Heart's Desire (19 page)

“D
AMN IT
!” N
ATHAN
cursed as he slammed his hand against the gate, bouncing it from the latch.

Watching Jessie ride off through the pasture made him want to throw something. Jessie had a way of taking his self-control and throwing it out the nearest window. Why the hell was she so angry with him?

Sure, he'd been a bit thrown by the fact that incorporation papers had already been filed, but it didn't change anything. In fact, it only made him trust Trevor Gray and his son less. The truth was, no matter how much Trevor claimed to have the Harts' best interests in mind, Nathan wasn't buying it. Either Brendon was hiding something and was afraid his father would find out, or they were hiding something together. He'd seen enough backstabbing and wheeling-and-dealing in companies far bigger than this ranch to know it was just a part of the game to most people. Business was cutthroat and ruthless. Executives didn't care who was hurt in the process of a takeover. But Nathan wasn't about to see Jessie, or her siblings, taken advantage of by those two.

“I'm only trying to help you!” he yelled after her, shaking his head as she kicked the horse into a gallop. Either she hadn't heard him or she was ignoring him.
Damn that woman's stubborn streak.

Son of a bitch!
He pushed open the door of the cabin, throwing his files on the table. They skidded across the smooth surface, some of them falling open and scattering papers across the top.

Jessie made it perfectly clear she'd never wanted him here, never wanted his help, and now she was pissed at something he'd done. Or hadn't done. He was tired of spinning his wheels trying to figure her out.

“What are you even doing here?” Nathan spun to see Bailey leaning against the doorjamb of the cabin.

“Ever heard of privacy, Bailey?”

She laughed and sauntered into the room, jumping onto the kitchen counter like he'd invited her in. “Ever heard of shutting a door?” She gave him a cocky grin. “Well?”

He sighed, wondering how she managed to ask the very question haunting him. She obviously wasn't going anywhere until he answered her. “I'm trying to help Jessie get her finances on track. At least, that's what I thought I was doing.”

“Oh, you are. Or you will,” she clarified. “But I mean, what are you doing
here
, right now? Why didn't you follow her?”

“Are you nuts? I have no idea where she rode off to, and she made it pretty clear I wasn't invited.” He ran a hand through his hair and threw his hands into the air. “I don't even know why she's angry at me.”

Bailey hopped off the counter. “For a smart guy, Wall Street, you're pretty slow on the uptake.” She shook her head. “Come on,” she ordered, heading for the door. When he didn't follow her, she turned and cocked her hip to the side. “Or are you planning on running back to New York now that your dad wants you there?”

“How do you know about that?”

She held up his phone and wiggled it. “You'd think someone with your smarts would lock their phone with a passcode or something.” Her grin pulled at the corner of her lips. “Now, if you want to catch up to my cousin, you'd better hurry up. You
can
ride a quad can't you?”

He snatched his phone from her fingers. “You're a piece of work, Bailey. Do you know that?”

Her grin spread across her face and her dark eyes glinted mischievously. “Tell me something I haven't heard a hundred times before.”

“It's not a compliment.”

He scanned a new message from his father demanding he return to New York, ordering him to be at a meeting with one of his father's biggest campaign contributors in three days. How many times did he have to tell his father he wasn't interested in politics? He certainly didn't want to be connected with his father's shady dealings. Nathan quickly responded that he was unavailable until after the weekend. Jessie might be angry enough to ask him to leave but he refused to skip out on her when she had guests arriving and he was the one who'd suggested she take them in. He wasn't going to leave her short-handed, even if he might not be much help.

“Are you coming or what?”

“She doesn't want to see me.”

“Holy shit, Wall Street! Stop being so dense.” This was the second time he'd seen her lose her temper with him, and frankly, he wasn't sure he wanted to see it again. If Jessie's temper was fiery, Bailey's was downright frightening. “She isn't mad at you. She's hurt. Uncle Colton made her a promise before he went on that trip. He was going to hire someone else so she could concentrate on rehabilitating abused horses. Now she finds out that he was taking money from the ranch to go into a new corporation no one knew existed, as if he didn't think she could make it work. She turned down college to stay and help my aunt and uncle with this place, and now she finds out that he never really thought she'd succeed. Pull your head out of your ass already. How would that make you feel?”

Her tirade was enough to allay his frustration. If Bailey was right and that was how Jess was feeling, he needed to explain a few things to her. She was completely misunderstanding her father's intentions. “I don't think that's what he was doing.”

