Hearts Under Siege (Civil War Collection) (16 page)

Chapter Sixteen

She couldn’t think with her mind devoid of anything but swirling, chaotic thoughts.

She didn’t know when she had slipped to the ground on her knees. She also didn’t know when the tears had started. They now streamed down her face.

Thomas appeared beside her and wiped at her tears with his sleeve.

“What is it?” he said, putting his arm around her shoulder and lifting her face with his other hand. “Ma chérie, what’s wrong?”

She thrust the photograph at him. He took it from her and looked at it, but of course it meant nothing to him.

“Do you know someone in here?”

She managed to focus on him, and a single word, Jeffy’s name, tore from her throat.

“Jeffy? Your brother?”

“But how?” He looked again at the photograph, quickly scanning the faces. “Which one?” he asked.

She pointed to the third soldier from the left on the front row, the one holding the pipe.

“Are you sure?”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

Thomas’s eyes became contemplative.

“Alexandra,” he said. “Don’t you see? He’s alive.”

She put her hands over her face and sobbed into them. Thomas rubbed her shoulders.

“Go away,” she said between sobs. “Alexandra, I just want—”

“I said go away, and leave me alone.”

Thomas crinkled his brow. He walked away, and she cried harder. She took a deep breath and glanced up.

The others gathered around Thomas watching her with furrowed brows. He still held the photograph and pointed to it, saying, “That’s her brother.”

Abigail stood in silence, doubtless battling her own demons. Cam, too, was quiet. Sarah babbled, but Thomas ignored her. Eli went back to his spot on the bank and sat down. He probably had issues of his own.

Sarah started toward Alexandra, but Thomas stopped her. “She said she wants to be alone.”

Alexandra took up her sobbing again. After a few minutes more, Abigail marched over to her, and Thomas didn’t try to stop her. Perhaps she had some insight the rest of them couldn’t fathom.

Abigail stood next to Alexandra and pulled her hair back from her face. Then she sat down beside her and waited. Alexandra’s tears stopped, and she wiped her eyes with her fingers. Abigail handed her a handkerchief.

“I’m sorry,” Alexandra said.

“Don’t apologize, Alexandra. You’ve just had quite a shock. Believe me, my reaction to Franklin was quite worse.”

“How do you stand it?”

“Stand it? I didn’t know there was any other choice.”

“Why did he do it?”

“Sometimes men, especially strong men, have to do what they feel is right, no matter what others think.”

“At least Franklin told you. Jeffy just let me think he was lost in the river.”

“Franklin didn’t tell me right away. We didn’t hear from him for some time after he…defected. I think they have to become accustomed to the idea of what they’re doing before they can let us in on it.”

“That makes sense.”

“When he comes to you, he’s going to need support.”

Alexandra took a ragged breath. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Do you love your brother?”

“Oh, yes.”

“How much?”

“Why, I don’t know how much. If something happened to him, I would never get over it. I would do anything for him.”

“There,” Abigail said. “Then you must do this for him. You must be there for him. When the war is over, he will come home, and he will still be your brother. None of this will matter anymore.”

Of course, it was so simple. Jeffy was her brother. Nothing else mattered.

“Thank you,” she said, hugging Abigail.

“I know how hard it is, dear. I’ve been there.”

Alexandra blew her nose again and wiped her eyes.

“Now,” Abigail said. “What are you going to do with him?” She indicated Thomas with a slight nod in his direction.

“What do you mean?” She gritted her teeth. He had walked away when she needed him.

“He’s standing there looking ridiculously lost.”

She tossed a glance in his direction. He ambled about with his head down and his hands in his pockets. Alexandra almost smiled.

“He doesn’t care,” she said instead.

“On the contrary, he cares so much, he doesn’t know what to do about it.”

“I don’t think I believe that.”

“Surely, you can see he’s in love with you. He doesn’t want to do the wrong thing. That’s the only reason he allowed you to sit here and cry. If you gave him half a chance, he’d come over here and hold you right now.”

“Do you think so?”

“I know so.”

“I think he just wants to take me home.”

“Only because he believes you’d be safer there.”

Thomas didn’t give them time to speculate further on his intentions. He appeared on her other side; though he didn’t touch her.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yes, thank you,” she said with her chin lifted, not making eye contact.

Abigail narrowed her eyes and pursued her lips.

Alexandra gave in and looked at him. “I’m sorry I was rude to you. I’m just very distraught.”

“Come here,” he said, pulling her against him.

Some of the tension melted away. Everything would be all right. Jeffy, at least, had not died in the steamboat explosion.

And Thomas held her in his arms.

Abruptly, he untangled himself from her. “We leave in the morning,” he said, and walked away without waiting for a response. He shuffled through their gear.

Alexandra sighed and strode up to him. Her mind whirled with confusion
.
You’re abrupt, Thomas, loving one minute and stalking away the next. What am I to think?

“What are you doing?” she asked. “We need money, to pay Abigail for the horses.”

She nodded and rummaged through a bag.

Abigail all but gave them the horses, and that wouldn’t do. Alexandra and Thomas emptied their baggage of the last of their currency, a measly one dollar fifty cents between them. Together they approached Abigail.

“What’s this?” she asked, looking at the money in Thomas’s hand.

“For the horses.”

She drew back, frowning. “No. Keep it,” she snapped.

“We won’t accept them unless you allow us to send you proper payment later on.”

She nodded.

“Thank you,” he said, and marched off without a glance to either her or Alexandra.

