Her Moonlit Gamble (8 page)

"Liar." He planted a soft kiss on her lips and ambled out the back of the house.

"Smooth," Joslyn said to her friend when the door closed behind him.

Elizabeth ignored her, slapping her hands on the counter and leaning forward. "You're sleeping with Andrew?" she demanded, her voice incredulous.

That was so not what she needed to hear, not when her emotions were still so...new. Joslyn dropped her head in her hands. "What have I done?"

Elizabeth poured a liberal glass of sangria and pushed it across the counter. "Were you drunk?"

"Not drunk, not buzzed, not anything but crazy." She shoved her hair back and looked into her friend's eyes. She couldn't read anything but curiosity in her friend's expression, not judgment, not censure, not joy.
 

"So tell me how it happened."

Joslyn looked toward the back door. "He kissed me, a couple of times. Damn, he can kiss. That was something I didn't see coming. And then after our manta ray dive, which was incredible in itself, we...hooked up." What a stupid, aloof term to describe what had happened between them.
 

"More than once?"

Joslyn huffed out a laugh, her body tingling with the remembered feel of his hands on her, his weight over her. "Definitely more than once. On a scale of one to crazy, I think I've gone off the deep end." And was still falling. "I don't know how to love someone. Jesus, when have I ever loved someone? Everyone stays at an arm's distance."

"I think if anyone understands why, it would be Andrew."

"Which is why I can't hurt him like that." He was already in love with her, had been for eleven years. Had she been an idiot not to see it? Or was something wrong with her that she couldn't recognize it? "Why didn't I ever see him like this before?"

"You also didn't see him coming back looking like that." Elizabeth mimicked a Hulk pose. "I mean, he was cute when he was a teenager, but now, damn."

That wasn't what Joslyn had meant, but now, in the kitchen with the guys outside, probably wasn't the time to go into it. "You know me. You know that's not usually my type."

"I also know you couldn't keep your eyes off him when we were on the beach last week."

"That's what's so screwed up about this thing." She started counting on her fingers, all the worries that had floated in her head the past week, all the reasons she couldn't let herself believe this could be real, that it could last beyond the week, even though he'd told her he loved her. No one had told her they loved her in...years. "He's not my usual type, he's my best friend, we're here in Fantasy Land. None of this seems real."

"What do you mean he's not your type? You two have been friends since high school. You know everything about him. You do all those crazy things together."

"Right, but you know me, I like guys who are more...sophisticated. Not so...physical. I haven't dated anyone but doctors in as long as I can remember." Andrew hadn't even gone to college. He'd be working for Elizabeth's dad when they got back home, as a videographer and an editor for his ad business, but who knew if he'd like it? If he'd want to stay, or want more adventure. Doctors at least were stable.

"And see how well that's worked out for you. Remember that last asshole? I still can't believe he dumped you in the middle of a trauma."

Which was the problem. Joslyn had been humiliated and angry, but not hurt, really. Because she hadn't let anyone get close in so long.

No one but Andrew. Him, she couldn't push away, couldn't hold at arms' length. He knew her too well. "I mean, he's fun, we have a good time, but he's not the man I've always imagined myself with."
Liar
. Thinking on it now, she'd measured every man she'd dated against Andrew's gentleness, against his sense of fun. "So what have I done here? I've slept with my best friend. That can't be undone. So what happens next?"

The sliding glass door slid closed with a thunk and Joslyn pivoted to see Andrew standing there. From the expression on his face, it was clear he'd heard what she said. His whole body was tight with pain, his lips parted, his brow furrowed.
 

And then he was all action again, moving toward the door. She was slow getting off the barstool on numb legs. He was already past her by the time she grabbed his arm, but he pulled free, avoiding her gaze. Her stomach dropped. Really, what had she done?
 

"Andrew, wait."

"No, you know, I'm just going to head back to the hotel, you know?" His tone was light, almost casual. Joslyn wondered if she was the only one who heard the strain beneath it. He looked past her to Elizabeth in the kitchen. "I, ah, maybe Max and Elizabeth wouldn't mind if you stayed here tonight?"

