His Heart to Have (Cowboys of Whispering Winds) (14 page)

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“Not again,” Allie groaned, cupping her mouth and running to the bathroom. What could she possible have left in her stomach? 

At least she’d slept through the night. This was going to be a long day at work if her body didn’t start cooperating. She felt so dizzy she wasn’t sure even sure she could make it back to the bedroom. Maybe a hot shower would help. With what little energy she could muster, she turned on the water and let it run until it was scalding hot. By the time the water turned cold, she felt marginally better and was confident she’d at least make it back to her room.

Stepping out of the impromptu shower, she realized she didn’t have clean clothes with her. Her pajamas were balled up in the floor and, not until she went to put them back on, did she realize vomit had gotten on them.  “Gross,” she muttered.   She wrapped a towel around her and went back to the bedroom to get dressed for work.  Her stomach was still nauseous, but it felt like this bout was passing. She brushed her hair and put it in a ponytail. Bending to put a pair of boots on almost sent her on another trip to the bathroom, but went away once she straightened up.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jase asked sternly when she walked into the kitchen.

“Work,” she answered, taking a seat at the table, apparently not doing as well as she thought. “I thought you’d be gone by now.”

“I stuck around to see how you were feeling.”

“I’m doing better, thanks.”

Creased eyebrows told her he wasn’t buying it. “Sure you are. And that’s why you ran to the bathroom this morning. I called your mom and she’s going to take care of things this morning, until Lexie can get here. You’re taking a sick day.”

A sharp retort was on the edge of her tongue, but she stopped.  From anyone else, she’d bite their head off for being so domineering and bossy; but this was Jase. Coming from him, it made her feel loved and cared for, even if she’d never taken a sick day in her life.

“I made you some toast and tea,” he said, setting a plate in front of her.

She nibbled at the overcooked toast.  It was too dark and dry, but she made a good faith effort to eat it, as much for her stomach as for Jase who’d been so thoughtful.  Across the table, Jase sat with his elbows resting on the table, staring at her, a foreign look in his face.

“Did I suddenly grow horns or something?” she joked.

He leaned back, crossing his arms and a smirk forming. “Nah, I was just thinking you must really be sick since you didn’t fight me on staying home.”

“What am I supposed to do? You already called mom. She’ll probably be here before noon with some soup and crackers.”  The tea had cooled down and she attempted a sip. So far, her stomach seemed to be handling the toast, but she wasn’t going to push it.

“Do you think you’ll be okay by yourself this morning? I can take some time off this afternoon, but I can’t get out of this morning’s work.”

Now he was getting annoying. “I think I can manage. I’m a grown woman after all,” she responded with a harsh bite to the words.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m just not used to seeing you sick.” He frowned, not looking happy.

“It happens to the best of us,” she answered flatly.  The tea may have been too much.  Jase needed to leave soon, before she needed to run to the bathroom again. “I appreciate your concern, but go on.  I’ll be fine.” She flashed him a semi smile, attempting to mitigate the sharpness in her voice. 

He hesitated for a moment, then stood, straightening his body.  The shirt he wore hugged his biceps; even though she felt sick, she couldn’t help admiring him.  The strength she found in those arms wasn’t just physical.  Jase was her everything and it took the possibility of losing him to bring the depths of her attraction to a full awareness.  Determined, she vowed to make up for every time she took advantage of their friendship.   It wasn’t just an extended childhood crush; she’d gladly spend the rest of her life showing her love for him, if he’d only allow her.  Just as soon as she got over this bug that was plaguing her.

“I’ll try to leave my phone on me.  Call if you need anything.” He planted a kiss on her forehead and left. 

Allie wasted no time running to the bathroom. “Ugh, is this ever going to end?” she muttered, walking back to her bed. Crawling under the covers, she fell back asleep, dreaming of the rock hard cowboy that was her husband, until the ringing of her phone brought the dreams to an abrupt end.

“Hello,” she answered drowsily.

“Allie, its mom. Are you okay? I’ve been standing at your door for ten minutes knocking.”

“Sorry, mom. I was sleeping and didn’t hear it. I’ll be right there.”

Standing up, she was pleasantly surprised to find she didn’t feel sick at all, not even a hint of dizziness.  Strange, she thought, not that she was complaining.  

