HH02 - A Reclusive Heart (14 page)

She gave him a forced small smile as she shook her head and murmured, "No, thank you." Even though she'd rather do that

than sit in her room feeling guilty she couldn't. She hated when her mother was mad at her, probably because it felt like another

rejection. She knew her mother had too much power over her, but she couldn't help it. Maybe by the end of this tour she'd figure

out how to deal with her, but it hadn't happened yet.

A few minutes later they were in the hotel lobby waiting for the elevator when Nick reached over and took her hand into

his and gave it a small squeeze before letting it go, startling her. She looked up at him to find him scowling down at her. Great

another person she'd pissed off. This day was just getting better and better, she thought.

"There's nothing wrong with your books, Jamie. They're great. They're not trash and they're certainly nothing to be

embarrassed about. I don't know what's going on in your family, but I can guarantee you that you didn't embarrass your family.

If anything your mother and sister are probably jealous," he said with a shrug as if what he just suggested wasn't ludicrous. Her

mother and sister would never be jealous of her. They were beautiful, popular, and married while she barely had anyone that

she would consider a real friend, kind of okay looking now and didn't even have a man interested in her.

Still.......

"Why do you think they're jealous?" she found herself asking.

Nick simply shrugged as he gestured for her to step into the elevator before him. "I know women," he simply said and she

found that she couldn't really argue that point, but sadly it didn't really clear the matter up for her.

"Meaning?" she prompted when he didn't add anything else.

"Meaning," he said as he pressed the button for the fifth floor, "that she wouldn't be making a huge deal out of this if she

wasn't jealous. For whatever reason your mother and sister are too petty to be happy for you. They're upset about the amount of

attention that you're getting so they're trying to tear you down a bit to make themselves feel better," Nick said, stepping out of

the elevator next to her as she thought that over.

Was it possible? she wondered as she walked past Nick's door and pulled out her keycard. It did seem that they acted this

way every time anything good happened for her. They also went well out of their way to make her feel bad for it and did

whatever they could to shine the light back on themselves. Not that she cared. She really didn't like attention, especially all the

attention that she was receiving on this tour. The only reason she was sticking it out and not running for the hills was her

contract and the "List."

Well, both lists.

Thanks to this tour she was trying new things and learning about herself. She'd worked really hard to get to this point and

maybe, just maybe it was time to stop allowing her family to make her feel like garbage. Maybe she should.....should.....

Her thoughts kind of drifted off as her brain registered the feel of Nick's mouth on hers. As she tried to figure out what

was happening he reached up and gently cupped her face in his large hands. His lips moved tenderly against hers and she

couldn't help but relax against him. The kiss was tender, sweet and did funny things to her stomach and it was also perfect. She

honestly could not have hoped for a better first kiss.

He pressed one last kiss against her lips before pulling back. She opened her mouth to say something only to find her

mouth covered with his again, this time with a pained groan that had her toes curling.

"Don't let them bring you down, Jamie," he whispered against her lips before pulling back.

"What was that for?" she asked in a daze as she fought against the urge to throw herself at him for another kiss.

"Now you don't have to worry about going out tonight for a kiss. Go relax, take a hot bath and get some work done," he

said, taking the keycard out of her hand and opening the door for her and giving her a gentle shove inside the room before

closing the door and leaving her slightly confused.

It didn't take long to figure out that he'd done that to get her mind off of her family drama. It was kind of sweet, but the fact

that it had been done out of pity and probably to get her to focus back on work kind of spoiled it, but not enough to stop her

from smiling as she went about doing exactly what he asked her to do.

Chapter 13

This was sure to be an awkward moment, Nick decided as he stood outside of Jamie's door. What the hell had he been

thinking last night? He had no business kissing her, but even knowing that he couldn't force himself to regret doing it. As much

as he would love to say that he did it for her, he knew the kiss had been for him.

All day yesterday he'd struggled against the urge to reach out and touch her, hold her and kiss her and when she looked so

damn miserable standing in front of her room yesterday he couldn't help himself. He'd kissed her. It wasn't wild or out of

control, but it had been the most pleasurable kiss of his life. The kiss had been simple and controlled, but still managed to

leave him hard and aching for her.

He'd shocked even himself by walking away from her last night when everything in him screamed to take her to bed. It

would have been easy. She was desperate to lose her virginity and for the first time in his life he was more than eager to take

it. He'd never wanted a virgin before her, but he wanted her. He wanted to be the first man to touch her, taste her and take her

until she could barely scream his name and that was why he walked away from her.

Jamie was not the screw and leave kind of woman. She was the type of woman any man, besides him, could happily do

forever with. She might think that she can handle having sex with a man and never see him again, but he knew her well enough

by now to know that wasn't the case. She might be able to go through with sleeping with a man she didn't know the first time,

but he knew the moment it ended she would be racked with guilt. If the guilt that she slept with a guy didn't get to her then the

loneliness afterwards would.

This type of life wasn't for her. She needed to wait for a guy that loved her and wanted to take care of her. Wasting her

virginity on some loser she met at a bar was only going to cause her pain. He couldn't let her do this and it had nothing to do

with the fact that he didn't like the idea of another man touching her.