“Then what in the hell are you waiting for? Go find her and explain it to her,” Bailey huffed, her anger snuffed out.

“I don't even know where to find her.”

She sighed and shook her head. “Do I have to do everything for you? Take the quad on the path that heads toward The Ridge. She's probably up there. If you don't find her there, call me and we'll go look together.”

He tucked his cell into his pocket. “Any service out there?”

“It's spotty, but you should have enough to get a call through.”

“I'll call you when I find her.”

The grin returned to Bailey's face. “Well, that's really sweet of you, Wall Street, but I'm hoping when you find her, you'll have far more important things to do than calling me.”

H
E WAS LOST
. There was no doubt about it. He'd known it was a stupid idea for him to just head out on a quad, even following a trail. He stopped the machine and pulled the helmet off his head, tapping a finger on the side as he tried to get his bearings. He could see The Ridge from where he was, and he was still on the path Bailey instructed him to follow, but it forked about half a mile behind him and he wasn't sure he'd gone the right direction. He could hear the river up ahead but he couldn't quite see it. The path might take him to the top, but nothing looked familiar. Then again, the last time he'd come this way had been at night, and he'd been so focused on the woman with him, he hadn't really paid much attention.

He climbed back on the quad and decided to try following the path he was on a little longer before giving up and calling Bailey. Nathan could hear her scolding him now for being such a “city boy.” He was getting sick and tired of everyone assuming he was somehow incompetent because he'd grown up privileged. He might not know how to rope a steer, but he'd love to see any one of them try to navigate getting a cab in New York on an opening night. He suddenly realized how pretentious the idea sounded. In actuality, he had no doubt any of the three women could handle it, probably better than he or Justin could. He slowed the quad, wondering again if he shouldn't just turn back when he heard a horse whinny.

That had to be Jess. There was nothing else out here as far as he could see.

Nathan rode a little farther up the trail and could just make out Jessie's mare through the trees and brush surrounding a clearing near the water. He didn't want to get the quad too close in case it scared the animal, so he parked it under a tree and walked the rest of the way on foot. The mare raised her head and whinnied another greeting as he approached, but he still didn't see Jess nearby. Worry chilled the breath in his lungs. Anything could have happened to her out here alone. He glanced toward the water. If she'd tried to go swimming . . .

He dragged his mind back from the morbid thoughts. “Jess,” he called. “Are you here?”

“Down here.” Relief settled in as he walked a few feet down the riverbank and saw her sitting at the edge of the water on a log. “I should've known you wouldn't listen and leave me alone.”

“Yeah, well, I guess you don't know me as well as you thought.” He made his way down the slight graded slope and sat beside her.

Her eyes were filled with sadness as she gave him a sideways glance. “I don't really know you at all, Nathan.”

She wasn't wrong, yet she was. Deep down, he knew they understood one another, or at least a part of each other that no one else seemed to. She'd reached into his chest and grabbed ahold of a part of his soul, showing him what was lacking in his life. She was driving him crazy trying to get her to realize she filled that void. He, on the other hand, was trying to make her see she wasn't a failure. She blamed herself for everything that went wrong but never took any credit for what she was doing right, and she was doing so much right.

He shrugged. “I'm not that hard to figure out, Jess. What you see is what you get.” She didn't reply, just continued watching the water break over itself as it crashed downstream, lulling them with a ballet of white foam over the rocks. He moved to sit on the ground and leaned back on the log with his head at her thigh. “Why don't we talk about what has you so upset?”

“It's nothing.”

“It's not nothing or you'd still be at the house. You're angry.”

She looked down at him in surprise, hope filling her eyes, but it only took her a moment to squash the emotion. “I just need some quiet to figure out what to do now.”

“What's to figure out? Your father already started the incorporation process. Now we know where the money was going and have it stopped. I'm not sure I see the problem.”

“The problem is that everyone thinks they know what's best for me and this ranch.” She got up and walked to the edge of the water. She was talking to him, but nothing she said was really directed at him. Her voice rose and broke. “What if I don't want to run a dude ranch? What if I just want to rehab abused horses like my dad promised? I can't even do that now without approval from Julia and Justin. I still can't make any of my own decisions. I'm stuck doing what everyone else decides. This wasn't supposed to happen. Dad was supposed to run the dude ranch, and I was going to focus on the horses.” She hit her fists against her thighs. “He promised me we would take care of it when he got back. Now I find out he'd already had all of this in the works. That he had to put a backup plan in place because he expected me to fail.”

