Heaven or Hell (18 page)

“I know what you’re thinking, but Jessie, sometimes calm isn’t good. I promise it’ll all work out,” Joe responded.

“I said I’d be back.” Jessie’s voice was louder than she intended as she exited the room without a glance in Joe’s direction.

The nerve of that man. It simply wasn’t okay for him to show up, and like a tornado turn their world on end, and then leave again. Jessie had to sort through her own thoughts on the topic of her brother. She wanted to make sure this wasn’t about her, and that she was simply trying to protect her niece.

CHAPTER 17
 

TERESA’S AUNT BURST FROM HER DAD’S hospital room and took off in the opposite direction from JJ and Teresa. “Aunt Jessie?” As she sped up in an attempt to catch her aunt, Teresa half-turned to her son. “Wait here. I want to find out what’s going on.”

Wow, the tiny woman moved fast—her power walks were paying off. “Aunt Jessie? Wait up.” Teresa reached her aunt at the end of the hall.

“Oh, Teresa, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.” Aunt Jessie turned toward Teresa, who was shocked to see her aunt with a pale face and droopy eyes.

“What’s going on? Did he die?” Teresa’s heart skipped a beat. She didn’t know if this was at the thought of being an orphan or if she truly felt something toward her father. Damn this situation.

“Not yet. But the man’s in rare form,” Jessie snapped.

“What did he do to you?”

“He can’t do anything—it’s what he’s saying. I wish I hadn’t encouraged you to see him. The fool has concocted a pack of lies to … Well, you’re probably going to need to talk to him and decide.” For the first time in Teresa’s life, her aunt seemed old. The woman’s knuckles whitened as she gripped her purse tighter.

“What? We know this about him. But he didn’t lie when he was sober. Maybe it’s the pain medication?” Teresa suggested.

“No, my dear. He’s refused all pain medicine. The man’s quite sober.” Jessie crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Well, maybe he’s delusional. We just need to take it all with a grain of salt.” Teresa tried to digest what her aunt had said.

“That, my dear, is an excellent idea, and I’m hoping these old wounds stay healed.”

“Or buried—whatever the case may be,” Teresa said. Her stomach clenched at the thought of those buried old wounds.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll get an earful on that one,” Jessie murmured.

“What?” Teresa asked.

“Never mind. I’m just an old woman babbling. I’m going to the restroom. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Teresa, you and JJ should go talk to your father and let him get it over with. Better yet, maybe I’ll go and get some coffee, too, and let you all have some time together.”

“Whatever you want.” Teresa hugged her aunt and decided this wasn’t the time to bring up JJ’s current legal issues. She’d wait until later when Aunt Jessie had calmed down. “We’ll just say our good-byes to Joe and leave it at that,” Teresa said.

“Okay, good luck with that, my dear.” Aunt Jessie’s shoulders hunched over as she slowly walked away from her niece.

Strange behavior, indeed. The old melodrama that seemed to follow Joe everywhere had seeped back in by way of her aunt. Teresa was determined to cut the visit short tonight once they said their final good-byes. After years of peace, reviving the disturbances of the past wasn’t worth the upset. God only knew why her dad had waited so long to contact her, and at this point why he’d bothered at all.

Teresa recalled her father drinking, but never being drunk. Most of this madness took place after her mother became ill—although her dad had gotten much worse after Angela had died. Teresa’s mother had tried to get Joe to quit drinking during that period, but to no avail—though maybe her failure as well as his inability to quit were both because her mom had been extremely ill. In fact, the doctor said her mother’s reaction to chemo was unusually severe—something the doctors couldn’t have foreseen.

Teresa’s memories of this period were blurred on purpose, and now as she focused on the forgotten time, feelings of indignation toward her father filled her entire body. It had to be his binge drinking and disregard for everyone that had hastened her mother’s death.

Fortunately, Teresa’s aunt had been the only relative to come across her father when he was knee deep in the bottle. Her aunt had tried more than once to bring her dad home from the bars, and each attempt appeared to elicit a worse reaction than the previous one. However, Aunt Jessie always refused to discuss what’d happened and how her dad’s behavior changed when he drank. Teresa could see her dad’s drunken ugliness on her aunt’s face—and on Aunt Jessie’s body sometimes, too. The woman usually returned with a new bruise and tears in her eyes.