He knew he was just worried about her because he felt responsible for her in a way and that was why he didn't like the

idea of some asshole touching her. It had nothing to do with jealousy because he didn't get jealous. When she announced that

she was going to hit a bar last night to get that first kiss and he wanted to put his fist through something it was because he didn't

want to see her hurt.

It was his job after all to make sure that she was safe. He had no problem teaching her about sex, especially if it kept from

doing something stupid like trust some asshole. He'd teach her and discourage her from doing anything stupid. She was a timid

little thing so he didn't think it would take all that much to get her to stay clear of men while they were on tour. When they got

back he would ask Dana if she knew any decent available men for his little recluse. Of course he would have to meet them first

to make that they were good enough.

Before he could do any of that he was going to have to break her heart. He wasn't looking forward to it, but it had to be

done. There was no doubt in his mind that the little recluse probably thought that last night meant more than just a kiss between

friends. She probably had her heart set on the two of them becoming involved, but that couldn't happen. He didn't do

relationships and she shouldn't accept anything less.

With a sigh he knocked on the door. He really had no idea how to do this without hurting her. He'd never cared before

about letting a woman down, but his little recluse was his responsibility and he was surprised to realize that she was indeed

becoming a good friend. Of course he'd let her down gently. It really was the least that he could do for her.

Jamie opened the door and he prepared himself for her tears, but all he got was a warm smile. Of course she'd be happy to

see him, he realized, feeling like an idiot. She probably spent the entire night doodling his name all over her notebooks and

imaging what their kids would look like. It was sad, cute, but sad.

"Hey, Nick," she said, smiling. "I'm so glad that you're here."

He couldn't help but sigh. Of course she was happy to see him. Maybe it would be best to quickly explain that last night's

kiss had meant nothing. Sure, he'd be destroying all her hopes and dreams, but it was for the best.

"I'm starving," she said, walking past him as she pulled the door shut behind her. "I was just about to head downstairs and

grab something to eat. Do you think that we have time to grab breakfast before the signing?" she asked as she headed for the

elevator.

"I think we should talk about something first," he said quietly as he tried to think of a way to break it to her without

breaking her heart. Sadly, he just didn't see any way around it. He was going to break her heart, but he'd do it quickly. It

surprised him that he actually cared if he hurt her, but he figured that was because he genuinely cared about her, another

surprise, but one that didn't matter at the moment.

"Okay," she said, pulling her beautiful strawberry blond hair up into a messy bun. "But can we talk while we walk? I'm

starving," she said, pressing the elevator button.

"It's about last night," he said as they stepped into the elevator. When she frowned up in adorable confusion at him he

added, "About the kiss," he said, knowing it was for the best to get it over with, but hating that he was about to hurt her. Maybe

they should return to her room for this talk. He didn't want his little recluse embarrassed when she broke out in tears.

"What about it?" she asked, looking so damn pretty at that moment that all he could think about was kissing her, but that

would just send the wrong message.

"I just wanted to make sure that you understood why I did it," he said, inwardly wincing when she smiled. Oh god, did she

expect a declaration of love? That would never happen. Maybe they should go upstairs after all, he thought just as the elevator

doors opened to the lobby.

"I know why you did it and I should thank you. That was really sweet, Nick. You're a good friend," she said, reaching out

and giving his arm a quick squeeze.

For a moment he could only stare after her as she walked across the lobby. It took the elevator doors shutting to snap him

out of his shock. That was it? Seriously? He'd given her, her very first kiss and it meant nothing to her, he thought with disgust

as he shoved the doors open and went after her.

It didn't mean anything to her? Well, that was fine because it meant less than nothing to him. He was relieved, glad even,

that she didn't misconstrue that kiss to mean more than it really was. As long as they were both on the same page then

everything was fine, just fucking peachy.

*******

"Peachy," he said tightly.

"You wouldn't be so crabby if you'd eaten breakfast," she pointed out quietly as he glared down at her.

"I am not cranky," he bit out, narrowing his eyes on her.

"No, of course not. My mistake," she said, barely managing to bite back a smile as that glare intensified. When she started

to think of his glares as cute she didn't know, but they were. It really had been silly to be intimidated by this man. He might

come off as a jerk, but he really was a big sweetie pie.

"Damn straight," he said, running his eyes over the large crowd that had gathered to meet her. The bookstore manager had

booked them for only three hours, but she had a feeling they wouldn't be getting out of here until after dinner time.

"Do you think we could do something off the list tonight?" she asked, trying not to sound too eager, but it was difficult.

She'd wanted to do this for years, but never had the guts to try. Now that she had Nick she was excited to go for it.

"Which list?" Was his voice hoarser than a minute ago? She wondered if he was getting sick. If he was they would have to

put off her plans for another night. She'd be disappointed, but she'd get over it.

"The original list," she said, stepping out of the way as one of the cashiers carrying a large cardboard sign with a picture

of her books on it walked past her.

"Oh," he said, looking a little disappointed.

Well of course he was disappointed, she realized, feeling like an idiot. He hadn't been with a woman since this tour

started and was probably hoping that they'd hit a bar or a club so that he could rectify that. The realization that he wanted to be

with another woman hurt so she shoved the thought away, knowing that it wouldn't do her any good to wish things were

different.

They were two completely different people and nothing she said or did would ever change that. When this was all over

she doubted that she'd see very much of him. Maybe they'd share a laugh while they waited for the elevator together, but she