Hey Dad! Meet My Mom (13 page)

Then I told him all about my nightmares and everything that was scaring me. He quietly listened to every idiotic thing I said, very calmly. I cried, I shouted, I consoled myself, I poured my heart out. I felt relieved.

After that I started to spend three days every week over there. He did some psychiatric sessions on me; hypnosis and other treatments. He put me under medication. Myra too started to go along with me each time. She gave me the strength I needed to face this failure. My mother looked worried. She started to spend more time with God; praying for me endlessly. Myra started to take immense care of me. Maya too visited a couple of times.

Everyone showed their concern, but concern was not enough to fight the situation. Nothing helped. Neither Rishi nor ‘that girl’ left my life. I tried to talk a few times with Rishi but he said nothing. He was not ready to leave me in peace. That blank face was way too scary. I missed my sweet, little Rishi now. This was not my Rishi, he was someone else.

My health was deteriorating. The insomnia was making me feel mad. I wanted to die, but my love for Myra was not letting me slip into the hands of death. Every night, I cried; every night I shouted. The nights were long and painful. I felt alone and there was no worse pain than this feeling of loneliness.

Chapter 14

Day is the witness of sunrise,
Night sustains till the moonlight dies.
Everything abides by routine.
Then what does this chaos in my life mean?

She was sobbing but I had no other choice, I had to ask her.

“What is it about me that you are hiding from me?” I asked her. ‘Tell me mom, I want to know about my past. What had happened that you are hiding from me?”

I was having a painful day at the bank. I just couldn’t concentrate on anything. Rishi was there and he was smiling. His smile was not the usual one. It was not like the one that induced the same effect over you, but the one which induced fear within your soul instead. I decided to go back home. I took a few days off from my work.

No one expected me to reach home so early. I thought that mom would have gone out grocery shopping but luckily I had a duplicate key, so there was no problem. Then a second thought struck me. I thought I should call Myra and take her for a movie or something. She was stressed out as well because of me. I had to show my love to her, I had to show my feelings for her.

I picked up my phone but then Rishi stopped me. He held my hand and with his expressionless, pale face, he said, “Go home.” Then he faded.

I felt scared for mom. Instantly I grabbed the steering wheel of my car, ignited the engine, gave it full throttle and headed towards home. Adrenaline was flowing within in full force. What were they up to now? Were they going to hurt my mother? No! I would not let this happen.

I parked my car in a rush and ran towards the door. I could hear my mother talking to someone. I tried to peek through the window. There was someone, but who? I tried another window for a clearer view. It was my uncle; the psychiatrist; Sharad uncle. What were they talking about and why had Rishi sent me here? There should be something important.

“The previous sessions seemed to have a hole because his memories of the past are leaking into his present and that’s what he sees in his dream. If I continue tampering with his memories further, there could be some permanent damages too.” Uncle said.

“But there should be some solution, right?” My mom seemed very worried.

“To get him out of the present situation, I think it would be better to just tell him the truth. About his past, the one which we have erased from his memory.”

“No! We can’t do that, Sharad. You know that we have come far away from that situation. He can’t be exposed to that shit feeling again. There has to be some other way. I can’t tell him about his past. He has his own version of the past. And that’s enough for him. I am his mother; I don’t want to throw my son back into the past from where it took us months to drag him back out, back to life.” Mom started to cry.

“Please don’t cry now. I’ll try my best to fight the situation again.” Sharad uncle left after that. I had no idea what were they talking about; the only thing I knew was that I had to dig into my past to know the answers. I wanted to know about the girl I was seeing in my dreams. I wanted to know the truth about Rishi. I wanted to know what my mother was hiding.

She was sobbing but I had no other choice, I had to ask her.

“What is it about me that you are hiding from me?” I asked her. “Tell me mom, I want to know about my past. What had happened that you are hiding from me?”

Chapter 15

10 years back...

St. Xavier’s College, one of the most prestigious colleges in Ahmedabad, and my dream college too. I was going to be travelling there all the way from Delhi for my further studies. There was a lot of hustle bustle on the platform but I still managed to enter one of the reserved compartments of the train. Dreams wrapped in my eye lashes kept me awake the entire journey. It was sometime in mid-June, when dark clouds were kissing the sun asking him to disappear into the blanket of precipitation. I looked out of the window trying to stare at the passing shrubbery and realized we were all a part of the race of life, where everyone needed to run and if you stopped, someone else would step on you and win the race. I was, in my own way, trying to figure out how I would spend my Bachelor’s at Xavier’s. The whole journey turned out to be a journey of planning things, and then finally after 8 hours a big yellow signpost came to my sight, that read: ‘Kalupur Station’. One of the biggest railway stations of Gujarat. I stepped down onto the station and water splashed on my feet. People were shielding themselves by huddling under roofs and sheds. I was also dragged away with the mass. I could not waste time waiting for the rain to stop; so I hired a personal taxi from the taxi stand and started towards my destination.

“Are you new to the city?” The driver inquired.

“No, I am a resident of Ahmedabad.” I lied because I had heard that Gujarati’s purely believed in business and they also cheated the newbies and I didn’t want to be their prey.

“Okay.” He simply ended the conversation.

Well, I was anyway not too interested to have any conversation with him. All I knew was that from the next day onwards I would be getting into the race of life, the race of engineering. I didn’t want to be a FARZI ENGINEER and that was all that flashed in my mind.

“Bhai uthar vanu kasth karjo”
(Brother please take the pain of getting down), the driver said in a slightly insistent manner.

“How much?” I asked taking off the luggage from the trunk.

“450 for the ride and 50 for the luggage.”

“What? 450!! I haven’t hired a chartered plane, and how can you charge me for the luggage too?” I was almost shocked to hear the fare.

“You have to pay the fare, in fact you should thank God that you got my taxi in this wild rain, else you would have to spend your whole night at the station itself.” The driver was making me feel vulnerable.

“Look, it’s your business and you were doing your job, you can’t cheat your passengers.” I uttered in a cursory tone.

The cacophony of me, the driver and the wild rains gathered people around but they remained aloof from us, witnessing the scene as if some crime was going on. I didn’t want my ambience to lose its charm, so I just paid the fare.

I proceeded towards my rented apartment, which I was to be sharing with three guys who were my seniors at St. Xavier’s college and I guessed that would somehow be expedient.

Getting comfortable with them would not be a big issue for me like with girls but still somewhere within me lay an introvert.

Before entering my apartment I scanned the surroundings, an isolated lawn turned to a stream, the roof of the other building swayed on the other side and only one prayer came to my mind.

‘God, I hope the roof on my room does not leak like in some 1920’s movie. I know You are good and always want to see me happy. Aren’t You?’