Just as expected, her mom was at the door holding a bag, which Allie already knew the contents of.

“How are you feeling?” her mom asked.

“Fine now. The nausea and dizziness just came on so suddenly last night and again this morning; but when I woke up just now, I didn’t even feel a trace of it. It seems to come and go at will.”

“Hmm,” hummed her mom then walked to the kitchen, setting down the brown paper bag. “I brought you some chicken noodle soup and crackers.”

Allie smiled. Some things never changed. “Thanks mom.”

Without any prompting, Vera opened cabinets and drawers, until she found a bowl and spoon. “Have a seat,” she directed her daughter.

The bowl was set in front of the chair Jase usually sat in; it felt odd to sit in his seat.  More peculiar was the sentimentality that washed over her, recollecting the domestic routines they’d fallen into.  The chicken noodle soup was still steaming and Allie lifted a spoonful, blowing on it to cool the liquid.   After the first bite, she crumbled up two crackers and sprinkled it over the remaining contents of the bowl.

“Can I ask a question?” her mom asked, sitting down across from her and looking every bit the concerned mom.

“I guess,” Allie responded, curious. Why would her mom ask her if she could ask a question? Normally, she’d ask regardless.

“It’s not my business at this point, so if I’m out of line you can tell me, but is there a chance you may be pregnant?”

The full spoon Allie held dropped to the table, splashing broth back into her.  Her mouth gaped opened, stunned.  No, she definitely hadn’t thought of that possibility. She’d assumed she had caught the stomach bug going around. It was only that one night, but… Doing a quick mental calculation, she realized she was a few weeks late.  It was a very real possibility. This wasn’t good, not good at all.   She felt sick again, and not from whatever the earlier cause was. 

“I can see your hadn’t thought of that, before. It’s very early in your marriage to have a child, but babies are always a blessing,” her mom gushed, obviously pleased at the idea of a grandchild.

Allie wasn’t sure what to think. If she was pregnant, it would create so many complications; complications she couldn’t tell her mom about right now.   This was a hitch in her plan that neither she nor Jase had foreseen, but should have.  Jase. What would he think?  

“Allie, did I lose you?” Vera waved her hand in front of Allie to get her attention.

“This is just unexpected. I hadn’t really considered it before.”

“We can drive into town and get one of those early pregnancy tests if you’d like,” her mom offered.

Allie almost accepted but stopped. She had to talk to Jase first.  This had so many implications, even if she wasn’t pregnant.  It was only a matter of time before they gave in and made love again.  The sexual tension between them was intense and, had she not gotten sick, she knew where last night would have led.   But could she do that now, knowing they risked creating a child when they had no consensual plans to make this a real marriage?  And if she was pregnant- she couldn’t even contemplate how that would change things.

“I think I’ll wait to talk to Jase. If I am, he should be the first to know,” Allie said.

Her mom smiled at her, a knowing look in her eye. “You really love him, don’t you,” she said, an observation, not a question.

“I do,” she answered, her voice quaking. 

“When I found out we were expecting you, it was a scary time. Exciting, but scary. You are fortunate to have a husband that loves you more than anything. I’ll leave you now to get some rest, but know that I’m always here for you. Just because you’re grown and married, doesn’t mean you’re still not my baby.”

“Thanks, mom.  I’ll let you know once Jase and I find out.” She gave her mom a hug and escorted her out.  For a long time, she sat on the porch, staring out upon the landscape, wondering how her life might change.

The crunch of grass and pine needles underfoot interrupted her thoughts. Looking up, she saw Jase coming home.  He’d worked hard that morning, evidenced by the dirt streaked face and sweat curled hair peeking out from under his hat.  He was a hot mess, but she still felt parts of her stir in attraction. 

Spontaneously, she went to him, throwing her arms around him, hugging him as if her life depended on it. Heady scents of leather and sweat that were familiar, but arousing, clung to him, and she breathed in, taking it all in.   He held her in return, providing the comfort she craved.  In a time where life, as she knew it, hung from a fraying rope; loving Jase was her only certainty.  Overwhelmed, tears streamed down her face.

Jase stepped back while still continuing to hold her. “What’s going on, sweetheart?” he asked in a low, soothing tone.

“We need to talk.”

