HER ONE AND ONLY VALENTINE - (19 page)

She smiled the overly bright smile again. 'And the fact that we can communicate so well can only help with the decisions we'll probably have to make down the line, as parents.'

Kane pursed his lips, shoving his hands deep into his pockets in an attempt not to reach out and shake her. Because he
really
wanted to shake her! What was she doing? Not that everything she'd said didn't make a certain amount of sense, but—

She wasn't done. 'I know you'll need to go back to your own life soon, now that everything is sorted out. So maybe tomorrow we can talk about when you want to have Lizzie come to you or when you'd like to come visit here. Just so we both know where we're at.'

More practicalities and he agreed with all of that too, he did. It made perfect sense. It was pretty much the way he'd thought things would work out once everything was in the open. So why in hell did it feel like some kind of rejection?

Had he let himself get too comfortable at Brookfield? Was that all it was? It was true; they'd slipped into a kind of comfortable routine of late, despite the times when Rhiannon and he parted ways during the day to do their work. But then most couples spent some time apart during the day when they were working, didn't they?

Whoa.
Now they were a couple in his mind?

He rocked back a little from her while he tried to quantify exactly what it was they were. They'd never at any stage been just friends. They weren't a couple. They most definitely weren't lovers any more, no matter how the memories of that time had been plaguing his thoughts of late—day and night. Especially since that one damn kiss he'd so very nearly repeated...

So what in hell were they?

Lizzie's parents—yes—but they were hardly two strangers who would work separately to raise her. At least, he didn't want them to be. That would make them two separate halves of one family. And, back in the days when he had actually allowed himself to think about a family in his future, that just wasn't the way he'd envisaged it being. But in order to be a family there had to be something more, didn't there?

He was still frowning when she spoke again, her gaze rising to look into his eyes. 'There's no need to feel guilty about leaving, you know—not when she'll know you're coming back. Your company is important to you; you've spent years building it up and you've been away from it for nearly a month now.'

It really would help him to sort his thoughts out if she'd just stop being so damn reasonable!

'I'm just going to come right out with this—bear with me, okay?'

All right—because if one of them maybe knew how they felt that would be helpful.

She took a breath. T know some people might have sat down and lived off the money their family left them, but you didn't do that.' She smiled a smaller, more genuine smile that made it all the way up into her eyes, softening them so that the warmth radiated across to him. 'And I think that's a wonderful example you've set our daughter.'

He shrugged off the words that should really have made him feel at least a certain amount of pride, because he had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't going to like where she was heading. 'I'm not the only guy in the world to have done that.'

'No, but you're maybe one of the few who felt they'd something to prove after being sick so early on, aren't you? I know you well enough now to know that some kind of control over
something
would have been important to you, wouldn't it?'

How in hell did she know that?

She stepped closer, her chin rising so that she could continue looking into his eyes. And Kane held his breath, his heart thundering loudly as he attempted to hold himself under control. She may have a better idea of why he'd done some of the things he had back in the day but she really had no idea just how much she was testing him by being so close to him, did she?

It would take so little effort to unclench the fists currently held in his pockets, to reach for her, to haul her into his arms and kiss her senseless until she understood just how far they fell from the 'friends' description. But in doing that he would be moving them on to territory that would involve the 'more' that he hadn't quite got figured out yet. And if he couldn't figure that part out, then what in hell would he say to her? Because he doubted very much that a passionate affair like their last one would be enough this time round—not now that there were so many added complications—like their child and the fact that they were, technically speaking, business partners with the house and the estate.

Before he knew it, she laid one slender hand on his chest, right above his thundering heart, and the ache inside him was so powerful he almost groaned aloud. She really was pushing him to the limit.

'I just want you to know you don't have to prove anything to Lizzie. She loves you. You're an amazing father already. So you don't have to bury yourself in your work any more, thinking up games for all those millions of kids while convinced you'll never have any of your own. You have her. One day you'll have more—'

Right—enough was enough! He had one hand unclenched and out of his pocket in the blink of an eye, clasping her hand tightly as he pulled it off his chest. 'I don't need you to give me a pep talk.'

'I know you don't.'

He placed her hand back at her side and released it, a combination of frustration and confusion fuelling his rising anger. 'You're right, I do need to get back to work; I've been here longer than I planned. But it needed doing—' he clenched his jaw '—for Lizzie's sake.'

He leaned his head a little closer to add, 'But I won't have you feeling sorry for me, Rhiannon—just be quite clear on that.'

Her eyes widened, her mouth gaped open and then she completely stunned him by laughing, albeit a little nervously. 'You idiot. I don't feel sorry for you.'

Kane stared down at her in stark amazement. He'd thought he could read this woman's thoughts? He hadn't a clue how her mind worked!

'The irony is I don't think I've ever had so much respect for anyone. You're the strongest person I know. You faced and fought your illness, you built a business from the ground up when you really didn't have to go to all that effort, you've come down here and in the space of a single month shown what a terrific father you can be—not to mention turning every opinion I ever had of you right on its head—' She shook her head, focused again on the same point just past his shoulder. 'I don't feel the least bit sorry for you, Kane Healey. Not one little bit.'

She looked back into his eyes and again he was at a complete loss for words.

'All I was
trying
to say was that you have nothing to prove. Not to anyone. But you don't need to bury yourself in your work to compensate for anything either. You already have a family, even if you'd told yourself you'd never have one.' She smiled, her voice husky. 'Lizzie
is
your family.'

