Heart of Texas Volume One (18 page)

Her words appeared to stun him. Slowly Laredo sat upright and stared straight ahead, not responding to her words at all. If they'd brought him any pleasure, he wasn't letting it show.

She waited, her hands trembling now at the bold thing she'd said. “Perhaps I've spoken out of turn, but it seems that when a woman loves a man she—”

“Savannah,” he interrupted quietly. “Don't say any more. Please.”

The color of acute embarrassment erupted in her cheeks. “Is saying I love you improper?”

“There's nothing improper about you. It's me.”

“You?” She was utterly confused, completely on edge. She feared what would happen next.

“I'm not the right man for you.”

The relief was so great she nearly laughed aloud. “Oh, Laredo, how can you say such a thing? Nobody's ever been more right for me in my entire life.”

“Savannah, I have nothing…”

“Do you think that matters?”

“Yes,” he said quietly. Intensely. “It does.”

She waited a moment, then told him with gentle insistence, “For most of my life my parents and then Grady were sure they knew what was right for me. The amazing part of all this is that no one ever bothered to ask my opinion. I'm thirty-one years old, and believe it or not, I know what I want. I want you. I love you.”

He leaned forward and pressed his elbows to his knees as though her words had brought him pain, instead of joy.

Her back went rigid. “I apologize if I've embarrassed you.”

“It's not that. Savannah, listen to me. I'm truly honored that you love me, but it won't work. It just won't work.” His voice sagged with regret, with defeat.

“Is it— Don't you care for me?” It seemed impossible he didn't share her feelings. She'd been so sure. And she'd hoped that revealing
her
love would free him to acknowledge his.

He hesitated. “I…”

“If you tell me you don't return my affection, then I'll apologize and never mention it again.” Although she made the offer, Savannah had no doubts. Laredo couldn't have held her or kissed her with such gentle passion if he didn't care for her.

He waited so long to answer she feared he was about to lie. “You already know what I feel.”

She closed her eyes in gratitude. “I do know.” Now that he'd admitted the truth, she felt confident enough to continue. “Once we're married—”

“Married?” He half rose from his seat, his voice harsh with shock.

His reaction jolted her. When two people loved each other, marriage seemed to be the next step. And really, given she was already over thirty, there was no reason to wait. Especially if they intended to start a family, which she sincerely hoped they would. The sooner the better.

“I assumed…I hoped,” she faltered, then blushed when she realized he might not consider marriage necessary. “I'm afraid that if we don't legally marry, my brother will object. I…I would, however, defy him, if that were…necessary.” But she prayed with all her heart it wouldn't be.

Laredo stood up and walked over to the railing, holding on to it, his back ramrod-straight with tension. “I won't marry you, Savannah.”

Her heart sank as she absorbed the firm conviction in his statement. “I see,” she said, struggling to hide her disappointment. “As I said earlier, while marriage would offer certain advantages, I'm willing to forgo the…legalities.”

He whirled around. “Savannah, dear God in heaven, don't you understand what I'm saying:” He knelt in front of her, his eyes wide with pain. “It isn't that I
won't
marry you. I can't.”

“Can't?” The awful possibility dawned. “Are you…do you already have a wife?”

“No.”

She brought both hands to her heart in a gesture of relief.

“Look at me!” he demanded. “I don't have a pot to piss in. I don't have one damn thing to give you. Do you honestly think I'd take you away from your home, your family and friends, your roses and everything else to live in a
trailer?
Because that's all I've got—a lousy trailer.”

Feeling his pain, his inadequacy, she touched his cheek lovingly. “Do you think it matters to me where we live? As for my garden, I can start another. You're all I need, all I'll ever need.”

He closed his eyes. “Savannah, I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't.” His hands squeezed hers with enough strength to make her fingers ache.

“I'm offering you my heart, my love, my life,” she said, her voice barely audible.

He claimed both her hands with his own, then turned them over and pressed his lips to her palms. When he raised his head, his eyes held hers. “You'd give all this up for me?”

“I wouldn't be giving up anything, Laredo. I'd be gaining so much more.”

 

T
HAT NIGHT
L
AREDO SAT UP
in his bunk, his back against the wall, his mind whirling. Savannah had almost made him believe it was possible for the two of them. He was well aware that she'd be the one to make all the sacrifices; while that didn't seem right or fair, she'd assured him of her willingness to do it. To do whatever was necessary for them to be together.

Laredo rested his head between his hands and dreamed with his eyes open. A growing sense of excitement, of possibility, grew within him.
He loved her.

Richard strolled into the bunkhouse and threw himself down on the cot where he'd slept that first time. Some nights he slept in the house; Laredo wished this was one of them. He supposed it depended on whether or not Grady was in the house and likely to notice. Despite her older brother's insistence, Laredo knew Savannah would never make Richard leave. She'd even let him stay in his boyhood room, perhaps allowing herself to believe that everything was all right again. Other nights, Richard slept in the bunkhouse. Grady must be around this evening.

“Hey, what're ya doing?” Richard asked.

“Thinking,” Laredo answered shortly, hoping Weston would take the hint.

“So you're trying to steal Savannah away from us.”

How did Richard know? “Do you have a problem with that?” Laredo demanded, suspicious of the other man's intentions.

“None whatsoever.” Richard's hands flew up and he grinned broadly. “As long as you love her,” he added in melodramatic tones.

