her muscles protesting the afternoon ride, her head pounding with tension from dealing with Zachary. “Why didn't you or Rachel tell me Zachary owned the ranch?”

Her mother's eyes widened. “Maybe your sister knew, but I didn't. I'd heard he was back in town, but that's all.”

“Well, then, why didn't you tell me that at least?”

She swung her feet to the floor and faced Jordan. “Because I was afraid you wouldn't come home. Isn't he the reason you've stayed away?”

“My work kept me in South Carolina.”

“Your graphics design business can be done from anywhere. You had a few clients there, but you've managed to serve them from here, haven't you?”

“Okay, you're right. Most of my clients are from all over.”

“See, I knew it.”

Jordan removed the rubber band that held her hair off her neck. She shook her curls loose, running her fingers through them. “It's hot out there.”

“It's August in Oklahoma. That means hot. And you're avoiding talking about your encounter with Zachary.”

“I didn't know that was what we were talking about. Why the cold pack?”

“Your grandmother is driving me crazy.” Her mother frowned. “And you're doing it again. It's obvious you ran into Zachary. How did it go?”

“I've been manipulated by my son into taking him back out to the ranch for more lessons with Zachary as the instructor. Not something I'm looking forward to.”

“Are you going to tell him about Nicholas?”

The question shot Jordan to her feet. She hurried to the entrance and checked to make sure her son wasn't anywhere he could overhear, then moved back to the chair and plopped down. “I don't want Nicholas to know until I'm ready to tell him. He thinks his father didn't want to be involved with us.” Which was what she had convinced herself of. Now she wasn't so sure of anything. Even if Zachary found out about Nicholas, he might not want to be in his son's life, but after today she realized she probably should have pursued getting in touch with him more than a couple of times. But her feelings had been so hurt she couldn't bring herself to make another call that might go unreturned.

“He never questioned you about his father?” Her mother schooled her voice into a whisper.

“Sure, when he was young. I think he saw how upset I got by the subject that he decided not to ask any more questions.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“That's a good question. One I need an answer to.”

“Hon, you've got to figure that out yourself. I know it's been rough raising Nicholas by yourself, especially with his heart problem, but the doctor said he was fine now, that
the surgery was a success. You've done a wonderful job with him.”

“But, Mom, I've made some big mistakes.” She was blessed to have Nicholas in her life and wouldn't trade him for anything. But a mistake she had been paying for these past eleven years was believing that she and Zachary would be together forever and giving herself to him before they were married.

“We all make mistakes. Remember Christ was the only person who walked this earth who was perfect. I'm not perfect. You aren't. Zachary isn't.”

“I know, but in South Carolina I could forget that Zachary was the other half of Nicholas. Here I can't. I discovered that today. My past has caught up with me.”

“Then you need to tell Zachary right away.”

“I've got to find the right place and time. I want to tell Zachary before I say anything to Nicholas. I owe Zachary at least that much. I'm giving myself some time to figure it out. What to say. Where to say it. I'm not rushing into it. I've got to do it right.”

Her mother pushed to her feet, clutching the cold pack. “You always have to analyze everything. You never rush into anything. Don't wait too long, hon. The truth needs to come from you and frankly Nicholas looks a lot like Zachary.”

Her son's features were similar to Zachary's, but Nicholas's hair was blond and his stature was small like hers.

“As sharp as your son is, he might figure it out if given the time and given the connection between you two.”

Jordan stood. “Okay, you've made your point.” She couldn't have that. She needed to decide how and when.

“Now if I could only make my point with your grandma.”

“What's going on with Granny?”

“She has a date tonight.”

“What's wrong with that?”

“Don't you think eighty is a little old to start dating after being a widow for twenty-five years?”

Jordan chuckled. “It's wonderful. Where did she meet him?”

“At church. He's a widower. Doug Bateman lives down the street. She can barely walk without her walker, but I think she's been sneaking out to meet him in the park.”

“She's an adult. I think she can do what she wants.”

Her mother snorted, rounded the coffee table and crossed the den to the doorway. “I'm gonna see if I can get more support from your sister,” she mumbled as she left the room.

Jordan eased into the chair again. The throbbing beat of her headache pulsated behind her eyes. She buried her face in her hands and massaged her fingertips into her forehead.