Heart's Debt (Lost Lords Book 5) (16 page)

He continued for an eternity, and she was worried that something awful was about to transpire, that he’d rip off her clothes or rip off his own, but he seemed in no hurry. He simply kissed her, then kissed her some more, and gradually she forgot she was scared.

She pretended she was a bride, that it was her wedding night with her beloved bridegroom. It was an inane fantasy, but it made the event easier.

He drew away and stared down at her, and there was a new warmth in his gaze. He was looking at her as if he…
liked
her after all, as if he’d genuinely enjoyed kissing her.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he inquired.

“No. Are we finished?”

“We’ve hardly started.”

“Am I doing it correctly?”

“Yes.” He nestled closer, his body pressing hers into the mattress. “I want you to touch me all over.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ll like it.”

“I can do that.”

Her hands were on his shoulders, and she caressed them down, stroking in slow circles. Very quickly, she stopped and frowned. His skin was coarse and ragged as if there were slash marks all over it.

“What is it?” he asked.

“The skin on your back. It’s so rough.”

He held himself very still, then he slid away. “I’ll get a shirt and cover it.”

“You don’t have to,” she was stunned to hear herself say.

“I’ll put one on. You asked earlier if I would, and I should have.”

She rose up on an elbow, watching as he went to the dressing room. In a minute, he returned, and he was stuffing his arms in the sleeves, but he didn’t button it so his chest was visible.

There was only a single candle burning so there wasn’t much light, but as he’d scooted away, she became certain the rough marks were scars. It dawned on her that he must have been viciously flogged—and more than once too.

Her heart sank. She hated to imagine the adversity he must have suffered. It would make her like him, and she didn’t intend to like him. She intended to simply force herself through the liaison, hoping she’d emerge from it with a modicum of her dignity intact.

He came back to the bed and rested a hip on the mattress. His face was a blank mask, and she couldn’t guess what he was thinking.

“What happened to you?” she asked, even though she suspected he’d never confide in her.

“Nothing,” he claimed.

“Were you flogged?”

He dithered, then admitted, “Yes.”

“When? Where? Why? Tell me about it.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Do the scars hurt?”

“Not usually. I have a salve I rub on them if they’re bothering me.”

“Were you a sailor?”

“No.”

“A prisoner?”

“No.”

“Then who beat you?”

“Someone who regretted it afterward.”

His expression was stony, and a frisson of fear slithered down her spine. She could almost picture him committing murder. Would he have?

By all accounts, a terrible injustice had been inflicted on him at Kirkwood, and he’d wound up alone in London. What had occurred after that? Clearly it was horrendous.

“I want to look at them,” she said.

“There’s no reason to.”

“Let me.”

“You should probably go.”

“I won’t.” She couldn’t believe she added, “We have a deal, remember?”

“Yes, I remember, but I wasn’t serious. I don’t wish to have an affair with you.”

“You said I could save my aunt and cousin. You said you’d give me a chance.”

It seemed the oddest predicament. When she’d initially visited him, it had been with an enormous amount of dread and trepidation. Now he was refusing to proceed, and she was upset and begging him to continue.

What was wrong with her? She should be relieved that he’d told her
no,
that he wouldn’t ruin her.

She stared at him, her probing gaze digging deep, and she realized that—with her seeing his wounded condition—he’d allowed her to peek into a portion of his world others never witnessed. Obviously he was troubled by it and likely wondering what else she’d discover if she got too close. But getting
close
was exactly what she needed to do. If a woman played her cards right, she could manipulate a man. That’s what Augusta had counseled.

Was he lonely? Georgina supposed he was. From the stories she’d heard about him, his grandfather had been his only family so he had no one to call his own. If she could ingratiate herself, if she could convince him to like her, what benefits might she obtain?

Feeling very brazen, she slipped a hand inside his shirt and laid it on the bare skin of his waist. For several torturous seconds, he hesitated then he leaned forward and kissed her again.

