Authors: Sara Jane Stone
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HERE WAS NO
question that tonight was one giant mistake. But unlike most errors in judgment, this one had resulted in a meet and greet with a gun and a dog that wanted to play fetch with his balls.
Chad studied Lena, waiting for her to lower her weapon as the dog growled at his feet. His desire had dried up the minute she'd said, “Get off.” He didn't need a gun waved in his face to prove her point. But he sure as hell wanted a chance to explain before he hightailed it out the door. “Lena, I need you to lower your weapon.”
“You kissed me.”
“Yes.” He'd done a lot more, but he had a feeling pointing that out would not help reunite the gun with the nightstand. “And was it so bad that you want to shoot me?”
Who the hell gave a loaded weapon to the woman who needed a dog at her side to get through the freaking day?
“I'm sorry.” She lowered the gun, placing it back in the drawer. “Hero, come here.”
“Thank you,” he said, reaching for his clothes as soon as the dog joined his owner on the bed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her pull the sheet over her naked body. Once he had his boxers and jeans on, he turned to her. “And for the record, I'm sorry too. What happened tonight . . . Hell, I wasn't expecting to find you here.”
Lena nodded. “The blonde from the party?”
“Yeah.” He retrieved his shirt and pulled it on, making quick work of the buttons. “Amber.”
As if saying her name cast a spell bringing her here, a knock sounded on the door at the bottom of the stairs that connected the studio apartment to the outside world. “That's her now.”
He headed for the door, needing to stop Amber before they added a witness to their fucked-Âup little party. “I'll send her home and then we'll talk.”
He heard a soft “OK” from the bed and was tempted to glance over his shoulder to see if Lena was in tears. Not much could make this situation worse. But a crying woman? Yeah, that would do it.
“Just think,” he muttered, descending the stairs two at a time. “It could be Brody or, shit, Katie at the door. That would be worse.”
But he knew where his siblings were tonight. His little sister was doing God knew what with Liam Trulane. OK, maybe Chad had a good idea what they were doing, but he hated thinking about his kid sister doing those things. Brody was at the hospital visiting their youngest brother.
And Chad was the one who'd ended up in bed with a woman who slept with a gun on the nightstand. Too bad Lena was also the woman who took his breath away, she was so damn beautiful. But if he acted on that desire again, shit, she'd find another way to steal his breath.
Chad shook his head as he reached the door and spotted the bubbly Amber on the other side.
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he climbed up the stairs and found Lena sitting on the edge of the queen-Âsize bed wearing the same flowing, floor-Âlength dress she'd had on at the party. The one that probably had beer stains on some of the flowers from when Susan's sister had dumped her drink over Chad's head. Yeah, tonight Lena was seeing him at his best.
“Amber went back to her cousin's house,” he said, taking a chair from the small, circular table by the kitchenette and turning it around so the back faced her. He sat down, looking straight at her. “I didn't mention your name. Just told her I was too tired.”
“I'm sorry about earlier,” Lena said, her voice strong and unwavering, no sign of tears. “Katie told me where to find the key and said I could stay here for tonight.”
“Yeah, she kind of forgot to mention that to me.”
“It was only for one night. I wanted to give Eric and Georgia some space after the party.”
Chad nodded, the pieces of tonight's puzzle falling into place. But some things didn't add up. “Do you always lock your dog up at night?”
“No.” She ran her hand over the golden retriever's head, scratching behind the ears. The big dog leaned closer, begging for more, without ever taking his dark eyes off Chad. “He sleeps with me most nights. In case I need him.”
Need him? How many guys climbed into her bed? Sure, she looked like a supermodel, but still, shit like this didn't happen every day.
“I have nightmares sometimes,” she added. “Hero helps. But he's sort of an unofficial serÂvice dog. He's been trained, but not by one of the sanctioned programs. The waitlist for those programs ranges from one to two years. I didn't think I could wait that long. Hero came from a young trainer, just starting out. He's a great serÂvice dog. But he still chews. And sheds. So I put him in the bathroom for the night and took a sleeping pill.”
