Heroine: The Husband's Cologne (13 page)

“Hi, this is Tanja, what can I do for you?” she said in a sultry voice that would have made
an eunuch hard.  I still felt guilty, but this was such a crafty move that I almost had to laugh. 

In her smoldering voice she talked awhile with my husband and confirmed that we had been absorbed in a project for days now, one which was so elaborate that we practically had no time for anything else.  Then she told him that it would be her pleasure to meet him personally one day.  A few moments later she handed the phone back to me. 

“Honey, are you still there?” I whispered as meekly as I could in the circumstances.

“Yeah, everything is fine,” he mumbled. “She's got a great voice, your friend Tanja.  If she looks as good as she sounds, she must be a real fox.”

“As to your last point, I can't really say,” I replied, more curtly now.  “We're working around the clock here, so we don't really have time for intimacy.  Besides, Tanja is red-headed, short and weighs about a 180 pounds.”  I whispered the last part to make him believe that she wasn't meant to hear.

“I see, well everything is in order then,” my husband whispered back.  “We can talk privately tomorrow.”

“OK sweetie, let's do that.  I love you and can't wait till you get back,” I said, more spitefully than in earnest, and we hung up. 

“Everything OK?”
Tanja inquired, having made herself comfortable again on her bed.

“Of course, he bought it hook, line and sinker.  You seemed to have made him so hot with your voice that he wanted to take you right then and there.”

We both burst out laughing.  Some voice in the back of my mind wondered why I was acting like this, but I ignored it. 

“So where
were we before my better half dragged me away from you,” I babbled in a tone that struck even me as a little haughty. 

“Twenty thousand, that's your cut from the evening.  And that's how much you could earn, if you worked with us.  Maybe not always that much, but five figures at least.”  The look in
Tanja's eyes was a calculating one, and suddenly I felt an icy pang in my stomach. 

Again, silence.  There were too many conflicting emotions threatening to break through the dam inside of me.  If it hadn't been for Daniel's phone call, I would have said yes to Tanja, dropped my studies, and gone to work for her the very next day.  I thought that my abilities were at least enough to learn the trade of a beautician relatively quickly.  I did have a high school diploma, after all. 

But what was the connection with the sex orgies I would have to endure?  Once more I felt the knot in my stomach, a mixture of confusion, craving and fear.  Twenty thousand Euros in a single evening!  But I’d have to leave Daniel for it?  Alright, I would have to come to some sort of decision.  It was either Daniel or Erich.  But why should Horst be the one explaining things to me, when it should be Erich? 

I decided to discuss things with Erich first.  Maybe there was a way to get my money, without having to put myself at the mercy of his friend.  And perhaps that night had served to heal Erich of his problem and he didn't need the sessions of group sex anymore?  Why hadn't I thought of this earlier?  We could get married, I could live a life of luxury, and with a snap of my fingers, there would be men lined up waiting for me. 

“I'm going to sleep on it,” I said so abruptly that I surprised myself.  Maybe I had spoken too soon?  “I'm getting a headache, and I don't think I'm in any condition to make a decision today.” I felt as though there was someone else in the room telling me what to do, but the words were coming out of my own mouth.

“That sounds fine, sleep on it and we can meet up again tomorrow,” Tanja replied, closing her eyes.  I realized that I was tired as well, and the effects of the alcohol were wearing off, leaving me increasingly hung-over.  At the same time I noticed that I had consumed far too little water and was seized by a sudden thirst. 

“I'll call you a cab, so you don't have to walk home in the dark.”

Slowly I got to my feet, trying to make some sense of the thoughts and feelings parading through my head.  This was by far one of the strangest days I could
remember ever having.  My feelings were out of kilter, my thoughts reeling. I just had a sexual fling with a woman. And it was good, so it probably wouldn't be my last, either.  Maybe I could see Tanja again tomorrow?  It was a prospect I couldn't pass up.  What else lay in store for me?