“I do.” Not until the words escaped his lips did Laredo realize he had no problem telling Richard how he felt, although he'd never once told Savannah he loved her, not in so many words, at least.

“Ain't love grand,” Richard said with an exaggerated sigh. He flopped back on the cot and gazed up at the ceiling. “At least in the beginning.”

Laredo let the comment slide, although it hit its mark. Bull's-eye. What started out beautiful could often end up a disaster.

“Savannah's a real sweetheart,” Richard continued. “Did you notice how hard she worked cooking for the party? Actually, if I know my sister, she was grateful to stay in the kitchen. It's always been difficult for her to deal with crowds, even people she's familiar with and known most of her life. I don't know why she's so damn shy. Take her out of her element and she wilts like a flower without water.”

Laredo frowned, wondering if Richard was actually delivering a subtle message, one he would deny if asked, but would gleefully recount as an I-told-you-so if it came to pass.

“If you have something to say, then just say it,” Laredo muttered.

“Me?” Richard's voice echoed in surprise. “I'm not saying anything other than how pleased I am for the two of you.”

“Nothing's been decided.” Laredo wanted to correct that impression right off.

Richard rolled his head to one side to get a better look at Laredo. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Well, if everything goes as planned, it'll be wonderful. I know she'll make you happy, and once the kids start coming…”

“Kids?” The word exploded from Laredo's lips before he thought to censor it. They wouldn't be able to afford kids for years, although he knew Savannah was eager for a family. He was, too, but it just wasn't going to be possible, not until he'd established himself, had some income he could count on.

“I wouldn't advise you to wait too long,” Richard was saying. “Savannah's already over thirty. Apparently the older the woman the more likely the chance of complications.” He shook his head wisely and sounded as if he knew what he was talking about.

“I hope you've got good health insurance,” he added. “From what I've heard, having a baby costs thousands of bucks these days.”

Health insurance? Laredo could barely afford to put food on the table, let alone worry about extras. He knew Savannah, too. If there were problems, she wouldn't let him know because she wouldn't want him to worry.

“What about her rose garden?” Richard asked next. “We both know how important that is to her.”

“She's talked about moving part of it,” Laredo responded, but his mind was still stuck on the possibility of something happening to Savannah, miles from town, with few friends or neighbors. The reality of what he was asking hit him hard. It sounded romantic and exciting—the two of them building a home together, breeding quarter horses—until he thought about the risks.

“Moving part of the garden,” Richard repeated. “Great idea.” He sat up, tapping one foot on the floor. “You be real good to my big sister now, you hear?” Clapping his hands together, Richard laughed. “Hey! I'll bet you want me to keep my mouth shut about this in front of Grady. Right?”

Laredo didn't answer. The next time he looked up Richard was gone, which was just as well. Savannah's brother had opened his eyes to a few home truths. While it was fine to dream about making Savannah his bride, a dream was all it would ever be. He couldn't take her away from everything she knew and loved, couldn't put her health and happiness at risk. One of them had to keep a level head, and it looked like the responsibility had fallen to him.

He loved her, but he couldn't marry her.
Wouldn't
marry her. As soon as it could be arranged, he'd get out of her life. For her own good, as well as his own.

 

A
WEEK LATER, AS
G
RADY SAT ON
Starlight and watched over the grazing herd, his thoughts grew dark and oppressive. Sometimes he could cast off these moods when they threatened. More often, like now, he couldn't. He worried more and more about Savannah; he wasn't sure what had happened to his sister, but she hadn't been herself. Not for days. Outwardly nothing seemed wrong; she was as pleasant and cordial as always. Still, the difference was there. It seemed as if the light had gone out of her eyes somehow. The joy he'd seen in her of late had vanished.

He was no expert when it came to romance, but the answer was obvious. Something had happened between her and Laredo, who seemed equally miserable. Clearly they'd suffered some sort of falling-out. It was bound to happen, Grady realized.

He hated to see his sister hurt, and it made him feel helpless. He had no idea what to do, what to say. He'd even considered talking to Caroline, this being a woman thing and all. Savannah's best friend might be able to see her through this disappointment.

If only he could talk to someone about Richard. He supposed Cal Patterson, as his closest friend, would be that person. And yet he felt embarrassed. Ashamed. He hardly knew how it had happened, but Richard had managed to sweet-talk his way back into the family. It hadn't taken long for Savannah to pick up where their parents had left off, Grady thought with some bitterness. She spoiled him, indulged his every whim, pandered to his wishes as if he deserved a hero's welcome.

Grady still wanted Richard off the ranch, but every time he got to the point of ordering him to leave, he found he couldn't. Either because of Savannah's pleading or his own sense of…what? Obligation? Family loyalty? Pity? The one thing Grady had insisted on was that Richard sleep in the bunkhouse, but his worthless brother had found a way to thwart even that.

It had started innocently enough, with Richard cleaning out his old bedroom, sorting through his things. Before long he'd started sleeping up there. Some nights, anyway; Grady never knew for sure. It was another way Richard kept him off balance.

Grady shifted his weight in the saddle, tired after a long day. Just when he was about to head back to the ranch, he noticed another rider approaching at a gallop.

Laredo Smith. He waited for the man to join him.

“Problems?” Grady inquired.

“Not really.”

From the way he'd ridden out here Grady wondered if the house was on fire. “There's a reason you came to see me, isn't there?”

“There is.”

Apparently Smith was having a difficult time spitting out the words. He looked even worse than Savannah, pale and lifeless.