Wound up and in a less forgiving frame of mind than a minute before, Teresa entered her dad’s hospital room to find JJ at Joe’s side—laughing.

Her son stood on the opposite side of the bed facing Teresa as she approached. “I thought I told you to wait outside,” Teresa snapped at JJ.

The boy’s smile left his face. “Not exactly, Mom. You told me to wait. So, I waited in here.”

Teresa’s jaw tightened, and she turned her attention to her father. “Joe, we came to say our good-byes and we’ll be leaving soon. I’m not sure this was a good idea. I don’t want you getting so comfortable with my son, either.”

“I’m leaving soon, too,” her dad whispered.

“They’re releasing you?” JJ asked with a sparkle in his eye.

“Not exactly that,” Joe answered.

Teresa frowned at her father’s interaction with her son and the obvious awe in JJ’s eyes. “Okay, we get that you’re dying, Dad. You’ve got Aunt Jessie upset, and you’re stirring things up with me. I’m not sure any of us are ready for this or that we need this.”

“Well, I like that you called me Dad. It’s been a long time.” Joe spoke slowly, between shallow breaths. “I’ve really screwed up, and it’s way too late to do much about it. I’m sorry.”

“Why’d you wait so long? Why now, when there’s no time left?” Teresa asked. She felt her eyes sting from salty tears forming.

“I was scared before, but I’m dying now, so it’s different—I don’t have anything more to lose.” Joe’s face turned red.

“Once again, you’re only thinking about yourself. What about us? We looked for you, for years,” Teresa said. She’d waited a long time to deliver these charges against her dad, and despite her vow to not get into it, couldn’t resist saying those words.

He looked sad and ill, but Teresa wondered if he had any genuine remorse.

“I know, I know. I was sick. Alcoholism is a disease, and I was in no position to be anything to anyone.”

“I don’t get it. You sobered up and still stayed away …” Teresa shook her head.

“I got real busy thinking I was doing the right thing saving souls, not realizing the most important souls are right here in this room with me tonight. I’m sorry,” Joe mumbled.

“Joe, it just sounds so weak,” Teresa said. Fine words, but too little, too late, she decided.

“Well, it’s what I’ve got at this point. I’ve got no excuse.” Joe’s voice sounded hoarse.

“Aunt Jessie says you’ve made up some reasons …”

“Oh, no. She’s talking about the notebook … It’s not an excuse. I’m responsible for all of this. My actions, my responsibility,” Joe said.

“You know, it’s really hard to be here,” Teresa told him. “I didn’t want to do this at all, and now it’s really hard not to be mad and walk out of here for good.” She made no attempt to hold back the anger in her voice.

JJ’s eye’s widened and his face went a lighter shade of pale. He nodded at Teresa in what appeared to be a form of encouragement, and for one brief moment she understood how lucky she was that he’d turned out to be such a good person.

In a calmer voice, Teresa continued, “You’ve got a grandson you could’ve met years ago. Your sister, your uncle, your cousins, everyone in your family worried about you for years. Everyone thought you were dead. About ten years ago, I would’ve welcomed this moment. I would’ve opened my arms, and taken you into my home. But now, I’m not up to this drama.”

“You seem to be doing pretty darn good to me.” Joe nodded a little, as much as he seemed able to move his head.

“It’s just too much, Joe. I don’t want my son sucked in … I don’t want my aunt sucked in … and I don’t want to be sucked in … into your death. Why couldn’t you just die quietly?” Teresa felt the vein on her forehead pulsate and a splash of heat rise up through her cheeks.

“I would’ve, but this is special circumstances.” Joe spoke slowly.

“Everything with you is special circumstances, Joe.” Teresa heard a high-pitched stranger’s voice leave her mouth. For a moment she froze, closed her eyes, took another deep breath, and sat in silence. In her head she began to repeatedly tell herself, “Do not let this man get to you. He’ll be gone soon.”

Joe interrupted her internal chant as he plowed onward in conversation. “I’ve got some things to share with you, Teresa. I wrote it out in that notebook your Aunt Jessie has. It’s not every detail, but most of it’s there.” Joe spoke in a surprisingly calm manner. “I’m really curious, although this may sound strange, I want to know if you’ve ever felt like something or someone is watching you. Have you ever heard strange noises in your house? Or have you seen anything … unusual?”

“What are you asking me, Dad?” Teresa snapped. She couldn’t follow his line of conversation.

“I’m talking about Angela.”

