Her Kind of Trouble (Harlequin Superromance) (17 page)

“You had better not be laughing at me, Seth.” She tried to jerk her hand free, furious that she had been on the verge of tears because she was so passionate on his behalf and he was
laughing
at her. He tightened his grip, however, refusing to let her go.

“I’m not laughing at you. Well, not
at you
anyway. I came to you because I figured you’d be objective. Guess I kind of got that one wrong.”

She was too busy feeling exposed to register the warm note of affection in his tone.

“Yeah, you did. As if I’m going to stand by while you ruin your life, you idiot. Can you let go of my hand now, please?”

“Not until you’ve calmed down.”

“I’m perfectly calm, thank you.”

“No, you’re not. You’re pissed with me. And I’m grateful that you care enough to get this worked up on my account.”

His words took some, but not all, of the wind out of her sails. “Don’t flatter yourself. I was thinking of Daisy. If they took her to England she’d have to put up with those crappy English summers and she’d never know how a proper game of football is played.”

Seth’s gaze was steady, and she knew he wasn’t buying a word of it.

“Thanks for giving a shit,” he said simply.

She was powerfully aware of the warmth of his palm and how big his hand felt around hers.

“It’s not like I really had a choice,” she said. Even though it wasn’t the wisest thing to admit.

Something shifted behind his eyes, then his gaze dropped to her mouth. Excitement kicked in her belly, illicit, unwanted and inappropriate. If she leaned forward a few inches, and he did the same...

He looked away, a muscle working in his jaw. She tugged her hand and he took the hint, releasing her.

“Just because I care doesn’t mean my opinion doesn’t count,” she said.

“Yeah. I know.”

She looked at Daisy. Vivian had held her only twice but already she felt fiercely attached to her. She could imagine how much more strongly Seth felt. “Did you really think I’d tell you to let her go?”

“If you thought it was the right thing, yeah.”

“You have a high opinion of my compassion and tact, obviously.”

He shrugged, his mouth turning up in a rueful half smile. “Maybe I just wanted to talk to you.”

Her belly did the excited-kick thing again, but she tried to ignore it. “That’s a step-up from the usual.”

“Oh, I wanted that, too. That’s always a given.”

He was incorrigible. And honest. And too damned attractive for her peace of mind.

He glanced at Daisy, then back at Vivian. “Can I ask you something?”

A lock of hair had fallen across his forehead. Combined with his scruffy jaw and dramatic dark eyes, it made him look like a brooding teen hero from a John Hughes movie.

Molly Ringwald, eat your heart out.

“You can try.”

“If all of this wasn’t going on with Daisy and Lola...would you go out for dinner with me?”

“Going out for dinner being man-speak for screw like bunnies?”

“Among other things.”

The thought of dinner and sex and
other things
with Seth was enough to steal her breath and make her liquid with longing. But what was new about that?

“No.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Does it matter, since it was a hypothetical question?”

“No. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to lie awake thinking about it anyway.”

She had a flash of Seth in his rumpled bed, naked and horny, thinking of her. She swallowed, aware of her own hot arousal and her heart banging against her rib cage.

“I’m not interested in that sort of thing anymore.”

“You’re not interested in sex?” His tone was flatly disbelieving.

She loved sex, and they both knew it.

“I’m looking for more these days.” She held his eye, wanting him to get the message loud and clear. Her days of sex for fun were over. She needed more these days. The promise of something greater. A shared future, or at least the possibility of one. And that would never be on offer with this man.

“Right.” Seth’s gaze dropped to the carpet.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, though.”

He took a moment to respond. “I guess we’ve never really tried that, have we?”

“Kind of hard when I lived on the other side of the Pacific Ocean.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed a hand over his chin. “In the interest of full disclosure, I should confess it’s very likely that I’m always going to want to get you naked.” His expression managed to straddle the line between apologetic and unashamed.

“Always is a long time. Wait till I’m fifty with a wide ass and extra chins,” she said, needing to keep things light.

