Hiding Out (22 page)

“Haley,” he said, bewildered, his arms reaching out to her.

“I’m really angry with you, Sam, and hurt.”  She shook her head sadly.  “I just forgot for a moment.”   His arms dropped limply onto the bed.  “What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” he said simply.

“Not lately.  Are you ready for me to move out?  Have you come back?”  Her brow was furrowed.

“If I have my way, you’ll never move out, Haley,” he said in a warning voice.

“That’s a mighty big ‘if.’  What makes you think I’d want to stay?  I’ve been looking at moving someplace warm, maybe some place with palm trees where I can jog along the beach at sunset.”  Her eyes had a wistful quality.

“You’ll be miserable without me,” he admonished, while more than a twinge of concern grew.

“Ha!  I’ve been miserable with you.”  She crossed her arms over her chest.  “I gave you everything and you threw it away in an instant without reason or warning.  I deserve better.”  She scowled.

He was suddenly very tired.  “I know you do.  And I certainly don’t feel as though I deserve you, but I know I want to be with you.  I know I can make you happy.  It hasn’t all been bad between us.  Remember?”  He urged.  “We have fun together.  We make a great team at work.  We are more than compatible physically.” He smiled gently and watched as the heat rose in her cheeks.

“Tell me what happened,” she said quietly, unwilling to give in so easily.  “Tell me why you pushed me away and broke my heart.”  She wrapped her arms around her knees.  “You told me you’d never hurt me, but you did,” she whispered.  She dropped her head onto her knees.

Sam could see how upset she was and he was fighting the urge to gather her close and never let her go.  He took a deep breath before explaining his mistake.  “I was wracked with guilt when I realized that I allowed my need to be close to you, my desire to be with you, keep me from being there for Adam when he woke up.”  He watched her reaction.  She stared at him with her enormous emerald eyes held wide to stave off tears.  “I was punishing myself.  It never occurred to me that I would be hurting you at the same time.  I was already so used to you being around, being a part of my life that I forgot you weren’t bound to me, you could leave if you wanted without explanation or even goodbyes.”  He shuddered, remembering the fear that clenched his gut when he couldn’t find her.  “I’m so sorry.  Please forgive me.”

Haley inched closer to him on the bed, but didn’t touch him.  She stopped only when she was directly in his face.  “We’re playing a new game now, Sam,” she reminded him.  “No more hiding from our feelings, no more running from each other or anyone else.  We’re in this together.  We’re playing sardines.”  Her face was serious.  He practically shivered in anticipation.  “And from what I recall of sardines, we have to get mighty close.” 

She leaned in and closed the distance between them by wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her face against his.  Sam could hold back no longer.  He hauled her tiny form onto his lap and held her so close that not even a breath of air could pass between them.  They lay down on the bed and remained tangled together the rest of the night. 

When Sam woke in the morning, he was afraid it was a dream.  He found himself alone in the guest room.  Haley was nowhere to be found.  Dejectedly, he rose from the bed and wandered downstairs wearing only his pajama pants.  As he drew nearer to the kitchen, he felt out of place.  The place he had once jokingly referred to as a mausoleum had become a home.  It was alive for the first time since he’d owned it. 

Haley was humming to herself as she puttered around the kitchen.  He stood in the archway and admired her.  All he needed to complete the picture was a dog and a child, or maybe even a few children.  He smiled happily to himself.  She must have realized she was being watched for suddenly, she glanced up and beamed when she saw him.

“How long have you been watching me?”  She asked shyly.

“Long enough to know that this is where you belong, Haley Iverson.”  He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her as he spoke.

She shook her head.  “Out,” she said as she gestured him toward the door.  “I can’t concentrate with you here.”

He stooped to kiss her neck then pulled away reluctantly to exit the room.  “I’ll be in the shower, okay?”