Nathan could hear the anguish in her voice; her shoulders shook as she tried to control the grief coursing through her. He wasn't about to sit here and watch her go through this alone. He rose from the ground as she spun on him.

“He lied to me. Why? Why didn't he just tell me the truth? That he didn't think I could hack it.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Nathan moved toward her, reaching for her shoulders, but she jerked away from his touch. “Jess, calm down. He didn't lie.”

She looked up at him and the hope he could read in her eyes made his stomach do a flip. He suddenly knew exactly how a superhero must feel, saving the day. Suddenly, in her eyes, he'd just offered her something more precious than gold. Her expression darkened almost as quickly.

“Of course he lied. Why else would he have hidden the money?” She turned away from him.

Nathan slid his hands over the back of her shoulders. “No, he didn't. That transfer was set up before he died, so, while we don't know why the money was being transferred, we can assume it was to be used in some way by the corporation as a whole. If he was going to continue running the dude ranch, it's highly likely that money was being set aside to help fund your rescue until it was operating independently.” He turned her so she faced him again and brushed a stray curl back from her cheek. “As far as the corporation, he did the right thing. If he told you he was going to help you set something up, I'm sure he was.” His thumb traced her cheekbone. “But circumstances changed before that happened.”

His voice was quietly insistent, and her gaze jumped to meet his. She looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes, and he realized there wasn't a power on earth that could stop him from kissing Jessie right now.

He didn't mean to dip his head, didn't mean to brush his lips against hers, but when her hands gripped at his forearms, when her fingers curled against him and she let out a little moan, his sanity and self-control were lost. His hands found her waist and circled her back, pulling her to him, ridding them of any space between their bodies. What started as the barest of caresses, a mere touch, quickly ignited into a raging, wild storm of hunger. Her hands slid to the back of his neck, into his hair as his lips found the curve of her ear, the indentation of her neck, and the column of her throat.

This was
not
what he came out here to do, but he had as much control to stop this now as he would to stop a tornado heading straight toward him. And being with Jessie felt exactly like that—an uncontrollable storm of emotion that left him yearning for more.

H
OW DID SHE
always manage to end up in his arms? How was it so easy for him to break down every barrier she set up? She'd come out here to figure out her future, and that included a decision to stay away from Nathan Kerrington. He was bad for her. There was nothing between them but lust, a fiery attraction that would leave her scorched and bleeding when he left—and he was bound to leave—but she was finding it increasingly difficult to not give in to the longing that seemed to pulse through her veins every time she saw him.

When he'd shown up, dusty and slightly sweaty from the ride to find her, her heart began its staccato beat and refused to slow. The man was sexy and virile. Had she not known where he was born and raised, he could have passed for a cowboy without any trouble. If he were from here, fit in here, she might consider pursuing what they had.

But he'd already made it clear, he was leaving next week. Back to the city where he belonged, back to other women she was sure he'd loved and a job that offered him far more than a broke cowgirl on a mission to save some horses. He might be adapting, learning to fit in here for the moment, but that made him even more dangerous to her heart. He might say he would stay, but eventually he would choose to leave her behind again. She couldn't continue down this doomed path. She still hadn't recovered from the last time they'd been together.

“No,” she whispered, more for herself than for him, steeling her will as she put her hands against his chest. She felt his muscles tense under her fingers and tried not to inhale his musky scent. “Thank you for helping me with the ranch, but I think that now, with everything you suggested in the works, you should head back to New York.”

She could barely catch her breath as she looked up at him through her lashes, waiting for a response she didn't really want to hear. His half-smile and the dimple in his cheek were the last things she'd expected to see.

“That's what you think, huh?”

“I . . . ” She took a step backward, putting some space between them so she could clear her head and form a logical argument. Wasn't that what he dealt in—logic? Reason? “Thanks to you, the ranch will be in the black again this month, and we have guests this weekend. I don't see any reason for you to stay now.”

She took another step away from him, and he folded his arms across his broad chest. He didn't touch her, but he was imposing nonetheless. “And what about next weekend or the one after that?”

He took a step toward her, and she immediately retreated. His frown spoke volumes. “I already made plans to stay through the weekend and help with the guests, Jess. They aren't expecting me back in New York until Tuesday morning to finish the merger I was working on there. Until Monday afternoon, I'm all yours.”

Her heart skipped a beat, and she wondered if he was deliberately making innuendos. She took a deep breath, trying to still the desire pumping through her body. Her stomach did that flutter she was coming to expect whenever he was around.

