Heartfelt Sounds (15 page)
I try to speak again, “Hue—,”
But he shushes me. Places a finger to his lips and looks into my eyes. He smiles. “Remember our rule.”
And I smile.
“Are we still friends?”
He nods once. Slowly. Dips his head and raises it back up. “Forever,” he breathes. “even in death.”
…
Hana lets me sleep for another day. And another. But I cannot continue in this laziness, and on the third day when I hear her wake with the dawn, I throw myself to the floor and groggily stand.
I bring my hands to my hips. “You told them?”
She blinks, her mouth open. “Who?” and her eyes widen then. Her hands stretch over her head. “The aides? Of course I told them. They are the only people in this whole castle that I can
trust.”
“Why?” I blurt. “And you're in charge of this place?” I notice her right forearm is bare—no emblem marks her—and my face reddens with heat. “What are you—truly? Your arm lacks…”
Hana grins as she lowers her hands. Sighs before her smile turns sharp. “There is much you don't know, Naia. Much.”
“And will you tell me? Explain to me? If I'm under your protection—shouldn't I share in your knowledge?”
This makes her nod, though her face grows hard. Emotionless. “Everything will come with time, child. The man whose mark you bare, he returns in two days time. And before he sets foot on Tsubame's grounds, you will know
everything.”
her gaze snaps to me. Her teeth clench and I take a step back. “So that the
truth
may protect you.”
Hana moves with an air of importance, barreling her way through the servants that crowd the wide hallway at a break neck pace.
“Walk like you care about yourself.” she snaps. Her voice coming out as a sharp hiss. “Don't hang your head and avoid blinking when servants look you in the eye. Make your steps wide and large—not hurried. Don't jog or run—just
keep up.
Walk like you are
above
these people.”
And I attempt to mimic her swagger but I smirk at myself. “I can't—,”
“Don't second guess yourself, and do not hesitate. You can be more than you are if you only
allow
yourself, Kokoros.” the name is hissed. An edge ringing loud in her voice. “
Where did you come up with such a name?”
The painted hallway passes, the waves crashing. Evolving into the red feathers of a large phoenix taking flight as we move farther down the hallway. “A friend.” I snap back, nodding towards a boy who almost throws himself out of my path. “Where did you get yours?”
Hana throws a hard glance my way before bringing her eyes back to the front. Before us sits a wide wall with two phoenixes bowing low before a large door of creamy paper. Hana brings her hand to the latch and throws the door open. Peeks her head inside and motions for me to follow before she disappears into the room.
It is wide. Spacious. Wood floors are black and barren. The only fixture decorating this room is a wide bed of white linen near balcony doors that are white. Uncolored.
“
His
rooms.” she spits, “We should be able to speak freely here.” Hana snaps her gaze towards me. She turns. “Do not question my lineage in public, Naia.”
Her tone is cutting. Sharp like a dagger. “You asked and I answered.” I tell her, crossing my arms against a sudden chill. “Who are you, Hana?” I ask her as she turns her head away. Looks towards the bed and the doors of the balcony. “You've…changed.”
“Oh, and you haven't?” she snaps, but shakes her head. “We've—we've all been through some stuff, right?” and she turns to face me. Her hands come to her hips as she inhales slowly. Exhales. “Oboro. It is Althea's family name. Did you know this?”
“No.”
I knew next to nothing about her.
“Why have you taken her name?”
“We combined our houses. Married.”
My eyes widen. “But you're…”
“She needed a male to take over her family home before the invaders could think of taking it and using it as a vantage point against the Wish.”
My hands come to my mouth. “Castle Tsubame…?”
“I disguised myself as a man for her. When the Dawnlord took Althea, the castle fell to me. And to protect my charges against the invaders, I was forced to give Tsubame over to the Dawnlord—who in turn dubbed it a border castle. Thus, giving it over to…” she sighs. Throws her arms out and rolls her eyes. “…
him.
His rooms. The infamous Lord Hinata.”
A feeling of relief washes over me and I lower my head. I grin.
“What are you hiding? Hm?” Hana has come close. She brings her fingers beneath my chin. Forces my head up. “Don't
ever
do that—not in public. Not in private. You're still a silly little thing, Naia. You'd think hardship would have changed you. You'd think it would have slapped the nonsense out of you and forced you to mature. Why do you smile?”