The doorbell rang, it was the taxi.  Tanja took me into her arms, gave me a long kiss and stroked my hair. 

“It doesn't matter what you decide to do.  I love you and I'll always love you.  Please don't forget that,” she whispered in my ear, before shutting the door behind me.  And now, the only feeling I was left with was bewilderment. 

   The fact that I slept miserably the following night came as no surprise.  I had had a few too many drinks and was embarrassed at how I had lost my composure.  On a Monday of all days!  My dreams were restless and I woke up in a sweat several times with the feeling of being threatened and aroused at the same time.  But the morning aided me in dispelling my fears.  I suspected that my anxious mood was due to the decision that awaited me; after all, I was about to veer off the beaten track, leaving behind the path that had been set for me.

After a hot shower and a hearty breakfast I felt better.  I was glad to see that it was my third day alone in my apartment, and that the usual descent into depression appeared to be a thing of the past. 

“A little sex goes a long way,” I said, laughing quietly to myself, my thoughts turning toward the sweet, dark-skinned lover from three nights back, Tom, or whatever his name was. 

“Why do I keep thinking about him?” I said, carrying on my private monologue.  Then the phone rang and stirred me out of my daydream.  I leaped up and grabbed it, excited at the prospect of speaking to Erich. 

Instead, it was my mother.  I only just managed to stop at “Hello” and avoid blurting out “my love!” which was on the tip of my tongue.  Luckily, my mother was a fast talker and had already launched into a torrent of words by the time I had uttered my first syllable.  The effect on my mood was like a cold shower during sex. 

“
Juliane, sweetheart, how are you?  What have you been up to?  We haven't heard from you in weeks!  We've been worried, why haven't you called?  I'm always the one getting in touch and it makes me cry because I never know how you are.  You should learn from your sister; she on the other hand...”

“Mother, please,” I said, putting the brakes on her whining lecture.  “We just spoke last weekend, and before that, at least once a week.  Why are you calling me today?  It's not like you.”

I was in the habit of speaking to my mother every weekend, or rather, she talked and I listened, irritated.  How I hated these conversations!  It would be almost an entire hour of rambling gossip and whining. 
How horrible! How dreadful! Do you remember Mrs. Miller from down the road?  She recently got divorced, can you believe that?
It went on and on and on. 

Every time I got off the phone with her I was drenched in sweat.  Now she was calling in the middle of the week, too!

“Sweetheart,” - I couldn't stand her way of addressing me! - “your husband called last night and was asking about you.  He was very worried and said that he had been trying to reach you for days.  He was desperate.  But I've always known that you two weren't right for each other.  What kind of wife are you that you would let your husband down like that!  That would have been unthinkable when I was young...”  I decided to cut her off abruptly, her bickering voice still vibrating with that thick Romanian accent of hers.

“Mother!
Stop it!” I was almost yelling.  “I spoke with Daniel for a long time yesterday and you know perfectly well that he's in the U.S., and that's why we can't see each other.  We hadn't spoken for just a couple of days and you're making it into a tragedy!”

It was only now that I realized that, in fact, I hadn't called her last Sunday.  My sense of time had gotten muddled somehow.  And now I began to feel guilty.

“I'm sorry if I've been a little thoughtless lately.  Mother, please understand that I'm in the middle of my exams and have to finish a project I'm working on.  I spent the whole weekend studying with a friend.”  The lie rolled right off my tongue, but I still felt a knot tightening in my stomach. It seemed to calm her down nevertheless, and we continued to chat for awhile just as we did every Sunday, about the usual trivial stuff.  As she hung up the phone, all the tension that had been building up broke at once and I burst into tears.  The feeling of emptiness had returned. 

By noon I had settled down again and after a short nap I felt somewhat refreshed.  I had masturbated earlier on, thinking about Tom, or whatever his name was, and had brought myself to an orgasm, which relaxed me so much that I was able to sleep for some hours.  Sex was evidently what I needed to get myself back on an even keel.  Had I realized this before, I could have spared myself a considerable amount of stress.  I made a mental note to myself to ask Horst for Tom's phone number the next time I got the chance.