Chad stared at the woman who'd attached a bomb to her matter-Âof-Âfact account of her dog's training. A sleeping pill? His stomach flipped and for the first time that night, he thought he might be sick. The pill explained why she'd played along. She'd been ready and willing to make love to a drug-Âinspired mirage. But it didn't change the fact that he'd climbed into bed with a scared, drugged womanâÂthe one woman in Independence Falls he freaking knew better than to touch.
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fingers into Hero's smooth coat. The horror on Chad's face left her wishing she could walk out of this apartment and away from this night. But she had no place else to go. A hotel maybe, but her bank account was low, and she'd maxed out her last credit card buying dog food.
And she'd been trained from a young age to face her fears head-Âon.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Her father's words, not hers.
Every time those words ran through her head, she wondered if the fear she lived with day after day was slowly draining her life. Loud noises and Âpeople moving toward her, from any direction, shook her to her core. A simple hug led to panic. She was alive and safe in Oregon. Logically she knew that. The patch of disturbed dirt on the side of the road was not a bomb. But still, she didn't feel strong. She hadn't for the past eighteen months. Until she'd moved to Independence Falls, planning to stay with Georgia, the wild, determined woman from her therapy group, Lena had felt like she was losing the battle.
But Georgia was living proof that a person could be broken and strong at the same time. Lena clung to the hope that here, in this town, she could build a normal life too.
Until Chad Summers climbed into her bed and cracked her hope.
“I thought . . . I thought it was all a dream,” she said. “Until you kissed me.”
“Lena, I am so sorry. You have no ideaâ”
“It was an honest mistake,” she said quickly. She couldn't handle long, drawn-Âout apologies. “I'd appreciate if we kept this between us. I like it here. I was hoping for a fresh start in this town.”
“I won't say a word.” He looked away. “But I can't speak for Amber. I don't know her well.”
Lena raised an eyebrow. He didn't know the other woman, but he'd been ready and willing to do all the naughty things he'd spelled out to herâÂtouch her, taste herâÂwith Amber?
“If she says something to Katie, my sister might put two and two together,” he continued. “Might be best to head that off and explain I came up here, surprised you, and left. Leave out the naked part.”
“That makes sense.” Lena nodded, pushing off the bed, dragging the sheet with her. “Let me get my stuff and I'll get out of here.”
“Lena, wait.” Chad stood too, taking a step forward, reaching for her arm, but then thinking better of it. Or maybe she'd flinched. She'd been working hard to control that reaction, but tonight had thrown her, leaving her troubled mind wondering if every moment was a threat. “You don't have to leave.”
“I don't want to be in the way,” she said.
He placed his hands on his hips. “It's the middle of the night. Do you have someplace to go?”
“No.” The place she'd called home was no longer hers. She'd given it to her ex-Âhusband as part of their divorce six months ago. Right now, she owned a duffel bag filled with clothes and necessities; her revolver; a ten-Âpound bag of dog food; a giant, always-Âhungry golden retriever; and a beat-Âup blue Toyota pickup. “No, I don't.”
At twenty-Âeight, she was a homeless veteran. And she'd drawn a gun on the first man to touch her in months.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
But her father had forgotten to warn her about the humiliation. And that just might slay her.
“Stay. Please,” Chad said. “I've made a lot of mistakes tonight. Let me do something right.”
“I don't know.” She'd never get to sleep now.
“My sister will kill me if she finds out that I chased you out of here.”
“Fine. I'll stay.” She couldn't afford to make waves, not if she planned to live in Independence Falls. And she didn't want to give Katie Summers a reason to talk.
“Good.” Chad smiled. Not the devil-Âmay-Âcare look he'd wielded at the party earlier, the one that had drawn her in and left her wishing she could invite a man like him back to her bed, but a genuine smile. “And Lena, promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“Let Hero sleep out here with you. I don't care if he chews the furniture. I want you to feel safe. Promise?”