She nodded and returned her attention to breakfast.  Once he left the room, she paused and touched her hand to her neck.  Why did he do that?  Why did he come in here and make her dream of a future that she wanted more than anything?  How could he be so careless with his words?

Neville knew what she was thinking the moment he saw her finger the spot Mr. Davenport had so lovingly kissed.  He had watched the entire exchange from the hallway.  He had been standing there for over twenty minutes.  He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to know she was here and he wasn’t going to be the one to scare her away.  He would simply watch and wait, be ready to step in.  And after he saw Haley’s reaction to the kiss, he knew now was the time.

“He meant it, miss.”  He watched her demeanor as he helped himself to a cup of coffee.

“Excuse me?”  She was lost in thought and hadn’t been paying attention.

“He means to marry you, miss.”  Neville said so she couldn’t mistake his words.

Haley stared for a moment then shook her head.  “Don’t be silly.  He has never even told me he loves me.  I know he enjoys the time we spend together, thinks of me as an asset at work, but I wouldn’t go that far.”  She turned to the cook top and began whisking the Hollandaise sauce. 

Neville stood across the island from her.  “He has told you how he feels, miss.  Think.  Pay attention.  Look around.”

Her brow furrowed.  What did he mean?  But before she could ask him, he had already exited the kitchen.  And she couldn’t worry about that now.  Hollandaise was tricky; it demanded her full attention.  With some effort, she found a song to hum and worked on assembling Eggs Benedict.

Chase had scanned the newspapers and watched all the broadcasts for weeks in his apartment, waiting for the police to name a suspect.  It never happened.  Apparently, despite the importance of the Davenports, they didn’t have the connections to locate him.  He smiled happily.  It had been rough at first.  He had lost some of his edge at the office because he was so obviously distracted.  His father had eventually pulled him aside.

“It was a damn deer, Chase.  Let it go.  I’ve never known you to be such a humanitarian.  We used to hunt for God’s sake!”  His anger was visible.

Chase had sat there and reluctantly agreed to turn his attention to work.  Just as he rose to leave the office, his father had surprised him with a question. 

“So, I trust you have that other little issue taken care of?”

He had furrowed his brow at first, pretended that he didn’t know what his father was talking about, but the old man had seen through him.

“Tell me you’ve taken care of whatever it was that might prevent you from being president or at the very least, governor one day.”  He folded his hands on his mahogany desk and waited patiently for a response.

“Well,” Chase began quietly.  “It has proven to be more of a challenge than I believed it would be, but I am still pursuing it, if that’s what you’re asking.”

His father scowled.  “I don’t want you to pursue it.  I want it annihilated.  Never will you have to worry about it creeping out to haunt you again.  Do I make myself clear?”

Chase nodded, but he didn’t understand.  Was his father suggesting he murder her?  He thought for a moment, replaying every aspect of the conversation until he had gleaned the meaning of it all.  It certainly seemed that way.  He frowned.  He didn’t want to kill her.  He wanted her for his own.  Maybe if she just took the time to know him, saw how well he had turned out, realized what he had to offer her she might reconsider.  That was it.  He would try to get close to her; try to get her to see him for who he really was.

But he didn’t realize that she already did.

Sam had hoped that once he apologized, everything would return to normal, revert back to the way it once was.  He didn’t understand why she wasn’t dropping by the hospital every day, why she wasn’t bringing him clothes with little notes in the pockets, why she was asleep more often than not when he called at ten to discuss their days.  It seemed that as much as she had claimed they were going to be close and play sardines, she hadn’t made good on her part of the bargain.

“I’m just really tired,” she complained.  “I still get up every morning and cook for us.  I pull the clothes aside for Neville to deliver.  Plus I’m trying to complete this new campaign, and have it ready for your approval early next week because the board wants a meeting.”  She watched him for a reaction.  She wanted him to take the meeting, but she could already sense that he wouldn’t.

“Has the art department completed the mockups of the print ads yet?”  She nodded, wide eyed.  “And the rest of the creative team has been pitching in, correct?”  She nodded. 

