Her Baby Dreams (13 page)

S
he was late. She was late. She was late. Ashby hurried down the stairs, intent on getting to the shelter. Out of necessity, she'd taken time to change from the dress she'd worn to the store today into a pair of slacks. Anticipating a lively night of crawling around on the floor, playing with a herd of rambunctious little boys, she'd thought it only prudent. Still, she hated that she was running late. A flat tire was not what she needed to find waiting for her in the parking lot.

“Not now,” she groaned, just as Dan pulled into the parking lot.

“Hey,” she called, before he'd barely come to a stop. “I have a flat and need a ride. Quick.” Without waiting for an invitation, she wrenched open the door and hopped in.

“Sure,” he said, putting the truck in Reverse and backing out without even hesitating. At the road he paused. “Where are we going?”

“No Place Like Home. I'm babysitting the boys while everyone goes to a meeting, and I'm supposed to be there in five minutes.”

He grinned at her. “And so you shall be.”

As he headed the truck in the right direction, she put on her seat belt. “Thank you for this. I hate to make the ladies get off to a late start, since they have a two-hour drive ahead of them.”

“No problem. So, are you going to have any help?”

She glanced at him, and though she really hated to admit it, she was happy to see him. “Nope. Just me and the boys. The little boys. Max went home after school with a friend.”

“Aren't you the brave one.”

She met his smile with one of her own. “Not really. They're good little dudes. And contrary to rumors circulating around town, I can hang with the best of them when it comes to playing.”

He laughed. “You're never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“After the hard time you gave me? Not on your life, cowboy.”

When they got to the shelter, there was a flurry of action as last-minute details were shared and Dottie and the four other ladies piled into the van and drove away.

Dan was standing on the porch conversing with the three toddlers when Ashby turned back from waving goodbye.

“The boys and I thought the swings might be fun,” he said, grinning like a kid himself.

Ashby's heart did a little happy skipping of its own as she looked at the motley entourage. It was a very dangerous picture. “I thought you'd be heading back to town.”

“Dan, play wiff us,” Jack said, tugging on his hand.

Dan grinned at Ashby. “Only if you make me. Why should these guys get to hang with the prettiest gal in the county while I have to go home alone?”

“You come swing,” Gavin said, joining his brother. The twins looked nothing alike, but they obviously thought alike.

“Wait, little buddy, we have to see what the boss says.” Dan lifted an eyebrow and gave Ashby that smile.

Looking at the smiling man, Ashby couldn't imagine him saying he might not want kids. He was a natural with them. “Okay. You can swing with us.” Somehow this evening had taken an unexpected turn down an avenue she wasn't so sure she was going to be able to navigate intelligently.

“Yee-haw, boys, it's a go!” Dan whooped and swung baby Bryce into his arms as Gavin and Jack raced down the steps. In a flash the boys rounded the corner to the huge swing set the men from town had built.

Dan held his arm out to her. “Going my way?”

Rose's words from the day before rang in Ashby's head. Was there a difference in the way he flirted with her? Or the way he looked at her?

She hated to admit it, but she hoped so because, call her a fool, the man had a way of looking at her that completely took her breath away.

Her brains, too, for that matter.

 

“How'd the twain go 'gin?” Jack asked, then yawned.

He was the last holdout from falling asleep, and Dan stood in the doorway and watched as Ashby stroked the boy's bangs out of his heavy-lidded eyes.

“Toot-toot,” she answered.

From his position, Dan couldn't see her face, but he could hear the smile in her voice.

He yawned himself as she continued the story she'd been telling the twins. Gavin had faded moments before, and Dan knew it was only a matter of minutes before Jack gave up the fight.

All night Dan had been acutely aware of how good Ashby was with the boys. The three-year-olds were extremely curious and seemed to be very well adjusted. And they were happy. Their mothers had done well getting them away from their violent fathers at such a young age. Unlike him, these boys would probably have no memories of their past life…which was a good thing. His mother had lived with the regret that she'd kept him in harm's way until he was six. He sometimes thought that one reason he'd been so quick to start smiling once he was in the shelter was that he'd been so grateful he hadn't gotten a beating that day.

“Dan, are you awake?”

