Hidden Cottage (25 page)
He shook his head. ‘Quite the reverse. But I erred on the side of optimism. It’s what I always try to do. Better to hope than not, don’t you think?’
She looked at him hard. ‘Owen, will you promise me something?’
‘What?’
‘That this isn’t all part of some elaborate game you’re intent on playing? I want you to be honest with me.’
He put the bottle down and came over to where she was standing hesitantly in the doorway. No more than a few inches from her, his perfectly clear hazel eyes seemed to trace her every feature, her every line, her every wrinkle. Oh God, she thought, a woman her age should never be exposed to such close scrutiny.
‘I promise you faithfully I’m not playing any kind of a game with you,’ he said.
‘Good.’
As Mia looked at him with her astonishingly beautiful eyes, Owen felt something deep inside him squeeze and then squeeze some more. He also felt compelled to kiss her but knew he mustn’t. He’d promised himself that he would behave faultlessly, that if he managed to persuade Mia to come here today, he wouldn’t put a foot wrong; there would be no repeat of that afternoon in the boat. He needed to know that he could make amends for that day, that she could be comfortable around him.
‘Come and sit down,’ he said. ‘I’ll pour you a glass of wine.’
His back to her as he opened the bottle of Sancerre, he said, ‘It’s four weeks since you first visited me here with Muriel and Georgina. Hard to believe that a whole month has passed, isn’t it?’
‘Do you feel settled? Or is it too soon to tell?’
‘I feel more settled than I’ve ever felt anywhere. I felt it my very first night here.’ The wine poured, he handed her a glass. He sat in the chair next to her and listened to the call of a faraway cuckoo while watching a cloud of gnats dancing over a patch of glistening water.
‘So what have you been up to since I last saw you?’ he asked. ‘Apart from applying to the local council to have me evicted on the grounds of un-neighbourly conduct,’ he added with a smile. ‘I’ve half-expected an angry mob of villagers turning up here waving pitchforks at me.’
She smiled too. ‘I’ve been too busy with work and family matters to make any complaints on that score, so you can rest easy. And if you’re wondering if I told anyone what you said to me that day, I haven’t.’
‘That’s a relief. So, family matters, what does that constitute? Problems?’
‘There are always problems,’ she said with feeling.
He stretched out his legs in front of him, drank his wine thoughtfully and watched her raise her glass to her lips. Lips that he very much wanted to kiss. He cleared his throat and looked away. ‘Serious problems?’
‘I hope not. But we always seem to be dealing with some family drama or other. It’s a Channing trait.’
She sounded anxious. And tired. ‘Would it help to talk about it?’ he said. ‘I’m told I’m a good listener.’
She shook her head. ‘If I start, I probably won’t be able to stop. And I’m sure you must have better things to do with your time than listen to me.’
‘I have plenty of free time, remember? I’m a man of leisure. Which I don’t think your husband approves of. He gave me a very resentful look when I ran into him recently and he asked me what I did.’
‘Take no notice. It’s just his way.’
‘He seems a very forthright sort of man. Does he make you—’ Owen stopped himself short, reminded himself sharply of his promise to behave.
‘Does he make me what?’
‘Happy?’
Damn!
What was the matter with him? Why, having gone to the trouble he had, couldn’t he sit here and enjoy her company without interrogating her on her marriage? Anyone would think he was obsessed! Which he was, God help him. He had done his damnedest to get her out of his head by avoiding bumping into her, just as Rich had advised him, but it hadn’t worked.
‘Why do you want to know?’ she asked at length, his question having provoked an abrupt and drawn-out silence that made the warm afternoon seemingly hang suspended in time.
‘Because I want to get to know you. I want us to be friends.’
‘Georgina and Muriel are my friends but they’ve never asked if Jeff makes me happy.’
‘Big difference,’ he said, floundering for a suitable answer. ‘I’m a man and we ask different questions.’
She let out a laugh. He might have expected it to be a scornful laugh, but it wasn’t. He looked at her. There was no sign of scorn in her face either.
‘I know what you’re getting at,’ she said, ‘but since you don’t know us as a couple and you’ve exchanged no more than a few words with Jeff, I don’t think you can really comment on my marriage.’