He ran his hand roughly over his hair and down his face as she turned and walked away, shaking his head as he tried to take in everything she'd just said and to untangle how he felt. And she was halfway up the second flight of stairs before he found some husky words of his own.

'Sometimes I think you don't know me at all—and then sometimes I think you know me better than anyone else ever has. I don't know how I feel about that.'

'Well, when you do we can maybe have a talk about it. That's what being friends is all about.'

If someone had told her just over a month ago that she'd miss Kane when he left she'd have laughed herself silly.

Thankfully she had the preparations for the Valentine Ball to occupy her between the brief times she got to hear his voice on the phone when he called Lizzie. Not that he didn't always take the time to enquire how she was, or how she was getting on with the combined running of the house and the estate, the latter of which he had been happy to let her look after when he was away—and she could consult with him if she needed to— that was all
fine.

But
fine
really wasn't enough any more. In fact, fine would probably never be enough again. Not now that she'd had a glimpse into what might have been. And having Kane as a part of Lizzie's life, living under the same roof as them both so they looked like a happy family to the outside world, had left Rhiannon with a permanent sense of loss for that 'might have been'.

But it wasn't just that—it was
him.
She missed
him.
The sound of his voice, his deep laughter, the way her pulse would skip when he looked at her with his gorgeous blue eyes. And he was so much more than she'd ever thought anyone could be—strong in character as well as body, braver than probably even he thought he was and with an ability to care so very deeply, the way he did for Lizzie—all adding together to make him exactly the kind of man she'd once believed he might be. So that having lost him back then, and not having him with her
that way
now, was just the most extreme form of agony she had ever felt. She might not have been in love before, but she was in love now, wasn't she?

For some reason it was the night of the Ball that she missed him most. And she couldn't just put it down to the fact that she was one of the very few there without a partner.

Everywhere she looked, the house was alive with people, laughter, soft lights, the scent of flowers and the sound of music. But she couldn't enjoy the fact that it felt as if Brookfield had finally come back to life because, even surrounded by so many people, she was still alone—because Kane wasn't there to share it.

She wasn't even thirty years old yet and it felt as if she were facing the rest of her life alone. There was still time to meet someone, she reasoned, but whoever it was wouldn't be
him.
He was going to take some getting over. And knowing that she'd have to see him, spend time with him, watch him with their daughter, all from the sidelines... Well, it was going to be complete torture, wasn't it?

Walking down the hall with her hostess smile firmly in place, she caught sight of herself in one of the huge gilt mirrors. She'd taken a lot of time and effort with how she looked, all too aware of the place she now had in the local community and the need to at least do
something
right. So she took a moment to smooth her hands down over the pale gold of her long empire-line dress, to check that all of her curls were still pinned up in the right places, that none of the curl in the longer strands brushing her shoulders had dropped out.

And then she glanced briefly at her make-up and was stunned by the sadness she could see in her own eyes. Could everyone see how miserable she was? Damn him! It would be so much easier if she could still hate him.

She straightened the pearl choker at her neck and turned, to look straight up into familiar blue eyes.

'Lizzie told me there was a party somewhere.'

Oh, hell. He looked
amazing!
How was that fair?

She dragged her gaze from his eyes to make an inventory of what he was wearing, deciding in a heartbeat that he should spend every day of the rest of his life in a dinner jacket and a bow-tie. He just—filled it—better than any other man she'd seen in the same outfit that evening, even if he had the jacket unbuttoned and his hands deep in his pockets.

Actually, on reflection, there was something incredibly sexy about
that
too.

She bit her bottom lip, lifting her chin as he approached. 'I didn't know you were part of the local Hunt Club.'

'My daughter invited me. She said she had a new dress that I had to see "and everything".'

Rhiannon's gaze softened when he smiled a slow, ridiculously sexy smile. 'She's gorgeous in it.'

'I bet she is.'

But he didn't ask where Lizzie was or make an attempt to find her. And eventually Rhiannon couldn't take just standing there looking at him while that silent, almost
knowing
gleam shone in his eyes, even if she felt almost maniacally happy to see him.

'Can I get you a drink of something?'

Kane chuckled at her polite sweeping wave of one hand. 'Well, you're obviously very comfortable in the role of hostess.'

'As a matter of fact, I am.' She smiled more openly— couldn't seem to stop herself from smiling, as it happened. Then she looked up and around the huge hall. 'But you have to admit that Brookfield is an amazing setting. Just look at it, it was meant for this kind of thing. I don't think it's ever looked more beautiful.'

When she looked back into his eyes he smiled again, then looked slowly down over her dress and back up. 'Yes, beautiful is the right word.'

Rhiannon's breath caught. What was
that?

She swallowed again. 'There's, um, there's still some food left from the buffet, I think, that is, if you're hungry. It's through here—'

She tore her gaze from his, aware that heat was rising on her cheeks as she stepped to one side to show him where the buffet was set up. But, without moving from the same place, he took a hand from his pocket and captured hers, his long, warm fingers immediately tangling with hers.

'Dance with me.'

His hand felt wonderful. And yes, she was fully aware that he'd just walked in unannounced, looking the way he did, and she'd pretty much reacted like a shy teenager with a crush, but she needed the physical contact. She needed to be with him like this, to let her guard down enough to prove to herself that she could still get along with him, spend time with him and not allow the fact that she was in love with him to get in the way.