I pull at her wrist and free myself of her hand. I take a step back. “Because he is not the Dawnlord.”
She snorts. Blows air from her nostrils as she snarls. Forces her lips back to neutral. “Do you believe
he
is any better? There were three men that took Felicity, Naia, a
neutral territory.
They plan to take
everything
east of Felicity.
Everything.
Tsubame is only the start of it. They plan to plunge the world into total war
again,
and you
smile
because
one is not the other?”
her hand strikes out—catches my chin and holds me there. I feel her nails bite into my skin and I wince. “What is
wrong
with you? You silly, idiotic,
thing.”
and she throws my chin down. Lets go and gives me her back. “Here, I believed you had changed. I believed you actually
suffered.
But the truth shows itself, does it not?”
I bite my lip. Narrow my eyes and clench my fists. “I am not here to trade pity with you, Hana. What I've gone through will remain
here,”
I bring my fist to my chest and thump it. Hitting my heart. “with me. You may see it, or you may not—does it matter? Things have happened and now I finally see the world for what it is, but I still have hope. I still have things to smile about. There is no reason for bitterness. None at
all.”
I hear her chuckle. “And what have you seen, my dear little child? What have you seen?”
I close my eyes. Open them. “I have seen that I have been blind.” and I turn on my heel. I approach the door as I hear her laughter. Her callous snickers.
“There is more you must—,”
But I have no more patience for her taunting. For her bitter aura.
I slam the door behind me and leave in search of Hue's hideaway.
Only to find the panel molded shut with the ladder taken down. It lays in a pile of wood dust, the rungs cracked. Light brown splinters everywhere.
…
A day passes and I feel as if I have learned nothing at all. On the second day, the sun pours into our shared room and I'm up. Pulling my breeches on one leg at a time.
“Naia.”
I still at her voice as she mutters my name from her bedside.
“Naia, I apologize for my harshness. It is just who I've become—what I've needed to be ever since I took on the title of seneschal. Please, will you forgive me?”
I let her words sink into the silence of the morning. I find her bedside and sit down at its edge. She watches me with her lids lowered. Brown eyes are murky with sleep. “Lord Hinata…” she muses on the name. Licks her lips. “…you will like him. He is likable at first. But you must never let your disguise falter around him—he is the Dawnlord's spymaster. He has a keen ear and an…
unnerving
gaze. If he finds out that you are a woman he will believe you to be a spy—and the whole house will fall under suspicion. He will question each and every one of us through…
unconventional…
means until he finds that little speck of misinformation that could spell our end—yours, mine; the whole of Tsubame. The Dawnlord has been known to take lives ruthlessly—especially the lives of spies and traitors. Do you understand, Naia? You must act as I'm teaching you to act so that you will not fall under suspicion. Do you understand?”
I swallow. She reaches for my hand and finds it. Squeezes it until I hear my knuckles pop painfully. I feel as if my fingers will crack under her strong grip. “Naia.” she says again, her voice stone. “
Do you understand?”
“Maybe I should hide—maybe I should leave.”
Hana shakes her head. “His agents are already here, Naia. They would report your sudden promotion—and then your sudden absence—to him, and it would look strange. No. Many will assume that you are my lover, and you must accept it—however unorthodox. If people assume such a thing, few will mess with you, but you must
act like a man,
Naia. And
you
act like a child—like someone who is unsure of themselves. The more you hang your head and show the world that you do not matter—the more eyes will stick to you. The more mouths will speak about you and graft rumors. Misinformation that could come to Lord Hinata's ears—that he may see as
truth.
Do you understand?” her fingers interlace with my own, her hand done squeezing. “If you cannot do this for yourself—then do it for me. Do it for the whole of Tsubame, Naia. Do it for
us.”
I watch her fingers. I look into her face. “You gave me two days.”
Her gaze locks with mine. “Well now, I give you one.”
The whole of Tsubame becomes uneasy. Everyone is restless and tense with the return of Tsubame's lord, the matter squarely on everyone's minds. None are excited for his coming. Anxiety plagues the hearts of all, be they servant or resident. Even the castellan is losing himself as preparation turns to downtime and interim as the whole of Tsubame holds its breath and waits.