‘True. But I’m an outsider looking in and from the little I’ve seen, I get this feeling about the two of you. And your children. When you’re with them you seem complete as a family unit, just the four of you.’ He was about to go on and explain that he knew what he was talking about based on his own upbringing, but was interrupted by the sight of Putin suddenly launching himself off the ground and disappearing into the branches of a tree. ‘I’d never thought about it before,’ he said, ‘but until I made Putin’s acquaintance I think I just assumed that peacocks couldn’t fly. They don’t look built for it.’
‘They’re like pheasants; they tend to glide rather than fly any real distance.’
‘So I’ve discovered.’
They both sipped their wine and stared up into the branches where Putin gave the impression of hiding from them. Or perhaps he was spying on Owen, checking that he didn’t do anything foolish?
‘There was a time when we were happy,’ Mia said quietly. ‘Very happy.’
Keeping his voice as subdued as hers, sensing anything else would stop her from opening up to him, Owen said, ‘When did it change?’
‘When Daisy came along. Jeff actually delivered her when she was born and was instantly besotted with her. I’m afraid he’s guilty of having a stronger bond with her than with Jensen and Eliza and of spoiling her.’
‘Why do you think that happened?’
‘Who really knows? It’s that inexplicable dimension to human nature, what makes us fall in love with one person and not another.’
‘I didn’t think parenting was supposed to be like that.’
‘It shouldn’t be, but in Jeff’s case it is. I don’t think he sees anything wrong in having a favourite child; he would tell you that he’s merely being honest and that the rest of us aren’t.’
Owen took a few moments to consider her admission. ‘And there really is no way of explaining to Jeff that his thinking is flawed?’
‘Oh no. Because what you have to know about Jeff is that he’s incapable of confronting the emotional realities of family life. Or married life, come to that.’
‘To you and your children’s credit, they seem to get along well enough with each other. There don’t seem to be any divisions.’
‘Not now there aren’t. The turning point was when Daisy was ill with anorexia; Eliza and Jensen were wonderful with her. They instantly put the past and their differences behind them and tried to support her while she was recovering.’ Mia turned her gaze directly on him. ‘I warned you that once I started talking I wouldn’t be able to stop.’
‘And I said I had plenty of time, so don’t worry. Do you think you’ll always stay married?’
‘I have till now.’
‘That’s really not answering the question, is it?’
‘You’ve never had a family. When there are children involved, it’s no longer just about two people and their needs.’ There was a sadness in her voice now. Regret too.
‘I wanted a family with my ex-wife, Bea,’ he said. ‘I wanted it very much. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to keep my end of the bargain in that respect and it became a contributing factor to the breakdown of our marriage.’
‘I’m sorry. I had no idea. But then there’s such a lot about you I don’t know.’ Her violet gaze intensified. ‘Tell me some more. Tell me about you and Bea and how you met and how you fell in love and how you knew that she was the woman you wanted to marry.’
And so he did.
He’d just finished telling her how painful it had been for them both to admit that the marriage wasn’t working in the way it should when Mia looked at her watch and let out a small cry. ‘Oh! I had no idea it was so late.’ She rose from her chair. ‘I’m really sorry, but I have to go. Eliza will be arriving any minute, if she hasn’t already.’
Disappointed their time together had come to an end, Owen followed suit and stood up. Beside him, she looked out at the lake, which was now bathed in the roseate glow of the early evening sun. ‘It’s so perfect here,’ she said, as if seeing the view for the first time.
Keeping his voice light, he said, ‘It’s perfect with you here.’
She slowly turned her head and met his gaze. She was silent for a moment. A very long moment. Finally she said, ‘Owen, I can’t make a complicated situation worse by adding yet more chaos to it.’
‘You could always simplify things.’
‘I know that. But right now my family needs me.’
He frowned. ‘Are you sure it isn’t
you
who needs your family? To hide behind?’
‘Why would I want to do that?’
‘To make life safe. It takes courage to change things, as I’ve discovered.’
‘Please don’t call me a coward. You have no idea how much strength it’s taken to live the life I have. Or the sacrifices I’ve made.’
Owen thought of his mother and the many sacrifices she had made when she was married. Oh yes, he knew all too well the strength it took to stay in a bad relationship. ‘Actually,’ he said, ‘I can imagine it. Come on, I’ll take you home.’