He didn’t blink.

Heat unfurled in her belly. Dangerous and dumb as it was, there was something uniquely compelling about a man wanting her so unabashedly. Especially this man.

“Okay.” She smoothed her hands down her thighs, doing her damnedest not to smile. She should not be encouraging him. In any way. It was confusing for him, and for her.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t control myself,” Seth said. “Despite what my brother thinks, I’m not a complete humpy dog.”

“When did he call you that?”

“I believe the first time was the dinner before his wedding. After I laid eyes on you for the first time.”

“Huh. I take it you never told him about...” She made a vague gesture with her hand.

“No. I did not.” He looked mildly offended and she guessed that talking about his sexual conquests with his brother breached some mysterious guy code she wasn’t privy to.

“I never told Jodie, either. For the record.”

“I figured as much.”

“Top points to both of us for discretion. And we didn’t even pinky-swear on it,” she said, suddenly keen to move on from this subject.

Talking about that night brought back too many memories. Memories she’d revisited so many times they’d taken on almost mythical power in her mind.

She stood. “Do you want a coffee?”

He watched her for a long beat before answering. “I probably shouldn’t. This is only the second time Daisy and I have been out and about. I don’t want to push my luck.”

“She’s been very good so far.”

He looked at his daughter. “That’s because she’s a smart cookie. She’s biding her time for when I’m home so she can really exercise her lungs.” It was said with so much affection, and there was so much raw love in his face.

“You’re not going to let Dennis and Melissa take her, are you?” she asked quietly.

“No. Maybe I should. Maybe it would be the best thing for her. But she’s my girl, and I can’t let her go. Even though I told myself I would if I had to. If you told me it was the best thing to do.”

“Well, that was a pretty safe bet, wasn’t it?”

“In hindsight, yes.” He bent to tuck Daisy’s blanket more snugly around her, then stood and hefted the carrier. “We’ll leave you to whatever you were doing.”

His gaze ran over her yoga attire and she was almost certain he knew she wasn’t wearing a bra underneath her stretchy tank.

“I was saluting the sun,” she said.

“Rewarding it for trying to cook us in our own skins for the past week, were you?”

“Something like that.” She walked him to the door, then, on impulse, grabbed the key and stepped into the hallway with him.

“Escorting me from the premises?”

“It’s a policy of mine.”

They took the stairs to the ground floor in silence, walking through the tiled foyer to the automatic glass doors that led outside. The warm night air was heavy and moist after the air-conditioned building and Seth groaned.

“Man. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but bring on winter.”

“Wash out your mouth. Never wish away summer. It’s a crime against humanity.”

“Says the woman with air conditioning.”

She gave him her best smug look. He unlocked the Audi and she watched as he maneuvered the baby carrier into the back and locked it in.

“I know, I know. I need a bigger car,” he said as he extracted himself from the tight quarters.

“I didn’t say a word.”

“You didn’t need to.” He glanced up the street, then at her. “Thanks for listening.”

“When are you going to tell them?”

“I don’t know. Monday’s not going to be good. But it’s not like things will get any better.”

“No. Not from their point of view anyway.” She hesitated, then decided what the hell. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

He looked surprised. “Of course.”

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek briefly to his. His arms banded her body, his palms flattening on her back. It felt indescribably good to be so close to him, to have her breasts pressed against his hardness, to feel the strength of his thighs against her own.

“You’re a good man, Seth. Don’t ever doubt that.”

She gave him an extra squeeze, then released him, stepping away quickly. Just in case the temptation to do it all over again was too much for her.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he said gruffly.

There were so many emotions in his eyes she had trouble separating them from each other. Desire and affection and frustration and resignation.

“Drive safely, okay?” she said, then she headed back to her apartment before she did something they’d both regret.

CHAPTER TEN

S
ETH
WIPED
HIS
hands down the sides of his jeans for the fifth time in as many minutes. He glanced at the seat behind him, but knew that the moment he sat he’d want to be on his feet again. It gave him the illusion that he was doing something. That he was prepared for this day. For this moment.