Hana prepares me for Lord Hinata's return well into the night. The dawn of the third day approaches as her training continues. As Hana teaches me how to walk and talk as if I have an ounce of confidence in myself. Though, at one point, I believed the way I acted was just fine.
“For a woman, perhaps.” Hana cocks her head. Crosses her arms and nods. “For a girl. When you left the Orthella you were, hm? Fifteen, or fourteen? But look at you now—it's been two years, Naia, and it's like you haven't changed a
bit.”
I avert my eyes but avoid lowering my head. The slightest smell of charred wood wafts on a gust of wind as it whispers by my ear and sends my hair flying. It has grown, edging down my back, and I am glad Hana hasn't mentioned cutting it. “I've changed. I'm more alert.” I tell her as I bring my gaze back. I place my hand to the railing of the balcony as I spot snow-capped mountains in the distance. Rolling hills. “I used to ignore everything, Hana. Don't you remember? A man could be dangerously intoxicated, and I'd just turn a blind eye to it. Thinking everything would be okay.”
“Now what do you think?”
I cross my arms. Turn my body towards the balustrade and look out towards the hills. The grass is gold. I hear a tree slam into the ground and I wait for the telltale ripple of sensation falling trees often bring. I shake my head when it does not come and breathe. “I think it's good to avoid drink.”
Hana snorts. “Unlike Lore.”
My gaze snaps to the side, towards her. “How is she, Lore? What happened to her?”
I hear Hana swallow. I hear her robe rustle beneath the movement of her arms as she clears her throat. “We have more important things to focus on, don't you think? Why don't you practice holding your chin at an inquisitive tilt.”
I round on her. “Lore
is
important.”
My voice has risen as my eyes have narrowed, and Hana looks taken aback as my frown becomes an amused smile. Her eyes look positively frightened. Before she fixes her face. Takes in a whiff of air and plants her feet. “Not as important as you keeping up appearances.”
“What
happened
to her?” It is a command. Words hissed through clenched teeth.
Hana crosses her arms. Forces her fingers onto her arms as she grabs them. “The Orthella burned down. Everyone died.
Everyone.
I watched Althea do it. I told no one. I let it happen and we moved on.”
“You burned her alive?” My smile fades. Freezes.
“
I
did nothing.
I
let the Fates decide who lived. Who died.”
I feel a vein pop onto my forehead as my head begins to ache. Begins to split. “Don't bring the Fates into this—
you
did it!
You
could have intervened!”
“You know
nothing,
Naia.
Nothing—,”
“Then explain before—,”
Hana sneers. Brings her face close to my own. Her breath is hot. Like fire. “
Before what? What can you do, Naia? Hm?”
and she backs away as I clench my fists. As I stay silent and watch. “It's happened. She's dead. Burned up. Gone. Are you going to hurt me for that? After all I've done for you? In times like these, we must do horrible things to survive, Naia. That—that's just one of many.” And she turns her head. Spits.
Just as the entrance to our room is rammed open with a
slam
and two feet come rushing through. Barreling through. The castellan throws his head towards the balcony, finds us. Sneers at me before bringing his gaze to Hana.
“Our great hall burns and you sit here lashing tongues with your protege?!”
Our eyes widen. Hana pushes past me. Brings her nose to the air. Sniffs.
“What use will that do—help me gather the others and evacuate the castle!” Hana throws herself through the door after him when he sprints out—faster than I've ever seen an elder go. I bring my nose to the air as well and smell the slightest hint of smoke. Of charred ceder fighting with the cool morning air.
But there was no noise. Nothing.
When I move through the castle, cordiality and decorum melts beneath a crazed flame of fear as Tsubame's residents sprint through the hallways. Carrying boxes, carrying cases—carrying children or carrying nothing as they rush for the castle's exit. I follow the flow of the frenzy, moving with the crowd as they shout and scream for others to move—for others to stop holding up the rush of bodies. Hana and the castellan have disappeared though I hear the castellan's booming voice as he hollers for children to leave first. For the crowd to back up and let the young go first—but fear has made these people deaf as they continue pushing through each other. Trampling some. Flattening others to walls.