Heartfire (4 page)

"Some children can be disrupted easily.  They could watch a monster cartoon, get frightened and be afraid to go to sleep every night for a year until they grow out of the fear."

Tessa certainly understood childhood fears...and nightmares.

"And you think it's something like that with Ryan?" Max asked.

"I don't know.  But with Ryan losing his mother, all kinds of fears could be bothering him."  She explained to Tessa, "At the start of the school year, Mr. Winthrop told me he's talked to Ryan about his mother being in heaven, being an angel now and watching over them both.  And Ryan seems to accept that.  But you never know what goes on in a child's mind."

"So what can we do?"  Tessa was a purpose-oriented person and she wanted something concrete to tackle.

Mrs. Bartlett looked down at her notes for a moment.  "We could bring the school counselor in on this, but my instinct is that Ryan won't be any more open with her than he is with me."  She looked up.  "He needs someone he already knows."

"But not me," Max said grimly.

"As a teacher, Mr. Winthrop, you and I both know a parent can be too close to a situation.  How often have the boys you've coached or the students you teach opened up to you?"

Max thought about it and nodded.  "You're right.  They tell me things they'd never tell their parents.  Still, I want to be the one Ryan trusts."

"You can support him.  You can be there when he needs you.  Ms. Kahill, I understand you're in and out of Ryan's life like a favorite aunt."

"Yes.  Some visits are longer than others."

"I don't know how much time you have to spend with Ryan right now, but maybe encouraging him to share what happens at school, what he's thinking, what he's feeling, might give us a clue as to what's going on with him."

"Of course, I'll try.  I wish I could do more."  She felt Max's gaze on her.

"Maybe this is my fault for not dating, for not having a woman around," Max said.

He was taking the whole burden on his shoulders.  Tessa wished she could put her arms around him, give him a much-needed hug and tell him none of this was his fault.  "I'd imagine it would have to be the right woman, Max."

He shot her a surprised look.  "I wouldn't have anyone around Ryan who wasn't
right
."

"I just meant you can't date to find the right person for you and expect Ryan to get along with each one."

"I certainly wouldn't be parading women in and out.  You know me better than that."

He was still obviously annoyed with her for being late, and she was making matters worse.  She glanced at Mrs. Bartlett.  The woman was watching them speculatively, and that made Tessa feel awkward.

"Mr. Winthrop, there's no one answer.  Just listen to Ryan carefully.  Let him elaborate on anything he wants to talk about."

"What about the problem he's having with not making friends?" Max asked.

Tessa nodded.  "At the roller-skating rink, he wanted to stay with us instead of skating with children he knew.  Is that normal?"

"He probably feels more secure with you.  Encourage him to play with other children.  Maybe invite some of his classmates over.  If he's on home turf, he might feel more self-confident to interact."

When the conference was over, Tessa's surroundings began to close in on her, but she did her best to ignore the school smells of floor wax, disinfectant and chalk, the sight of frosted classroom door windows, the books stacked on a cafeteria-style table outside a classroom as she walked down the hall trying to keep up with Max's long-legged stride.  Instead, she concentrated on Ryan and his problems that could become more serious if they weren't dealt with now.  Would it make a difference if she stayed in Jenkins longer than a week?

When they reached the parking lot, she stopped at Max's car instead of going to hers.  "I'm sorry I was late, Max.  You know I wouldn't have missed this meeting."

"Do I?  For all I know you could have gotten a phone call and taken off for Africa."

She took a step back.  "I wouldn't do that to Ryan."

"I'm never sure how your priorities stack up."

"I love Ryan and want to help him."

Max studied her, searching.  His eyes darkened, and she wondered what he was thinking.

"Don't you believe me?" she pressed.

"I believe you want to help.  I don't know if you can.  Commitments aren't your style."

The blow was swift, neat and unexpected.  It hurt deeply.  Tessa turned from Max and went to her car.  She heard him call her name, but she slammed her door, put her key in the ignition and backed up.  Leaving the parking lot, she didn't look back.

The hurt lingered as she drove back to Max's, glad he had to pick up Ryan at the baby-sitter's, where Ryan went after school every day until Max picked him up.  While she was in Jenkins, he
could
just come home to her.  But if Max didn't trust her—

The smell of the roast and baking potatoes met her at the door.  The salad was half made, and the carrots, tomatoes and cucumbers were still spread across the counter.  Thankful she had a few minutes alone, she washed her hands, set the table and finished the salad by the time Max and Ryan arrived.

Ryan came barreling in the door before Max.  He ran to Tessa, grinning from ear to ear.  "Dad asked me what I want to do for my birthday.  Can we go camping?"