Dennis and Melissa had been in with Lola for a while now, saying their final goodbyes. They hadn’t asked if he wanted to stay while Lola’s ventilator was switched off, and he hadn’t offered, a fact which probably made him a coward, but so be it.

He didn’t want to watch Lola die. He wanted to remember her at her laughing and playful best. He wanted good stories to tell Daisy when she asked about her mother, not sad ones.

And, more selfishly, he didn’t want to carry around the memory of Lola’s last, desperate minutes with him for the rest of his life.

He rolled his head, flexing his shoulders to try to relieve some of the tension. He’d dreamed of Lola last night, a disturbing dream full of regret, violence and remorse. At one point he’d been convinced that he’d killed her, although the precise cause of her death had been blurry, and he’d woken in a sweat, the sheets snaked around his legs, his heart banging at a million miles an hour.

He’d walked through the dark house to Daisy’s room and stood at the end of her crib watching her sleep until the ugliness had faded from his mind. Only then did he go back to bed and risk sleeping again.

Movement caught the corner of his eye. Sure enough, Dennis ushered Melissa into the waiting area, both of them moving with slow caution, as though they were afraid of what might happen if they brushed against the wrong person or thing. They were both grey-faced, and it was only when he met their eyes that Seth understood that, despite everything the doctors had said and all the second and third opinions, they hadn’t given up hoping until the very end.

They stopped in front of him, and Dennis took an audible breath. “Well. She’s gone.”

“It seems pointless to say it, but you know how sorry I am. I wish I could have done something to change this,” Seth said.

“We know, son. We’re all in the same boat,” Dennis said.

Melissa made a small, sharp noise. “I might go outside, get some fresh air.” She headed for the exit with a stiff, jerky stride.

Dennis stared after her, his face settling into the now-familiar lines of worry. “It’s been tough on her, all of this. She and Lola never got along as well as they could have. I know she blames herself for Lola wanting to come here. She thinks that if they’d been better friends Lola would have stayed close....” He took off his glasses and contemplated the lenses, obviously trying to get a grip on his feelings.

“Lola was an adventurer. She would have always wanted to explore the world,” Seth said.

“That’s what I told Mel. Maybe it will sink in sometime.”

Seth glanced toward Lola’s room. “I should pay my respects.”

Dennis nodded faintly. “Of course. You’ll be wanting to say your goodbyes.” He put on his glasses, then glanced around helplessly.

“Why don’t you go find Melissa and I’ll meet you in the coffee shop?” Seth suggested.

“Good idea.” Dennis grasped Seth’s elbow. “And maybe we can talk. Get a few things settled.”

Seth tensed. Damn. They wanted to talk about Daisy.

“If that’s what you want.” He’d been hoping to hold off longer, but if they wanted an answer now, he wasn’t going to string them along.

Dennis headed off and Seth went to Lola’s room. The space seemed incredibly quiet without the constant rush of the ventilator, and his steps grew heavy as he approached the bed. They must have removed her various drips and lines when they took her off the ventilator, because her arms were blessedly free. Her hands were curled loosely by her sides, her eyes closed. She was profoundly still and pale—there was no mistaking the fact she was gone.

“Jesus.”

He gripped the end of the bed, his knuckles aching as he fought against an unexpected rush of anger. She’d barely started to live and now it was all over, thanks to bad lighting in a supermarket parking lot and a distracted driver. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right, and there was no one who could do anything to change it.

He breathed through his nose and as quickly as his rage had arrived it was gone. He moved to the side of the bed, reaching for her hand. Her flesh was cool but not yet cold, and he held it between both of his, trying to think of what to say.

“I promise I’ll always put Daisy first, no matter what. And I promise she will know who you are. I’ll take her to visit your parents and meet your cousins, and I’ll make sure she knows that you loved
Dr. Who
and chocolate licorice. I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure she gets to see
The
Wizard of the Oz
on the big screen, because you once said it was the highlight of your childhood, and I promise—”

He cleared his throat.

