Heart of Rockies 03 - More Than a Feeling (14 page)

“Hell no!” came from Javon.

Sawyer smiled patiently at all of them before giving the Javon a warning look. “Watch that mouth, buddy.” He yanked on the multicolored rope that was woven through some kind of device dangling on his harness. The whole pulley system above their heads jiggled in his grip. “See this rope? I’ll be holding on to you the whole time. I won’t let anyone fall.” He shot Ruby another knee-weakening glance before looking at each kid, apparently trying to beam confidence into their doubting stares.

“How do we
know
you’ll be holdin’ on? ’Cause I gots people who tell me stuff all the time. And half of it doesn’t ever happen.” Sweet Neveah stepped into the center of the circle. Though she was short and thin, those round brown eyes dared anyone to argue with her.

Sure enough, Sawyer’s arms flew up in surrender. “Okay. Okay. I know this is a little different than what you’re used to.” He trotted back to Ruby and dangled his arm around her shoulder.
Lordy
. He smelled so good. She inhaled, the mountainous scent of the evergreen trees nearly making her dizzy.

“We’ll demonstrate so you can see how easy and safe this is,” she vaguely heard him say. “My friend Ruby’ll climb up there and show you how it’s done.”

That got her attention. “What?” Her body shot away from his. She tripped and stumbled until she’d made it to the other side of the circle. Safely out of his grasp. “No. No way.”

“If she’s not doin’ it, I sure as hell ain’t gonna try it.” Javon backed away. The other kids started to follow.

“Uh-huh.”

“This guy’s crazy.”

Sawyer’s mouth tightened into a frown. He focused the glare at her. As if it was her fault they refused. She sculpted her shoulders into an innocent shrug. Hey, they couldn’t force them to climb up there if they didn’t want to, could they?

“Think about it, guys.” He left his post and walked slowly around the circle, pausing to look into each kid’s eyes. “Think what it would feel like to stand way up there and look at the view. When else will you get the chance to go for it like this?” He stopped in front of her, a smile hiding in his features. “When else will you have the chance to jump without being afraid to fall?”

She got his hidden meaning. He wanted to free her. But she’d always be afraid as long as Derek was out there…

On either side of Ruby, Brooklyn and Neveah locked their hands onto her arms.

“You can do it, Ruby!” Brooklyn’s curls sprung and bounced with each nervous twitch.

“I’ll do it if you go first.” Neveah ushered her into the center of the circle. Right next to Sawyer. “It’s okay to be scared, right?” She stood between them. Between Ruby and a quick, albeit violent, death.

“She won’t be scared because she trusts me.” Sawyer took her hand to the tune of snickers and whistles.

He didn’t even seem to notice the kids elbowing one another and whispering. He tightened his grip on her hand until his confidence filled in the shadows of her doubt.

“That’s what this is about. Trust.” His eyes locked into hers and asked the question. Did she trust him? Could she trust him? Just for ten minutes. Or an hour. It might take her an hour to climb up to the top of that platform.

The group quieted. Nine pairs of eyes stared at her. Some brown, others blue, green, some with heavy makeup and some that held doubt and disappointment and pain. Her decision would teach them something. What she chose would define this moment for them. For her, too. If she walked away, they would, too.

Shit.
“Okay. Fine.” Irritation breezed through the words, but she only put it there to hide the raw fear that tried to squeak through.

“Atta girl!” Sawyer patted her ass, and
hello
, that didn’t alleviate the wobble in her body.

She tried to smile, but her heart seemed to alternate between palpitations and long pauses. And was her throat swelling shut? Could she be allergic to adrenaline?

“You can do it, Ruby!” Neveah yanked on her arm until she started to trudge toward the pole.

“Hold on a sec.” Sawyer swooped in front of her and clicked a silver metal thingie into a loop on the front of her harness. “Now I’ve got you on belay.”

Without meeting his eyes, she sidestepped him. “Great.” A blurred film covered her vision as she entered into the shadow of the great platform.

“All right, everyone,” Sawyer called. “Let’s cheer her on.” Behind her the kids started calling out their encouragement.

