Here at Last (39 page)

I’d never told Nicholas this much about JT before because I'd been afraid
of
hurt
ing him
.
What I hadn
't realized was
that
Nicholas
wanted more than anything to
help me
get
through this
simply because he loved me. He co
nsidered his pain secondary. I had no doubt
that telling Nicholas about my love story with JT was
grueling
for him
at best
.

When I had finished,
I asked,
“
Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Are you okay?" he asked
, holding my hands
.

"Yeah."

He was quiet for a moment, contemplative
. L
ooking
at me gently
, he said,
"You never answered my question."

“What
question
?"

“What
do
you miss
the
most about JT?" He hesitated.
"
Never mind.
I shouldn’t have asked. I know it's personal."

"It's okay." I shook my head. "I don't know.
All of him.
I
mean,
I can’t separate out one trait from another. It's the whole person.”

Nicholas reached up and stroked my hair, which was finally drying. "JT sounds like a good
man who loved you very much
."

I smiled and felt a tear roll down my face followed by another. "He was."

Moving closer, Nicholas took into his arms and held me while I cried quietly into his chest. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head and told me that everything was going to be
alright
and t
hat he would always stand by me
no matter what
.
He promised me that this would get easier. He told me that I didn't have to let go of my memories of JT and that my love for him was a
fine
way to honor him.

Eventually, my tears stopped, and I felt like I could breathe again. I also felt that this conversation, as difficult as it had been, had brought Nicholas and me even closer.

W
hen w
e finally got out of bed, it was mid-afternoon
.
I hadn’t eaten all day
and
realized how hungry I was
. We dressed
, and Nicholas made an early dinner for both of us. We enjoyed a quiet walk through the neighborhood
holding hands and talking about our impending trip home
.

That
evening
on the verandah, Nicholas and I
sat together
as he told me about his final year with Rachel. It had been a
n emotionally
difficult day for both of us, but I was glad that we
ha
d gone through it together.
W
hen we
finally
went to bed
that night
, neither of us felt like making love. We
knew that this would be our last extended period alone together until goodness knows when. Grateful for the time that we’d had, we
held one another for a lo
ng time
until
we went to sleep
.

Chapter
3
4

When we arrived at the
Fort Lauderdale
airport, we were greeted by Bernard, Michelle, and Hannah.
Hannah was delighted to see her father, again, and the
re
were big hugs all around. Because we were flying directly back to Chicago that day, Nicholas and I didn't have
much
chance to catch up with his parents before we had to go back through security with Hannah and catch our flight back home.

The return trip to Charlotte was bittersweet. Nicholas was
just as
happy to see Hannah as she was to see
him
, b
ut our time together was nearly over. He had promised to give me all of himself and to be more than
merely
the shadow of
the
man
that
he felt he’d been.
I wasn't sure how this would translate once we were back home
; h
owever, it didn't take long to find out.

Two days after we returned,
Nicholas asked if I would join him and Hannah for dinner three nights a week
–
Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
He’d already asked her about it, and she was ecstatic.
It meant that he and I would have more time together and that she would have someone
else
to play with in the evenings.
He arranged to have a sitter come over and take care of Hannah on Tuesday and Thursday evenings so that we could either go out to dinner or he could pick something up and come over to my place. This would allow us to be together every evening of the week. On weekends, we would just have to work it out depending on what our schedules were and what Hannah wanted to do. He was bending over backward to be sure that neither
Hannah nor I
felt shortchanged.
Furthermore
, he arranged for Rachel's parents to take Hannah
one
weekend
each month
so that they could spend some quality time with their gra
nddaughter while he and I would have
two full days
for one another.

Although this was quite a change from our
irregularly scheduled dinners
, it
worked out
well for all of us. When I was at Nicholas
’s
townhouse for dinner on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,
he
and I often would cook meals together
. Meanwhile, m
y increasing involvement with Hannah seemed to take some pressure off of him while making her feel more secure by having a
woman
who loved her in her life
regularly
.

Tuesdays and Thursdays became our “adult nights,” and we
treasured
that time together. Whether we were
eating out, going hiking,
visiting a museum
,
or
attending
a concert, it didn't really matter.
More often than not
, we would end up
making love
at
my apartment
before he had to go home
. True to his word, Nicholas was finding a way to give me more than I
’d
even
realized
he could while providing
me with an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness.