I threw a frozen pizza into the microwave, and as I sat eating awhile later, I thought excitedly about what I should say to Tanja.  Actually the decision was clear. Twenty thousand Euros on a regular, even monthly basis, my own apartment in
Tanja's salon with the option of seeing Erich regularly: these things were all hard to pass up.  But for that I would have to leave my studies, which I really loved.  And the relationship with Daniel would be hard to maintain because I would be living in Cologne permanently, which also had its advantages, like not having to live with the Bavarian folk.  Or the Swabians, as Daniel had pointed out. 

If only I didn't have the constant knot in my stomach!  The more I thought about it, the more unsettled I felt, which only made my bellyache worse.  There was something inside me that was looking to surface, but couldn't quite find an outlet.  I wanted to talk to someone about it, but the thought of turning to Erich, Tanja or even Horst didn't feel right.  That left Norman. 

Why hadn't I thought of him earlier?  After all, I had been in love with him, and his blunt and candid manner was sure to dispel my doubts.  I had his number stored on my cell phone.  I called him up immediately and luckily he was home and happy to meet with me!  I was overjoyed and relieved, and instinctively I knew that I could count on him for some sound advice. 

I took the subway and in less than a half hour I was ringing his doorbell.  It took him awhile to come to the door as he was up on the third floor.  Norman had once mentioned that his landlady was against installing an automatic door opener because she wanted to be able to screen all the guests herself. 

Finally, Norman stood before me.  Tanned, laughing, unshaven, his blond hair disheveled.  I fell into his arms and he hoisted me up as if I weighed nothing.  A long kiss replaced the usual formalities and we proceeded to hop up the stairs hand in hand.  I had imagined our reunion to be a matter-of-fact affair, but after the countless weeks of not seeing each other, it was more emotional than expected.  But I liked it.  Norman was evidently still fond of me, and my effect on him seemed not to have diminished.  Nor had his effect on me, I discovered to my delight. 

“How's it going?  What have you been up to?  I'm so happy to see you again,” he said effusively as we sat next to each other on the sofa. 

I lazily leaned my head against him, shut my eyes for a moment, sighed with relief and looked up at him. 

“I really need to talk to you.  There's something weighing on me and I need your advice.  I trust you and I want to get this off my chest.  And I can't share it with Daniel.”

“Sounds serious,” he said, furrowing his brow.  I nodded.

“I have to make a decision today, but I don't really know what I want.  I'm at a loss and was hoping that you could help me out.”

“I'll do what I can,” he boomed back, the lines in his forehead more pronounced now.  “Let me just make a cup of tea and then you can tell me what's bothering you.”

We went into the kitchen and stood chatting about things in general. The kitchen was so small that we couldn't avoid bumping into each other, and I found myself enjoying the inadvertent closeness between us. 

Back on the sofa, he placed the tea pot and two cups on a low table before us.  I decided to take advantage of his hospitality and lay down sideways, resting my head on his lap.  He put his hand on my belly and the warmth of it made me feel safe. 

For the next hour or so I proceeded to talk freely about all that happened since he first introduced me to Erich.  Well, freely up to a point; I omitted a few details.  As I was getting to the part where I had agreed to do whatever I could to help Erich to an orgasm, it had already gotten dark outside, so I decided not to tell him about it except for a few details.  The orgy I left out completely; he didn't need to know about that.  But I did mention that I had had sex with Horst at Erich's request, and that Erich had watched us.  I focused on my motives for doing what I did: that in order to help Erich, I was prepared to go to certain lengths. 

“I knew Erich was the seductive type.  But I wouldn't have expected him to go that far,” Norman remarked in his resounding voice.  I looked up at him silently. 

“Go on,” he said.  “What are your options?  Are you thinking of leaving Daniel and going to live with Erich?”

