Hello Loved Ones (18 page)

Would anyone stand by her?

She’d have to leave the church. How she’d miss Amelia Rozeboom and Sandra Van Ark from the prayer circle, and old Mrs. Vorst on the organ. She’d known them for years! Or else—and the more she considered this the more she believed it—she would be forgiven.
Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me!
Adulterous, deceitful, cowardly. But who did Jesus die for, if not the likes of her?

Imagine kneeling before the Lord with her soul laid bare! Standing before the faithful, being truly welcomed by their outstretched arms.

I was lost but now I’m found.

What about Phillip? What would happen to him once everyone found out Sally was his daughter? He’d probably lose his job. He’d have to move away and Sally would lose him.

Found, then lost.

Was that what she wanted?

Maybe she ought to leave it alone. Hadn’t she made it this far? There was the time when Sally was five years old, right after Richard left for good, when she kept saying
where’s daddy? I want daddy.
It was hard on all of them, especially Lenny.
He’s not coming back
, he’d say, patiently at first, until he finally yelled
can’t you get it through your thick skull?
Later she heard him crying in his bed.

Hadn’t Prudy wanted to drag Sally over to the church right then and tell her
never mind that daddy. Here’s another one. Your real one.
She thought she might be able to make things right while Sally was young, before she got to the age where she could suffer the way Lenny was suffering. It was too much to hope that Sally might take Richard’s leaving well, like Nell. Even as a child, Nell had a knack for turning adversity into a life lesson. The most emotional Prudy ever saw Nell was the time Sally was seven and delirious with fever. It was the middle of the night. Prudy was so scared she called Phillip and made him come over. Poor Nell came shuffling down the hallway in her nightgown, and when she saw the pastor she started wailing, certain he was there because Sally was dying. It was then that Prudy knew there was no halfway. Phillip was in, or he was out. Anything else was too confusing.

Now here was the banquet. It was always visible, a storm cloud on the horizon. The fact that Phillip allowed it to continue for so long had always astounded Prudy. Tradition or not, it was his church. Why didn’t he make the church board put their money toward something else? A carnival maybe, or camping trip. Was the banquet his way of punishing himself? Or worse, did the tragedy of it fail to register with him?

Maybe he’d been waiting, just like her, for Sally to turn sixteen, knowing they’d be forced into something.

There was a right way for this to happen: Phillip would tell Sally. Alone. Prudy couldn’t bear to see her first disbelieving look. Besides, Phillip was used to serious discussions. Preparing someone for death, or plumbing the dark depths of a sinner’s soul, it was all in a day’s work for him. If he could make Sally understand their affair there might be a chance for forgiveness.

Afterward, Sally would come to accept Phillip. Maybe even be proud of him. He was an important man, a leader, and a far cry better than a deadbeat drunk. Sally might even want Prudy to marry him. How would Prudy explain? She couldn’t very well tell her that Phillip was no more attractive to her than their slouchy, stuttering garbage man. In fact, she couldn’t believe she’d ever enjoyed his touch.

There was no use remembering those other feelings. The hopefulness, the tenderness, the longing. Anyway, what was love but a different kind of storm cloud? Heavy with confusion. Ruinous. Here, then gone.

Nothing but clear skies, please! As she dressed she found herself whistling. She had the nine to six shift today at the factory. This year would mark her ten year anniversary at John Thomas Batts. Fifty hours a week on the line assembling wooden hangers. She’d get a silver watch. Since they weren’t allowed to wear jewelry of any kind to work, the employees joked.
Hey boss, how many years before I get my tiara?
But it meant something. When Prudy got hers, she planned to keep it in her underwear drawer with her wedding band and a $50 savings bond her parents gave her on her wedding day. Maybe wear it to church.

The long hours didn’t faze her anymore. Factory work helped her mark time. Every half hour broken by a whistle. Rotate stations. You fall into a rut. You start to think the unanswered questions of life will maybe slip away, leaving you in peace. Then one day you wake up and it’s like some giant alarm clock is clanging in your head. Move it! Now’s the time! Go, go go! You spring into action the way you would if you were late, with that same feeling. How could I be so careless? What’s wrong with me!

Thank God she was up. And ready. For better or worse, something was going to happen. She stuck her head in Sally’s room to wake her. What she saw on the pillow was a head of dark hair. Not Sally’s.

“Lenny!” she said. “What are you doing here?”

He groaned and flopped over. “Trying to get some sleep.”

“Where’s Sally?”

“How would I know?”

“You’re in her bed.”

“It’s been her bed for a week. It was mine a lot longer.” He pulled the sheet over his head.

She went and knocked on the bathroom door. She could hear Nell humming in the bathtub.

“Where’s your sister?” she called.

“Haven’t seen her.”

She sighed and went back to the bedroom.

“How long have you been here?” she asked Lenny.

He groaned again.

She reached over and pulled the sheet back. “Lenny!”

“I came home to get some breakfast,” he said groggily. “The bed was empty so I got in.”

She slapped his leg. “Get back to the church. You’re supposed to be working.”

Prudy looked around, annoyed. Where was Sally? Prudy wanted to tell her that she could walk over to Steketees today to look at dresses. Nell would be hurt. When she went to the banquet, she wore a dress that she and Prudy made from some nice organza they found on sale. A new dress was a luxury they couldn’t afford. But what Nell wouldn’t know was that Prudy was going to make Phillip buy Sally’s dress.
Thanks for sixteen years worth of hand-me-downs
, she’d say, handing him the receipt.
It’s time you spring for something new
.

Her next thought surprised her.
This is going to be fun
.

She went to the kitchen, calling Sally’s name, half expecting her to be sitting at the table eating breakfast, ignoring her, in full-blown surly mode. She wasn’t there.

Prudy went out the screen door into the yard.