“Yes.” The way he looked at her as if she was too delicate to touch, the way he moved around the room, careful to keep his distanceâÂshe might as well have a neon sign about her head flashing “Broken. Stand Back.” Part of her wanted to be more like the woman he'd planned to meet in this room. Carefree. Fun. The kind of woman who would melt into his kisses. Instead she was the one who agreed to let her dog sleep next to her even if he chewed up the place.
“I promise,” she added.
“Good.” He headed for the stairs. “I'll see you around, Lena.”
Lena gave a quick nod, even though he wasn't looking at her anymore. She closed her eyes and made a silent promise. She would find the road map to normal and follow it to the end. She'd do anything to get to there. Anything.
Â
“
W
E HAVE A PROBLEM.”
Chad uncrossed his legs and sat up straight in the chair. No one wanted to hear those words from his boss/business partner's mouth at an impromptu Saturday meeting. His mind jumped to last night. Had Eric found out about the misunderstanding with Lena? Shit, if Eric knew he'd probably found out from Georgia, which meant Chad's little sister also knew by now.
The fact that Chad hadn't been the one to tell Katie would count against him. He should have called his sister first thing this morning. But he didn't want to make a big deal about it. And picking up the phone at dawn felt like the act of a guilty man.
“Something I can help with?” Chad asked, going with innocent-Âuntil-Âproven-Âguilty.
“Yeah.” Eric leaned back in his chair. “Your dating life has become a problem.”
“Look, if this is about last night, when Susan's sister dumped her drink on me,” Chad said, “I swear, I thought we were on the same page. I had no idea Susan had gone and built a freaking shrine.”
“This isn't about Susan. Not exactly,” Eric said with a sigh. “The pilot who moved here last month from California, the one who flew helicopters for a timber operation down there, one of the only Âpeople in the Willamette Valley qualified for the jobâ”
“I didn't take him out,” Chad said, trying for funny even though he didn't feel like laughing. This conversation was headed for a crash and burn. And was driving home the fact that Eric Moore was more boss than business partner. Sure, Chad had contributed to the cost of the helicopter and his name was on the deed, but Moore Timber was still Eric's baby.
“I was planning to grab a beer with the guy to get to know him before we started flying together,” Chad added. “But I never asked.”
“Too late now. He turned down the chance to be your copilot.” Eric ran his hands through his short hair. “He called and left a message this morning. Something about his cousin Amber and last night? He said she came home in tears.”
With each word, Chad felt his dreams for the future entering a downward spiral. He opened his mouth to tell Eric about last night. He'd sent Amber home. He hadn't touched her. Because of Lena . . .
Chad pressed his lips together, shaking his head. He couldn't mention Lena and last night to Eric.
“You need a full-Âtime copilot, someone you can work with as part of team.”
“This isn't
Top Gun
,” Chad said, leaning back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. “We just need to fly the damn helicopter together.”
Eric's mouth formed a grim line. “You need to work together. One guy spotting, making sure you don't hit anything or anyone, and the other keeping the bird in the air. I need to know you won't get into a fight while flying over my harvest site, and my crew for that matter, about who was in your bed the night before. I can't send you up in the air if you're a liability. If we have another helicopter accident, we're screwed and you know it.”
Chad nodded, letting out the breath he'd been holding. Yeah, he knew it. And he sure as shit didn't want another family to go through what his had suffered these past few weeks. Chad had witnessed firsthand the damage one of the hooks used to secure the logs to the helicopter could do. His little brother was still in the hospital, his short-Âterm memory a scrambled mess, thanks to a hook to the back of the head.
“Josh's accident happened at the hands of an independent contractor,” Eric added. “They'll take the insurance hit and pay the damages. But this is about more than money. It's about the Âpeople. I value every member of our crew. I also value our company's position in this community.”
“I get it, Eric. Trust me, I spent days sitting by Josh's hospital bed waiting for him to wake up. And he still has a long road ahead of him.”
“Good. Then you'll understand why I need to say this. If you want to be a part of Moore Timber, if you want to run the helicopter logging side of this operation, hell, if you want the chance to get up in the air with a copilot at your side, you have to settle down.”