Ashby's soft whisper in his ear startled him. He opened his eyes. “Sure I am. I was just thinking,” he said, pushing the thoughts away. He didn't let himself think of those first years of his life often. Someday, hopefully, they'd ebb from his memories completely. But since that wasn't happening, he usually shut them down on his own when they tried to rise to the surface. Looking at Ashby, he felt a longing deep inside him. She would make a wonderful mother. She made him long for a family.

“Come on, let's get going so we don't wake anyone up.” He draped his arm over Ashby's shoulders and hugged her gently as they walked downstairs together. “I'm worn-out. Who'd 'a thought three dudes barely to my knees had that much energy?”

Ashby chuckled. “But isn't it wonderful?”

“Yep.”

When they got to the living room, he dropped onto the couch and plopped his sock feet on the coffee table. He'd had a blast, but he was looking forward to a little alone time with the head babysitter. He patted the cushion beside him. “Come on down here, darlin', and put your pretty feet up here beside mine. You earned it.”

She hesitated, then made his day when she took the seat beside him. He didn't put his arm around her, but leaned so that their shoulders were touching. He yawned again.

“Hey, cowboy, you really sound tired.”

“It has been a long week.” He closed his eyes.

“I noticed you weren't around much.”

He yawned again. “Been up since four this morning.”

“No wonder you're yawning. It's after nine now.”

“Yep,” he said, his eyes still closed. “Tell me again how the train goes.”

Ashby chuckled softly and he felt her gentle fingers brush his hair off his forehead. “Toot-toot,” she said, and continued to gently stroke his hair with her fingers.

Dan sighed contently and fell asleep.

 

“Good morning, ladies,” Dan said, entering the candy store. Nive and Lynn always worked the front counter of the shop, while Stacy was more comfortable staying in the back, making the goodies he so loved to eat. Because she wasn't at ease interacting with customers, he always walked to the end of the counter to where he could see through the swinging saloon doors and made it a point to include her. “Hey, Stacy. You making something delicious back there?”

“Truffles,” she said, her doe eyes darting to his before returning to the chocolate mixture she was working with.

“That's what I'm talking about!” he said with gusto, winning a chuckle from all of them, including Stacy. Which made him smile. “Anybody ever tell you girls that you have some busy boys? Man, they wore me down last night.”

“Tell us something we don't know,” Lynn said. “Esther Mae and Norma Sue are watching them right now, though, and believe it or not, it'll be the boys who'll be worn out by the time we get home.”

“That was nice of you to help Ashby last night,” Nive said. “She really loves babies.”

Dan nodded. “I could tell. She didn't actually need me, of course. The woman had it under control.”

“She has excellent maternal instincts,” Lynn said.

That was for certain. She'd been so good with the boys. And then he'd fallen asleep. When she woke him up at eleven and told him the van was pulling up outside, she'd already cleaned up the disaster the boys had made in the living room and had the kitchen cleaned up, too.

She'd been working while he'd been sleeping. It hadn't been exactly the scenario he'd envisioned when he'd sat down on the couch.

“Speaking of mothers,” he said, getting back to the reason for his trip to the candy store. “Stacy, you'll never guess what I saw this week when I was down in the back section of my property, checking cows.”

She paused in her mixing and looked across the space between them. “What?” Her voice was as soft as a breath of air.

“A mama raccoon and four babies balancing on a wire fence.”

“Balancing,” all three ladies echoed.

He chuckled. “Yeah, they were hanging on with both front and back feet. If they'd been opossums they'd have been using their tails, too.”

Stacy smiled. “You're teasing. Raccoons can't do that, can they?”

“Now you hurt my feelings,” he joked, looking crestfallen when she glanced at him again. “I don't need to tease about something that's true. Maybe they were raccoons that had been raised by an opossum, and they were trying to blend in. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.”

She giggled, and it was like the sweet, clear sound of a wind chime. “D-did they run?”

“Yep.” He relaxed against the counter and winked at Nive, who was watching him with knowing eyes. She winked before going back to filling what looked like a big order. The candy store supplied specialty shops in several surrounding towns, and kept the ladies busy. Dan watched Stacy wipe her hands on a cloth, then move the pan to the cooling rack.

“So, I saw Emmett the other day,” he said, eliciting a new blush. “He told me he's buying a house.”

