Hidden Deep (14 page)

These were not like the gentle, innocent kisses Lad had given me, that he’d never give me again if he got his way.

Nox’s kiss told me he
knew
what he wanted and exactly how to get it. It was aggressive, skillful, and the sheer knowledge behind it was shockingly exciting.

Finally, a shred of sanity pushed through my hormone-muddled brain. I had to stop this—now.

Yes, I was sick of the platonic-everybody thing. But a guy like Nox could easily take me from first kiss to first
time
within a few short, hot minutes. And I definitely wasn’t sure my first time should be with
him
. I wasn’t sure of anything where he was concerned.

I bucked and pushed Nox off me then scrambled away on my hands and knees and got to my feet. “What was that?” My voice was high and breathy.

He rolled to his knees and sat back on his haunches, raking a hand through his hair. He was breathing hard. Head tilted back, he grinned up at me and raised an eyebrow in an
isn’t-it-obvious?
way. “Do I really have to explain it? You can’t be
that
innocent.”

“No, I… I’m just confused,” I stammered. “You said you wanted to be friends.”

“I lied.”

The blunt admission made me blink. “Oh. Well… I didn’t know—I’m not used to—I’m sure the girls you’ve been with usually… uh…” I blushed and looked down, unable to continue.

As Nox got to his feet, I crossed the room to the foyer and jerked the front door open. Chilly night air rushed in, cooling my fevered skin. He followed and stopped right in front of me.

“You’d better go. I have to pack for tomorrow,” I spluttered, staring at the floor. I glanced up again when there was no response.

Nox gently pushed the door shut with one hand as the other came to my chin, urging me to turn my face up to him. “Ryann. I’m sorry if I pushed too hard,” he said softly. “I only meant to kiss you. I think you wanted me to… still do. Let me?” His mouth moved slowly toward mine.

I scooted out of his reach and opened the door again. “My mom will be home in a few minutes, so… I’ll talk to you later, okay?” My heart was thrashing around like a fish on the bank of a pond. My teeth pressed hard into my lip as I watched him.

He stood staring at me as if he couldn’t quite believe what he’d heard. Finally, he exhaled loudly and walked out without another word.

I shut the door behind him and pressed my back against it, breathing hard. Through the thick wood I heard a soft curse. He was still standing on the other side.

After a few moments there was the sound of his boots descending the stairs and crunching across the gravel drive. I stayed where I was, staring at the twisted quilt and spilled grapes on the floor until I heard his engine start and slowly fade into silence as he drove away.

Suddenly feeling weak, I sank down, my back sliding against the cold door to the hard wood floor.
Oh my God.
What the heck had just happened?
He
obviously wanted to be more than friends. Something was wrong with me—who wouldn’t be excited to have Nox want her?

I was obviously way more into Lad than I should be. And Nox—yes he was hot, but he seemed like—
wow—
too much for me to handle. I mean, how many seventeen year olds had their own groupies? And kissed like
that
?

I couldn’t go back to watching TV. I used the unspent nervous energy cleaning up the aftermath of our living room picnic and packing for my trip, which I should have done already anyway. As I folded clothes, I considered the events of the day.

Now I had two problems—Lad was determined to avoid anything resembling physical contact while Nox was apparently training on a steady diet of romance novels. And it seemed like I had to decide… something. Or whatever. Anyway, things were different.

I’d never be able to look at Nox the same way again, that was for sure. At least I wouldn’t have to face
him
for a few days, either. I needed some space and time to think. This road trip was turning into the best idea of all time.

Mom and Grandma returned from their activities, and after we chatted a bit, went to their respective rooms to get ready for bed. It wasn’t actually that late, and I wasn’t even close to sleepy.

I read in bed for a while, but my attention kept drifting to the darkened window of my room, which looked out at the back yard and the woods. Where was Lad right now? How would he feel about not seeing me for four days?
How would he feel if he could have seen me with Nox?
Thinking of that and the way Lad and I had parted today caused a hollow ache in my stomach.

A firefly landed on the window, its greenish-yellow flash catching my eye. As I watched, two more fireflies landed, followed by several others. Within a few minutes, nearly all the glass was covered with the insects, flashing intermittently like some kind of off-season Christmas display gone haywire. I breathed out a short laugh. I’d never seen anything like it.

Fascinated, I walked over to the window and put my palm against the glass. The fireflies lifted off at once and flew away in a scatter of tiny twinkling lanterns across the backyard.

And there was Lad.

He stood at the edge of the lawn, clearly visible in the light of a nearly-full moon. He lifted his hand in a silent hello. I did the same. Suddenly I wanted, no,
needed
to see him up close.

I peeked out my bedroom door at the dark, empty living room then tiptoed across the wood floor into the kitchen and slipped out the back door onto the porch. Lad was already there waiting for me.

I stepped closer to him and looked up into his face. The temper I’d felt with him earlier today evaporated into the cool night air. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He gazed down at me, touching my hair softly, letting his hand brush my cheek before withdrawing it. Heat shimmered in his extraordinary green eyes. His smile melted me.

Just friends? Really? Somebody just shoot me.

“Did you see that? With the fireflies?” I asked.

The smile deepened. “Did you like it?”

I gasped. “Did
you
make that happen?”

“I had to get your attention.” He lifted his shoulders and let them fall, wearing a mischievous look. “It worked when you were six.”

He’d stolen my breath once again. “Who
are
you?” I whispered.

Lad laughed softly and looked down at the porch then back at me, raising his brows and twisting his lips into a rueful expression. “I’m the guy who acted like a jerk today. I came here tonight because I need to apologize. I didn’t like the way we left things.”