“Go, Ruby!”

“Don’t look down!”

“Be careful!”

Two more steps on solid ground. She took them slowly. As she reached a hand up to grab the first climbing stake, Sawyer caught up to her and leaned close. “You sure you’re okay with this? Because if you’re not, you can belay me.”

She glanced over her shoulder. Brooklyn’s hands were clasped at her chest like she was saying a prayer. Neveah jumped up and down. Even Javon and Wyatt watched, eyes wide with anticipation. She owed it to them to do this, to be as brave as they believed she could be.

She secured a hand on Sawyer’s shoulder and tried to siphon some of his mountain-man skills. “It’s fine. It’ll be good for me.”

He moved closer, lips brushing against her ear. “I’ve got you. Okay?” His hand yanked on the rope that wove through both their harnesses.

Ruby felt a lift at her waist, like he could have hoisted her up there himself with the sheer strength of his arms.

“See? I’ll be holding on to you the whole time.”

“Mmm hmmm,” was the only reply she could muster. She didn’t want to walk away from him. She wanted to launch herself into his arms and stay there until her heart settled and she could breathe like a normal human being.

But Sawyer withdrew a few steps back and left her with the platform.

Excited squeals pierced the solemn mountain air.

“Is she gonna make it?” Neveah squealed.

“What if she falls?” Javon asked.

“I can hear you.” She lifted a foot to the first wooden dowel sticking out of the pole. Reached for the next handhold.
Oh, god.
As she hoisted herself up, a sickening rush of blood shot into her extremities. Her legs quivered with the onslaught of adrenaline. Her hands gripped those pegs hard. One step up. Another. She closed her eyes, feeling her way up the pole.
Don’t. Look. Down.

“That’s it! One step at a time.”

Her eyes popped open and searched for Sawyer. About twenty feet below, the ground spun in circles. Her knuckles iced over. Sweat melted down her temples. What was she thinking? She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t—

There was a tug on the rope. A reminder.

I’ve got you.
He stepped into view below, gazing up at her, and just the sight of him was enough to make her want to try. Because maybe if she could conquer this pole, she could eventually overcome her past.

Another tug on the rope surged energy through her limbs. She and Sawyer were connected, and he was guarding her. He wouldn’t let her fall.

In robotic fashion she grabbed the handholds and stepped. Handhold. Step. It became a monotonous motion that required no thought.
Up, up, up.
Her heart pulsed in her throat.

“You did it!”

“Climb the ladder!”

She didn’t dare look toward their voices. Before she could even focus on how far away the ground was, Ruby pulled herself up the final ladder, gasping and sweating, but her heart soared.

Atop the platform, her legs shook like she was walking on stilts. She peered out over the tops of the trees, and in the distance, Pyramid Peak ruled the valley, a stony citadel.

“Jump, Ruby!”

“You can make it!”

The vista spread out before her echoed their encouragement. She could do this. She could do anything. She was standing on top of a platform! Above the trees! Her feet shuffled to the very edge. She focused on the trapeze bar. It was maybe three feet away. Only three feet. The ground below swirled into a collage of brown and green and gray.

“Want us to do a countdown?” Distance dimmed Sawyer’s voice. “Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…”

She held her breath.
Don’t think. Don’t look. Just…

“One!”

Her burning muscles launched her body into the air, arms outstretched, hands reaching, straining…

Her fingertips grazed the metal bar. Cold. Too slick.

No!

No, no, no!

Her insides lifted, stomach colliding with her ribs.

Falling. She was falling.

She opened her mouth to scream but a sharp jerk cut her off.

S
awyer yanked the rope to brake against Ruby’s fall and held on, watching her dangle above him. “Nice one,” he called up, still holding her steady.

The kids circled around him.

“Are you okay?” Neveah’s shriek shattered the serene mountain air.

“Get her down!” Brooklyn screeched in his ear.

Legs flailing, Ruby swung until she could glare at him. “Yeah. You mind lowering me back to the ground now?”

With a grin, he fed the rope through the belay device. Ruby’s body jerked and started into a slow descent.

