Hidden Memories (25 page)

* * * * *

The ringing telephone woke Sage from a nightmare she hadn’t invited, a memory that she never wanted to relive. For weeks the nightmare had been coming back to her in bits and pieces. It came in snatches—a flash of Aaron coming into the room, a flash of Aaron leering at her, a flash of Aaron tearing off her clothes, a verse of “Little Red Corvette” ringing in her ear. But tonight she’d relived it all—the rape, the pain, her mother’s betrayal.

She was grateful for the ringing phone.

“Hello,” she said, tears clogging in her throat.

“Sage, what’s wrong?” Ramion asked.

“I had a bad dream. A nightmare.”

“What did you dream about?”

“My stepfather. What he did to me,” she said, her tone hushed, as if she couldn’t bear to hear the words spoken out loud.

“Baby, I’m sorry you had to relive that. I wish I was there. I’d hold you in my arms and kiss away the pain. I would rock you back to sleep with the comfort of my love.”

“I dreamed about everything,” she sighed wearily. “Almost everything. It’s so hard because I stopped having those dreams in college. I thought I had put it all behind me.”

“Sage, do you want me to come over? I can be there in a half hour.”

Sage looked at the clock. The digital dial displayed 3:36 a.m. Yes, she wanted him to come over, but she couldn’t admit it. “That’s okay. I’ll be all right in a bit.” She sighed loudly, a revealing sad sigh. “I just have to stop thinking about it. I’ve trained myself to forget.”

“I’m going to come over.”

“No, I’ll be fine,” she said, turning over on her back. “What made you call?”

“I don’t know. I woke up with you on my mind. Couldn’t go back to sleep without calling you.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. You saved me from going through the whole nightmare. I just hope it doesn’t continue when I go back to sleep.”

“What do you think made it come back?”

“My mother called.”

“Did your stepfather die?”

“No, but the bastard’s barely alive. She wants Ava to come home right away.”

“How did Ava take the news?”

“I haven’t told her. She wasn’t home. I’ll tell her in the morning. She’ll probably leave right away.”

“Are you going with her?”

“No.” Yawning, she added, “I hadn’t even considered it.”

“Maybe you should.”

“I’ll go to the funeral. But that’s it.”

“I know this isn’t the time to go into it, but I swear to you, I didn’t sleep with Edwinna. I don’t want any other woman but you. I love you, baby, with all my heart and soul.”

Silence.

“Sage, do you believe me?”

“I believe you,” Sage said, knowing in the deepest corner of her heart that Ramion wouldn’t betray her like that. But it was hard to trust. She was afraid of being made a fool. She didn’t want to be betrayed the way Aaron had betrayed her mother.

“I love you, baby,” Ramion said. “As soon as I finish this trial, I’ll spend more time with you. I’ll fly up for the funeral.”

“Okay. Good night, Ramion.” Sage smiled and burrowed into the bedcovers. She was suddenly content, the memories of the past already dissipating. She sighed. No, she would never have to worry about Ramion.

* * * * *

Several hours later, though, Sage woke up feeling tired and restless from a dreamless sleep. She took a long, leisurely shower, luxuriating in the hot, pulsating water. She dried herself, absently putting on lotion, facial moisturizer, deodorant and powder. She selected a red, single-breasted coatdress with velvet collar and cuffs, then brushed her hair into a ponytail clasped in place with a black velvet bow.

Ready to greet the day, she went into the kitchen and turned on the coffeepot and the television. She moved around the kitchen, preparing a light breakfast—toast, cereal and fruit—half listening to the
Good Morning America
show. She could hear Ava moving around upstairs, the radio blasting as usual.

A few minutes later, Ava bounced happily down the steps. “Good morning, Sage!”

“Good morning,” Sage said. She couldn’t help noticing her sister had a special glow about her.