Chad's jaw tightened and he felt knots forming in his shoulders. If he wanted to fly for Moore Timber? It was his fucking dream job. He'd grown up flying helicopters with his dad over logging country just for fun on a Saturday afternoon. “I want to work here and fly. You know I do. But you need to spell out what the hell you're asking for, Eric.”
“I'm not saying you need to get married.” The man across the desk pinched his nose. At moments like this it was easy to forget they were the same age. He'd grown up with Eric, played ball with him. But Chad hadn't turned his family business into the largest timber operation in the Pacific Northwest. Eric had. “But would it kill you to stay with one woman for a while?”
Kill him? No. But as far as he could see, relationships led to heartbreak. His father had crumbled when his mother left. Some things stayed with a kid a helluva lot longer than they should.
Chad pushed to his feet. “You have my word I'll steer clear of the Moore Timber staff and their sisters.”
Eric shook his head. “The whole damn town is connected to this place.”
“If you're suggesting I need to start something just to keep my job . . . Shit, Eric, I will not lead a woman on, pretending that the thing between us will lead somewhere. I'm honest, man. Always.”
“I'm not suggesting you lie, just try to see if one night could become more,” Eric said. “Moore Timber is too important. I can't risk losing clients and staff over hurt feelings. Take yourself off the market for a while. But do something.”
“Now you're telling me I can't get laid?”
Eric looked him straight in the eye. “Not if it interferes with my business.”
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Lena wore long, flowing dresses. She loved the feel and freedom of fabric billowing around her. But for hiking, she'd chosen cargo shorts, a lightweight long-Âsleeve shirt, and boots, which felt heavy on her feet as she followed Georgia and Katie up the dirt path to the waterfalls.
“It will be worth it when we get there,” Georgia called over her shoulder.
Georgia had spent her days hiking through the Afghan countryside carrying her gear not long ago. Lena had been there too, possibly covering some of the same ground. She wasn't sure, given they'd never talked specifics about their missions. And they probably never would.
Georgia was moving on, barreling toward normal like a tiger charging her prey. Next to her, Lena felt like an inchworm. Lena was doing her best to stay one step ahead of disaster. But that could change at any moment.
Hero brushed against her leg, his tongue hanging out as he panted his way up the path.
“You look about as out of shape as I feel,” she murmured. While there was a chance she'd covered the same ground as Georgia, Lena had been out of the army for nearly a year and a half now. And she'd spent most of those early months after she'd returned to the States in her house, paralyzed by fear.
“Water break,” Katie called, stopping ten paces ahead of her.
Georgia retraced her steps, pulling out three bottles. “I brought extra if Hero wants some.”
“Thanks.” Lena took a long drink and focused on reclaiming her breath. Feeling better, she poured water into the small bowl she'd brought for Hero.
“Did the apartment over the barn work out for you?” Katie asked, returning her water bottle to her daypack.
“Yes, but . . . have you talked to Chad today?”
“My brother?” Katie laughed. “He's probably still in bed with the woman he met at the party. I didn't catch her name, but she looked ready and willing to keep him up most of the night. I just hope her cousin isn't the type to defend her misplaced honor when Chad moves on.”
“No,” Lena said. “He's not.”
Katie's brow furrowed. “You know her cousin?”
“Chad is not with Amber. He planned to use the apartment too. He had his own key,” Lena explained. “And, well, we ran into each other.”
“Oh my God, Lena, I am so sorry,” Katie said. “I should have known he'd make a copy and ignore the stupid signal even though he was the one to create it. Did he . . . did he frighten you?”
Yes, but I drew a gun on him
would only lead to more questions.
“A little, but he was . . . a perfect gentleman.”
Katie snorted. “Chad?”
“Nothing happened,” Lena assured her. “He made sure I felt safe, insisted that I stay, and then he left.”
“OK. Good.” Katie stared at her, long and hard, as if trying to determine if she was telling the truth. “That's good.”
Lena picked up Hero's bowl, hoping the conversation would end there. “How much further to the falls?”
“Another mile,” Georgia said. “Are you sure you're up for it?”