"Andrew, I'm sorry. I didn't--"

"You didn't what? He met her gaze, pain etched in every line of his face. "You didn't think I'd overhear? You didn't think I would be sophisticated enough to understand? I get it, you were slumming." Now his tone held more of a bite.

She flinched, then reached a hand toward him. Her heart spasmed when he moved away. "You know I wouldn't do something like this lightly, wouldn't sleep with you if--"

"I told you I loved you. I guess I should have seen the truth when you didn't say it back." He rested his hand on the door handle. "I've loved you since I was eighteen, Joslyn. I guess that just proves your point--how dumb I am."

He swung open the door and strode out. Her legs were shaking too much to follow. She didn't realize she was leaning against the door until she felt Elizabeth's arm around her, holding her up. She looked at her friend through tear-blurred eyes.
 

"What have I done?"

***

Andrew wasn't at the hotel when Max drove her over, and like an idiot, she didn't have her key card or her ID to get a new one from the front desk. Why would she have needed it? She'd been with Andrew and he had his. Together, she and Max checked the bar, and the beach, but Andrew was nowhere to be found. She wanted to drive around looking for him, but the rental car they'd gotten was a silver coupe of some kind--she'd never be able to identify it.
 

"Just come back to our place," Max said. "You'll both be able to think clearer in the morning."

"I can't." She'd already screwed up so much, she wouldn't be able to sleep until she at least tried to make it right.

"Do you even know what you're going to say to him?" Max asked.

She shook her head. "When I see him, I hope it will come to me."

Max blew out a breath. "I think you're going to have to do better than that. Come home with me, think about it, and try again in the morning."

The morning. They were supposed to dive in a shark cage in the morning. Would he still keep the appointment? If she showed up, would he throw her off the boat before they got to the cage?

Worse, would he skip out altogether? Check out of the hotel, leave the island without her? God, she couldn't bear it if he did that, if he avoided her for the rest of her life. She didn't know who she'd be without him. She was afraid something like this might happen, but not so quickly, not so soon after they'd started.
 

"I'm going to wait here," she told Max. "Thanks anyway. But I have to try tonight."
 

"Here. Take some money in case you change your mind and want to get a cab out to the house." He wrote down his address for her, as well.

She kissed Max's cheek and headed upstairs to camp out in the hall.

Only Andrew didn't come back to the hotel. Two kinds of tension were at war inside her--worry over what she could do to fix this, and fear that she would never see him again.
 

Only one thing to do. She'd meet him at the charter that would take them out to the sharks.

***

The cab ride to the North Shore took all the money Max had given her, allowing for a very small tip that embarrassed her and angered the driver, but she was single-minded. She had to find Andrew, and she hoped he was here, because she had no way of getting back across the island.
 

She approached the boat in the sundress she'd been wearing last night--no bathing suit, which made her look at odds with the other passengers.

"Did Andrew Norris cancel?" she asked the crew member with the roster after she checked in.

"No, ma'am. We have a no-cancellation policy for forty-eight hours in advance."

Right. That didn't mean he would show up. "I'll just wait for him on the dock, if that's okay?" she asked.

"Suit yourself. We're taking off in about fifteen minutes, though."

Fifteen minutes. Her stomach fluttered. If he didn't show up here, did that mean something had happened to him? Or would he still want to go shark cage diving after the way she'd hurt him?

Finally, a silver coupe pulled into the parking lot. Relief and fear warred within her. The moment of truth. Her heart skittered when he emerged, long and lean, resting a bag of gear on the roof of the car. So he had gone back to the hotel room after she'd left. She should have waited longer. No matter, he was here now. She started hesitantly down the dock. He tensed when he saw her. For an instant, she feared he'd get back in the car and drive off. Instead, he rolled his shoulders and approached.

"Didn't expect to see you here." There was a distance in his eyes, something she'd never seen before, a flatness, and the ache in her chest expanded. She'd lost him already. It was too late. Nothing she said would make a difference. "You look like hell."

"I spent the night outside our hotel room, waiting for you."