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“I met the most gorgeous man last night. Brother man is fine, you hear me? And he asked
me
out. He spent all his time with
me
last night.” She closed her eyes and faked a shudder. “I get chills just thinking about him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Brent Summers. He’s a sales rep for Procter & Gamble. Been living in Atlanta about six or seven months. He’s twenty-six. And the best part is we’re going on a date tonight. Can I borrow your black jumpsuit? I want to look sophisticated.” She removed her hot cup of tea from the microwave.

“Ava, I have something to tell you.”

She stood at the kitchen counter. “What’s up?” she asked while pouring sugar into her tea.

“Your father’s taken a turn for the worse. He doesn’t have much longer.”

Her face transformed from joy to sadness in seconds. Ava stopped what she was doing, moved to the kitchen table and sat down across from Sage. Sipping her tea, the hot steam swirling around her face, Ava stared out at nothing, a quiet, sad look in her eyes.

“Ava,” Sage said gently.

Ava didn’t respond.

Sage walked around the table and put her arms around her sister’s shoulders. Ava leaned against her, eyes closed, still silent. “Be strong, okay?” Sage encouraged.

“I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to see him like that,” Ava said.

Sage was shocked. She’d thought Ava would want to go home immediately. She bent down and kissed the girl’s forehead.

“I know it’s going to be hard, Ava. But you need to go home. You have to say goodbye.”

“He doesn’t look like himself. He’s withered and shriveled and old looking.” Her voice faltered. “He’s scary looking.”

“That’s what cancer does. It’s a cruel disease. Don’t you be cruel by not going to see him. Go to him, Ava. Hold your favorite memories of him in your mind. And remember, you need to do this too. How are you going to feel later if you don’t see him? Can you live with that?”

“I think I could, Sage. But Daddy wouldn’t understand. Neither would Mama. It would hurt him to know I didn’t want to see him.” She sipped her tea. “I can’t do that to him.”

“Then go. You can leave this afternoon. I’ll make the reservation.”

“Would you go with me?”

“I can’t leave today, but I’ll come in the next day or so. I don’t want you to wait on me.”

“Are you really going to come home?”

“Yes, I’ll be there. I promise.”

Sage thought about the last time she’d stood on her mother’s porch, waiting for Aunt Maddie, feeling afraid and abandoned. She hated her stepfather for brutally taking her virginity and destroying her relationship with her mother. For years she’d wanted to seek revenge, to cost him something precious. But in the end, she’d settled on disappearing from their lives. She had hoped her disappearance would come between Aaron and Audra, that her mother would come to hate him for what he’d done to them. But Audra had remained loyal to her husband, and now he was about to die.

Sage didn’t feel anything for her stepfather, not sadness, not pity, not sympathy. She thought his death was a late punishment for a cruel crime. But mixed in those feelings of dispassion was guilt. His death was going to be devastating for her brother and sister. They were the reason she hadn’t filed charges against him. She would never hurt them by revealing the truth.

Chapter Thirteen

Five days after Audra’s late night call, Sage plodded up the four steps of her mother’s porch. The three-story brick house looked different. It was a deeper shade of red than she remembered, and the wood shutters were now black instead of blue. A green-and-pink flower-patterned glider had replaced the blue- and white-striped glider.

She rang the doorbell, telling herself not to think about the last time she’d stood outside this door. Not to remember the moonlit summer night, the fear and hurt and the ache between her legs. But the anguish in her heart was there again, all the same—along with the memory of her mother’s angry, reproachful eyes and the sound of “Little Red Corvette” blasting from the radio.

Her brother swung open the door, a slight smile softening his somber expression when he saw Sage.

“Hey, big sis,” he said, throwing his arms around her.

Sage hugged him back affectionately. “It’s good to see you, Aaron,” she said. “In spite of the circumstances,” she added, looking him over. He had lost weight since she’d last seen him the summer before. His blue corduroy pants and a tweed navy-blue sweater hung loosely on his tall, lanky frame. Round gold-rimmed Benjamin Franklin-style glasses covered his small dark-brown eyes, the focal point on a long cinnamon-brown face with an angular, thin nose and wide mouth.