“Are you losing it? She died over twenty years ago.” Teresa’s control was about to crack—as if she had any restraint remaining.

“I know. I was there, remember?” her father asked.

“Yes, but it’s not the most positive memory. Do you remember that?” Teresa responded with her personal mantra still ringing in her ears: “He will not get to me.”

“Okay, I deserve it all, but this isn’t about me. I want to talk to you about your mother and your sister.”

“Are you still in denial, Dad?”

“Teresa, it’s all going to sound … well, a bit outlandish.”

JJ leaned in and loudly whispered, “Are you about to tell a ghost story because I swear I sense something in our house at times.”

“What are you talking about, JJ? Are you nuts, too?” Teresa resisted the urge to slap her son.

“No, Mom. I’ve felt the hair on my arms go up at times. I can’t put my finger on it, but something’s there.” JJ’s cheek muscles flexed when he spoke.

“See, Joe, you’re bordering on psychotic, and you’ve already infected my son.”

“Just listen for a moment.” Joe raised his voice as he continued, now speaking well above a whisper, and with what seemed to be a renewed energy. “For several years, your sister Angela has been following you, Teresa. She forgot who she was, but she’s been connected to you since her death.”

“You’re a deeply disturbed man. This type of thing happens in movies, not in real life.” Teresa folded her arms across her chest.

“I’m going to share some information with you now. I ask that you keep an open mind and try to remember this conversation for later on. It won’t matter right now because you’re not going to believe me. But later, when I’m gone, it’ll all make sense.” He turned to JJ, “Can you help with this?”

JJ nodded.

Teresa’s head pounded and a flaming red heat spread across the skin on her face. She spoke slowly, enunciating each syllable. “Why? Why can’t you just leave quietly? Why now, Joe?”

Hot tears fell down Teresa’s checks as she struggled to maintain an expressionless stare. JJ moved from the other side of the bed to Teresa’s side. He put his arm around his mother, obviously mistaking her angry tears for sadness. “We can leave now if you want, Mom.”

“No, JJ. Let’s hear what Joe has to say.” Teresa glared at her father.

Joe turned his head away. Teresa suspected he had tears of his own.

“I’m sorry, Joe. Did you say something?” she pushed.

“What? No, I …” Joe wiped his face with the back of his hand and cleared his throat. “It’s probably Angela. She’s here.”

“Oh, now you’ve completely lost your mind,” Teresa said.

“No. I can feel it. I think if you calmed down you could feel it too,” he whispered.

“What is this, Joe?” Teresa asked.

“Your sister was supposed to go to wherever we go when we die.” Joe raised his voice.

“Heaven?” Teresa interrupted.

“Okay, heaven,” Joe agreed. “Listen, Angela didn’t want to leave you to deal with your mother’s death alone. Because I disappeared, she stayed on, and after a while she forgot who she was. Angela hung around for years, not knowing why she was drawn to you.”

Joe reached for his water. His left hand shook causing the straw to fall to the ground. Water splashed down his face the moment he attempted to drink directly from the cup. Teresa watched in silence and remained in place staring at her father. With his hand still shaking, Joe reached for a tissue. The box fell on the floor. Joe rolled his eyes, coughed, and used his hand to wipe the water off of his face. JJ came over to pick up the box and took out a tissue—then mopped Joe’s sagging cheeks.

“When your mother died, she tried to take Angela with her. Angela refused to leave.” Joe’s voice weakened as he spoke.

Teresa took a deep breath. She’d heard enough. “I think we’ve talked plenty for tonight. We’re leaving.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Her father raised his free hand and his yellow-tinted eyes begged her to stay.

“Joe, really. We’ve heard enough,” Teresa said as a calm wave flowed through her body.

“All I ask is that you hear me out. You don’t need to come back tomorrow, or any other day—unless you want to, of course. But right now, I’d like to finish.” His arm dropped back onto the bed.

“It’s okay, Mom. We can go if you want.” JJ put his hand on her elbow.

“What else, Joe?” she asked.

“Well, I was hoping to have a few minutes so I wouldn’t have to rush.”

“Mom?” JJ said. “We can go.”

Teresa, standing next to JJ, whispered directly in his ear. “No, JJ, let’s get this over with. He’s going to hang on until I listen.”

“I might be dying, but my hearing works. I can hear you … Please, just sit down. You’ll need this information for later on.”