“Then it sounds like you don’t need me at all.”

She stared at him a moment.  “How could you say that?”  She asked.  She stood and walked out of the hospital room.

She hadn’t made it more than ten paces before Sam grabbed her arm and swung her around.  “I don’t think you do,” Sam said evenly.  “You don’t seem to need me in your personal life.  And you are more than capable of handling the business end.”  He watched her for a reaction.

She studied his face a moment.  Certain of his feelings, she shrugged.  “Fine,” she said and turned to walk away again.

“That’s all you have to say,” he called after her.

Haley whipped around.  “What do you want to hear?”  She cocked her head to the side.  “You want to hear I need you?  I can’t need anyone.  I did that.  It didn’t turn out well.  Every day I have to prove that I can take care of myself.  I don’t get attached to my life, Sam.  Everything in it is temporary and fleeting.  I’ve learned that the hard way.”

“So,” he swallowed hard.  “You aren’t at all attached to me?”  He watched her for a response.  Her eyes blazed.  “I know I’ve been telling you that we aren’t dating because of some stupid policy I created.”  He sighed.  “But do you really believe that?”

Haley looked at the floor.  “I don’t know what to believe,” she said quietly.  “I know what we both say about dating.  And I know that lately you have been hinting around that you want me in your life.” She sighed.  “Most importantly, I know that Ellen will be telling you in the next couple of weeks whether or not she’s coming back.”  She met his saw gaze.  “So, it looks as though I have to plan for the next phase of my life.”

Sam said nothing.  He didn’t know what to say.  Was it possible she was suggesting that she would be leaving no matter what?  He couldn’t imagine life without her.  After he had a taste of what life with her could be, he couldn’t regress to the cold empty existence he had once endured.  He opened his mouth to speak, searching madly for the one phrase, the one word that might keep her around, keep her in his life.  But before he could even begin to convince her his intentions were pure, she had walked away.

“So, are things back to normal?”  Ellen asked over tea on Saturday afternoon.

“What’s normal?”  Haley asked with a shrug.

Ellen cocked her head to one side.  “Okay.  I guess I mean… are you settled into a routine?  Have you decided to stay?”  She was gripping her delicate cup as she waited for Haley’s answer.

“I don’t see how I can stay,” she said quietly.

“How can you leave?”  Her gentle eyes questioned Haley.

“He makes no sense.  He acts like I’m just supposed to stick around, hitch my life to his.  I have dreams, Ellen.  I have so much I want to accomplish.”  Her voice rose passionately.

“Isn’t he one of those dreams?  Isn’t he part of that life?”  She reached over to hold her friend’s hand.

“I thought he was.” Haley sighed.  “I thought he was my forever man.  I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, working by his side, waking in his arms…” She pulled her hand away and wrapped it around her teacup.

“So, what’s changed?”

“Me, I guess.  I need to know how he feels.  I need to know if we even want the same things.  Everything is so up in the air.  Between his brother lying in a hospital bed, to you out on maternity leave, to…”

“To all the unfinished business you left in Pittsburgh,” she volunteered.

Haley paused.  She hated being reminded of that, but she knew it was true.  Quickly, she changed the subject.  “Have you decided to return to work?”  Haley realized she was holding her breath while she awaited a response.  If Ellen came back, she would have to leave sooner than she planned.  She might even have to move before the holidays, just when she was getting used to being around people again.

Ellen sighed.  “I guess I’m going to come back after the New Year, maybe mid-January.”

Haley brightened slightly.  “I think that’s a good idea.”

“And where will you go?”  She asked, filled with sadness.

“Who knows?  Maybe I’ll throw a dart at a map.”  She smiled wistfully.

She must have died.  At least that’s what Adam thought when he saw Sam sitting in the chair next to his bed looking like he’d lost his best friend.  Eventually Sam turned to look at him and Adam managed a weak smile.