With slight pressure, he eased her down, and he wedged his torso between her thighs. It was a scandalously intimate placement, and suddenly his private parts were flattened to her own. She reveled in the naughty position as if her anatomy recognized it and had been waiting for it to occur.

He hadn’t ceased kissing her, but there was a difference now, a distinct tenderness as if he was glad she was with him, as if he was glad she’d come. Might he be?

The passion escalated. His tongue was in her mouth, his hands in her hair. Down below, his hips flexed so he was rubbing his loins against hers in a steady rhythm. Her own hips responded, and it was extremely arousing, like nothing she’d ever experienced prior.

His fingers went to her breasts, and vaguely she recollected she shouldn’t be gleefully enjoying his ministrations, but her body had its own plan, and it wasn’t listening to any warnings. How could that be? How could her body identify what it wanted when she couldn’t have described or explained what it was seeking?

He broke off to nibble a trail down her neck and chest. He rooted under the bodice of her gown, and before she understood what he intended, he sucked on her nipple.

The move was so decadent and unexpected that she gasped aloud. He nuzzled, licked, and played until she was on fire and might simply burst into flames. Was it all right for a man’s caresses to feel so riveting? Was it normal? Or was this her mother’s unruly blood surging to the fore?

Unfortunately she had no way to judge. She knew so little about amour, and she had no one to ask. There was only Sophia, and her cousin was even more unschooled than Georgina.

He continued until she truly doubted she could stand it another instant. She was on the verge of a shocking conclusion, as if she might explode, and just when she was about to demand he desist, he drew back. He hovered over her, staring at her bared breast, then he tugged up the fabric to hide what never should have been in plain view.

“Why have we stopped?” she inquired as he sat up.

“I told you, Miss Fogarty. I’m not interested in having an affair with you.”

“But…it seems as if you are.”

“I was lying. I have no desire to entangle myself in your petty problems.”

“What about my aunt and my cousin?”

“I’m afraid I can’t help you with them.”

“You promised.”

“No, I didn’t.” He shook his head. “I never make promises because I never keep them.”

She scowled, pondering their fevered embrace. “Did I do it incorrectly? Is that it?” She couldn’t imagine how she could have. For the most part, she’d simply lain there and let him do all the work.

“You were fine, Miss Fogarty.”

“What is it then? It was so difficult for me to approach you. I fretted all evening—until I was practically sick with distress. You can’t change your mind.”

“Of course I can. I’m a cad and a bounder, but I never trifle with innocents, which you definitely are.”

“Is it because I saw your back? Is that why?”

“No.”

“If it is, I swear I’ll never tell a soul.”

He scoffed. “I don’t care who knows about my back. Tell the whole bloody world if you wish. It’s merely more evidence of what I endured due to Miles’s perfidy.”

She didn’t believe he’d like people to be apprised. She suspected he never permitted anyone to see his injuries. He wasn’t ashamed of them exactly, but he was very proud and wouldn’t like others to learn that a brute had bested him.

She sat up too, and from how they were positioned, they were eye to eye, nose to nose. The worst swell of affection swept through her, for what he’d suffered, for what he’d survived. There were other sentiments too that she hadn’t envisioned and couldn’t control. She was being roiled by sympathy, by a general sense that she could be his friend, that he
needed
her to be his friend.

She rested a palm on his cheek and murmured, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For everything that was done to you.”

He studied her, and she perceived a thousand replies flitting in his head. The one he picked was, “Well, I’m delighted to hear you’re sorry, but it doesn’t fix the past and it doesn’t erase the scars on my back.”

“No, it doesn’t, but I’m sorry anyway. Sometimes that’s all a person receives in life, the compassion of others.”

“Is that what you’re offering? Your compassion?”

“Yes.”

“I hardly need it, Miss Fogarty.”

They were silent, searching each other’s gazes. Finally she asked, “What will happen now?”

“I’ve told Miles he may beg me twice to seek mercy for you three ladies. I’ll meet with him once tomorrow afternoon and once the afternoon after that.”