“Told you I wouldn’t let you fall,” he said, easing her down.

“You did let me fall!”

“You only fell a foot. Max.” He fed some rope more through the figure-eight device on his harness.

Inch by inch she came into focus. Her face was flushed—excitement or anger? He couldn’t tell. The rope caught on his belt and jerked her to a stop again, swaying her body above him. Might as well admire the view. He looked up, appreciating how the harness accentuated her perfect ass.

“Hey!” she yelled. “How long are you planning to keep me up here?”

“Sorry about that. I got distracted.” He did his best not to laugh.

“Right. You sure sound sorry,” she shot back, her voice still hoarse with fear.

Trying to look repentant, he continued her descent. The pulley system squeaked.

“If that rope snaps, I’ll sue!”

“If that rope snapped, I’d catch you,” he called up, and when she glared at him, this time he arched his eyebrows into an invitation. He was up for having her in his arms again.

A frustrated groan huffed out of her mouth, but her lips curved as though she had to work hard to fight a smile.

As soon as her feet touched the ground, Ruby stood, then wobbled like her legs were weak.

He steadied a hand against her back. “You did great up there,” he murmured close to her ear, just as the kids around them closed in.

“You almost had it.” Brooklyn sounded relieved that Ruby wasn’t lying on the ground unconscious. “I thought you were gonna get it.”

“That’s harder than it looks,” Ruby said, glancing at Sawyer.

He felt her tremble and realized he was still touching her, that his hand was still splayed across that enticing curve right at her lower back. Her body wasn’t all he found enticing, either. “You were amazing up there.” As much as he admired her, he had to admit, he’d had his doubts about her making the jump. “I’m so proud of you, Ruby.”

Her face colored in a deep flush that made her eyes stand out.

“I wouldn’t have done it without you,” she said, reaching up to touch his arm.

Whoa. The feel of her fingertips against his skin threw him off balance. What was he supposed to be focusing on again?

The kids started arguing about who was jumping next.

“Ja-von! Ja-von!”

“Hell no!” The kid backed away from the group and ran, the rest of them chasing him with delighted squeals.

“Uh.” Sawyer turned back to Ruby, who gazed at him with a smirk, like she could see exactly how much her touch rattled him. No use pretending. He was whipped and he’d prove it to her. Later. Right now, unfortunately, they were surrounded.

“Let me get you unclipped.” Slipping in front of her, he started to unclip the carabiners attached to the loop on the front of her harness, but her hands clasped over his and stopped him.

That didn’t help his concentration any.

“Thank you,” she said. “For making me do that. For keeping me safe.”

His arms ached with the desire to pull her against his body again, to properly thank her for reminding him how good it felt to be close to a woman who wanted him, too. Yeah, those sparks were definitely flying again. It’d been a damn long time, too.

But there’d be time to thank her later. The kids didn’t need to see him all over her, so he kept his hands fisted safely at his sides. “Trust me now?”

Her eyes dulled and he could almost feel her pull away from him again. “Trusting you has never been the problem.”

Before he could ask exactly what the problem was, Brooklyn wedged herself in between them.

“I wanna go next,” she demanded. “Now. Before I freak out and change my mind.”

“Sure thing.” Sawyer finished unclipping Ruby’s harness and backed away, but his gaze still belonged to her.
Don’t withdraw again,
he tried to tell her silently. Not now. Whatever it was that held her back, he would help her. She just had to give him a chance.

“I’m ready!” Brooklyn reminded him.

Right. Tearing his gaze away from Ruby, he got Brooklyn all hooked up and ready for her jump.

“You’re all set,” he told her, aware of Ruby watching him. “You’ve got this.”

Brooklyn’s dark eyes were round and scared. He walked her to the ladder. “I won’t let you fall,” he reminded her. But he could see in her wary expression that she didn’t trust him. She probably didn’t trust anyone.

“What if I can’t do it?” Brooklyn froze next to the ladder.

Ruby rushed over and knelt in front of her. “It’s scary,” she said quietly, so only the three of them could hear. “But it’s also the best feeling in the world, Brooklyn.”