The damn man was teasing her. She could see it in his deep emerald eyes, in the flecks that danced within them. She tried for a serious look, one that would remind him that they were discussing her future, not some weekend fling.

“Nathan, you don't even know what you're doing.” She let out her breath on a sigh, realizing her own words held a double meaning as well.

What if I want you for longer? Like forever?
She cursed her childish fantasies.

He took a step toward her, closing the distance she was working hard to maintain. “Jess, stop running away from me.” He reached for her hand and pulled her back into his arms, holding her hips. “You're right. I don't know what I'm doing. But I'm willing to take as much time as I need to until I do.” His finger traced her jawline. “Don't deny me the chance to show you I've learned a thing or two over the past eight years. I'm asking for a chance to correct my mistake.”

She shook her head. “You were right to leave. Look at what you've accomplished. What happened between us was the mistake.”

“You were never a mistake, Jess.” His voice was a husky rasp of sound. His fingers buried in her hair, doing the most wonderful things to her scalp, making desire curl in her chest and warm parts of her it seemed only he could. “Let's be honest, neither of us knows what we're doing. We're both so used to being in control that neither of us knows how to let go. Maybe it's time we find out how and just enjoy it, for as long as it lasts.”

“Nathan,” she began, resting her hands at his hips. He knew exactly what he was doing to her.

She wanted to curl her arms around him, to fall against him and let him make her forget again. Her fingers dug into the firm flesh of his waist through his cotton T-shirt and she dropped her forehead to his shoulder, fighting the need to press her body into his, to feel the warmth of his lips, to lose herself in his touch again.

“I can't Nathan. I thought I could but I can't.”

“I thought you said—”

“I know what I said.” She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. She didn't want to admit to him she'd been fool enough to have fallen completely head over heels for him again. “I said it was until one of us wanted out. I want out.” She quickly moved away from his hands. “I appreciate you staying to help, but if you need to get back, feel free to leave.”

Jessie ran to the top of the hill where the mare waited for her. She didn't wait around to see if Nathan would try to stop her. She refused to look back. If she did, she'd change her mind and give in to the desire that begged her to stay in his arms.

N
ATHAN STARED AT
the files in front of him. He couldn't concentrate, no matter how he tried. Besides, he'd been over these same documents at least twenty times. Until Brendon e-mailed him the bank statements he'd asked for, he wasn't going to get any answers. He glanced up as yet another round of laughter, coupled with a splash and cheers from teens, came from the backyard near the pool. The church group had arrived earlier in the day, and Jess had managed to avoid him all day, staying busy with the kids. He'd seen only seen her from a distance, and she'd been so focused on the group, she hadn't even looked his way.

Right now, the only thing Nathan could focus on was the memory of Jessie in her bathing suit, water dripping over her curves just before she pushed him in. She was so certain he would leave and never come back, or that he wouldn't stay if he did, that he wasn't sure how to convince her otherwise. She didn't know it, but he'd already made arrangements to cut his meetings from a week down to just a few days, letting his partners handle most of the details with the merger. But if Jessie didn't want him back, if she continued to deny them both this chance, he was just buying himself too many free hours in the day to think about what he couldn't have. God help him, but he wanted her, and not just for a few days or a week. She had him rethinking what he wanted in his future. With that woman, forever wouldn't be long enough.

He walked to the window and watched the teens playing in the backyard as Jess directed them in a game. Water splashed and a shriek sounded from one of the teenage girls, and he saw several boys laughing. He barely remembered being that age, enjoying the freedom that came from youth. He watched Jess laugh with the boys and wave to the girl who'd ended up in the water.

He was happy to see her having fun, enjoying her guests and them loving her in return. The adult chaperones sat off to the side, in the shade of the porch, laughing at the antics of the kids but obviously thrilled to have some time to relax.

Jessie was in her element.

He'd seen her working with the horses and thought it was where she belonged, but seeing her with these kids, the way they lit up under her attention, was incredible. If only he could help her see how special she was, to see herself the way others did.

He spun on his heel and made his way to the patio where the other adults sat, absently chatting.

“She's so good with them,” one woman commented.

“They love her,” said another

“We need to plan an entire week here next time.”

The murmurs stopped as he sat down in one of the chaise lounge chairs. “Don't mind me,” he said. “Just had to see what all the commotion was about.”

“Sorry,” the man apologized. Nathan guessed he was the youth pastor by the way three others look to him for direction. “Are you a guest?”