Even more important to me was the fact that
he
was changing. Rather than being harried and tired all the time, he was filled with a
profound
sense of peace.
He
seemed to be finding a balance
in his life
, and he was
comforted by
the direction that it had taken. He was deeply grateful that I had shown up so many years after he had originally envisioned me.
This new Nicholas smiled and laughed a lot more and loved to play. He was increasingly passionate and energized and never failed to show me with his body or tell me with his words how very much he loved me.

Chapter
3
5

By June, we had been together for
five
months, and all of us had grown accustomed to spending a great deal of time together. Hannah and I had grown increasingly close, and I was touched
by
how readily she would give hugs and
act
loving toward me. Aside from
the
occasional meltdown when she was very tired, she was a wonderful little g
irl, and we both enjoyed her
so
much. Granted, the dynamics between Nicholas and me would change when we were
with
Hannah because we gave her the lion's share of our attention.
W
e both understood that
it was
important
to make her feel
loved and that we would have our time together later.

With her
sixth birthday
coming up
on a Saturday
in
early July
,
Hannah
decided that she
wanted to have a slumber party. Previously, Nicholas would have been uncomfortable with the idea of having
four
little girls
sleep
over, but Hannah
asked if I could be there
,
and it was a smashing success. In the days leading up to her party, she was beside herself with excitement, and I took her shopping for decorations and
games
that the girls could
play
. We bought some non-toxic nail polish for children, and I painted their nails during the party – fingers and toes.
As it turned out, Hannah had told them how much
she loved
to play dress-up with me so we ended up doing that as well. I put makeup on each girl who, in turn, bound
ed
down the hall and
into
Hannah's room where they would practice trying on a variety of clothes.

Of course, we had the requisite cake and ice cream and sang
“H
appy
B
irthday
”
to Hannah, who was absolutely beaming. Right before her bedtime, she came into the living room where Nicholas and I were sitting on the sofa and crawled up into our laps.

“Did you have a nice birthday?"
he
asked.

“It was the best birthday ever," she said, hugging him.

Then, she turned to me. "Sophia, will you tuck us in?"

I smiled at her. "Of course,
Honey
. I
’ll
be happy to tuck you in."

She climbed down off of our laps, and we walked down the hall together holding hands. When we arrived at her
bedroom
door, I saw that all of the girls were
already
in
their sleeping bags and were waiting expectantly.
I knelt down beside each girl, tucking them in and saying good night.

Hannah
was the last
. “Will you read us a story?"

I smiled down at her. "The usual?"

She nodded.

As she climbed into bed, I picked up her favorite book
s
from her nightstand.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, I
began with
Goodnight Moon
, and she began to fall asleep as I
neared
the end.
The other girls
were nodding off as well.
I t
uck
ed the covers up
beneath
her chin and kissed her on the cheek and whispered, "Happy birthday, Hannah. I love you."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and said, "I love you, Sophia."

I stood up and walked out of the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind me.

As I stepped into the hallway, I noticed that
Nicholas had turned out
al
l of the lights
except for
the
small lamp
on the nightstand in his bedroom
.
When I saw him
standing in
the shadows of
his doorway
watching
me
, I was
startled
. H
e reached for my hand and pulled me in
, closing
and locking
the door behind us
.
With
the
light behind him, his face was fully in shadow, and I couldn't see his expression. 

H
is hands
moved
tenderly behind my neck
,
and
he
leaned down to kiss me.
I slid my hands up around his neck and breathed him
in
as his tongue entered my mouth. Reaching down, he picked me up and carried me to the bed where he lay me down gently. Turning off the bedside lamp, he climbed on
to
the bed beside me and proceeded to
undress me
.
When I lay down
,
I could feel
him
watching me. I felt
his desire, which
was
an aphrodisiac for
both of
us.
S
traddling me, Nicholas
pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it toward the end of the bed. Then, he got up, removed the res
t of his cloth
e
s
, and got into bed,
pulling the
covers over both of us.
He rolled over on top of me, kissing my face and my
neck
and
breasts and sliding his fingers inside
of
me before
slipping
his tongue
back into my mouth. Nicholas shifted
his
position and moved himself into me, thrusting deeply. When I opened my eyes, I found him watching me closely. I reached up
and ran my hands over his chest as he moved
.
Leaning over me, he whispered,
“I love you, Sophia
.
”
I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my face into his neck
when
he brought his head down beside
mine
,
and
we
came in silence.