High Desert Haven (The Shepherd's Heart) (29 page)

Cade sauntered down an aisle to browse. Rocky glared at his retreating form, promising himself that he would lock horns with Cade later for leaving him to deal with this chatterbox.

“Ma’am?” he paused, waiting.

“Oh my! I’ve gone and done it again. I’m always talking too much, people say. It’s really a bad habit. I tend to talk too much when I’m nervous. I’m not always like this, you know. It’s just—oh! Never mind. Okay.” She took a calming breath. “Head out of town that way.” She gestured to the left. “Go about three quarters of a mile and you’ll come to a fork. Take the fork to the left and the Hanging T is down that way just a couple of miles. You won’t be able to miss it.”

Rocky and Cade started toward the door.

Rocky tipped his hat. “Thank you, ma’am. We’re much obliged. You have a good afternoon.” The words almost tripped over themselves, he rushed to say them so fast. Turning, he hurried to the door, hoping that Cade would quickly follow suit.

He did, and when they were clear of the building, Rocky glanced at him. “That woman needs a man to temper her tongue.”

Cade laid a hand on his shoulder. “Just so long as it’s not one of us, Rock.” He gave a mock shudder, and both men grinned as they mounted up. Cade’s grin turned devilish. “’Course, it was you she had her eye on, and she wasn’t bad to look at. Maybe you’ll have to try your hand at quieting that tongue before we leave town.”

Rocky snorted. “Not in this lifetime, Cade. I’ll leave the flirting to those who are good at it.” He gave his friend a pointed look, and Cade threw back his head on a laugh. Rocky knew that would keep Cade quiet for a while. He had been needling Cade lately about the number of girls he had taken out over the past two years. And Cade wouldn’t want to touch that subject with a thirty-foot cattle prod.

Janice sighed as the two men rushed out. Sinking down onto one of the crates, she folded her hands on her lap.

“Lord,” she whispered, “If You’re going to send me a husband, You’d better make him ugly as a cow’s backside. I can’t seem to hold my tongue around the good-looking ones You send my way. But my, I can’t say that I’d mind if You’d just send one handsome man that liked to hear me talk. I would greatly appreciate it.”

She leaned back into the wall and stared with starry eyes at the door. She was still sitting just so when Mrs. Hamilton came in a few minutes later.

“Janice! Are you all right?” the woman screeched.

Janice grinned. “The shoes you’ve been waiting on came in, Mrs. Hamilton. I was just going to put them out.” She turned away before the woman could pry further into her state of airiness.

Jason glanced up when Nicki entered the barn. He was in the back corner clearing out the last vestiges of rubble. Jacob Ashland had ridden over to let them know what had happened at his place last night. And Tilly had arrived this morning with the news of what had happened to their dog and their sheep.

Nicki’s face held vague disquiet, and he wondered what was troubling her now. They had brought Sawyer home with them the day before, and he knew she hadn’t slept well last night with the boy in her bed. He’d heard her up a couple of times in the night. Perhaps she was just tired.

Sunlight poured into the barn’s interior, since the roof was off, but he was in a back corner shaded by the hay loft, which miraculously had escaped too much damage when the roof caved in, and she hadn’t noticed him yet. Glancing over himself, he grimaced. Shirt off, dirt smudged, and glistening with sweat, he would be quite a sight when she did notice him. But there was no help for it. Tapping his hat onto his head, he reached for his blue shirt, wiping his grimy hands on it before he swung it on and stepped out of the shadows. “Hi,” he said, beginning to do the buttons.

Gasping, she spun toward him.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

She smiled faintly, her eyes darting uneasily over his exposed chest. “You seem to be good at it, though.”

He couldn’t stop a grin as he finished with the last button and casually rested his hands on his hips. “Yes, I suppose I have given you more than your share of surprises by showing up…or waking up,” his gaze dropped to where her legs were concealed under her skirt, “when you least expected.” He enjoyed the blush that skittered across her cheeks.

She looked away.
“Sí.”

That one little word sent his heart racing, because he suddenly knew she was feeling some of the same life-changing emotions he was. Could it be they’d only known each other for a a few weeks? It felt much longer than that. He swallowed, trying to ignore the stampede taking place in his chest.
Breathe, Jordan. Breathe!

He bent and slapped the dust from his denim-clad legs. “Nicki—” He frowned. “You’ve never said I could call you that. Do you mind?”

She shook her head and whispered, “No.”

Not allowing himself to take the step toward her he longed to take, he continued, “We’ll ride out and bring the horses here. They will need to be broken a little before we can hope to transport them to Bennett’s ranch. But Cade can wire to have the money paid to the bank as soon as he sees the horses and determines what they are worth.”

She tucked a black curl behind her ear. “That’s fine.”

There was a long silence as she stared at the ground, refusing to meet his gaze, and he simply enjoyed watching her. At length, she looked up. “What do you think we’ll get for them?”

His heart rate spiked yet again. He liked the sound of that “we’ll.” She’d used it a couple times lately. “I could only venture a guess at this point. Cade knows a whole sight more about horses than me, and he’ll give you a fair price for them.”

“I’d like to be able to pay off the loan on the Jeffries’ place too, if that’s possible.”