“Why make him?”

“Because I want to watch him grovel.”

“That sounds cruel, as if you’re a bully.”

“I’m not being a bully. I’m simply having history repeat itself.”

“Meaning what?”

“When Edward Marshall fired my grandfather, he came to the manor for several weeks, pleading with Edward to get his job back. The vicar came. Neighbors came. Shopkeepers came. Everyone begged and begged, but it was pointless.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again, thinking what a paltry word it was.

“So Miles has the chance to supplicate on your behalf—if he wishes to try. But I doubt he will. He’s too arrogant, and he and I both know it would never have an effect on me.”

“It’s all for show, to give you some satisfaction.”

“Yes.”

“Will it?”

“I predict I’d garner a tremendous amount of satisfaction, but as I said, he’ll never do it. You’ll have a full-on example of how little he cares about any of you. He won’t lift a finger to help you. In fact, I’m betting he’ll sneak off before dawn.”

“What will happen then? If he doesn’t beg you, what will happen?”

“Then…all of you—you, your aunt, and your cousin—will pack your bags and leave with what you can carry.”

“To go where, Mr. Drummond?”

“It matters not to me.”

She snuggled herself closer, nestling herself to him so her breasts were pressed to his chest. “After I’ve been here with you like this, could you really be that spiteful?”

He didn’t respond, but stood and pulled her off the bed and onto her feet.

“Goodnight, Miss Fogarty.”

“Might I stay a bit longer? Could we talk for a while?”

“It’s been a dreadful day, and I’m too weary to listen to you prattling away.”

“We don’t have to chat. We could have a glass of wine and sit by the fire.”

He assessed her as if she was the strangest creature ever, as if no female had ever asked him to share such a simple, ordinary moment.

“Let me show you out.” He clasped her arm and led her to the door.

“I’m glad I visited you.” Gad, was she? She thought she was sincere. The remark seemed true. “I’m glad I got to know you like this.”

“It was badly done of me. I never should have encouraged you.”

“You didn’t encourage me. I chose this path on my own.”

“Yes, but it was mad of me to suggest it.”

She should have left, but she didn’t. They tarried, apparently feeling there was something else that should be mentioned, but she couldn’t imagine what it might be.

To her great astonishment, he drew her to him and bestowed a very sweet, very chaste kiss.

“Don’t come back,” he said.

“I might,” she threatened.

“I don’t want you in my room so I plan to start locking my door.”

“Are you afraid of a mere woman, Mr. Drummond?”

“Perhaps I am, Miss Fogarty.” He grinned as if he couldn’t believe he’d admitted it. “Would you like me to walk you to your cottage?”

“No. I can find the way.”

“You’re not scared of being alone in the dark?”

“Never have been.”

“Goodnight then.”

He pushed her into the hall. It was a gentle push, but a push nonetheless.

They tarried again, speechless, poignant emotions swirling, but she couldn’t latch on to an appropriate one. He chuckled, as if he realized how foolish he was being, then he shut the door in her face and spun the key in the lock.

So…evidently he
was
afraid of her, and she suspected it might indicate a slight fondness. Miles had two days to beg for mercy, but if he didn’t use them, maybe
she
could use them instead.

There might be a decent man buried under Mr. Drummond’s hard exterior. If only she could figure out how to lure that decent man to the surface. She was certain she could acquire precisely what she needed from him.

With very much regret, she turned and headed for the cottage, her mind awhirl with what she could say and do the following afternoon that might have any effect on him at all.

K
it was standing in
a deserted parlor, watching Sophia Marshall stroll by out in the garden, when Damian spoke from behind him.

“I hear Miss Marshall has captured your fancy.”

Kit turned. “Where did you hear that?”

“A little bird told me.”

“You believed it?”

Damian came over to the window and glanced out just as she disappeared into the woods and headed for Drummond Cottage. He scoffed with disgust. “I didn’t believe it, except now I stumble on you drooling over her like a smitten boy.”

Kit shrugged. “She’s pretty.”