Fear flickered in his eyes. “Let’s go inside,” he said with a forced calm. She’d heard that tone so many times, she could easily recognize it.

They bypassed the table, their usual place for conversation, and went straight to the living room, sitting on the sofa. Allie took a deep breath and went to speak, but her voice caught. 

Jase’s hand brushed against her cheek. “Talk to me, Allie.  Something’s going on that obviously has you upset.”

This was like ripping off a Band-Aid, or jumping into cold water- best to do it quickly and get it over with. “There’s a chance I could be pregnant.”

She watched his face carefully for any hint of a reaction, but it remained maddeningly neutral.

“How much of a chance?” he asked in an even tone.

“I haven’t taken a test or anything yet; I wanted to wait for you, but I’m a few weeks late and, that night, we didn’t do anything to prevent it,” she answered.

“So we’ll get you a test and find out,” he responded still calm.

He was driving her crazy.  Didn’t he care one way or another?  How could he stay so calm when she wanted to freak out? “That’s it?   Your response is just ‘we’ll get me a test and find out.’  We might be having a child and you show no emotion.  You must be feeling something.”

“I’m still trying to process this. And you were crying about it, so I don’t know how you want me to react,” he countered.

“Just tell me how you feel please.  I’m scared, Jase. We never considered this and it complicates everything.”

He shifted in his seat, “It doesn’t have to, Allie Cat. If you’re pregnant, we’ll be starting a family. Whether you decide we stay married or not, we’ll go through this together.”

It wasn’t the words of love she wanted to hear and the tears came harder and faster, her body wracked with sobs.  Jase pulled her tighter, whispering words, assuring her that everything would be okay.

“No, it’s not,” she wailed between hiccups in an emotional meltdown.  “It’s not fair to this potential child to be created in a drunken hormone fest. I want my child born from love and now it will suffer because of our stupidity and selfishness.  He’ll grow up with his parents not together spending only every other weekend with one of us.” 

She was being hysterical, but she couldn’t stop the tears and words from flowing. Too much was happening at once. Jase grabbed her by the shoulders firmly, making her look at up at him.

“Listen to me closely,” he began, his dark eyes staring into her. “If we’re having a baby, then it will have been conceived in love. Do not ever doubt that. Who said we have to go our separate ways? We can stay married and be a family. This baby will have the best of everything and grow up here at Whispering Winds, with both of his parents.”

“You’re saying that now, but what happens when you find someone else you’d rather be with, or if I’m not pregnant after all.” She sniffled, the sobs largely gone and just a few tears escaping. She was embarrassed by her breakdown, despite the emotional cause she had.

“For crying out loud, Allie. For once in your life just listen to me.” Standing up, he walked over to the fireplace, absently pulling a snow globe off the mantel. She hadn’t previously noticed it up there, but recognized it as one she gave him for Christmas their senior year of high school. Absently, he flipped it upside down, then turned it upright, letting the snow fall, before turning back to her. “That’s what last night was going to be about. I’m trying to tell you I love you. Since we were kids, it’s always been you. There never has and never will be another woman I will love. Baby or not, I want to be with you.”

Her heart fluttered. She wanted so badly to believe him. “What about the Triple M? Wasn’t that your dream? To initiate their horse-breeding program. I saw you talking to Gordon Roth at the wedding.”

“I never even considered their offer until this marriage. I knew that if you still wanted to end it at the end of three months, my heart would be shattered, and I wouldn’t be able to stay and see you every day. When you saw me talking to him, it must have been when I told him I couldn’t take the position and that was my final answer. My dream is you; staying here at Whispering Winds, starting a family and growing old together,” he confided passionately. Kneeling down beside her, he took her hands, holding them solemnly. “My heart has always belonged to you; it’s just been up to you to receive it.”

Memories flooded her.  Jase coming to her rescue.  Jase making sure she was okay.  Jase accepting the blame in her place. Jase taking care of her when she was sick. Jase filling in as her prom date last minute.  Jase defending her against Jesse Chatham’s ugly rumors. Jase going along with her crazy ideas.  How did she not see it before?  His actions were a testament to his love.  If actions really did speak louder than words than his were screaming from the mountaintop.  A lump of pure sentiment filled her throat.  Had everything she always wanted been right there, waiting for her all along? Could it be this easy to share their lives?