“Sally?”

It was 8:30 a.m. Prudy was lucky to pull Sally out of bed by now.

“Sally?” Hurrying now, she went back in the kitchen. Nell came in toweling her hair.

“I can’t find her anywhere,” Prudy said, an ominous feeling taking hold of her. Did she really think that by writing that letter Sally would give up on her dad?

“She’d better not forget about Mandy,” said Nell. “She’s supposed to take her to Bible School today.”

“She must be upstairs, then,” Prudy said, relieved. She went back outside and climbed the steps to the Veenstra’s apartment. But when she reached the landing, the door opened and Mandy tripped out as if she’d been pushed. Before Prudy could speak, the door slammed shut.

“Mandy! Sally’s not with you?”

Mandy shook her head.

Prudy’s heart skidded. “Hold on there,” she said, breathless. She turned and hurried back down the steps, calling over her shoulder, “Just sit there and wait a minute, honey.”

In the kitchen, she found Nell at the sink.

“Where could she have gone?” Prudy asked. “To Frannie’s maybe? Or Deb’s? She wouldn’t go to the church this early, would she?”

Nell shook her head. “Like I was trying to tell you last night. She skipped out on the whole first morning. She ran over to that gas station and we didn’t see her again until song circle started.”

Right. Nell had told her. But she hadn’t really listened. She’d been dead on her feet after her shift at the factory. Besides, with Nell it never stopped. Sally did this. Sally did that. Prudy couldn’t keep grounding Sally for every little thing.

Lenny shuffled in, frowning. “The gas station? Was Cash there?”

Nell nodded. “Yeah, he was there. She went to talk to him.”

“What for?” Prudy asked.

“She was going on about finding Dad.”

Face to face.
Those were Sally’s words.

“Does Cash have a car?”

Lenny threw up his hands. “Don’t look at me. We’re not exactly buddies.”

“Well where
is
she?” As if repeatedly asking would produce an explanation.
Of course, I forgot! She’s taking a jog. Or she’s having coffee next door with Mrs. Beyer.
Only she didn’t jog. She didn’t drink coffee.

How about:
she ran away? She’s lying dead on the highway.

“She doesn’t do this sort of thing, does she? While I’m at work? She doesn’t just disappear, does she?” This might be old hat in her household, Sally gallivanting around while Prudy had her head in the sand.

Lenny shrugged.

“You watch her, right Nell? You would know.”

“Maybe she’d go to Frannie’s,” Nell said, “But not this early.”

Frantic now, she told Lenny, “Get over to the gas station and see if this Cash kid is there and if he knows anything.”

But Lenny slouched against the counter. “I’m not talking to Cash! I’m on probation, remember?”

“You don’t understand. Your sister could be halfway to Kalamazoo by now.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Nice going.”

Prudy stared. “What?”

“I know about the letter, okay?”

Something in her started to sink. “What about the letter?”

“I know Dad didn’t write it.”

“What are you talking about?” How could he know? Had he somehow seen her mail it?

“Come on,” he said. “I know you did it.”

Nell was looking at her closely. “Mom?”

Prudy made a face. “Why would I write Sally that letter?”

“Because you don’t want Dad taking her to the banquet,” Lenny said.

“That’s true, but—”

“So you should have known it would just make things worse.”

The look he gave her! She didn’t have to admit anything. “What makes you think you know so much?” she said.

“Never mind.” There was disgust in his voice. Just wait, she thought. Wait until it all comes out.

“I was trying to spare Sally’s feelings!” she cried.

Lenny rolled his eyes. Nell sighed, disbelieving.

“Is this about making her go with Pastor Voss?” Nell asked.

“Let’s just start looking for her,” Prudy said. Here it was. The unraveling. She should have sat them down a long time ago when they were still children.
I have something to tell you
. When they would have loved her with a child-like faith. Then none of this would be happening.

“But I’ve got my training this morning!” Nell said.

“How much training do you need to stand in the middle of the street with your hand up?” Prudy snapped, not meaning to hurt her, but really! What was wrong with them? Didn’t they realize that Sally would never take off without permission? She wasn’t that kind of girl. Or maybe she was. Was there a side of Sally that was hidden to Prudy? Maybe all her children lived separate lives. Maybe they laughed with one another about how gullible their mother was. Was that why Lenny and Nell didn’t seem worried? Or was it because, despite their ages, they truly were still like children, not understanding the disasters of the world?

“Look for her yourself,” Lenny said, striding away.

“Please!” she called after him. “I’ll be late for work.”

“Go ahead,” Nell said. “I’ll call her friends.”

Prudy shook her head, hating herself for snapping at Nell. She reached over and touched her arm. “No. You can’t miss your first day. Get over to the police station.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’ve got to call Phillip,” she said, realizing too late. She’d never called him Phillip in front of her kids. The look on Nell’s face, the surprise and confusion, the quickly downcast eyes, made her squirm.

“Go on,” Prudy said, wishing she could explain, just a little. But there was no way to prepare any of them. Anyway, wasn’t being prepared overrated? Her kids would stand by her. They had to. All they had was each other.

Thanks to her.

Nell

There ought to be a word for that feeling of being pulled two ways at once. If there was, Nell couldn’t think of it.
Torn
. That was close, but too willy-nilly. Indecisive people were torn. No, she was stuck equally between two angers, not knowing which was worse. Why did Sally have to pick today to pull such a stupid stunt? Did she bother to think how she would ruin Nell’s big day, her first day with the Holland Auxiliary Police Department, training for a job that was not easy to get, thank you very much! And what about her mother, ruining her big night with Pastor Voss by butting in with that fake letter? Why, it was downright deceitful! And Prudy was the most honest, the most moral, the most
Christian
person Nell knew. Besides Pastor Voss.