Lena nodded and started moving up the trail. “Did you and Eric pick a date yet?”
“Let's just say I'm close to convincing him that he wants a Valentine's Day wedding. But he's worried I'll need more time. And he might be right. I want a fancy dress, the kind that needs to be ordered months in advance.”
“Lena, did you have a big wedding?” Katie asked. “With the traditional dress?”
“No.” Lena focused on the dirt path. “My ex and I were married at city hall near West Point. He was a few years ahead of me and graduating.”
“He was in the army too?” Katie said.
“He's an engineer. I met Malcolm at a West Point football game. He came down from his tiny liberal arts college, and, well, I think the allure of someone not tied to the military drew me in. Five months later, my dad met him and hated him, so I figured it was true love. We got married in a quick ceremony at town hall when he graduated, the year before my junior year.”
“And it wasn't true love?” Georgia asked.
“It was,” Lena admitted. “I loved him so much.”
But love doesn't always last
, she thought. If she wanted to rebuild her life on solid ground, she needed to concentrate on things that lasted, not the ones destined for failure.
“But he couldn't handle your PTSD,” Georgia said, slowing the pace. “Could he?”
“No, I guess not,” she said. “He kept expecting it would get better. But for those first six months home, I stepped further and further away from the life he'd imagined for us.”
Hero brushed against her leg and her hand touched his golden fur. Side by side with her dog, she searched for the words, wanting to explain to these women who'd welcomed her into their lives how her day-Âto-Âday existence had crumbled that first year back.
“Malcolm had built a life in Portland,” she continued. “He had friends. But they were so far removed from my reality while I was deployed. It was like there was a barrier dividing me from them. I felt numb. Sometimes it was as if I could see how his life would go on without me. And I felt horrible for thinking those thoughts because I'd survived a war when others hadn't . . .”
“Depressing, isn't it?” Georgia murmured.
“Yes,” Lena said. “Eventually I found a way to move on. I started therapy and I got Hero. But months had passed by then. And Malcolm, he hadn't planned on waiting that long.”
“He's a jerk,” Katie said firmly.
“No, he tried. But he would kiss me and . . . and it was as if he was asking for something I couldn't give. He wanted me to be his wife, but I couldn't do it. Kisses, hugs, those everyday signs of affection felt so meaningless. I couldn't stand that feeling. So I pushed him away.”
Lena paused on the trail and withdrew her water bottle. “How much further?”
“We're almost there,” Georgia said. “Promise.”
Almost thereâÂwasn't that the story of her life these days? She'd come so far, learning what triggered her anxiety and putting coping mechanisms in place. But if she wanted to reach the pinnacle, she had to keep climbing.
“I'm sorry you're going through this,” Katie said. “Listening to the two of you, my life seems so easy and normal. What you've lived through, and what you're living with now, amazes me.”
“Don't discount normal, Katie,” Lena said quietly. “Because that is where I'm headed and I'm going to get there. One day.”
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as the sun rose high in the sky, Lena steered her truck down Katie's driveway, heading to her borrowed home.
“Thanks for giving me a ride,” Katie said. “My brothers are going to lose it when they find out my wagon wouldn't start. They've been after me to get a new car, maybe a pickup, ever since Moore Timber cut the check to purchase our family's trucking business.”
“It's nice that they look out for you,” Lena said.
“Sometimes. Most of the time it is just annoying.” Katie leaned forward. “Wow, look at that. Lena, I'll eat my words if my brothers went out and bought me a midnight blue convertible.”
“Mercedes convertible?” Lena asked, scanning the parking area, because the details mattered, especially when it came to unfamiliar cars at her temporary home.
“I think so,” Katie said.
Lena hit the brake. Hard. Parked beside the barn was a midnight blue Mercedes convertible. Once upon a time, she'd driven that car, loving the feel of the wind in her hair. But that was back when her life had felt like a fairy tale.
“Oh, and look, it came with a hot guy in a suit,” Katie added. “You know, I don't think this is a present from my brothers. Or Liam.”