His Good Opinion: A Mr. Darcy Novel (38 page)

"Good evening, Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy," Mrs. Bennet said to them when they were both in the room. "Mr. Bingley, you may sit by me if you like."

Darcy was at first surprised that she did not once again thrust Jane at Bingley, but when his friend sat next to Miss Bennet after only a second's hesitation, Darcy applauded her cunning.
How better to convince Bingley to sit by her daughter than by offering herself as the only alternative?

At that moment, Darcy became conscious of Elizabeth's attention on him. He looked at her and saw the smile on her face, and he readily discerned her thoughts.
Did I not prove myself better than that, Elizabeth?
he wondered with a mix of ire and shame.
Do you still believe me to be so set against your family?
He turned his attention to Bingley, who was likewise giving him a half-teasing look which he easily read to be part defiance and part fear.

Dear God, am I really so overbearing that they both believe me to control his actions? Perhaps there is more to what Elizabeth said on this count than I wished to believe.

He was now just as determined to discover Jane Bennet loved his friend, as he had earlier been to believe she did not. With such a positive frame of mind, it was not long before he was convinced of it. Bingley's demeanor during dinner showed him to be just as much in love with Jane as he ever had been, and in Jane's ready smiles he now saw the only form of encouragement the demure lady would ever give. That she smiled more readily and more sweetly at Bingley was plain to see, and he soon settled into the knowledge that if his friend married her, he would indeed have a loving wife.

Unfortunately, with that off his mind, he was free to think of other things. He had barely noticed when he sat down that he was seated next to their hostess, but now her inane chatter pierced through his mind. He looked around and realized that Elizabeth was seated on the far side of the table from him.
Did she ask not to be near me?

Though he soon dismissed this as ridiculous, he could not keep his mind from his own concerns now that Bingley's were sorted, and he could acknowledge now that this had been part of his intent in coming to Hertfordshire.
If only I could make her love me....

But first he must suffer through this meal with her mother.
Ah, Darcy, be careful. If you have your way, she will someday be your mother-in-law.
That thought in mind, he attempted to be pleasant, but it was not easy.

Her dislike of him was his one consolation. Though she was not quiet for more than thirty seconds at a time, to him she spoke but little, and when she did, it was always with the coldest civility--a welcome change from her usual volubility.

Far from minding her rude reception, Darcy relished the long moments of relative solitude in which to observe Elizabeth. He watched her, and she watched Bingley and her sister. Her dark eyes went from one to the other, and Darcy knew the minute she decided they might yet be happy. He detected the slight ease of tension in her shoulders that only one intimately familiar with her would have noticed, and a happy smile crossed her face.

Freed from that concern, Elizabeth now looked down the table toward Darcy. He barely managed to shift his own gaze in time, and he flushed at the realization that he had nearly been caught watching her. He kept his eyes firmly on his plate for the rest of the meal, though he greatly missed seeing her.

When the ladies withdrew, Darcy did not expect to have much to say to the other gentlemen, but he found the concerns of those in Hertfordshire were not so different from those in Derbyshire. Conversation turned to the harvest and land management, and though no one in the room owned an estate even half so large as Pemberley, the thoughts they shared he could easily relate to.

At last though, it was time to rejoin the ladies in the drawing room. When he entered, Darcy looked about anxiously for Elizabeth, though he tried to appear nonchalant. He easily found her standing next to the coffee table, and thought to join her. However, she was surrounded by a bevy of ladies, and he wondered again if she had not planned it so on purpose that she would not be left alone in conversation with him. Unwilling to intrude where he was not wanted, he passed by as if he had not wished to talk with her at all and joined some of the other gentlemen standing against the wall.

He could not stay away for long, however, and as soon as his coffee cup was empty he walked back to the table and asked her to refill it. She poured the coffee and said, "Is your sister at Pemberley still?"

Is there to be no conversation between us that does not revolve around my sister?
"Yes, she will remain there till Christmas."

"And quite alone? Have her friends all left her?"

"Mrs. Annesley is with her. The others have gone on to Scarborough, these three weeks."

She smiled, but there was none of the invitation in her eyes that he had thought he'd seen at Pemberley. He paused for a long moment, but when she said nothing else, Darcy's hopes vanished. If her smile did not answer his question, her silence had. If she could not even hold five minutes' conversation with him, what chance was there that her feelings toward him had changed? He waited until one of the young ladies returned, and then he retreated.

What a fool I am, to think her opinion of me would have changed that much,
he berated himself as he walked away.
A woman who has once been offended as I offended her... Can I expect her to now welcome my attentions? Did she not make her feelings plain to me on that occasion? Why should I believe them to be different now, merely because I wish it so?

Darcy was quite eager to leave his downcast thoughts behind, so when Mrs. Bennet called for whist players, he readily agreed. He felt a momentary pang when Elizabeth was seated at a different table, but he was not sure he could bear the pain of being with her, seeing her, talking to her, if she did not care for him at all.

I will ignore her for the rest of the evening.
This resolve Darcy could have easily followed if he had not been able to hear, over the sound of others, her voice. He would turn to see what she had said, or what she laughed at, and he would miss his turn of play and lay down the wrong card. The frustration in losing was outmatched by the pull of Elizabeth, and he was quite unable to keep himself from watching her.

By the time Darcy and Bingley left shortly before supper, he knew that even if she did not love him now, he must find a way to change that. This was yet another motive to bring Miss Bennet and Bingley together, for surely their marriage would put him frequently in Elizabeth's company.