She walked from the back, tugging off the net that held her long hair out of her face. “Dottie told me,” she said, stopping a few steps away and running her hand along the counter edge. She looked up at him. “He did, too.”

Dan grinned. “Talked to ya, did he?” He'd told Emmett he needed to start talking to her instead of just hovering.

Her lips curved and her eyes dropped again as she nodded. “He's quiet.”

Dan wanted to burst out laughing. Emmett was so quiet the two of them could have a date in a library. Instead of saying that Dan just grinned. “He's a good man,” he said. “He's the kind of man a woman could trust.”

She bit her lip and a pained expression crept into her eyes as she studied the street through the window. “I know.”

The words were almost a whisper. Dan knew she knew it, but it would take more than that for her heart to convince her head that she could trust him. And that was something Dan couldn't fix for her. He could only build a friendship and a bridge of trust that might extend to others.

“Hey, I'm thinking about having a barbecue out at my place since the site is all cleaned up. What do you think about that? You know, to thank everyone for all their help.” The idea had hit him on the spur of the moment, but he found he liked it, for several reasons. Asking Stacy's advice might build her confidence, he did need to thank everyone for all they'd done and a party meant Emmett and Stacy would have an opportunity to socialize.

Dan thought of Ashby and liked the idea of socializing a little himself.

“That would be nice.”

“Would you come?”

Stacy looked down.

“Emmett will be there.” He was pushing, he knew, but a man needed to push when things were going his way. She nodded. “Then it's a done deal. Hey, ladies,” he called to Nive and Lynn. “We're having a party.”

A
shby hadn't been home from work long before she heard a knock on her door. When she looked through the peephole and saw Dan, her heart leaped in her chest. She'd thought of him all day, but was surprised to have such a strong reaction. That startled her as much as seeing him holding a handful of huge sunflowers.

“I saw these earlier and thought of you,” he said when she'd pulled the door open. He was smiling, but the minute their eyes met his smile disappeared.

“They're beautiful. Is something wrong?” she asked as she took the flowers.

“Do you have a few minutes?” He lifted the cylinder in his other hand.

“Sure. Are they the plans for your house?”

“Yup.” He followed her inside, and while she got a vase out of the cabinet, he removed the lid and let the contents slide out onto her table.

Despite her own unruly feelings, she was curious about what he'd come up with. She situated the flowers in the vase, then hurried over to study the drawings, telling herself that she had things under control. She was not falling for this cowboy.

The blueprints were for a nice-size four bedroom with an open floor plan. “I like the flow,” she said, pointing from the kitchen to the den and adjoining dining area. She and Dan were standing close and she was distracted by the scent of fresh soap and aftershave.

He swallowed and his gaze drifted to her lips. Just as quickly they shot back to the plans. “For some reason I thought you'd go for a formal setting. With the way your house is—” he cleared his throat “—so neat.”

She stared at him, unreasonably insulted by the remark. “Just because I like a neat house doesn't mean I'm formal. Not that there's anything wrong with that.” She thought of the rather stately living room and huge formal dining room in the home she'd grown up in. “My mother likes a very neat house and she runs a tight ship, as the saying goes. Anyway, neat isn't a bad thing.”
Obsessive is, though.

“I didn't mean that as an insult. To each their own.”

Ashby didn't believe him. She studied her small apartment with a critical eye. “I prefer something a bit more relaxed than my mother's preference. A little more child-friendly…. I guess you couldn't tell that by looking, though.” She suddenly wanted to run about and shake things up, throw a couple of pillows on the floor…. He was completely right in his assumptions. He could only judge her by what he saw of her actions and in her surroundings.

He gently cupped her chin and turned her to look at him. It was almost as if he could read her thoughts. “Like I said, I didn't say it was a bad thing. Kids will help you relax. You'll be a great mother, Ash. I saw that the other night. You were like supermama.”

His hand slid from her chin to the side of her neck. She was certain that he could feel her pulse racing.

She tried to remind herself not to react this way with him. She reminded herself that she'd watched him go into the candy store earlier. She'd been surprised to see him and had hoped he would drop by her shop to say hello, but he hadn't. She'd peered through the window when, a few minutes later, he'd exited the store whistling, gotten into his truck and driven off. Once again, she'd been left feeling like one of his many flirtations. That he'd helped her babysit didn't mean anything.