His gaze flickered away, then his jaw tightened. "I decided not to go back there after all."

Another fear twined with the first two. Had he picked up another woman and gone back to her room? She scanned him, as if she could tell by looking, but she just didn't know. The uncertainty made her a little light-headed.
 

"Are you going on the boat dressed like that?" He motioned to her sundress.

"Don't have a choice, do I?"

"You could not go."

She lifted her chin. "I want to go."

He stepped closer, glowering down at her. She'd never seen this side of Andrew, aloof and brusque. While she wasn't scared of him physically, she was terrified of what she'd done to him.
 

"Why?"

"I want to be with you." Even as she said them, she knew the words were inadequate.

He huffed a laugh and stepped back. "You want to be with me? Unsophisticated jerk that I am?"

She willed herself not to flinch. Her own words had echoed in her head all night long, without him throwing them back in her face. "Andrew, please. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot."

"No argument there." He started past her toward the boat, and she scrambled to keep up.
 

"I thought about it, all night long, what to say to you, and I really wish you'd give me a chance."

He stopped and looked down at her, her Andrew, her sweet friend, her constant, the man who'd been beside her for years, green eyes hard now. "I heard enough, thanks."

"Are you two coming or not?" the crew member with the clip board asked wearily.

"Andrew Norris. There." He checked in, pointing to his name on the clip board.
 

God, she really didn't want to do this on a boat full of tourists, but at least he couldn't walk away from her. She followed him on board.
 

He purposely sat on a bench between two groups, where there wasn't enough room for her. With a sigh, she sat across from him and prepared to humiliate herself.
 

"I'm a different person with you," she managed before the boat engine started and drowned her out.
 

"Why is that a bad thing?" he countered. Then, as if he didn't want to hear her answer, he turned his attention out over the water.

It wasn't, but she wasn't going to shout her appeal over the sound of the motor, the waves against the hull, the clanking of the shark cage that was strapped to the stern of the boat. She sat back, frustrated, words swirling in her brain, none of them just right.

After fifteen minutes of skimming over churning water that made her wish she'd brought her motion sickness medicine, the boat slowed and circled. The crew went to work, dropping the anchor, then lowering the cage into the water, securing it against the boat. Despite her desire to talk to Andrew, she turned to scan the water for fins. A few times her pulse tripped, thinking she spotted one, but they were only rougher waves.
 

Andrew stripped off his shirt, and Joslyn was aware of the attention of the other women suddenly shifting. He stuffed it into his bag, which he shoved across the deck in her direction. She looked inside and saw her bathing suit on top of a towel. Maybe he had hoped to see her after all, if he'd packed it for her. Gratefully, she snatched it up and lifted her head, but he wouldn't look at her. She slipped below to change.

When she surfaced, the first group had already gone in the water. She scanned the group for Andrew, and he stood at the edge near the cage, one arm braced against a pole, mask around his neck, a cute blonde in a pink bikini standing under his arm, close enough that her body would brush his if they hit a good swell. Jealousy clouded Joslyn's judgment and she edged forward, working her way to Andrew's side. He handed her a mask and snorkel, again without meeting her gaze, damn him his stubbornness. His attention was on the sharks circling. A chill ran through Joslyn as she counted at least eight fins. Galapagos sharks, she knew, and sand bar sharks, smallish, not a particular danger. But still, the idea of getting in the water with them was almost as terrifying as losing Andrew.

Once the crew member motioned that it was time for the second shift in the water, Andrew moved away from her, to the ladder leading into the cage. For the first time in her life, she chased after a man. She didn't care what other people thought, and climbed in after him.
 

The water was cool, refreshing after being in the sun, after being in the same clothes all night. She adjusted her snorkel and slipped beneath the surface. One shark swam close enough to the cage that she could have reached out and touched it, if she'd been an idiot. For a moment, she forgot about her problems as she watched the primitive beast swim past. God, it was fabulous and terrifying to be so close the creature with nothing between them but a few metal bars. She was mesmerized by his rough gray skin, the flutter of his gills, the curve of his teeth. His tail sent an eddy of water toward her.