“I promise that I will love her enough for both of us.” He lowered his head and pressed a kiss to her hand, not even trying to stop the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. “Thanks for your generosity and your fun and your laughter. We had some great times, Lola.”

He remained with his head bowed for a few minutes, deliberately fixing memories in his mind. The time Lola had cooked him dinner and burned everything, so served him fish and chips from the local shop.

The time she’d laughed so hard watching an old Austin Powers movie that she’d had tears streaming down her face and was unable to talk for ten minutes.

The time when they’d seen Daisy move for the first time on the ultrasound and Lola had gripped his arm with unalloyed excitement.

“Goodbye, Lola,” he said, giving her hand one last squeeze before turning away.

He went straight to the bathroom to get his head together. He washed his face, then braced his hands on the side of the sink and stared himself in the eye in the mirror. He was about to go break Dennis’s and Melissa’s hearts all over again.

But it wasn’t as though he had a choice.

He found them at a corner table, both of them staring at untouched coffees. Melissa had been crying again, her eyes puffy and red.

He sat and rested his hands on his knees and took a deep breath. “There’s no point beating around the bush, so I’ll come right out and say it. I can’t give Daisy up. I love her, and even if she might be better off with you, I reckon I can make a pretty good go of being a decent dad. And that’s what I’m going to do.”

Dennis nodded briefly, while Melissa closed her eyes as though he’d dealt an indescribably hard blow.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you want to hear. But she’s my girl,” Seth said.

Melissa spoke without opening her eyes. “I knew you were going to say no. I knew the moment we proposed it. But we couldn’t not ask.” She opened her eyes and there was so much unhappiness and grief in her that Seth had to fight to hold her gaze.

“I know,” he said. “I promise that the moment she’s old enough, we’ll be on a plane to come visit. And you’ll always be welcome here. Always.”

“That’s good to hear. Good to hear,” Dennis said. Then his chin wobbled, his face crumpled and he lost it, tucking his head into his chest as he sobbed, his shoulders shuddering.

Melissa half rose out of her chair, wrapping her arms awkwardly around her husband, her own face twisted with sadness. Never had Seth felt more helpless, more inarticulate, more useless.

Aware of how vastly inadequate the gesture was, he reached for the napkin dispenser on the next table and pulled a wad free, placing them in front of Dennis and Melissa.

An hour later, he dropped off the Browns at their hotel, sharing a wan smile with Melissa as she unfolded herself from the cramped backseat for what was most likely the last time.

“Let me know if there is anything more I can do,” he said.

He knew they had already spoken to a funeral company, but they were strangers here and there were bound to be things they weren’t clear on.

“We will. And thanks again, Seth,” Melissa said.

She surprised him then by taking his hand. “I won’t lie, when I first heard about you and the baby, I cursed your name. I really did. Being a single mum was the last thing we wanted for our girl, especially on the other side of the world. But you’ve been wonderful, standing by Lola. And now, all of this... I want you to know that Dennis and I will always remember the kindness you’ve shown us.”

“You won’t have to remember. Daisy and I are going to be bugging you for a while yet,” Seth said. “You’ll be sick of the sight of us one day, I promise.”

“That sounds just fine to me,” she said.

Seth waited until they’d disappeared into the foyer before climbing into the car. Jodie was looking after Daisy for him and he headed home, aware she had her own life to get to.

It had been a tough few weeks, and more often than not he’d felt as though he was staggering from one near mistake to the next. All the decisions with Daisy, trying to do the right thing by the Browns, the constant siren’s song of his desire for Vivian...

He was exhausted. The thought of crawling into his bed and pulling the duvet over his head had never been more appealing. Or maybe crawling into the bottom of a bottle of something twenty-proof and wicked, something that would help him forget for a few precious hours.

