Hidden Deep (15 page)

It sort of sounded like he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear. But truthfully, it was
exactly
what I wanted to hear. I was happy to take it at face value and not ask questions.

“Good. ’Cause I’d probably miss you.” I gave him a big smile, and in my relief, reached out to hug him.

Nox pulled me close with unexpected intensity. He buried his face in my hair, crushing me in his arms. He whispered, “I’d miss you, too.”

Okay…
I pulled away as casually as possible and led the way into the kitchen. We sat at the table drinking tea while Nox told me about the latest recording contract offer his agent had fielded for him, news he’d meant to share last night before things had gotten all crazy. His band had been playing bigger gigs in cooler venues.

“You should come to another show.”

“Sure,” I said. But I had no intention of going. It was safer for me that way.

I was about to politely excuse myself—it was already past time to meet Lad—when an idea grabbed me. The sun was back today. Smiling an invitation to Nox, I said, “Why don’t we go outside and talk? It’s too nice to stay in.”

He accepted so happily, I felt a little guilty but shoved the feeling back down. I was on a mission. Lad had told me that in the past, he’d hidden in the woods bordering the house and watched, waiting for me to go out on my walks. I was hoping that today he’d grow tired of waiting and come looking for me.

Nox and I headed for the bench swing hanging from the limb of a large tree in the back yard. It was my favorite reading spot—I’d made it cozy with a quilt and several canvas-covered pillows.

As we swung lazily, I smiled like a toothpaste commercial and laughed more loudly than usual at whatever Nox said. He seemed thrilled we’d made up and responded by regaling me with funny stories and his usual flirting. Guilt prickled around the edges of my conscience.

Then I imagined Lad watching, seething with jealousy and regret over his just-friends rule. And I went a step further. As Nox talked, I reached over and gently brushed back a lock of silky dark hair that had fallen onto his forehead. I let my hand come to rest on his arm, where he had stretched it along the back of the swing. I expected him to stop any moment and accuse me of being a tease, or at least of being wishy-washy, but he seemed nothing but pleased.

At one point, without interrupting the flow of conversation, he reached down and lifted my legs up onto the swing, slipping off my sport sandals and pulling my feet into his lap.

“You have the softest feet I’ve ever felt on anyone over the age of five,” he commented as he rubbed them, looking up at me with a certain increase in intensity.

“Um, I guess I never really walk around barefoot.” I faked ticklishness and pulled my feet back to the ground. It was too much. I’d gone too far. I stood up. “Okay, well, I guess I’d better…”

Nox took his cue and stood, too. “Yeah, I’ve gotta take off—get to rehearsal before our show in Memphis tonight. And you have to get going to Atlanta pretty soon, too, right?”

I nodded.

“So… we’re okay then?” he said, dipping his chin and raising his brows.

“Yes. We’re great.”

“Promise you’re not going to avoid me and treat me like I smell bad next week at the ballpark?”

I laughed and held up one hand. “I promise.”

He gave me a bear hug good-bye, lifting me up onto my tiptoes, and sneaked in a soft kiss on the cheek before setting me down and leaving.
Shoot
. I’d have to worry about it later. Right now I was eager to get to Lad and find out whether he’d seen my performance.

I didn’t have to wait long.

As soon as I entered the woods, Lad was standing there in my path. He seemed somehow larger and more imposing than before. He was bare from the waist up, wearing only his leather breeches, a necklace made of a leather cord and some carved stones… and a very perturbed expression. The heat in his gaze should’ve evaporated me into a puff of steam.

“You’re late.” His voice was deep and menacing.

My heart lurched, but I managed to maintain my outer composure. “Sorry. A friend of mine stopped by to visit. Were you waiting long?”

“A friend?” he demanded.

I’d never seen him like this. It was a little frightening, but also thrilling. Because he’d obviously witnessed the scene I so carefully constructed for him in the yard, and it seemed to be having the exact effect I’d hoped for.

“Yes, my good friend, Nox.”

“Your
friend
… Nox.” he repeated. His lip curled in revulsion as if the name tasted filthy on his tongue.

“Yes. I do have other friends you know. He popped in for a visit. I couldn’t be rude.”

Lad was clearly struggling to master his breathing. His clenched fists betrayed his shaky grip on control. “He touched you,” Lad accused.

“How do you know he touched me?” I snapped back, pretending to be offended. “Were you spying on me again? Is that your definition of friendship? Can’t I expect any privacy in my own yard? I guess Nox and I will have to stay inside next time.”

Lad looked like he’d been slapped. “Next time.” His lips pressed into a trembling grimace. I could almost feel the waves of heat rolling off him.

Seeing him like this, I started to feel remorseful about my deception, but I was still desperate to convince him we were not meant to be just-friends. I delivered one final provocation. “You said you and I would never be more than friends. That’s fine, but you can’t expect there won’t ever be anyone
else
who’ll want me like that. For instance, Nox—”

A tortured sound erupted from Lad’s throat as he grabbed my upper arms and dragged me against him. “Stop. Please Ryann… don’t say anymore. I can’t stand it.” Lad dropped his forehead to my shoulder as if he were exhausted. Breathing raggedly, he lifted his face to look into my eyes again.

I was paralyzed with self-loathing as he continued.

“I’m going crazy. I’ve never felt like this before. You don’t know… when I saw you with him… I wanted to
hurt
him. I had to stop myself from rushing out into your yard and hurling him away from you. If I’d been sure your mother and grandmother were already gone, I would have.” He finished, looking broken.

I was a terrible person. I had to confess. “Lad, he and I…” I started to explain, but Lad pulled me tighter against his body and stared down at me fiercely as he interrupted.

“No… I don’t want to hear about
him
. And I don’t want there to be a next time—with him or anyone else.”