And he'd looked so happy leaving the candy store. Could Rose be wrong? Could Dan really have feelings for Stacy? That could be why he donated so much money to the shelter.

Looking at him now, savoring his touch, Ashby felt an ache deep inside her chest. She swung toward the table and blinked as the plans there blurred. Oh, no, she wasn't. She refused to feel sorry for herself, and the last person she wanted seeing her tear up was Dan. If he was truly drawn to Stacy, then Ashby should be happy for the woman, who definitely deserved happiness. And Dan really seemed to be a caring man beneath his flirtatiousness. Rose had been right when she'd said he was playful. And he
was
a good man…

He was standing so close! He hadn't said anything, but she could feel him watching her. Needing distance to get her head on straight, she went to the refrigerator. Her movements were jerky as she opened the door and pulled out a pitcher of iced tea.

The truth was, after talking with Rose, and then playing with Dan and the toddlers last night, Ashby had all but decided to take a step out on faith. To see if this connection she felt with Dan really meant anything…
Stupid. Silly. Dangerous.
Especially since she knew children weren't a certainty in his future.

“Ash, are you all right?” He'd followed her.

She willed her voice to behave. “I'm fine.” But she wasn't and she knew it.

 

Dan had to wonder what he was doing here, standing in Ashby's kitchen wanting nothing more than to kiss her sweet lips.

He'd come to town earlier to see her, and had forced himself to detour to the candy store instead. After the wonderful time they'd had taking care of the kids, something had changed. And he'd realized he didn't exactly know what was going on in his head. So he'd taken the safe route, gone to see Stacy and the others instead.

But he'd thought about Ashby all day long, and after checking the cows at his place he hadn't been able to resist cutting her a handful of sunflowers and swinging by.

Yep, he was one messed-up pooch.

Standing this close, he was having a hard time maintaining his composure. He took a step closer still, until they were almost touching. These irrational feelings were new to him.

She drew a shuddering breath, then slid away from him and snatched up the tea pitcher out of the refrigerator. “So, when are they going to start construction?” she asked, her voice betraying her breathlessness.

Fighting not to reach for her, Dan watched her pour tea into glasses. He wondered if she realized she hadn't asked him if he wanted any. She was shaken, all right. As shaken as he was.

Again, the worry that had dogged him all week hit him like a wrecking ball. “In a couple of weeks,” he said, focusing on her question. “The contractor I'm using is finishing up a couple of other projects before he can get started on mine. That means you're going to have to put up with me as a neighbor for a while.” He tried to make his voice light.

Placing the tea glasses on the table, she sat down and studied the plans. Drawn to her, he sat down beside her, close enough to catch the sweet scent of her hair. He inhaled deeply, leaning closer to her.

“I-I've noticed you seem to seek out Stacy all the time,” Ashby said, her eyes darting to his, then away.

Not exactly the conversation he'd been expecting. Her words distracted him from studying how graceful the curve of her neck was from her earlobe down to her shoulder.

Pulling back, he focused on her words. “I love it when Stacy talks,” he said, proud of the headway Stacy had made. “Not that she says a whole lot. But we're making progress. With someone who has suffered what she has, patience, persistence and love are the key to getting her to come out of her shell. It does my heart good to see it happening.” He was startled by how neat it felt to share that with Ashby.

Her green eyes filled with compassion. “You really care for her, don't you?”

He cared. “Yeah, I do.” He rolled the glass between his palms and watched the ice bob as he made a decision. “I know firsthand what she's going through. My—” He cleared his throat as it threatened to close off. But he wanted to share this with Ashby. “I lived at a shelter for almost two years, starting when I was six. And even after we got our own place, we volunteered at the shelter. So we remained connected to the women and other kids coming through the shelter.”

There were only three people who knew his background: Emmett, Brady and Dottie. Ashby was reacting as he'd suspected she would—with great empathy. He felt comfortable revealing his past to her. He'd been afraid he'd see pity, but that wasn't the case at all.

“I'm glad the shelter was there for you,” she said. “Your mother must have been a remarkable woman.” She blinked hard.

“She was.” He took a deep breath, feeling the familiar ache when he thought of her.