The woman’s smile was different. It radiated a confidence he’d never seen on her face.

“I know what it’s like to have people let you down.” Tears brightened her eyes. “Trust me, honey. I know. I lived in three foster homes.”

The words hit like a punch, sending a sharp pain into his chest. Ruby had been a foster child. Was that why she was so afraid? What had happened to her in those homes? He didn’t even want to imagine…

“You lived in a foster home?” Brooklyn gasped.

“Yeah. I did.” Ruby stood, still peering down at the girl with those tear-filled eyes that tore at Sawyer.

“They’d always promise to let me stay, but it’d never end up working out and I’d have to move again.”

Sawyer was speechless. No wonder she didn’t want to get close to him.

“But you know what, Brooklyn?” Ruby swept the girl’s long black hair over her shoulder. “Just because you’ve moved a lot doesn’t mean you won’t find a family. You deserve a family, sweetie. Someday someone is going to be so lucky to have you as their daughter.”

Tears ran down the girl’s face, and, damn it, Sawyer had to gnaw on the inside of his lip to fight the sting in his own eyes.

“You’re beautiful and smart and strong,” Ruby went on. “Especially strong. You can do this. You can climb this ladder and jump. And we’ll all be here for you.”

The girl wiped her cheeks with the backs of her hands. “Do you really think I’ll find a family?”

“I know you will.”

The intensity of Ruby’s gaze on Brooklyn’s hopeful face convinced even Sawyer that she believed it.

A slow smile emerged. “Have you found a family?” Brooklyn asked Ruby.

She glanced at Sawyer, then at the lodge. “I have. I’ve finally found a family where I fit.”

And for once in his life Sawyer was grateful that Aunt Elsie took people in without caring where they came from. Because she’d offered Ruby something she’d never had.

Brooklyn threw her arms around Ruby’s neck, and Sawyer had to busy himself with adjusting the belay device so he didn’t crash their moment. He wanted to pull Ruby into his arms and tell her she had found a family. With the Walkers. With all of them. But before he could, Brooklyn pulled her shoulders straight and gripped the ladder’s handholds. “I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

Looked like a moment alone with Ruby would have to wait.

“That was so awesome!” Brooklyn’s eyes glowed with the unbridled excitement of a small child. It was a brand of enthusiasm Ruby hadn’t seen on the girl’s face since she’d met her. She hadn’t seen it on any of their faces until the high ropes course. The adventure seemed to make them all come alive.

Including her.

“Better than awesome,” agreed Javon, hiking up his low-riding pants, which had almost come down when he’d had his turn to jump off the platform. Each of them had found the courage to fly, and while some took longer than others and had to be coaxed the whole way, they’d found the strength they needed, and it had changed them, just like it’d changed her.

She couldn’t seem to erase the smile that had lingered ever since Sawyer had lowered her to the ground. She’d smiled more in the past three hours with these kids than she had in her whole twenty-six years of life, and now the happy ache pinched her cheeks.

Okay, so Sawyer might have something to do with it, too. She’d never seen a man who was so good with kids. The perfect balance of patient, stern, and fun…like he could sense what they needed from him at any given moment. It was something to watch, a man who related to kids that way. Especially difficult kids who’d had a completely different life from him, most likely. But the differences didn’t seem to bother him at all.

“I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse,” Sawyer groaned, coming up behind her.

“A barn,” Javon corrected.

“A mountain,” Brooklyn added, and they all laughed, obviously as giddy as Ruby felt.

“I’ll go check on lunch. Why don’t we eat out here?” She gestured to the rod-iron patio tables on the edge of the swimming pool. It was a perfect day—the endless blue sky glowing in the brilliance of an early-spring sun. There was enough of a breeze that she’d kept on her fleece, but the fresh chilled air only added to the sense of excitement.

“Sounds perfect,” Sawyer said, running his hand down her arm, and suddenly the fleece felt like a fur coat. Lordy, the man had an electrifying touch. One graze of his hand sent her body into overdrive.

He stared down at her as though he knew exactly what she was thinking. Which only made her face burn hotter.