I tried again to tell him my trumped-up display of affection for Nox had been a terrible mistake. A lie. “But you don’t understand. I—”

“Ryann—I’ve changed my mind.”

And here it was. He was going to tell me we couldn’t be together at all now, not even as friends. I’d blown it. My plan had backfired completely. I was mean and deceitful, and I was going to get exactly what I deserved. I waited for Lad to deliver my sentence.

“I was wrong,” he continued. “I can’t be just friends with you. I don’t know how this is going to work, but it has to. I have to be with you… if that’s what you still want. But I need to ask something of you.”

I could hardly believe my ears. I was weak with relief and remorse, and ready to say “yes” to anything. I nodded my encouragement for him to continue.

“Don’t let anyone else kiss you. Please. If you do… don’t let me know about it. I can’t take it.” He ended with a shaking exhalation.

Slipping my hands up between our bodies, I held his distraught, beautiful face between my palms. I made sure he was looking straight into my eyes.

“I don’t
want
to kiss anyone else. Only you.”

“Good. That’s…” He let out a huge weary-sounding breath. “…good.”

There was a long silence as we held each other. Finally, he breathed in deeply and spoke again. “So, it’s just us now? You won’t see him again?”

“Just us,” I agreed.

“Do you still want to spend today with me?”

“Yes,” I answered quickly, feeling lucky he miraculously still wanted to spend any time with
me
.

“I planned out the day for us, since we’ve never had a whole one together.” He took my hand and led me into the woods.

I followed along, dazedly oblivious to my surroundings as my mind sifted through the morning’s tumultuous events and the incredible things Lad had said to me.
He wants me. We’re together now.
The walk was long, but I was glad because both of us needed time to emotionally recover and settle into this new reality.

Finally, Lad stopped and gestured for me to look around. We had come to a high bluff, which dropped steeply off into a gorge. Spread out below us, a landscape of woodland and meadows was tinted various shades of green and gold with patches of purple and white and yellow wildflowers.

“It’s beautiful.”

“This is one of my favorite spots,” he said. “I knew you’d like it.”

We sat together on a wide rocky ledge jutting out over the gorge, enjoying the view and a nice breeze. After a while, Lad climbed a nearby tree and came down with a woven sack.

“Hungry?” He brought it over and started pulling out food—bread, nuts, apples.

When we finished eating, Lad jumped up and offered me his hand. I followed him a short distance to the tree line where he ducked under a low-hanging branch and disappeared from sight momentarily. I ducked under after him, stopping short at the sight of him stretched out in a hammock strung between two thick tree trunks.

“Oh, am I keeping you awake?” I laughed.

He held his arms out to me in an invitation I didn’t even try to resist. I crawled in next to him and snuggled close to his right side, resting my face on his smooth warm chest. His solid arm and shoulder supported my head. I immediately relaxed, so much so I let out a surprising yawn. Lad lifted his head and strained to look down at my blushing face.

“I thought you might be tired after our hike. Guess I was right.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly get a lot of sleep last night, knowing I’d be spending today with you, and I guess the walk did take a lot out of me. Besides, it’s your fault for making me too comfortable. Mmmm. You feel so good.” I wrapped my arm around his waist and squeezed, pulling myself tightly against his side.

“If you keep that up, I’m not going to be able to
let
you rest.” He gave me a suggestive grin. My face burned with embarrassment, and I tensed, not sure what to say. Lad laughed softly and smoothed my hair with his free hand.

“Only kidding. Actually, I do want you to rest. This feels nice. Besides, we don’t have a schedule to keep today. Why don’t you close your eyes and nap for a while? Let me hold you while you sleep.”

I was sure sleep was out of the question, considering the way my pulse was racing, but somehow I did manage to doze and slipped into the most pleasant dream. It was filled with images of drifting leaves, raindrops falling onto dusty paths, and an exquisite hummingbird, hovering and sipping nectar from an array of beautiful flowers. I could actually taste the delicious sweetness of the nectar on my own tongue, and the intense flavor roused me from my sleep.

My eyelids fluttered open to discover Lad’s face only millimeters away. His lips were pressed gently against mine, their heated softness melding with my mouth again and again.
Who needs to dream?
I returned his kisses but was distracted by a sound.

“What is that?” I whispered.

“You’ve forgotten already? It’s called kissing. I am waking Sleeping Beauty in the traditional way.”

“No, believe me, I remember your kisses,” I assured him. “I mean the noise—what is that?” I looked around, trying to locate its source.

Lad laughed softly at my persistence. “Is it the rain? It started sprinkling while you were sleeping.”

“No. It sounds like a hummingbird. I was dreaming of one, but I still hear it.”

Lad looked down at me, wearing a strange apprehensive expression. He guided my head gently across his chest until my cheek rested right over his heart. The sound was much more distinct. I sat up in alarm.

“Why does your heart sound like that? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Actually, you’re partially to blame for how it sounds. My heart always beats rapidly, but it seems your nearness exacerbates the condition.”

I raised up onto one elbow and stared down at him, flattered, but not too sure about the state of his health. I studied him for sweating or discoloration or any other sign of cardiac distress I’d seen on the news, but he looked perfectly healthy, as usual.

“Are you sure you feel all right? I’ve never heard of a person having a heartbeat so fast.”

Lad reached up and sifted my hair with a big hand. “I promise. I feel perfectly normal.”

“No. You’re not normal, Lad. You’re… I don’t know what to call it… special, I guess,” I argued, trying to work it out in my own mind.

“Not special…” He shook his head. “You’re the special one.”

His crystal green eyes roamed over my face, making me feel more beautiful, more
seen
than I’d ever felt in my life. And I saw him, too, for the kind, amazing person he was. Even if I didn’t have all the answers about him—I had
him
now. The answers would come in time. I hoped.