Warmth rushed through me. I wanted to kiss him, but that was nothing new. And it was not allowed. Instead I smoothed a raindrop from his nose. “You’re all wet.” The rain had let up to a light sprinkle, but he was still soaked.

Grabbing my hand, he enclosed it in his. “And I came to ask if I can see you tomorrow.”

“I can’t. I’m leaving town tomorrow with Mom and Grandma.”

His happy expression dropped. “You are? How long will you be gone?”

The forlorn look he wore irritated me as much as it thrilled me.
Make up your mind, boy.
“Four days,” I said.

“Can’t you stay here?”

“Alone? And do what?”

“You wouldn’t be alone. You could spend time with me.” Lad tugged gently on my fingers.

“Hmm… as friends?” I smiled up at him.

He didn’t answer my question, but said, “We need to talk about some things.”

Ooh. He had no idea how tempting that sounded. Seeing him there, so sad and sweet, the thought of spending several days alone with him held way more appeal than the prospect of tagging along on my mom’s girls weekend. And it sounded like he might finally be willing to open up to me. Could I pull the difficult-teenager-card and get out of the Atlanta trip? Say I wanted to stay home and hang out with my friends at the lake instead?

“I don’t know. My mom was planning on us leaving around noon tomorrow. Come by then, and if I’m gone, I’m gone. But if not…” I grinned at him.

I should probably get out of town and leave
both
of these troublesome guys behind
. But the pleading eyes gave me in return tempted me to stay.

My mom’s bedroom light flicked on, casting a rectangular glow on the grass beneath it. Lad leaned toward me, and for a moment I thought he might—

“See you tomorrow,” he whispered before slipping away into the dark.

“Ryann, you will lock every window and door and text me every hour on the hour.”

It wasn’t easy to pull off, but after much pleading and arguing, Mom had relented to my I’m-not-a-baby-and-I-need-my-own-life ploy. I’d convinced her it was
critical
to my social life to be here for Memorial Day weekend and sort of suggested I’d be spending a couple nights at Emmy’s or Shalena’s. And I did intend to call Emmy and tell her about my change of plans. Maybe I’d spend days with Lad and go out to her family’s lake house at night. She’d already invited me, so I knew she wouldn’t mind.

“You’re growing up too fast on me, Ryann. Before I know it you’ll be moving out and starting your career, and it’ll be Grandma and me, turning into two old prunes here together.”

“Speak for yourself, Maria.” Grandma laughed and slapped softly at her daughter’s leg as Mom joined her in the front of the SUV.

“I don’t see much shriveling going on here,” I teased, leaning in the window. “Where was it y’all were heading? Old Maids Convention—oh no, wait—to see your cool friends in the big city—that’s right.”

Mom laughed and reminded me one more time to be safe. There were hugs and kisses all around, and I wished the two of them safe driving and a fun trip.

I practically skipped back into the house to get ready to meet Lad. I still wasn’t sure how to do it, but I was determined to find a way to convince him our being together was not a mistake. This was my chance—now or never. I had four days to spend time with him and figure it out. I called Emmy, told her I was staying in town, and asked her to cover for me with my mom if necessary. Naturally she was eaten up with curiosity. I promised to explain everything—later. Then I took extra care doing my hair and makeup, trying to make myself as tempting as possible before meeting Lad.

I was nearly ready to go when I heard someone pulling into the driveway. I looked out the front window. Nox’s car.
Great.

Nox parked and got out then bent over to pick up a few pieces of gravel. He pulled a Sharpie from his pocket and wrote on the stones. Baffled, I stepped back from the window and walked toward the front door, taking deep breaths. Seconds later, he knocked.

“Hey Nox. What’s up?” I smiled nervously in the doorway.

He held his hand out to me and opened it to reveal three pieces of gravel. He’d written an “o” on each tan rock. “I came to grovel.”

It took me a minute to get it—gravel, grovel. I laughed. “For what?”

“Your forgiveness.”

He looked so adorably miserable, my heart couldn’t help but soften. And Nox hadn’t exactly been alone here on the quilt last night. I had known the situation was ripe for romance, and in my self-pitying, nobody-loves-me mood, I’d gone right along with it. If I was being honest—for a minute or two there, I had participated in that kiss. Now he thought I blamed him entirely.

“No groveling necessary. We’re fine,” I assured him.

He shook his head, lines bracketing his downturned mouth. “I don’t think so. I think I really screwed up. It’s pretty obvious you were mad at me… or maybe you were scared?”

“I wasn’t scared.”

Busted. That’s what I was. I would have to fess up. I decided to go ahead and rip the Band Aid off. “Okay, well maybe you scared me a tiny bit. I wasn’t expecting…what happened. And it’s just—you and I are so different. You’re obviously used to… a lot. And I’m not. At all. I’m a—” I stopped for a fortifying deep breath.
God, this is harder to say than I expected
. Finally, I spit it out. “I’m a virgin.”

I buried my burning face in my hands then peeked at him from between my parted fingers, waiting for the derisive laughter I was sure was coming.

But Nox only teased me. “How do you know I’m not?” At my
yeah right
expression, he laughed. “It’s all right, Ryann. I figured it out…
after
I cooled off a bit. You’re right, we are different, but that’s one of the things I like about you. I don’t want you to be anything other than what you are. I didn’t mean to push you. I’m really, truly sorry. I got carried away, but I’m not a monster. And I’m still your friend. I’m fine with slowing it way down. I think we can get back to where we were, if you want to try.”