Tessa glanced at Max.  "Camping?  That sounds like a great idea.  If I'd known, I would have brought my tent and sleeping bag."

"You have a tent?"

Smiling, she crouched down to his level.  "Sometimes there aren't any hotels in the places I go.  Do you have camping gear?"

"Sure.  Got it for the Cub Scouts, didn't we, Dad?  But I haven't used it outside yet.  Just on the floor in the living room.  Oh, boy!  This is gonna be a
great
birthday."

"It's not a problem for you to stay until Monday?" Max asked.

The frustration she'd seen smoldering in his eyes at the school had diminished, but she didn't want to suggest she stay longer with Ryan in the room, especially after what Max had said.  "No, it's not a problem."  Tessa took the roast from the oven and placed it on top of the stove.  When she removed the lid, the aroma filled the kitchen.

Max and Ryan exchanged a surprised look.  Ryan said, "It smells better than Mrs. Clark's."

Tessa shrugged.  "It's just a roast rubbed with spices.  I've never made gravy, but I guess we can try."

Max cleared his throat.  "I didn't know you could cook.  Except for pancakes."

"I never said I couldn't.  I just don't do it very much.  But I can read.  I also learned a few things from Leslie's mother.  So if you have a carving knife—"

Max opened a drawer just as there was a rap on the door.

Tessa answered it.  Flo stood there with her left arm in a sling, a basket holding the most delicious looking apple pie Tessa had ever seen sitting at her feet.  "This is for you, dear.  I couldn't hold the basket and ring the bell at the same time."

Tessa lifted the basket and took an appreciative whiff.  "This looks and smells wonderful."

"Just a small thank you for taking me to the hospital."

"The hospital?"  Max opened the door wider for Flo to step inside.

"I fell," Flo explained.  "I saw Tessa in and out with grocery bags this morning, so I called her."  The older woman turned back to Tessa.  "I hope you weren't too late for your appointment."

"Not too late."  Tessa rushed on.  "I thought you made your pies for the bake sale."

"I made six.  They won't miss one.  You enjoy it."

"Shouldn't you be resting?  Is your daughter with you?"

"She's waiting for me to come back.  Probably standing on the porch watching.  She called me a stubborn old woman before I left.  I won't admit it, of course.  It's the
old
I'm afraid of.  That's why I wanted to go to the hospital.  But nothing's broken.  I just have to wear the sling a few days.  You enjoy the pie."  She winked.  "It's even better with vanilla ice cream on top."

After Flo thanked Tessa again, she waved and left.  Max and Tessa watched until they were sure Flo had safely reached her porch.

Then Max said to Ryan, "Why don't you put your books in your room and get ready for supper.  We'll talk about what we need for the camping trip while we eat."

Ryan grinned and took his backpack upstairs.

Max lifted the pie out of the basket and placed it on the counter.  "First of all, I want to thank you for dinner.  I was going to throw a meat loaf together when I got home."

Tessa closed the door and her heart beat faster without her knowing exactly why.  "Ryan said something yesterday about being sick of meat loaf."

After shrugging out of his suit coat, Max hung it over the back of a chair.  His lopsided smile warmed her heart.  "I guess he didn't want to hurt my feelings."  He paused for a moment.  "And I never meant to hurt yours.  I'm sorry about what I said in the parking lot.  I was out of line."

"You think you know me, Max, but you don't."

"I know you left when I asked you to stay."

"I had to."

"So you said."  He exhaled slowly.  "But that's water under the bridge."  He motioned to the table and the pie.  "Why didn't you tell me about Flo?"

"Did you give me the chance?"

"Maybe not when you arrived, but afterward you could have."

Max's nearness in the small kitchen was almost as disturbing as his guarded gaze.  "You honestly thought I might not show up?" she asked, needing to know.

His silence told her that was exactly what he thought.  A misunderstanding was one thing, but his lack of faith in her was another.  She felt tears threaten.  Blast it.  She never cried.  Not ever.  Why did he have the power to bring up this emotion in her?  No one else did.

His eyes darkened to tobacco brown.  "You come and go as you please, Tessa.  I know you're not used to restrictions or responsibilities."

She planted her hands on her hips, filled with building annoyance because he presumed to judge her.  "Do you know of any time I ever let Leslie down?  Or you or Ryan?"

"She wished you would e-mail and call more."

"Specifically," Tessa challenged.

"You were late for Ryan's christening."

Her hand sailed through the air.  "For heaven's sake, my plane was delayed.  What was I supposed to do?  Flap my wings and forget the jet?"

Max's voice lowered in response to hers rising.  "You could have come in the day before."

"I had an assignment to finish."

He opened the top button of his shirt and tugged down his tie.  "That's what I mean about priorities."