Here With Me (23 page)

When I get back downstairs, Ryley is curled up and asleep on the couch. My options are limited, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to carry her upstairs when I can sit next to her all night. I gently lay a blanket over her and watch her snuggle into the sofa. I could sit across from her – this view gives me excellent view of the front door – but I don’t need it. I know we’re being overly paranoid, but we all have too much at stake to not have our senses heightened and make sure we’re prepared. I take the open space next to her, with my back to the wall. It’s the best vantage point for me and if by chance something happens, I know Ryley can shoot a gun.

I slide my knife under the couch and settle in next to Ryley, picking up her feet to rest them in my lap and turn on the television. I’m far too wired to even think about sleep. In fact, it’s the last thing I want to do. I really should go to the gym and take out my aggression on the bag, but I’m not leaving Ryley and EJ alone if I can help it. I’m going to have to talk to Ry about her daily schedule and find out when she’s going back to work. Hell, I need to find out if I’m still being paid.

Flipping through the channels, I decide to watch the U.S.A. Summer basketball game. It’s annoying to see these professional athletes getting all the attention when it should be the college kids. These guys make too much money for a lack of effort. At least when the college guys are playing, they’re playing to make a difference, not a paycheck. I keep the volume low so I can hear the noises from outside. The house creaks, just as it does every night. Deefur lies at my feet, his ears perking with every noise. I like that. I like knowing that he’s alert.

Ryley rolls over and looks at me. She’s only been asleep for an hour and it’s not even late. It’s just emotionally and physically exhausting talking about the shit that’s going on in our lives. I don’t blame her for needing a catnap. I’d love to lie down next to her, but tonight’s one of those nights where I’m going to stay awake just to see what’s going on outside. I’m not expecting much, but that doesn’t mean I’m letting my guard down.

The shit McCoy’s going through scares me. His wife is gone and there’s no trace of where she is. That shit is messed up and I can’t even imagine what the hell he’s feeling. Hell, I don’t even know how he’s functioning right now, but he is. I can tell you this, whoever is behind us being dead for six years better hope they take care of themselves because we’ll be coming for them and it won’t be pretty. McCoy is a torture specialist and the rest of us just might forget about ethics.

I startle when my cheek is slapped. I jump, causing EJ to laugh. I look at my watch and back at my son who is staring at me. He looks so much like I did when I was his age, but with Ryley’s hair color. Ryley is still asleep next to me and the TV is showing some infomercial. I can’t believe I fell asleep. My subconscious could be telling me that we’re safe, but I’m not sure I’m buying it. I look at my watch and see that it’s just after four a.m. and he shouldn’t be awake right now.

I put my fingers to my lips, letting him know that he needs to be quiet. Quickly glancing at Ryley, I make sure she’s still sleeping and pull EJ up onto the couch. I have to bite the inside of my cheek when he snuggles into my side. I’ve dreamed of moments like this with my wife on one side and my son on the other. The wife part I’m working on, but having my son in my arms is the most surreal feeling I’ve ever experienced.

Flipping the channel to a cartoon, I lean back and bring EJ closer to me. He sets his head on my chest, pulling his blanket closer. I had one when I was his age right up until I started school. I used to carry it everywhere. My dad hated it, but I didn’t care. My blanket was my buddy and was the only one I could confide in.

I maneuver EJ as he haphazardly lies across my lap. This position allows me to run my fingers through his hair. I have so much to make up for and starting this morning, we’re going to do some family things and maybe even Dad and EJ stuff. I’m not expecting an overnight adjustment, but I need to be in his life almost twenty-four seven because I’m his dad, regardless of how things have been the past few years.

The day Ryley told me she was pregnant I wanted to kick my own ass for not asking her to marry me the moment she told me she was ready to start a family. I’m such a pig-headed machismo that all I thought about was knocking her up. I never thought about how they wouldn’t be taken care of if I were to die – which apparently I did – which also means that someone received my financial payout, and I have a feeling I know who did.

‘I love you,’ she says as her hand slips into mine. I turn my head, the grass we’re laying in poking me in my ear and eye. She laughs and it’s the most magical sound I’ve ever heard.

‘I love you, Ryley.’ Men don’t understand the importance of telling their girls that they love them and not saying ‘I love you, too’. Adding that extra word almost takes away from the meaning, like it’s a reflex reaction. It’s not the same, at least not for me. She needs to know that I love her as much, if not more and her saying it first doesn’t diminish that for me.

Ryley rests her head on my shoulder and tickles me along my waistband. Her fingers brush along my boxers and in and out of the fine hairs on my stomach. It’s a good thing my hands are behind my head or I’d be moving her hand over the top of my shorts.

‘I’m pregnant, Evan.’

I don’t have to ask her to repeat herself. I heard her loud and clear. I roll onto my side, taking her with me so I can look into her eyes.

‘Tell me again,’ I say because I so want to hear those words come off her sweet lips.

‘I’m pregnant.’ Her face lights up with so much magic, it’s hard for me to contain my own smile. I move in quickly, bringing her lips to mine and rolling her on top of me.

‘Are you happy?’ I ask, thinking I already know her answer.

‘I’m so happy, Evan. We’re going to have a family.’

‘Do you want a boy or girl?’

She laughs. ‘I think a boy.’

I raise my eyebrow at her. ‘Really? I thought you’d be all over having a little girl running around.’

