Hello Loved Ones (19 page)

Nell understood her mother’s reason for lying. Nell was afraid too. She didn’t want to have her dad back again, tamping her spirits down every time his eyes flicked over her. No one wanted all the bad feelings he was sure to bring. She imagined him standing in their living room, a Santa-like bag slung over his shoulder, bulging with slights and sounds still freshly wrapped after a decade.
Whew!
he’d groan, spilling it all over the floor.
Here we go! Some insults, a little foul language, and this big box here? Insecurities!

But what she’d decided, with a little help from her trusty diary, was that she could take it. If her dad’s coming meant that Pastor Voss was freed up for her, then she would be on Sally’s side. What better way to show a little grace under pressure? It would be hard, but with the proper planning, she could manage some cool lines, something Lauren Bacall-ish, to show the pastor her backbone. When she wrote that in her diary —
show him your backbone
—it caused her to spin into a reverie
tres risque
: him standing in the doorway of the bedroom on their wedding night, thoughtfully giving her space to undress, her naked back toward him as she perched on the bed.

So please, butt
out
, Mother! Let Sally do her thing.

Except.

Who knew it would come to this? Running away! She still thought Sally might be off sulking somewhere, just to throw a scare into Prudy. Still, she couldn’t help but worry. Worrying seemed to be her full-time job, along with shopping and cooking and washing, and watering the grass, and supervising homework, and keeping track of the bills. Now here was another worry: she might lose her new job if she missed today’s training.

She needed to get dressed, but she was too aware of her mother dialing the phone in the next room. Dialing Phillip.
Phillip!
Nell should be the one calling him that, not her mother. Why was she calling him Phillip, as if…Oh! She was making too much of it. She was prone to that. Still, she stopped in the hallway outside the kitchen and listened.

There was no greeting, just
Something’s wrong! Sally’s missing. You’ve got to help me find her.

Pause.

She wasn’t in her bed. I can’t find her anywhere.

Pause.

She’s not at Bible School. She’s gone to Kalamazoo to find Richard!

Then, an angry burst:
What does it matter? She was upset.

Pause.

Now begrudging.
She got a letter saying he wasn’t coming.

Then impatient.
Listen, I wrote it. I probably shouldn’t have, but I thought it would make her realize…

Don’t you start pointing fingers!

Nell’s hand flew to her mouth. She heard her mother draw a deep breath.

Fine. Start at the Texaco. Find out if Cash DeVries has a car. She might be with him. I’ll call her friends.

Pause.

They’ll dock my pay, but what can I do?

Next a sudden, muffled sob.
Oh God, Phillip. It’s all going wrong!

Nell slipped into her bedroom, heart pounding. Yes, all wrong! She couldn’t understand why he was the one her mother called. What was he supposed to do? Better to call the police. Or Nell could make a report in person, as soon as she got there.

Why wasn’t she going?

She kept thinking
wrong, all wrong!
You don’t call your pastor by his first name. You don’t yell at him like it’s all his fault. You only talk like that if you don’t see him as a pastor. If you see him as a man.

She reached for her dresser and held on tight with both hands. She couldn’t seem to make a move.
Torn
. That’s what she was. Between ignoring or admitting something she’d known for a long time.
For such a smart girl, you’re a real idiot
, she said, giving herself a hard look in the mirror. So they had a thing. An affair. So they were once
in love
.

It didn’t change anything! Nell had plenty to offer. A great new job, impeccable domestic skills, solid character. Above all, faith in the Lord.

She clasped her hands and bowed her head.
Please bring Sally home safe. Please make things normal again so I can have the chance to find the love I know you want me to find.

How she’d looked forward to today! To the white gloves, the stiff blue hat with the shiny black brim, the orange vest with the sewn-on badge that said Holland Auxiliary Police Department. Once she had her uniform, people would notice her. They’d have to, otherwise she’d be run down in the street! But what about
now
? She needed to be noticed now!

It seemed to her that misbehaving brought the most attention. Do a thousand good deeds and don’t rock anybody’s boat.
Splish splash!
That was the size of the thanks you got. But screw up and it’s
Mayday! Mayday! All hands on deck!!

Nell heard her mother blow her nose, then the sound of the phone being dialed again. Her mother would be calling Sally’s friends now. It wouldn’t do any good. Someone had to go after Sally.

Without a word, she went out the front door and down the sidewalk toward the church. She’d find a way to explain to Sergeant Van Zandt. He liked her. She’d seen that right away when she applied for the job. He gave her the once-over and immediately saw her for the no-frills, no-fuss girl she was. She liked to think it was her posture. But people with good posture showed up for work.

All she could do now was hope for a second chance.

She’d gone three blocks when she heard a strange clacking noise behind her. She turned to see Mandy running after her, dressed in ruffles and strappy shoes. Mandy! Nell had forgotten all about her. Sally was supposed to take her to Bible School today.

“Wait!” Mandy cried.

Nell groaned and shook her head. “Honey, I can’t.”

Mandy’s face fell.

“Oh, honey, come on,” Nell said. She couldn’t send her back to Mona. And she didn’t have time to bring her into the church. She’d just have to come along. “Hurry up, now. There’s been a little change of plans. Just follow me.”

“I thought you had training,” Mandy said.