“Be right back,” she managed before escaping into the lodge. Once she’d made it safely into the dining room, she ripped down the zipper of her fleece and tore the thing off, dumping it on a table before hurrying through the kitchen’s double doors.

“Oh!”

Paige, Avery, and Elsie all stood around the island, snacking on ice cream right out of the carton like they so often did.

“Hi!” she greeted them, that perma-grin etched in deep. Just when she thought the day couldn’t get any better, three of her favorite women were all gathered in one room like they were waiting for her.

“Hey, Ruby.” Avery had Lily snuggled in her arms. The baby snored softly, her teeny hands clasped under her chin.

“There you are, dear.” Elsie rushed over and folded her in a hug, then pulled away and studied her. “How are things going with the kids?”

“Great.” She felt like the Cheshire cat.

Paige held a spoonful of ice cream midair. “What’s with the silly grin?”

“What d’you mean?” With great effort, Ruby evened out her lips. “I’m just having fun with them, that’s all.”

“With them?” Paige shot back, her eyebrows raised to the ceiling. “Or with
him
?” Judging from the wide grins around the room, everyone knew which
him
Paige was talking about.

“With the
kids
,” she answered quickly, so no one would get suspicious about her developing feelings for Sawyer. “They’re amazing. Even after all they’ve been through, they’re funny and brave and compassionate.” Which was so much more than she’d been at their age—angry and closed off. What she wouldn’t have given to have had a program like this, a place to retreat and be with other foster kids who understood what she was feeling. A place where someone like Elsie would’ve made meals with love. It could’ve changed so much for her…

“Well, I saw Sawyer earlier,” Elsie murmured, her eyes glistening with a motherly look. “And he sure looked like he was enjoying
your
company.”

“Oohhhh,” Avery sang.

“Yeah, baby.” Paige shoved a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

The teasing murmurs heated her face again. “No. Trust me. He’s not interested.” She had to keep telling herself that, even though he’d been flirting with her all morning, touching her arm or the small of her back, watching her closely. Before they could see the grin, she hurried to the sink and washed her hands so she could transfer the kids’ sandwiches from the platter they were on to a picnic basket.

“He sure seems interested to me,” Avery cooed, as if saying it to the baby in her arms. “I know Sawyer. He doesn’t look at women the way he looks at you. You really got his attention.”

Ruby laughed, remembering the way she’d gotten his attention. “That’s only because he thought I was a criminal.” It slipped out before she thought through the implications.

“What do you mean?”

“Yeah,” Paige demanded, her hazel eyes narrowed. “Did he accuse you of something?”

Oops.
She hurried to the cutting board and started to slice the whole apples Elsie had set out. She’d heard Brooklyn say she preferred sliced apples…

“Why would Sawyer think you’re a criminal?” Avery asked through a laugh, as though that was one of the most ridiculous things she’d ever heard.

Ruby focused on slicing evenly and tried think of a way to keep Bryce’s secret intact. “He asked me some questions, that’s all.” Which wasn’t the same as an accusation, but still…

“About what?” Avery demanded, so loudly the baby started to whimper. “Oh, sorry, Lily bean. Shhh, shhh.” She swayed her daughter until the cries quieted.

“Um.” There was no easy way around that question…

“Does this have anything to do with the background checks Sawyer and Bryce have been discussing?”

The knife fell from her hand. “What?” It came out in a panicked whoosh of air.

“Sawyer was over for dinner last night. Talking to Bryce about better security measures.” Avery shifted Lily so the baby’s head leaned on her shoulder. “They said something about doing background checks on employees.”

“Background checks?” Like the kind where they looked you up in some computer system? She tried to swallow, but fear clogged her throat.

“That’s crazy,” Paige said. “It’s not like this is a corporation or anything.”

“Of course it’s crazy,” Elsie agreed. “Why on earth would they want to do that?”

“Because of the thefts,” Ruby answered, groping for the knife, but her hand couldn’t seem to grip it tight enough to make a straight cut. If they planned to do background checks, she’d have to leave. She’d have to leave the only family she’d ever had…