Alexandra went to her horse and hopped on. Thomas sat astride his, moving ahead. She stayed behind as the hours stretched. Thomas kept his words short, surly, and few between. Her heart weighed heavy in her chest.

She grasped the reins as her horse decided to catch up with Thomas’s at a sudden trot.

Try again. Surely, you can’t remain this way forever, Thomas.

She pulled up beside him, keeping her horse at an easy pace. “Thomas, please talk to me. If I did something wrong, tell me so I can make it right.”

“You did nothing wrong. I just don’t have anything to say.”

“I’m sorry for my rude behavior. I didn’t know what I said. Please, forgive me.”

He remained silent, and she began to think he wasn’t even going to bother answering her this time.

“I told you. There is nothing to apologize about. I understand completely.”

“No, you don’t. You’re angry with me.”

“I am not angry, but if you keep insisting, perhaps I will be.”

She sighed in resignation. He hadn’t forgiven her for her unknown insult. Perhaps he needed more time. Abigail and Sarah had both suggested she give him space to work out whatever bothered him. She only hoped they were right and he would come around.

If he lost interest
…
She closed her eyes against the swell of pain.

****

Every hour, every minute, every second, Thomas’s senses filled with her. He didn’t want to be in love with Alexandra. He didn’t want to be in love with anyone.

He glanced at her. Her head drooped
.
Time to stop for the night.

She hadn’t said anything to him in at least three hours. He told himself he wanted it that way. But in truth, he missed that easy closeness between them.

He dismounted and went to assist her. His hands grasped her waist, and he shook in his resolve to maintain distance between them. It would be so easy and natural to pull her against him. To love her.

When her feet hit the ground, their gazes met and held. Pain reflected in her eyes. He didn’t like being the one to put it there. But one day she would thank him. He turned away and brushed and fed the horses.

Remain distant from he
r
became a mantra.

After the war, she would go back to her life as a southern belle, and he would go back to his life as an attorney. He wasn’t cut out to work on a plantation, and he couldn’t pull her away from it and put her in the city. It would just never work. He wouldn’t think of her again.

Why did she look so devastated? She would have countless men available at her beck and call. Men more suitable to her lifestyle. Men ready to get married and settle down with a family.

Thomas needed coffee and built a fire. Shadows of dusk settled over them as Alexandra unpacked food from a smaller bag.

Thomas noted the shadowed and haunted look of her eyes. He would have to explain to her why they needed to keep distance between them. Why they couldn’t continue to grow close. He hoped he could remember long enough to tell her.

A rustling in the brush to his left caught his attention. Thomas reached for the pistol lying on the ground next to him and glanced at Alexandra .

“Howdy,” a man of indiscernible age called as he appeared in the clearing with a thick pack on his back and a musket in his hand. A beard covered his dirty face, and he wore a fur cap with tattered clothes. A trapper perhaps? He smelled like one.

Thomas watched him warily, not responding as the new arrival stepped toward them.

Thomas took a step aside to block the man’s view of Alexandra.

“I’m sorry to intrude on you like this,” the stranger said. “My name’s George Monroe.” He extended his hand.

Thomas made no move to accept it. Something wasn’t right about him.

“I was just passing through and saw your fire. I was hoping you could spare a cup of coffee. I’m slap dab out.”

Thomas scowled, hoping he wouldn’t have to exert the energy to kick him out. Alexandra stepped from behind him.

With a doleful look, she said, “Of course, Mr. Monroe. We’re always willing to help a fellow traveler.”

“Well, that’s mighty kind of you, ma’am.” George walked up to their fire and sat down before it. “I can’t say when I last experienced genuine southern hospitality.”

Ignoring the withering glance from Thomas, or perhaps in spite of it, Alexandra said, “We were just about to have supper. Perhaps you’d like to join us.”

“That’s mighty nice of you to ask. Yes, ma’am, I’ll join you for a bite. If’n it’s not too much trouble,” he added, with a glance toward Thomas. “In fact, I’ve got me a plate right here,” he said, taking a plate from his knapsack.

As Alexandra heated stew in a small copper pot, George watched Alexandra, and Thomas watched George.

“There’s quite a storm south of here. I hope you’re planning on spending the night here so’s you can miss it.”

Thomas narrowed his eyes. “George” was making quite a bold assumption in assuming they were heading south.

“We just came from south of here,” Thomas lied. “We didn’t see any signs of a storm.”

George picked up a piece of chicken and chewed as he studied Thomas. “Well, then, I reckon you got lucky,” he said.

Thomas knew they understood each other. George shifted his position, twitchy. It seemed he knew he was caught. But why did he lie?

Alexandra shot Thomas a disapproving glance as she handed him a piece of bread. Guilt wracked him. He had hurt her without any explanation, yet she went along with him in this current situation. Despite what he had done, she still trusted him. He ached to go to her and thank her for believing in him. It was for the best, he reminded himself. She would be grateful to him one day.

“This is mighty good,” George said, having brought watchful eyes to Alexandra.

Thomas’s patience boiled over. “You’ll finish up and be on your way,” he ordered in a harsh whisper.

George grunted noncommittally and stuffed his mouth with a piece of bread.

Thomas scrutinized him. The man’s eyes remained on Alexandra. Did George follow them because she was a beautiful woman or because he knew her previously? Probably the latter because most men wouldn’t have the gumption to seek out a strange woman, no matter how attractive, when she traveled with another man. As far as George knew, they were married. Thomas smiled mischievously to himself and decided to play up that angle, fairly certain Alexandra would play along, no matter how unhappy the thought made her.