Sage suddenly remembered when she bought Aaron and Ava their first pairs of contact lenses. The twins were high school juniors, and Ava constantly complained that her thick glasses were interfering with her dating. Ava took to the contacts like a fish in water, but Aaron fumbled around with the cleaning and disinfecting and enzymatic solutions like one of the Three Stooges. Ava never wore her glasses and, after two months, Aaron never wore his contact lenses.

Touching his chin, “A beard?” Sage said, rubbing her hand against the heavy stubble. “It looks good on you.”

“I’ve been too busy to shave,” Aaron said matter-of-factly. He looked around the front porch. “Where’s your luggage?”

“It’s at the hotel.”

“Sage, you didn’t have to go to a hotel. You could have stayed here,” Aaron chided, his brows creased.

“I wanted to stay in a hotel. Besides, I knew your Dad’s relatives would be coming into town, so it just made it easier.”

“Well, let’s not stand in the doorway forever. Come on in and see everybody. Dad’s brothers are here, and Aunt Bertha and Aunt Cora.”

“Where’s Ava?”

“She went grocery shopping with Mama.”

“How’s she doing? She was reluctant to come,” she said, trailing behind Aaron through the wide hallway.

“She’s a basket ease. That’s why I’m glad you’re here. She became hysterical the first night she saw him. The doctor gave her Valium.”

Sage batted her eyes. “Valium?”

Noticing the disapproving expression on Sage’s face, Aaron said, “I don’t like her taking them either. But she needed something to calm her down.”

“Ava doesn’t need to be taking any drugs,” Sage said with a protective fierceness in her voice.

“The doctor prescribed them,” Aaron explained casually.

Shaking her head, Sage said, “I know but…”

“Sage, darling, how you doin’?” her Uncle Cedric interrupted, as he stepped out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. “You sure have changed. I haven’t seen you in years. The last time I seen, you was probably sixteen or seventeen, just graduated from high school.”

“That’s right, Uncle Cedric,” Sage said. His big round face and grin reminded Sage immediately of her stepfather. She had forgotten how much the brothers resembled each other. Both had been big and burly but, unlike Aaron, Cedric had the personality of a teddy bear. As a young girl, Sage often wished it had been Cedric her mother had married.

“Suga’, you gotta give me a hug. It’s been too long.” Cedric put his arms around Sage’s shoulders, embracing her warmly. “You looking good, girl. Even prettier than I remembered,” Cedric said.

“Thank you,” she replied coolly. “You look pretty good yourself.” They walked down the hall, passing the front stairs, the living room and the dining room. Voices grew louder as they approached the kitchen.

“Hey, everybody, Sage is here,” Cedric announced when they entered the huge kitchen.

The dark-brown kitchen cabinets, she noticed, had been replaced by pecan and white cabinets. The green- and white-checkered tile floor and the tier gingham curtains hanging on the windows were also new.

Sage found herself surrounded by a host of step-relatives, greeting her with kisses and smiles and introductions to cousins, nieces and nephews. Most of the men sat around the kitchen table, while the women were busy at the sink, stove or countertops, chopping, dicing, cleaning or cooking. Bottles of whiskey, vodka and rum sat open on the table.

“Here, let me take your coat,” her brother offered. “I’ll hang it in the closet.”

Sage unbuttoned her black leather coat with fur trimming the collar and sleeves. She was dressed in a purple two-piece pantsuit, a button-down tunic top with matching pants.

She offered to help with the food, but the women wouldn’t hear of it.

“You go take a seat over there. Buster, get on up now! Let Sage sit down. Let her rest a spell before she gets mixed up in this madness,” Aunt Essie, Cedric’s wife, said.

Buster, Cedric’s nineteen-year-old son, stood up reluctantly, offering Sage his chair. She took the seat at the end of the rectangular oak table that matched the corner hutch brimming with dishes and knickknacks. The kitchen was always her favorite room, where she’d spent most of her time with her family.