Mia refused Owen’s offer to accompany her home. Parting from him at the edge of the woodland, she slipped through the gap in the hawthorn and rhododendron bushes and plunged into the cool shade. She was sorry to leave The Hidden Cottage, particularly the lake and the island. While there, wrapped in the quiet and soothing seclusion, she had felt isolated from the rest of the world, as if she had fled Medlar House and was free of all its ties and commitments. It was why she had opened up to Owen. She had felt safe to do so. As he’d said himself, he was an outsider and she’d trusted him not to talk to anyone about what they’d discussed.
Despite what he thought, she had never hidden behind her children – rather she had always put their happiness and welfare before hers, wanting stability and security for them. And now Jensen and Daisy were happier than she had ever seen them and, together with their partners, were building the foundations of a shared future. Eliza’s relationship with Greg might not be as advanced, and who knew what would come of it, but for now Mia was happy that her serious-minded daughter had discovered the value of having something in her life other than work.
Birdsong pealed like bells ringing out from the trees, and hurrying through the wood, Mia thought of Daisy’s newfound contentment and her spirited determination to create a new life. It was a dangerous thought, but she found herself thinking that if Daisy was brave enough to free herself from what had gone before, could she not do the same? Could she not now put the past to rest and accept that sacrificing her own happiness as a way to make amends for being a bad mother and failing Daisy had to stop? The guilt would always be there, just as she’d told Jeff last night, but surely enough was enough. What purpose did it serve to go on punishing herself by staying with Jeff? Had the penance changed anything? Had it given her any comfort?
Plenty of women in her situation would have left Jeff years ago, but plenty would have stayed. Many years ago, Mia’s father had secretly confided in her that it took courage to leave a bad marriage, but equally it took courage to stay. He had been talking about his own marriage, which had been far from happy. ‘Anyone who doesn’t understand why,’ he’d told Mia, ‘simply doesn’t understand the complexities involved.’
She emerged breathless from the footpath between the church and Medlar House and saw a taxi. All thoughts of herself were immediately banished the moment she saw Eliza. Her first thought was that her daughter was ill; she looked as if she didn’t have the strength to stand.
Her second thought was to wonder who the young man was who was paying the taxi driver. With various bags slung over his shoulders, along with a case at his feet, he wore an expression of immense concern, especially when he turned and put a hand to Eliza’s back, as though to support her. Was this Greg?
All this Mia noticed in as much time as it took to cover the few steps from the footpath to the entrance to Medlar House. Close up, she could see that Eliza had been crying; her face was blotched and swollen with tears.
‘Eliza!’ she said, alarmed. ‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’
Eliza’s answer was to lean heavily into Mia’s arms and cry.
It wasn’t until they were in the house that Mia got anything coherent out of Eliza – how she’d gone to the airport yesterday morning to meet Serene and had run into Greg and . . . and his wife and children. Only then did Mia realize the man with them in the kitchen, who had removed his suit jacket and tie and was silently making himself useful at Mia’s instructions by making some tea, was Eliza’s work colleague, Simon.
‘He lied to me, Mum,’ Eliza sobbed, her voice painfully thick with tears. ‘Everything he ever said was a lie. And the worst of it is, I believed him. I believed every word.’
Mia held her daughter close, rubbing her back, letting her get it all out.
‘I thought he loved me. I should have known better. No one will ever love me. I’m fat and I’m ugly.’
‘That’s not true,’ Mia soothed her. ‘Not true at all. And I never want to hear you say anything like that again.’
‘But it
is
true,’ she wailed. ‘I know it is. But for a short while I believed it wasn’t. That’s what hurts so much. I was so stupid.’
‘You weren’t stupid,’ Simon said, coming over to the table and placing a mug of tea in front of Eliza. ‘He was a lousy bastard who conned you. He’s probably done it before and will do so again. And I swear if I ever meet him, I’ll make sure he can never do it again. I’ll tattoo the words “Cheating Husband” on his forehead!’
Hearing the anger in his voice, Mia looked at Simon gratefully. ‘Come on, love,’ she said to Eliza. ‘Drink some tea.’