“But spoiled and lazy and rude.”

“I like her anyway.”

“She’s a Marshall. Why would you?”

“You have the quarrel with them. I don’t. What’s it to you if I flirt with her?”

Damian knew Kit better than anyone. When they’d been children, he’d taken beatings for Kit who’d been smaller and less able to defend himself. He’d gotten into deadly fights for Kit, to protect him, to keep bullies and perverted older men at bay. And though Kit couldn’t prove it, he even suspected Damian had murdered a camp guard who had often tormented Kit.

The guard had been a drunkard, found face down in a stream so his death was ruled an accidental drowning. As the body was hauled away, Damian’s sole remark about it had been, “He won’t bother you again, Kit. No one will.”

After that, people had tiptoed around Kit. They’d studied Damian with a jaundiced eye, comprehending that—if they crossed Damian—there would be consequences.

Kit had never figured out why he and Damian were friends. In all their time together in Australia, the only other person Damian had allowed to get close was fellow prisoner, Anne Blair, and Kit hadn’t figured out that relationship either.

She’d been a wounded soul, a convict who’d lost track of her children when she’d been transported. She’d occasionally mothered Damian, which might have explained his affection for her. But Kit had simply been a burden, like a younger brother who’d needed constant tending.

He’d always been grateful for Damian’s interest, but it was irksome to realize how easily Damian could delve to the heart of Kit’s worst impulses.

“You intend a bit more than flirting,” Damian said.

“Maybe.”

“You think she’ll spread her legs for you?”

“I won’t know unless I try to convince her.”

“What about her precious fiancé, the indubitable Mr. Bean?”

“The minute he discovered Miles was beggared, he tossed her over.”

“She’s jilted so she’s scared and vulnerable. Are you hoping to ride to her rescue?”

“Well, I don’t expect I’ll be rescuing her from any peril, but I’m certainly hoping for a ride or two.” At the crude comment, Damian snorted with grim amusement, and Kit asked, “So…you don’t mind?”

“Or course I mind, but I doubt that will stop you.”

“I owe you so much, Damian.”

“Shut up about it, would you? I’m weary of your fawning.”

“If you order me not to trifle with her, I won’t.”

“It’s naught to me if you trifle with her. Ruin her for all I care. Just don’t plead with me on her behalf. She’s
not
staying here.”

“I understand.”

“If you want to take her to London and keep her as your doxy, that’s your business, but I’m planning on you remaining at Kirkwood as my manager.”

“What if I married her and settled down? What would you think?”

“I’d
think
you’ve tipped off your rocker, and I’d rescind my offer of employment.”

Since Kit’s return to England, he’d earned his living gambling in London. He could have worked occasionally for Damian’s old friend, Michael Scott Blair, but Michael was a criminal and brigand involved in numerous unsavory enterprises. He was the one who’d taught Damian how to protect himself, how to fight and win and survive.

Yet gambling and criminal enterprises weren’t a valid basis for the stable life Kit dreamed of having.

“I like her,” he repeated, unable to clarify the rationale for his infatuation.

“So you’ve said, but what has that to do with anything?”

“Probably nothing.”

“If you’re determined to wed, pick someone else.” Damian scowled. “And
not
Miss Fogarty. She’s leaving too.”

He started out, and Kit asked, “Where are you going?”

“I’m off to speak with Portia Smithwaite and her father.”

“You’ll really propose to her?”

“Why not? I have to get leg-shackled someday, don’t I?”

“I suppose every man should. Apparently it civilizes us.”

“You’re aware of my opinion about women.”

“They’re all the same.”

“Yes, so it could be Miss Smithwaite or anyone.”

“You claim
I
have tipped off my rocker. A man’s choice of spouse matters so much. Why not select a bride who pleases you? Wouldn’t you like to be happy?”

“Happy?” Damian appeared perplexed, as if he’d never heard the word before. “I have many reasons that might push me into matrimony, but
happiness
isn’t on the list.”