The whole way home Bingley could not stop talking about Miss Bennet, and that reminded Darcy of one task remaining. That evening when they retired to the library with their brandy, he cleared his throat. "I have something I must confess, Bingley."

Bingley laughed. "This sounds serious." When Darcy did not laugh, he sobered. "Indeed, Darcy, what could you possibly need to confess to me?"

Darcy set his glass down and clasped his hands behind his back. "I am afraid I have abused your trust in a most unkind way."

"Come now, what is it?"

"Do you recall last winter when we left Netherfield?"

Bingley's smile dimmed. "Indeed I do, though I admit I would rather not."

"Yes, and it is that which I must confess. I knew when you left that you were quite in love with Miss Bennet, and I did not approve."

Bingley sat up straight. "Yes, you and my sister made that clear enough, but Darcy--"

"I am not through, Bingley. What you do not know--what we have never told you--is that she came to town last winter as well."

Darcy watched his friend assimilate that bit of information. Bingley blinked and said, "Jane Bennet was in London last winter?"

"Yes. She came to stay with her aunt and uncle. I believe Caroline called on her there."

"She was in town, and you did not tell me?" Some of the warmth left Bingley's blue eyes.

"I did not." Darcy drew a breath and offered the only explanation he could, paltry though it was. "I did not believe her to share your feelings, and I told myself I did not want you to suffer the pain of a broken heart."

Bingley stared at him without speaking for so long that Darcy shifted uncomfortably. "I cannot comprehend what might have given you the belief that you had the right to interfere in my life in that manner," he said finally.

Darcy winced at the uncharacteristic steel in Bingley's voice. "It was wrong of me, Bingley. It was done with your best wishes at heart, but I realize now that I undertook too much in the guise of protecting a friend from harm."

"Indeed you did! If I am to be hurt, it must be from my own cause and not because someone else has done it to me. By God, am I not a man, capable of making my own decisions?" Bingley slammed his glass down on the table between them and stood up.

Darcy bowed his head. "You are, and I apologize once more. I do have a penance to offer, if you will accept it."

"I cannot believe you have anything to say that will make this right. When I think how much Jane must have suffered, believing me to have toyed with her affections..." He paused and his eyes narrowed further. "And if my sisters visited her, she must have believed I knew she was in town and chose not to visit her myself! Indeed, she must think I no longer care for her at all."

"As I said, I kept you from her because I did not believe her feelings to be the equal of yours. Trust me, Bingley, you would not want to be in an unequal marriage." Darcy cleared his throat, and when the lump did not disappear, he took a sip of brandy. "However, I have observed her these last few days and I now believe I was mistaken."

Bingley, who had turned away, turned back fast. "What was that?"

"It is now my belief that Jane Bennet cares for you very much indeed, and if you were to declare yourself to her, you would be received quite warmly."

"Are you sure of this?"

The irony that he was being asked to vouchsafe for another's feelings when he had so misjudged Elizabeth's struck Darcy hard, but he nodded. "As sure as one can ever be of another's feelings," he qualified, unwilling to be held accountable should he be mistaken yet again.

"And what guarantee do I have that you will not continue to interfere in our affairs?"

"Only my sincere promise."

"Then if I were to propose to Jane Bennet while you are away next week..."

"I would think that a very wise course of action." Darcy looked away. "My pride led me astray, Bingley. Though I do believe you should think about what kind of family you marry into, that should not override the value of affection. What is marriage without love and affection, after all?"

Bingley rocked back on his heels, and Darcy saw with relief that some of the anger had left his eyes. "Well... I am not quite sure what to say. I am still upset with you, but if Jane accepts me, I believe I will find it in my heart to forgive you."

Darcy rose. "I hope she does, and not just for my own selfish gain. Now, I believe I should go to bed, as I have to be up early tomorrow morning to leave for London."

"Good night, Darcy. Despite my feelings tonight, I am glad you finally chose to tell me the truth."

From the door of the library, Darcy glanced over his shoulder and saw his friend staring into his still-full glass of brandy, a pensive frown on his face.
I wish you greater luck with your lady than I had with mine,
he thought and exited the room.

Darcy left Netherfield early the next morning with the intention of spending a week in town. His steward had forwarded a business proposal by a neighboring landowner to him. The gentleman wished to put a mill on the stream that formed the boundary between his property and Pemberley, and he asked if Darcy would make it a joint venture.

The business should have been conducted in short order. Everything was extremely straightforward; the gentleman in question was a trusted friend of Darcy's, and as the mill would not actually stop the flow of water downstream, there was no true downside to the scheme.

Darcy, however, could not focus. Every day out of Hertfordshire increased his restlessness--he had heard nothing from Bingley, and he would not feel sure of his welcome back at Netherfield until he knew his friend's engagement was accomplished.

The solicitor's patience with Darcy's lack of attention wore thin, until one day he actually ventured to suggest that Mr. Darcy might conclude his business with greater alacrity if he concentrated on the matter at hand, rather than on whatever else was occupying his thoughts. The rebuke was mild, but Darcy took it to heart and applied himself to reviewing the various papers and contracts attached to the mill.

Once the business was finalized, he had no reason to stay in London, and his agitation increased with every day that passed with no news from Hertfordshire. He had been in town for an additional three days when a knock at his study door pulled him from his book. "Come in."

A footman entered and cleared his throat before announcing, "Lady Catherine de Bourgh to see you, Mr. Darcy."