His Good Opinion: A Mr. Darcy Novel (40 page)

The drink hit the back of Darcy's throat just as Bingley uttered the wish, and he choked, sputtering a little. "Darcy? Are you all right?" his friend asked in concern.

"I am fine, Bingley--I just inhaled a little wine, I believe." He coughed again and cleared his throat. "Now, tell me what plans you have made. When are you to marry?"

"November twenty-six--exactly a year after the ball when I realized I must propose."

Twin emotions of humor and jealousy shot through Darcy. He tamped down the latter and only said, "You have become a romantic worthy of the poets, Bingley."

His friend shrugged, a happy smile on his face. "Jane loves me; she has consented to be my wife. I defy even you to remain stoic in the face of such joy."

"And you will live here at Netherfield?" Darcy asked, turning the focus away from his future happiness.

Bingley nodded. "At some point, of course, we wish to purchase a home of our own, but Netherfield will do quite nicely for the present."

"Indeed." Darcy's mind turned to a vacant estate he knew of in Derbyshire.
If Elizabeth accepts me, how much happier she would be to have her favorite sister not fifty miles away. After all, fifty miles of good road...

"Darcy?"

Darcy glanced up and saw Bingley looking at him curiously. "I apologize once again, Bingley. I am afraid my conversation skills are not up to snuff at the moment; the journey was more fatiguing than usual. Will you excuse me until supper?"

"Of course."

When Darcy joined Bingley that evening, he had regained control over his wayward thoughts and devised a plan that would give him the earliest access to Elizabeth, without rousing any suspicion. "I was not wholly honest with you earlier, Bingley."

"Good lord, Darcy, another confession? Well, out with it then."

"This omission of truth was not nearly as grievous as the first, I assure you. You asked what brought me back to Hertfordshire, and I dissembled a bit. My aunt visited me yesterday afternoon, you see."

Bingley's face darkened. "Did she? Jane says she caused quite a disturbance two days ago at Longbourn."

"Yes, I was afraid she had. Did Miss Bennet know the nature of the call?"

"No, she spoke only to Miss Elizabeth, and Elizabeth has not told Jane a word--which concerns my lady greatly, as they are not in the habit of keeping secrets."

"I see. It is my hope... I would like to apologize to Miss Elizabeth, in my family's name. May I join you tomorrow at Longbourn?"

Bingley smiled. "And that was your great secret? Of course you may, Darcy." He grinned. "Your presence may be the very thing to distract Miss Elizabeth from her role as chaperone."

Darcy's presence the following afternoon was surely a surprise to the whole family, but only Mrs. Bennet was rude enough to comment on it. "Mr. Darcy! We did not know you were back from town, sir."

"Yes, I arrived late yesterday afternoon."

He spoke to Mrs. Bennet, but his eyes were on Elizabeth. Her complexion seemed a little paler than he recalled.
Does she wish I had not come?

"After sitting so long in a carriage, I am sure Darcy would welcome a walk. May I invite all the ladies to join us?" Bingley asked.

Mrs. Bennet and Miss Mary quickly answered in the negative, but Darcy kept his gaze on Elizabeth. If she refused to join them, he would have his answer. Instead, she smiled slightly and nodded her assent, and his relief was so great, he almost missed
Miss Kitty announcing her intent to walk with them as far as Lucas Lodge.

The autumn sun warmed their backs when they set out. Bingley and Miss Bennet quickly fell behind, and Darcy smiled.
Bingley wastes no time.

The silence between the remaining three was uncomfortable. There was much Darcy wished to say to Elizabeth that he could not say in the presence of her sister, and he wished Miss Kitty would hurry so they might reach the lane to Lucas Lodge a little faster.

At last, however, they were there, and Miss Kitty turned to look at her sister. "Lizzy, would you care to join me? I am sure Maria would be glad of a visit from you."

"No, Kitty, you may go along without me." The younger girl nodded and ambled down the drive.

Darcy took courage from the fact that Elizabeth did not seem unwilling to be alone with him. They resumed their walk without a word, but despite the awkwardness of the silence, Darcy would not speak until he knew how to broach the subject.

He had just settled on the right words when she suddenly turned to him and said, "Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature; and, for the sake of giving relief to my own feelings, care not how much I may be wounding yours."

Darcy remembered well the last time she had given relief to her own feelings, and his gut clenched.

"I can no longer help thanking you for your unexampled kindness to my poor sister. Ever since I have known it, I have been most anxious to acknowledge to you how gratefully I feel it. Were it known to the rest of my family, I should not have merely my own gratitude to express."

Darcy cringed at the word gratitude. That was the one thing above everything else that he did not want from Elizabeth; it was the very reason he had kept his involvement in the affair secret. "I am sorry, exceedingly sorry, that you have ever been informed of what may, in a mistaken light, have given you uneasiness. I did not think Mrs. Gardiner was so little to be trusted."

He was rather vexed with the lady until Elizabeth said, "You must not blame my aunt. Lydia's thoughtlessness first betrayed to me that you had been concerned in the matter; and of course, I could not rest till I knew the particulars."

Darcy sighed; he could easily imagine that Lydia had been unable to keep the secret. She seemed to delight in sharing anything that was inappropriate.

Then he looked at Elizabeth, and the earnest expression on her face drove Lydia from his mind. "Let me thank you again and again, in the name of all my family--" she paused slightly and looked away for a moment-- "for that generous compassion which induced you to take so much trouble and bear so many mortifications, for the sake of discovering them."