You thought wrong
, Nell very nearly snapped. What had come over her? I
thought
. I
thought
. I thought it paid to be good! What if she was wrong?

What she needed was a good long session with her diary to sort things out, although she’d reflected plenty and had nothing to show for it. She was certain now: she’d die a spinster’s death. She’d become one of those old dried up parishioners clutching a large-print Bible, volunteering for every committee imaginable, wanting so much to be noticed, never realizing that being ever-present only makes a person into a fixture, requiring no more thought than a light switch or a folding chair.

“Something’s happened to Sally,” she managed to tell Mandy, because tears were threatening. Crying was another thing she did not do! “I have to help her. I have to show them….”

There would be other jobs. Anyway, what was a job compared to a life? A life was a collection of defining moments. She thought of the rocks she collected whenever Aunt Flookie took them out to Lake Michigan, each one worn down and spit out by the ever-changing tide. You had to look to find the good ones.

If Pastor Voss wasn’t willing to look, what was she supposed to do?

When she got to the church with Mandy in tow, she found Lenny sitting on the steps, staring over at the Texaco.

“Did you find anything out?” she called, flipping her thumb toward the gas station.

Lenny gave her a glum look. He hesitated. “Owner says Cash was there but left. With a girl.”

So they were right. She motioned for Lenny to follow her as she hurried past the church to the parsonage. There in the driveway sat Pastor Voss’ Ford Galaxie 500. She went over and peered in the window. Just as she suspected, the keys were dangling in the ignition.

“Get in,” she called over her shoulder. The driveway was behind the house. The room above them was probably the pastor’s bedroom.
Bedroom!
She couldn’t bear to think of all the wonderful mysteries that room would hold.

Lenny stopped. “He’s letting us drive his car?”

“Shhh!” she said, looking quickly toward the open window. “Just get in! You too, Mandy.”

Mandy obeyed but Lenny was frozen in place.

“You’re stealing Voss’ car?”

“It’s not stealing,” Nell whispered. “Just borrowing.”

He made a face. She could tell that he didn’t believe she’d do it.

“Come
on
,” she said, exasperated. Lenny of all people should understand. Obviously it took some rabble-rousing to be the center of attention. Well, she could rabble rouse with the best of them.

She opened the driver’s side door with sweating palms. She was an okay driver, but not what anyone would call confident. She was climbing in when Lenny ran over and pushed her.

“Are you crazy?” he said. “I’m already in trouble, remember?”

“So stay here. I’ll go alone.”

“Go where?”

“To find Sally.”

“You don’t even know where she is!”

“I’ve got Dad’s address,” she said. Lenny said nothing and Nell knew he’d seen the same slip of paper. Sally had it taped to her bedroom mirror, just daring someone to take it down.

“You’re taking her with you,” he said, pointing at Mandy sitting in the back seat. As in
sure you are
.

Nell flashed the girl a bright smile. “Don’t worry Mandy. I’ll have you home soon.”

“I don’t have to go home all day,” Mandy said. “Mona said so.”

“Then we’re good to go.” Nell pulled the door shut quietly and rolled the window down for some air.

Lenny leaned in. “Wait. This is not a good idea.”

“When did that ever stop
you
?”

“I don’t steal cars!”

Nell looked over her shoulder. “Mandy, I’m not really stealing. You know that, right?”

“I don’t care if you steal or not. I know you’re a good person.”

Nell smiled. Everyone else would know it too.

“Will you let me go?” she said to Lenny. “I haven’t got all day.” Prudy might be heading over right now to join forces with Pastor Voss. She didn’t want to get caught just sitting here.

“You’ll get arrested!”

Nell hesitated. She didn’t believe that, but she knew she could lose her job. And she hadn’t even tried on the uniform yet! But better now than after she got to know all the kids.
What happened to that nice crossing lady? Oh, didn’t you hear?

She turned the key and the car purred to life. She put it carefully in reverse.

Lenny jumped back as the Ford started to roll. “For chrissake!” he hissed. He ran around the front and flung open the passenger door.

“Will you a wait a goddamn minute and tell me what your plan is?” he said.

“I just told you!”

Didn’t he get it? Having a plan was not the point! If she found Sally no one would care about how she did it. If not, well, this was the kind of impetuous mistake—a momentary dance with the devil!—that would require hours of counseling with a spiritual leader.

He managed to get in the seat and shut the door before she was out of the driveway. He stared at her as she turned and braked, shifted into drive, pointed the car down 17
^th
Street and stepped on the gas.

“This is stupid,” he said. “Why not just let them go to the damn banquet together?”

“Fine by me,” she said, her knuckles white on the wheel.

“Bullshit! If it’s fine with you, what are we doing in this car?”

“They’ll thank me when I get Sally home safely.”

“Sure, Mom will love this. Now she’ll have a daughter charged with grand theft auto.”

“I’m not doing anything for Mom!” It came out like a snarl. Nell took a breath. “I want Sally to be happy.”

Lenny looked at her suspiciously. She tried to concentrate on her movements but it was hard. Her hands were where
his
had been. She was sitting where he sat. Every sag, every lump in the car seat was put there by the pressure of his body.

“Is this the way to the highway?” she asked, breathless.

There was a long pause. “Pull over,” said Lenny.

“No. You’re not stopping me.”

“I
said
pull over. You drive like shit.”