“Maybe.  But that's not even the issue right now.  Tanja, Horst's wife, offered me a way to earn a considerable amount of money.  But, I would have to leave my studies and go work for her in her beauty salon...” As I spoke, it slowly dawned on me how convoluted this whole thing had become in my head.  I began to feel afraid, and I saw how I had gotten hopelessly tangled in the desires, dreams, longings, lust and actual facts of the situation, to the extent that I could no longer distinguish one from the other.  I needed somebody to help me out of this mess; I realized that I could not do it alone. 

“Tell me, what are the last names of these friends of Erich's?  You said that he's a car dealer and she runs a beauty salon, right?  And now they're asking you to
come work for them?  They're something else you're not telling me.”

I flinched; my fear was starting to overwhelm me and was nearing panic. I drew my knees up to my stomach and hid my hands between my legs.

“Take it easy. You're safe with me, and I'm here to listen.  Nobody's going to hurt you,” he reassured me in his deep voice, sensing that I was trembling. 

I couldn't hold it in any longer, and suddenly the truth about the orgy and Erich's friends came flooding out.  This time I revealed almost everything, even confessing to my feelings of exhilaration, my lust and my greed.  But still I didn't tell him how many people had been present, and how I had let myself be taken by every single one.  I then explained the offer Tanja had made me to go work for her, and that Horst still owed me 20,000 Euros.

Hence the decision that stood before me.

“She told me that I could get rich with her.  I'm supposed to call her back today,” I said.  Then I said her last name, and it was Norman's turn to be confounded. 

“Have you lost your mind?  You don't have the slightest idea of what you're getting yourself into, do you?  I'm going to have a talk with that swine Erich. He’s selling you off to a pimp.  It makes me sick,” Norman snarled.

“I don't understand what you're talking about,” I whimpered, frightened.  He looked down at me, and ran his large hand over my back. 

“You mean to tell me that you don't know who Horst and Tanja really are?” he asked, his voice softer now but his look incredulous.  Startled I shook my head.

“He’s a used car salesman and she’s a beautician?” I replied, haltingly.

“Forget that. You’re really unworldly. Now listen to me and brace yourself because you're in for a shock.”  His warning did the exact opposite of what it was intended to do.  I was seized by panic and began hyperventilating.  Norman pulled me up slowly onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me like he would a little girl.  I nestled my head on his shoulder and he laid his warm hand on my head and held me tight.  Without this gesture of protection I would surely have collapsed.

“I told you, you're safe with me here, understand?” I nodded and gradually my breathing steadied itself.

“This is the deal: your Horst is a well-known pimp of the worst kind and his wife runs the most notorious brothel in the city.  Beauty salon my ass.  They want to use you as a prostitute.” It felt like somebody had stuck a blade into my stomach; I felt so betrayed that I began sobbing uncontrollably. 

“How do you know this?” I managed to ask, crying in spasms. 

“I used to work with the police, some years ago”, he answered. I looked baffled. How could that be?

“Let’s talk about you”, he stopped my thinking. “I’ll enlighten you when we’ve time.
Juliane, I care for you, a lot.  But I've got to tell you this:

“You almost sold yourself to the devil there.  The local police files in the past few years have been full of reports about your
strange  ‘friends.’  Horst was even detained for a while on suspicion of human trafficking. Together with other pimps, he allegedly smuggled young women from the Ukraine over to Germany, and forced them to work as prostitutes, needless to say without legal rights and for no money.  The authorities couldn't prove anything, though, and he called on one of the most expensive law firms in Bonn to bail him out.  That must have been almost too pricey even for him.  He is said to have friends in political circles and it appears that they made sure that certain evidence was destroyed.”

Instantly, I thought of some of people at the orgy.  I knew that a few of them were prominent figures in Cologne and in Berlin as well, but I hadn't paid much attention, thinking that they were simply there for some harmless fun.  Then I remembered Igor, the one with the shaved head.  The conversation I had overheard between him and Horst in the men's toilet suddenly flashed in my head.