Her gratitude, though unwelcome, did offer him an opening to express his feelings for her. "If you
will
thank me, let it be for yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny. But your
family
owe me nothing," he emphasized, and her eyes widened. "Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of
you.
"

He paused, giving her the opportunity to speak, to tell him he must not go on.
She must know what I am to say next. If she stops me now, I will know her feelings are unchanged.
However, her only response was a sudden blush, and he took courage in her silence.

"You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once.
My
affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever."

For a moment he heard nothing but the sound of his own heart pounding in his ears. Elizabeth looked at him and moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. "I... my feelings last April were so wrong... I did not know then what I spoke of. I view you quite differently now.... In truth--that is, I wondered--oh, I almost feared you might not care for me still."

She turned away then, but he had seen enough of the happiness in her countenance and heard the joy in her voice that allowed him to piece together her jumbled sentences into an acceptance.
My Elizabeth--you are my Elizabeth now,
he thought to himself in exultation.

After a moment he became aware that it was his turn to speak. "Miss Elizabeth, allow me to assure you that I will never stop caring for you. I would be glad to spend the rest of my life proving that to you, if you will allow me."

She looked at him then and smiled, and the expression in her wonderful brown eyes made his heart race. "I will."

Darcy gently, hesitantly, took her hand in his. "I would have there be no further misunderstandings between us. Elizabeth, will you agree to be my wife?"

Elizabeth looked down at their joined hands and then up at him. Her voice was firm when she answered. "Yes, Mr. Darcy."

Darcy knew he should never forget this moment as long as he lived. How beautiful she looked with the sun warming her upturned face. The soft breeze played with her one of her curls, and he lifted a hand to brush it from her face.

Then, with trembling hands, he raised her fingers to his lips. "Elizabeth," he breathed, unable to say more. Her eyelids fluttered and she swayed into his embrace. Darcy brushed a kiss across her forehead, and her soft sigh nearly did him in. "I believe we should return to our walk, my dear," he said with great reluctance.

Elizabeth straightened and attempted to retrieve her hands, but he kept her right in his left. "No, I think I will keep this for now," he murmured, and she flushed scarlet.

They walked a ways before either of them regained the power of speech, but finally Elizabeth looked over at him with teasing eyes. "I fear Lady Catherine will not be pleased with our current understanding."

He laughed slightly. "I am afraid not. She has always believed I would marry Anne, though I never gave her any reason to believe it."

"She came here the other day..." Elizabeth's sentence trailed off, and Darcy wondered at her uncertain expression.

"Yes, she told me."

"So she did visit you then! I half-feared that she might."

"Why did you fear it?"

Elizabeth did not answer, and he knew with a sudden surety what she had thought. "Elizabeth, surely my behavior in the last few months has shown you I no longer share her beliefs."

She tilted her head in consideration. "Yes... I suppose it was simply insecurity; a fear that as your aunt, her words might carry more weight with you than they had with me."

"Indeed, her visit did sway me--though not in the way she wished. It taught me to hope, as I had scarcely ever allowed myself to hope before. I knew enough of your disposition to be certain that, had you been absolutely, irrevocably decided against me, you would have acknowledged it to Lady Catherine frankly and openly."

She laughed. "Yes, you know enough of my
frankness
to believe me capable of
that
. After abusing you so abominably to your face, I could have no scruple in abusing you to all your relations."

Darcy's jaw dropped a little.
Her memory of that scene is far different from mine.
"What did you say of me, that I did not deserve? For, though your accusations were ill-founded, formed on mistaken premises, my behavior to you at the time had merited the severest reproof. It was unpardonable. I cannot think of it without abhorrence."

Elizabeth's fingers tightened around his, and Darcy could hardly believe the chagrin in her voice when she spoke. "We will not quarrel for the greater share of the blame annexed to that evening. The conduct of neither, if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but since then, we have both, I hope, improved in civility."

"I cannot be so easily reconciled to myself," Darcy said. "The recollection of what I then said, of my conduct, my manners, my expression during the whole of it, is now, and has been many months, inexpressibly painful to me."

He stared straight ahead, but instead of the idyllic country lane, he saw the parsonage at Hunsford. "Your reproof, so well applied, I shall never forget: 'Had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.' Those were your words. You know not, you can scarcely conceive, how they have tortured me--though it was some time, I confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice."

Her expression was full of surprise. "I was certainly very far from expecting them to make so strong an impression. I had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt in such a way."

Those words, spoken to reassure, only deepened Darcy's self-disgust. "I can easily believe it. You thought me then devoid of every proper feeling; I am sure you did. The turn of your countenance I shall never forget, as you said that I could not have addressed you in any possible way that would induce you to accept me."

The remembered pain almost overshadowed the current joy until Elizabeth said, "Oh! Do not repeat what I then said. These recollections will not do at all. I assure you that I have long been most heartily ashamed of it."

There was one more question he had regarding the past, and he posed it then. "What first brought you to change your mind? Was it my letter? Did it, did it
soon
make you think better of me? Did you, on reading it, give any credit to its contents?"

She considered for a moment. "I confess I did not wish to give credit to your words at first," she admitted. "You remember enough of my feelings toward you at the time to understand that I would not want to believe anything you said." He nodded, and she continued. "However, when I read what you had to say of Wickham, it was so close to what he himself had said that I began to wonder. Then I considered that you surely would not have said something like that about your sister if it was not true, and I had to accept your word."