‘Not with you as her dad and Nate as her uncle. The poor girl would never be able to date. No, I think I want a happy, healthy boy who looks like his daddy so when you’re not home I still have my Evan with me.’

‘I’m just happy that you’re pregnant, Ry. Our lives are almost complete.’

‘You make me complete, Evan. I don’t need a child to feel that way, I just need you.’

‘God, I love you, Ryley. We should get married.’

She sits up partially and eyes me. ‘I’m not marrying you, Evan Archer.’

I sit up, holding her to me. I love that her legs wrap around my waist. Placing one hand on her stomach and the other on her cheek, I kiss her softly. ‘You’re my life, Ryley. I want nothing more than to marry you, and we should’ve done it back when you turned eighteen. So, I’m asking you now. Ryley Clarke, will you do me the honor being my wife?’

‘Yes… yes, I will.’

I jump and my skin begins to tingle when a loud thunking echoes outside the house. I shake Ryley with my fingers to my lips. She startles and looks around until she focuses on me. I motion for her to take EJ upstairs. I don’t have to tell her what to do. She knows.

As soon as he’s off my lap, I pull my gun out from under the couch and move toward the door. I keep the blinds closed and listen for footsteps. They’re walking up the stairs and on the porch. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone with my son just upstairs, but those bastards have it coming.

The screen door opens; the small squeak is everyone’s worst enemy. I turn the handle slowly and peak outside. Their back is to me and at my advantage.

“Who the fuck are you?” I say, with the barrel of my gun pressing against their skull. “Turn around slowly or it’s lights out.”

Their hands go up slowly and they turn.

I drop my gun instantly. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Mom kicked me out when I sided with you. I need a place to stay.”

I shake my head and pull Livvie into my arms. “I almost ended your life. You might want to try and call first.”

She shrugs. “I would, but you don’t have a cell phone and Ryley and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms.”

Picking up her luggage, I motion for her to go inside. “If you’re staying here, you better fix shit with Ryley.”

Livvie nods. “I will, I promise.”

MY BEDROOM LIGHT IS OFF
, and I crack open the door so I can hear what’s going on downstairs. I keep my hand over my mouth so I don’t make a sound. EJ is sound asleep in my bed, spread out and taking up as much space as possible. My eyes close when I hear Evan’s gun cock. I don’t know who’s outside, but I feel sorry for them. My father has always said never come between a man and his family because you’ll never win.

Footsteps on the stairs and down the hall cause me to move away from the door. I stand, with my back facing EJ. My legs are spread at equal width and my arms are raised. The Glock is at my ready and aimed at my door.

“Ryley,” Evan opens my door slowly, his hand coming in first before he pushes the door open. He stands in the doorway with his hands up, his gun in his waistband. “You can put your gun down.” Tears fill my eyes as he moves closer. By the time he places his hand on the top of my gun. I’m shaking.

“Come on, babe, lower your gun.” He pushes it down gently. “I know you’re scared and I am too, but I can guarantee you no one will ever hurt you or EJ.”

“Wh—what’s going on?”

Evan takes the gun from my hand and disarms it, setting it back in my drawer. “Livvie is downstairs. My mom kicked her out and she needs a place to stay. She said she would’ve called, but I don’t have a phone and you guys aren’t friendly.”

I sit on the edge of my bed and clutch at my legs. “I don’t like this, Evan. I don’t want to panic every time someone comes knocking on the door.”

Evan sits down next to me and wraps his arm around me. “This is my fault; I got you worked up. Everything you said earlier just got to me. I don’t like what has happened to us, and I hate that I have no control over it.”

I lean into Evan and try to relax. My body feels heavy and it’s so odd to think of how fast your adrenaline starts to pump when fear sets in. I don’t know what I was afraid of. I know Evan isn’t going to let anything happen to us. But the thought that someone might be in our home and a danger to us really gets to me.

“Why don’t you try and get some sleep? I’m going to go back downstairs and sit with Livvie.” I peer up at Evan, who meets my gaze immediately. I see it. I see it all in his eyes. The love he has for EJ, me and us. I initiate the kiss even though I shouldn’t. I know I’m going to hell and that karma is going to come back to bite me in the ass, but I need to feel him against me even if it’s just his lips.

He kisses me back, slowly. His lips are soft as they move against mine. “You’re my life,” Evan whispers against my mouth, and I know this is true. I know we can be together if I just allow it.

Nate…

He needs to come home. He and Evan need to sit down and figure this out. We need to be a family and figure out why this is happening to us.

“I used to think I had a pretty amazing life. From the outside I had everything others wanted. I had a wonderful family, and I still do. I had a committed boyfriend who I had a future with. I was doing well in college and on my way to having a career that I could move around when my boyfriend needed to move. Then one day, the rug gets pulled out from under me, and I’m flat on my ass. My family is still wonderful, but they’re walking on eggshells around me. My committed boyfriend, who promised to come home, did, but in a wooden box all the while leaving me with the best gift possible, our son.”

“Where are you going with this Ryley?”

I shake my head, not sure where this is heading. “I don’t know, Evan. Tonight, everything just seems…“ I stand and start pacing to get the blood flowing again. “I love your brother and I know you don’t want to hear me say those words, but I do. I always have. But not like I love you. The love I have for you is all consuming. Every fiber of my being tingles when I’m near you, and that’s something I can’t deny.