Here for You (17 page)

I know Lizzy is not going to go home with Fonz tonight. It’s not her style to go home with a guy the first night she meets him. I’m hoping that doesn’t bother Fonz because I think they could be good together.

We pull up to her place first, and Fonz walks her to the door. When he gets back in the limo his smile is infectious. “Good night, Fonz?”

“Yeah. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course. Thank you for being such a great date for Lizzy.”

“Any time.”

I laugh because I know he means it.

“I think she might come to the game with me tomorrow because Stan can’t make it.”

He grins and leans back into his seat. Cam tightens his arm around me, and I lean further into him. We arrive at Fonz’s place not much later, and I lean forward to give him a kiss on the cheek as he gets out. Cam gives him a half hug and I know he’s proud of his little sidekick.

When the door closes and we’re finally alone, I turn to Cam. “Can you keep a secret?”

He kisses my temple as he squeezes me to him. “Of course I can.”

“The new brand is mine.”

“Well, yeah, I thought that’s why we had to go tonight.”

“No. I mean it’s my line. I’m the one that is starting it, and no one at my company even knows that. Well, I think Lizzy may have an idea, but I haven’t officially told her yet.”

He pulls away slightly and looks down at me. “Are you serious?”

I nod and grin from ear to ear, unable to keep it in anymore. “Yes. That’s why I wanted you to come tonight. I wanted you to see another side of me. Not the Ice Princess side, but the fashion designer side.”

“But I thought you had the designer with you on stage?”

“I collaborate with him, but the line was my idea and I’m the one funding everything.”

“You’re amazing, Ash.”

“So, you like it?”

“Like it? That was one of the most badass things I’ve seen. Everyone loved it.”

“Good.”

“Better than good.”

She waves her hand. “Let’s not talk about it until it officially gets launched. Then I will have something to really celebrate.”

“Wait. Even Charlie doesn’t know?”

“Hell, no!”

I see Cam smile. “Good.”

I laugh. We sit in silence the last couple minutes to his place. When we get up to his penthouse, I head to the bedroom to find my standard nightly uniform. I purchased a few extra jerseys so I can wear one for bed every night. He’s in his boxers and no shirt when I come out of the bathroom. Seeing this much tanned skin and toned muscle is starting to become too difficult.

I have great discipline, but I have slept next to him since I traveled to Boston on Tuesday night and every night is becoming more of a challenge to my overwhelming sexual desire. The only thing stopping me is my fear of the moment being so perfect that I can never match it again. If he leaves and I experience something I will never have again, I just don’t know if I will survive it. I have been let down by every important man in my life, and I’m honestly terrified of it this time. My dad let me down most of my life, but the final blow from him was more than any child should have to endure.

Cam’s parents have not been at any of the games, and I want to understand this dynamic. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his lower back while laying my head against his shoulder. The cedar and spice of his cologne permeates my nose, and I pull him a little closer. Being this close to him feels safe, and I never want to lose this feeling. He must sense the war of emotions going through my head because he pulls me even tighter.

“What’s wrong, Ash?”

I swallow the lump of emotion in my throat before I speak. “Will you tell me why your parents haven’t been at any of the games?”

I hear him sigh, and he rubs his hands up and down my back to comfort himself, I think, as much as me. “Sure. Do you want anything before bed?” I shake my head against his shoulder. He drops his arms and steps toward the bed. He lifts the sheet. “Get in there. I’m going to get a glass of water. I’ll be right back.”

I do as instructed and crawl in, feeling like a little kid. I curl up on my side while I wait for him to come back. He turns the overhead lights off as he comes back in the room. There’s enough of a glow from the outside world to be able to see him walking around to the other side of his bed. He slides in and lies down on his back. He taps his chest with his hand, and I roll between his legs so I’m on my stomach on top of him. I move so my head is at chest level, and I set my chin on my hands folded over his chest. I look up at him in anticipation.

“First, before I go into more of my sad story, I want to tell you again how proud I am of you. Tonight was awesome, and I’m honored that you trusted me enough to not only bring me but to tell me the truth about the line. Every new piece of yourself that you reveal is amazing.”

I nod my head once to acknowledge his compliment. It would not mean as much coming from anyone else, and my heart sheds another layer of protection. “Thank you, Cam.”

“Welcome. Are you sure you want to hear more about my story?”

I nod again. He runs his hand through his hair and lets out a long sigh. He looks down at me and he starts brushing his hand through my hair. It feels so good I don’t know if I can take it, but I try to focus on him talking.

“Wait.”

He looks down at me.

“Before you go into that can you explain your name?”

He furrows his brow at me. “What do you mean?”

“Everyone calls you Wills or JC. I’m not even sure where Cam comes from.”

“Ah. My full name is John Cameron Williams, Jr. My father goes by John, and he called me JC. But my mom used my middle name, and I guess my brother picked that up too because my family all started using Cam. That’s why Monica calls me Cam too.”

“Is Cameron named after you?”

“Yeah. He’s always been Cameron and I’ve always been Cam, so there’s never been confusion. You’re the only one that uses it outside of my family. Johnny does once in a great while when he’s serious about something. Even Crystal never uses it.”

“Well, now I feel special.”

He smiles down at me. “You should feel special. That night, I didn’t want to use my field name for fear that you might recognize it and there was something about you spending that time with me even though you didn’t know I was a pro ball player. I also think deep down, I wanted you to call me Cam. I felt a connection to you the moment I saw the pain in your eyes.”

I slide up his body and softly press my lips to his. “Thank you.” I move back down to place my hands on his chest and rest my chin on them. “Now carry on.”

He gives me a sad smile and my insides tighten for him. He has so much pain in his world, and I wish I could take it away. He looks away briefly but then turns back and looks down at me.