With that, he sauntered out, and Kit listened to him depart. After sufficient time had passed that he could be sure Damian had left the property, he scooted out a rear door and headed to Drummond Cottage.

When Mr. Bean’s letter had been delivered, he’d been immediately informed by a servant. Fool that he was, he’d actually imagined Miss Marshall might come to him, that she might ask his advice, but he knew better than to engage in fantasies.

Through hard lessons in Australia, he’d learned that he had to create his future, had to reach out and grab what he wanted. No one would give him any boon. He had to seize what he craved, and he craved Miss Marshall very much.

It made no sense. As Damian had pointed out, she was rude and snooty and difficult, but she’d ensnared him somehow, and half the fun of chasing after her would be the satisfaction he’d receive when she was finally caught.

He walked up the lane to the cottage, and he stared at it, trying to picture what it must have been like when Damian resided in it with his grandfather.

Currently there was no sign of that more prosperous era. The yard was overgrown with weeds, the shutters busted off, the windows boarded over. A chimney on the south end had collapsed, and when there was bad weather rain would pour in and had likely wrecked the upper floor.

He was exasperated by the flagrant waste and wondered if any of it was salvageable. His sojourn in the wilderness at Botany Bay had taught him that items like lumber and shingles and bricks were extremely valuable. How reckless it was of Edward and Miles Marshall to discount such precious commodities, but then they’d been rich and thought they always would be.

Why would they be concerned if a building collapsed?

He could have said he
opened
the door, but the wood was so rotted it was hanging from the hinges. He strutted in as if he owned the place. It was dark and dank inside so he couldn’t see much, but he could hear someone moving around upstairs.

He went over and carefully climbed, worried that the steps were rotted. He’d hate to fall and break a leg, but they seemed sturdy enough.

There was a hallway at the top, lined with bedchambers, and he was delighted by the decrepit state. Not because he enjoyed such devastation, but because the horrid conditions would make Miss Marshall more amenable to any suggestion.

She was pacing and grumbling so he found her easily. He marched into her room, while only briefly pausing to hope her mother wasn’t with her. Luckily she wasn’t.

“Hello, Miss Marshall,” he said, stopping her in her tracks.

She gasped with affront. “What are you doing in here?”

“I had to talk to you.”

“But…you simply barged in. You didn’t even ask permission.”

“Who would I have asked? Your butler? In case you haven’t noticed, you don’t have one anymore.”

As if she were a queen addressing a lowly subject, she gestured to the hall. “You need to leave.”

“I won’t. Not just yet anyway.”

He strolled over to the window. The boards had been yanked away, the tattered curtains ripped down so fresh air blew in. It helped to mask the smell of dust and decay. He peered into the woods, and through the trees, the roof of the manor was visible.

“This place is awful,” he said.

“It certainly is, and I will never forgive Mr. Drummond for forcing it on me.”

He chuckled. “I’m sure that will bother him immensely.”

“Why don’t you hurry back to the manor and tell him how appalling it is?”

“He knows. That’s why he sent you over here.” He grinned at her over his shoulder. “I can see Kirkwood.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Does it gall you to look at it?”

“What do you think?”

He pulled inside and leaned against the wall, his boots crossed at the ankle. “It’s supposed to storm tonight, and since you’ve removed the boards from the—”

“Georgina did that. She claimed it would make the room brighter, but nothing could fix this hovel.”

“The rain will drift right in. You’ll be soaked.”

She glared at him, her temper flaring. “Are you trying to be funny?”

“No. I’m merely stating the facts. How miserable are you?”

“I am so miserable that I’d like to wring Mr. Drummond’s neck.”

“I find it interesting that you never blame your brother for any of this mess.”

“Oh, I blame him. I blame them both.”

“How is Mr. Bean?” Kit was fully aware she’d been jilted. “Any news?”

She tightly nodded. “I’ve heard from him.”

“And…?”

Her shoulders slumped, and she started fiddling with some clothes on her bed as if she might fold them or put them into a moldy drawer in the dresser.