“Yes, but I'm also a friend of the family. I'm staying in the first cabin.”

“Then you're right beside us. I'd like to promise you a quiet night, but with this crew”—he waved a hand at the four boys now having cannonball contests—“I think they'd make me out to be a liar. I'm Steve.” He held out a hand and smiled.

Nathan returned the gesture. “What does Jess have planned for you guys?”

“She showed the kids some horse basics today and taught us a little about roping, not that I was any good at either.” He chuckled. “We're having a barbecue and campfire tonight by the lodge, then in the morning, we're supposed to go riding and having a picnic lunch on some ridge. She said something about doing some fishing at the river, if anyone wants to.” He looked around. “This place is like an oasis, isn't it?”

Nathan's gaze remained locked on Jess, taking in every relaxed smile as she joked with two of the girls. Maybe he could cancel his meetings in New York altogether. “I've been around the world, and I've never seen anything quite like it.”

The woman on the other side of Steve laughed and Nathan tore his gaze from the vision across the pool. “Something tells me it's not the landscape you're talking about.”

Nathan couldn't remember the last time he'd blushed, but that didn't stop the slow burn from creeping up his neck at being caught staring at Jess. Her eyes slid over the adults and stopped when she saw him, a frown creasing her brow, and he cursed himself for being the cause.

“She's great with the kids,” the woman said quickly.

“I should get inside and help get ready for the barbecue.”

“Uh, okay.” Steve seemed surprised by his sudden departure. As Nathan started to leave, he saw Steve lean over to one of the woman and heard, “You made him uncomfortable and chased him off.”

“I didn't,” she argued just before he closed the kitchen door on the rest of their conversation.

Nathan went to the cupboard and grabbed a glass, pouring himself water and chugging it quickly. He slid the glass onto the counter and braced his hands on either side of the sink, his head hanging low. Every part of his body hummed with desire for Jessie, but it couldn't even compare to the ache in his chest at the thought of leaving in two days. Jessie had him so tied up in knots, he wasn't sure which way was up any more. He doubted she did either. But he couldn't deny it. He simply didn't want to go. Every time he thought about it, it felt wrong.

“What the hell are you doing?” He muttered, rubbing a hand over the tense muscles at the back of his neck.

“That's exactly what I was wondering.” Nathan spun to find Jess standing in the doorway, hip cocked to the side and her hands at her waist. She looked sexy as hell, and his body hummed to life. “I told you, I don't need your help.”

“I heard you.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“I just thought I'd come see how things were going.”

He was lying, but she didn't need to know that it was killing him to stay in the cabin, giving her the space she asked for, and not be near her. She didn't need to know he'd been standing at the window watching her, feeling like a stalker. But he was compelled by her, like a child near a fire. He instinctively knew it would hurt to touch, but he was powerless to stop himself.

She seemed to accept his excuse. At least, she let him believe she did.

Jess walked to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water, twisting off the cap and taking a long swallow before smiling, looking back at the door. “I've forgotten how much fun it can be.”

The smile on her face made his pulse speed up. “What's that?”

“Kids.” She jerked her thumb toward the pool, where he could still hear splashing and laughter. “They're kind of like horses, slightly wild, but tamed with a little direction and the right coaxing.”

She finished her bottle of water, and he couldn't stop staring at the elegant way her neck arched. She brushed past him to throw the plastic bottle into the recycling bin, and he moved behind her, slipping his hands to her waist. She stilled instantly, as if afraid to move.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice quiet yet demanding an answer.

“Nothing.” He brushed her thick braid from her shoulder, letting it dangle down her back, while his lips moved to the edge of her ear, his breath brushing over her cheek. “Why?”

Her jaw clenched and her hands gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. “Nathan, we had an agreement. Just friends.”

“Um-hmm.” His hands circled her waist and drew her back against him. “Friends hug, don't they?”

Technically, that's all he was doing, but his body responded like it was far more. She was hot against the front of him. He fought the urge to kiss her neck, to taste her again, to force her reaction to him, choosing instead to remain as still as his throbbing body would allow. He felt himself harden when she sighed and leaned back into him, her body softening into his embrace. But she hung her head forward in defeat.

“Nathan, please.”

“Please what?” He pulled her closer and felt the goosebumps break out on her arms. He rested his chin on her shoulder where he could smell the sweet vanilla of her body wash. Just the scent was enough to conjure the image of her wet and soapy in the shower. He fought the groan of yearning that rolled through him like a thunderstorm.