“My family knew at a pretty young age that I had above-average talent in baseball. Coaches started working with me when I was young, and they told my parents that I needed to go to every coach, camp and league that I could because I had the potential to make it big. My parents accepted my desire to spend so much time on baseball. But they were so concerned with making sure that Jacob didn’t feel second best or left out that they forgot I also needed support and encouragement. I grew up feeling like playing baseball was bad, and I almost gave it up the summer before I started high school. All I wanted was the love of my parents.”

He pauses and I feel him catching the emotion in his head. I reach up with one hand and place it on his cheek. “I’m sorry.” He shakes his head.

“But Jacob told me if I gave up baseball he would be disappointed. He never faltered in his support of me. He said I had to keep playing because he was counting on me making it and he was going to be at every game cheering me on. Honestly, that is half of why I kept playing. Making Jacob proud was something I craved at that point. I didn’t have the encouragement from anyone else, but knowing my baby brother looked up to me was enough.

“Of course, I played on varsity my freshman year, and I quickly became the talked-about pitcher in the conference. By summer league it was across the state, and pro scouts were already showing up to games. My parents went to many of the games but rarely told me they were proud. They always congratulated me on a win, but that was it. My brother played too, and he was damn good. He played in college. He wasn’t good enough for pro ball, but it never bothered him. He loved the game, and that’s why he played.

“My parents went to every single one of his games from little league on. They never missed one. If we had overlapping schedules, they chose his game. By sophomore year, I had no confidence in myself because there really was only one person in the world that loved me—or at least, made it obvious he did. That’s when Crystal came along. It was the summer between sophomore and junior year. She showered me with attention, and by the time school started in fall, she had told me she loved me. I was so young. I had no idea what I was doing, but here was this girl that made her world about me and I ate it up. As I said, she was my first everything, and I don’t need to get into that. But she encouraged me to play so I could make it big, and I wanted to do whatever made her proud of me.

“I was so desperate for the love and attention that I didn’t care what I had to do. That’s why I feel I partially owe my career to her because I don’t know if I would have continued playing in high school. Without her support, I probably would have given it up, hoping that would mean my parents would love me more if I gave up baseball.

“I was drafted straight out of high school. I never went to college. Of course, that was one more reason for my parents to be disappointed in me. Again, Jacob pushed me and so did Crystal. So I signed and was playing the next year. Crystal stayed with me the first year, but then she decided she wanted to go to college and didn’t want to do the long distance thing. It devastated me, and I was so lost for my first few years. I sent airline tickets and game tickets to my parents for many games, and they did try to make it when they knew I would be pitching. Once my brother graduated from college, I flew him around the country to be by my side for as many games as possible. He was all I had at that point. He met Monica in college, and they married less than a year after graduation. They had Cameron a year after that. He continued to travel around whenever he could, but he did have a regular job.

“Crystal came back to me about two years ago, and I think Jacob was happy to have some of the pressure taken off him because Monica was on his case. But when things started to get really rough between Crystal and me, he quit his job, and I supported them. I needed him because Crystal was only there for me when it fit her schedule. My parents would come to many of the games, I think, to see Jacob as much as to see me play. I’m not sure, but I think something happened between Jacob and Monica that week. He said he had to take care of something so he was going to miss the Friday game.”

Cam pauses and takes a drink of the water that he set on his table. I want to reach out and hold him but I want him to finish his story. I’m afraid if I do anything to disrupt him he won’t finish.

“After the accident, my parents blamed me.”

I can’t help the gasp that I make. It’s not that I don’t believe him. I’m sure that’s what he thinks but it can’t possibly be true. “Cam, they don’t blame you.”

“Yes. They actually do and have said that to me. They refuse to come to San Francisco where Jacob was killed, so they will never come to another home game. Ever. I think they may go to a travel game, but they haven’t since Jacob’s death, so I’m not really sure if they will or not.”

Holy shit
. If his parents really blame him, it’s no wonder why he continues to blame himself. I wriggle my way up his body so my face is up by his.

“Cam.” I keep my voice a mere whisper. I don’t want him to think I’m mad at him, but I’m livid with the people in his life that are supposed to support him. “Listen to me. You’re not to blame for Jacob’s death. I don’t care what anyone believes or says. It was not your fault. I’m sorry that people are so cruel to say that or act that way to you, but they’re wrong. Everyone needs someone or something to blame to make themselves feel better. But it’s not you. Understand?”

He looks down at me. “You’re the only thing that has me moving in any direction, let alone actually forward. I had basically given up the day I stumbled across you. Well, the day I interrupted your private time.”

I lean forward and kiss him gently. “Cam, I don’t want to know what you mean by that but as I said before, always think of me when you get to that place. I’m here for you. Okay?”

He nods. “Will you tell me about your parents and what caused you to be two totally different people?”

I smile even though I’m not sure that he can see it. “I’m not two different girls. You just bring out the best Ashley. The person I am with you is the one I want to be all the time.”

Both his hands come up and brush my hair back from face over my shoulders. His hands come back to rest on either side of my face. “Why did you ignore the family question?”

“Because I don’t want to talk about it tonight. One family drama is enough for tonight, don’t you think?”

His finger traces my jaw and I shiver at the touch. “I suppose, but I feel like I do all of the sharing.”

I need to distract him and I think I might die if I don’t feel skin-on-skin contact tonight. I’m still not ready for it all, but I need to feel him against me so I know he’s real. Everything about him makes me feel alive.

I lift my arms forward, and he looks down at me. I can feel the intensity even in the dark. “Are you sure?”

“Tonight I need to feel all of you. I’m still not ready for what we both want, but there is nothing that is going to stop me from enjoying the feel of you.”