“He’s crying off,” she murmured, then she fiercely added, “and don’t you dare gloat.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“It must be amusing for you to watch me wallowing in this ghastly situation.”

“It’s not.”

He dipped in, and kissed her before she had a chance to realize he would. To his great surprise, she didn’t complain. She simply gazed up at him, looking young and lost and forlorn.

“What will happen to me?” she asked.

“I spoke to Damian a bit ago. Today is Wednesday, and he’ll let you stay Thursday and Friday. Then on Saturday, you’ll have to go.”

“Go where?”

“He suggested the rectory in the village.”

“We’d live with the vicar and his wife? How absurd.”

“It’s a solution.”

“A temporary one. The vicar’s wife is a shrew. Within a week, she’d be loudly hinting that some of the parishioners should relieve her of the burden our arrival imposed.”

“Probably.”

“So why would Mr. Drummond recommend something so patently ridiculous?”

“It’s where Damian and his grandfather went when they were kicked out.”

“I am sick of hearing about poor Mr. Drummond and how unfair his life was when he was a boy.”

She shoved Kit away and walked to the window to stare outside. He came up behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close so his front was pressed to her back all the way down. She stiffened, then relaxed, as if she was too weary to shove him away again.

“My offer still stands,” he whispered in her ear.

“What offer is that? Your salacious, insulting one?”

“Yes, although with your current predicament, why would you deem it to be insulting? You’re drowning, and I’m throwing you a rope.”

“What if I refuse to grab it?”

“The waves will suck you under. There aren’t any other fellows waiting in line to rescue you. You ought to be more grateful.”

She snorted and whirled around. “I told my mother about you.”

“What was her response?”

“She said you’re a fiend and a bounder, and we should summon the law and have you carted away in chains.”

“On what charge? Hurting a lady’s feelings?”

She scowled. “This is all a big joke to you, isn’t it? My family’s ruination? My being jilted? You think it’s hilarious.”

“No, I don’t. I view it as a moment of opportunity. Damian has asked me to remain and run the property for him. I won’t be the owner, but I’ll have all the authority, plus an excellent salary to boot. What will you have?”

“Nothing—as you’re well aware.”

“Then perhaps you should climb down off your high horse and be nicer to me.”

“Because you can help me?”

“Yes.”

“But for a
price,
Mr. Roxbury, and it’s a price I can’t pay.”

“Why can’t you?”

She shook her head with disgust. “What world do you come from? It’s impossible for a woman of my station to behave so reprehensibly. If the men in the neighborhood found out, I’d be tarred and feathered and chased out of town by an angry mob.”

“I wouldn’t tell anybody. Would you?”

“Kirkwood is a small place and an illicit affair is not the sort of secret that can be kept. In two seconds flat, every servant in the manor would discover what was occurring. The tale would spread like wildfire.”

“I suppose, but if you don’t ally yourself with me, what is your option?”

“I have one in the works.”

“What is it?”

“Your dear chum, Mr. Drummond, made the same type of proposal to Georgina. She’s agreed to sacrifice herself so I don’t have to.”

Kit frowned. He hadn’t heard this story from Damian, and he was disturbed by it. Was Damian planning to lift Miss Fogarty’s skirt? Would he deflower her so Miss and Mrs. Marshall could stay at Kirkwood?

It was too implausible, and he scoffed. “If he told Miss Fogarty she could save you, he was lying.”

“He wasn’t lying. They’ve discussed terms.”

“Damian would never trifle with an innocent.”

“Has he suddenly become decent and gallant?” she sneered.

“No, but he simply never bothers with chaste women. He likes doxies so if he mentioned any kind of arrangement to Miss Fogarty, you’d better warn her to watch out. He never keeps his promises.” He swooped in and stole another kiss. “So…you’re in the same floundering boat you’ve been in since I arrived at Kirkwood.”

“And you’ve done naught to assist me. You haven’t even talked to Mr. Drummond on my behalf.”