“Tell me about her.”

He smiled. “She was very much like Stacy. She was a timid woman. I never heard her say a harsh word. Her voice was soft….” Even when things were at their worst, the quietness of her voice remained more vivid to him than the rage in his father's. “She hadn't wanted me to remember the anger, or the blows. It took more guts than I can even begin to imagine, and more love for me, for her to escape to the shelter. Violence is often handed down from father to son, if the cycle isn't broken early enough. My mother feared for my life and the lives of my children, if I lived to have any.”

Tears welled in Ashby's eyes. “I can't bear to think about it. And you and your mother lived it.”

“She always said loving me gave her the strength to trust that the Lord would take care of us. That He was in control, and she just had to choose the path we were to follow. I look at Stacy and Rose and the others and see her.”

“Why would you let me think such horrible things about you?” Ashby asked him, anger flaring in her voice.

His throat felt as tight as his chest. He took a swallow of tea. She waited, watching him. Dan had never tried to explain it before. He rammed a hand through his hair.

“Why?” she asked again, the anger dissipating somewhat.

He realized he wanted to share his past with Ashby. “My mother taught me to minister to others. I used to love to make her smile. I found out early that I had a knack for teasing a smile out of her. I soon learned I could do it with the other ladies at the shelter.”

Ashby laid a soft hand on his arm. Her touch warmed him instantly and he met her gaze.

“I can just see you as a little boy. You learned to flirt early, didn't you?” The look in her eyes made his heart melt.

“Yeah. I did.”

He told her how he'd soon become the shelter's resident clown. And how he would go with his mother later on to help minister to the families that came after them. He'd learned a slow, easy smile and a kind word didn't always get him a smile in return; he had to keep going back, and pushing for that smile. “Winning the ladies' trust was all-important to me.”

He stopped talking, aware that Ashby's hand still rested on his forearm. It was a simple touch, but he was amazed at how comfortable he felt with her. Looking at her, he'd never felt so connected to anyone.

Gazing at Dan, Ashby was ashamed of how she'd misjudged him. Hearing about his childhood highlighted the sharp contrast to her own. He amazed her. And his mother…God bless her for what she'd done to give her child a better, safer life.

“What happened to your mom?”

Ashby knew she should take her hand off his arm, but their conversation had turned so serious, she felt a need to comfort him. Her question brought pain to his eyes and he suddenly covered her hand with his. Ashby couldn't explain the feelings that rocked through her. She felt guilty that she'd asked the question that brought pain into his eyes, and yet she was undeniably attracted to him. To the man she'd not realized he was.

“My mom…” His smile was full of love and regret. “She finally found a good man. A missionary, and she was so in love with…” Dan's voice trailed off and his eyes held Ashby's. “She found a man she could trust with her fragile heart. I had to relinquish the role of her protector to Jeff, and for a man who'd taken it on with serious intent as a young kid, that was a big deal. But seeing her so happy, I was pleased to hand that responsibility over to him. They were on a trip to the mission field when their plane went down.”

Ashby gasped and tears filled her eyes. “I'm so sorry,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion.

He traced his fingers across the back of her hand distractedly, almost as if he didn't realize he was doing so. “God has a plan. He's in control—that was Mom's favorite phrase. When things were at their worst, she'd look me in the eye and tell me that God has a plan for all of us. That He had a special plan for me.”

Dan drew a deep breath and held Ashby's gaze for a long moment. Her breath deserted her.

“He has a plan for you, too, Ashby. And it's on His timetable.” He lifted her hand and kissed it. The motion was as unexpected as the kiss on the stairs had been. “You don't need to rush your life. I think, watching you sometimes, that you're so focused on what you want, you can't fully enjoy today….” His expression turned solemn and he looked away as he stood up. “I think it's time for me to go.”

Ashby watched him roll up the plans and slide them into the cylinder. They had just crossed into new territory. He knew it as well as she did…. He looked as conflicted about that as she felt.

Needing something to do, Ashby picked up the glasses. Her hands trembled as she carried them to the sink. She had all kinds of explanations for the emotions that he'd ignited inside her. The man was such a contradiction in so many ways, and she understood him now. Understood and admired him very much. But where did that leave them? Where did she want them to be?