Neither option was really viable, however, so he put on a brave face for Jodie and took what solace he could from holding Daisy and breathing in her special smell, absorbing her warmth.

Jodie left and he found himself picking up his phone and scrolling through his contact list until he found Vivian’s number. The need to call her, to hear her voice, to talk to her, was so powerful it scared him a little. He didn’t know why or how, but his gut told him that she could make things better. Or, more accurately, that she could make
him
better.

He’d known her for ten years, and he’d wanted her, more or less, for that entire time. He’d never really seen her, though. Not the real her. He’d been too busy being the cool guy, Mr. No Strings. Too busy chasing dreams and avoiding growing up.

He’d seen her now, though, and he understood that she was far, far more than a sassy mouth and a sexy body. She was warm, smart, loving. She was generous. She was sweet.

And she was impossible, because his life had imploded and because he liked her too much to inflict himself and his shitty romantic track record on her. Vivian deserved more than a guy struggling to keep his head above water while he attempted to join the adult world.

He stared at her number for a long time, his thumb hovering over the call button. He didn’t trust himself to speak to her and not ask her to come over or if he could come to her. And if he did that, he didn’t trust himself not to reach out for something that he knew he shouldn’t even try to take.

He settled for sending a simple text:

She’s gone.

What Vivian chose to do with it was up to her.

* * *

V
IVIAN
HAD
JUST
stepped out of the shower after her first Pilates class in months when her phone chimed receipt of a text. She blotted her face and hair dry, then picked up her phone to make sure that it wasn’t one of her designers with an emergency.

Seth’s message sat on the screen, stark and small:

She’s gone.

For a moment Vivian couldn’t breathe, and she sank onto the closed lid of the toilet and hugged her damp towel to herself, overwhelmed with grief for a young woman she’d never had the privilege of meeting. There were so many layers of sadness to this small, very human tragedy. Daisy losing her mother. Dennis and Melissa losing their daughter. Seth losing the helpmate who had made plans for their child.

Water trickled down her back, and she shook off her introspection and pushed to her feet. Moving with brisk efficiency, she finished drying before running a comb through her hair and walking into her bedroom. Five minutes later she was dressed and on her way out the door.

She stopped at the same liquor shop as the last time and bought the biggest bottle of tequila she could find, then did a run through the nearby supermarket to grab fresh limes and some groceries.

Barely forty minutes after Seth’s text had arrived, she was on his doorstep, pressing the doorbell. The moment she saw his face she knew she’d been right to come. His eyes were flat, devoid of their usual spark, and twin lines bracketed his mouth.

“I have tequila,” she said, brushing past him. “Hope you’ve got your drinking pants on.”

She made it all the way to the kitchen and was unpacking groceries before he appeared.

“I’m not sure babies and hangovers are the best combination,” he said.

“So we drink until we have to stop. I’m sure we can both live with that. I’m making you dinner, too, by the way. Fajitas, Vivian-style. Wait till you try my pineapple-and-lime salsa.” She chatted as she unloaded the bags and searched for a cutting board and sharp knife.

“In the drawer,” Seth said, joining her behind the counter and sliding open the drawer in question. He passed her a cutting board, but when she tried to take it, retained his grip.

“You didn’t need to come over,” he said, his voice low and gravelly.

Only then did she understand that he’d wanted her to, but had been afraid—or unwilling—to ask.

“Yes, I did.” She pulled the board free and began slicing the chicken breast into thin strips. “You can dice the pineapple for me. I need it really small.”

She glanced at him, and found him watching her, a pensive expression on his face. Unable to stop herself, she set down the knife and slipped her arm around his waist, resting her cheek against his shoulder as she gave him a quick squeeze.

“It’s going to be all right, Seth.”

She felt his belly muscles tense beneath her hand at the same time that she registered her own reaction to his closeness, and slipped her arm free again.

“You want me to cut up the whole pineapple?” he asked, grabbing another cutting board.

“Half should do. Then you can have a go at this onion.” She passed him one of the purple Spanish variety.