He smiled. “Jesus with skin? Ron told me about Pastor’s sermon.”

She nodded.

“I think it likely. We’ll know soon. I expect Rocky and Cade any day now.”

Her eyes suddenly glistened with unshed tears, and she spun away from him, starting out of the barn. Probably hoping he hadn’t seen them.

“Nick?” He spoke her name before she could step through the door. She stopped but did not turn to look at him. Waving a hand over her shoulder, she shook her head to indicate she was all right. He knew better.

Stepping up behind her, he took her elbow and turned her to face him, stooping to look into her face. And when she tried to evade his scrutiny by twisting her face away, he finally gave in to the impulse that had been pounding at him from the moment he saw her walk in the door. Pulling her gently to him, he smoothed a hand over the back of her head. “Shhh, it’s going to be all right.”

She began to sob and he simply held her, allowing her the release of tears. Finally she was silent, but she didn’t pull away. After a moment he asked, “Want to talk about it?”

Nicki knew she should step away from him but chose to stay right where she was.
“No sé. Estoy cansada.”

Pulling back slightly, he tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his eyes and waiting for an interpretation. Reaching up, she straightened his skewed collar as she explained. “I don’t know. I’m tired. The Jeffries, the Snows, the Ashlands, the ranch, William.” She waved a hand, taking in a 360-degree scope of their surroundings. “You.” The word was out before she could stop it. If ever there was a time Nicki wished that her words were tied to string, this was it. She wanted to pull that one little word right back into her mouth and swallow it.

But Jason didn’t seem to notice. Bending toward her, he pressed his forehead to hers briefly and then pulled her head back onto his chest. “You’re not forgetting your verses, are you? We’re in the valley, Nick, but God has not left us. He’s here. Sometimes we just don’t feel like He is.”

“Why did he take John, leaving Sawyer fatherless? And now this little one, too?”

“I don’t know why John died, but God promises to be a Father to the fatherless.”

“What about the ranch? What am I supposed to do? I don’t even know if this is where God wants me to be.”

Jason sighed. “That decision will have to be up to you. But I believe that God has provided for your needs at the moment. At least you aren’t going to lose the ranch because you don’t have the money. If you’re to give up the ranch, God will help you know it. If not, I think you’ll know that too. We just don’t always get our answers immediately.”

“Why did He let little May die?” Nicki could barely squeeze the question out past the deep anguish cinching her throat.

Jason’s muscles tightened. “I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers, Nick. But I’m
‘persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’”

Nicki recognized the verses from the end of the eighth chapter of Romans.

Jason continued, “Those verses were a great comfort to me after I came back to the Lord. At first I was afraid that I’d done too much wrong for God to ever forgive me again, especially since I knew better. But Sky showed me those verses.” He stroked the back of her head with his palm. “I don’t know, Nick. We don’t always understand God, but the Bible promises us that He loves us. We simply have to have the faith to believe what The Word says.”

“I just wish I could take some of their pain.”

He settled his chin on the top of her head. “Only God can do that now. You’re trying to take too much on yourself.”

Nicki allowed herself to relax in his arms. It felt so comforting to be here.

This embrace brought none of the disquieting sensations she always experienced when she was with William. Jason was stable, whereas William always carried a volatile air, like he might explode with one emotion or another on a mere whim. And she still wasn’t sure about his relationship with the Lord.

She thought back over her relationship with John. He had never held her this way, just to comfort her, showing her he was thinking of her needs above his own. To John, she had been a servant—there to meet his needs and nothing more. Toward the end maybe, he had softened a bit, but John’s main purpose in life had been to gratify his own flesh.

Jason struggled with this as well—she had seen it on more than one occasion—but she never felt threatened by him. She had always been a little afraid when John returned at the end of the day. And William...she was never sure how to feel when she was with him, and it bothered her that his faith wasn’t more evident.

She settled more comfortably into Jason’s embrace, feeling his hand come up to cup the back of her head. As she thought back over the men in her life, she realized she had never been in love…until now. The sudden realization hit her with such a staggering force that she gasped and buried her face in his chest.

“Hey.” His tone was worried, and he bent down, trying to glimpse her face. “You okay?”

Her cheeks burned hot. She nodded, her forehead still firmly planted against his broad chest.

“I thought maybe...you know...you were having some pains.” She shook her head.

Jason settled his weight more comfortably, leaning back into his heels, and she relaxed again, simply enjoying being near him. Finally, when she thought she couldn’t stand another minute in his arms lest she burst out with her newfound knowledge, and in Spanish nonetheless, for she knew she would never get all the words out in English, she giggled. Imagining the look on his face when she launched into a passionate speech in her native tongue, she lifted her head and started to pull back. He tightened his grip slightly and she sensed that he was reluctant to let her go. She glanced up quickly and the contented pleasure on his face gave her pause.

Eyes twinkling with obvious curiosity over her giggles, he stared down at her in question. “From crying to laughing in less than ten minutes. You really must have had a stressful week.” One strong hand began to massage the tight muscles at the base of her neck, but Nicki refused to close her eyes and give in to the groan of pleasure the sensation elicited. Instead she studied his face. Could he be feeling some of the same things she was? She wondered at his feelings as she rolled her lips together and pressed tight.