His Heart to Have (Cowboys of Whispering Winds) (12 page)

“It’s not easy for a dad to see his little girl growing up,” her dad confessed. “When you were little, you’d always ask me to dance with you, and I knew one day I’d have to dance with you at your wedding. I never thought I’d miss not having that dance.”

And here it comes, the lecture on marrying in Vegas,
she thought ruefully, the night’s magic ebbing away.

“The truth is, I’m really proud of you and owe you an apology.”

She stilled, uncertain she heard him correctly, waiting for him to continue.

“One day you’re my little princess and the next you’re a grown woman.  I guess it took you getting married for me to finally realize that.  You’ve outdone yourself in your role at the ranch, but more than that, you’ve really matured.  And marrying Jase, well, I’d rather you marry him in Las Vegas than having a big wedding here with anyone else.  All a dad wants, when his daughter marries, is to see her loved and cared for; something Jase does in abundance. You couldn’t have made a better choice.”

Unknowingly, her father just gave her the greatest gift he could- the acceptance she’d longed for from him all her adult life. “Thank you for telling me that. It means a lot to me.” She stopped mid song to give him a hug. 

The song ended, but they danced into the next one. When that one finished, her father released her. “Go find that husband of yours and dance the night away,” he told her, kissing her cheek.

“I love you, dad.” She gave him another hug before walking away.

“I love you too, buttercup.”

Walking away, everything came crashing down on her emotions- the praise and acknowledgement from her father, the temporary marriage she wanted to be permanent, and the intensity of her love for Jase. Weddings were a great time to celebrate, but, at the same time, they wreaked havoc on sensibilities. Surprisingly, she was able to slip away from the throngs of people without being pulled aside. A gazebo sat off to the side of the Rivers Ranch Lodge, away from the lights and noise of the party.

Allie sat down on its bench, trying to sort out her feelings.  Her life had changed so quickly; yet, she couldn’t bring herself to regret the unplanned marriage to Jase.   If nothing else, in the wake of upheaval and follies, she’d found a maturity and awareness she hadn’t known before.  She wanted to be a better person and that she owed to Jase.

“Are you okay?” she heard Jase ask, the sound of his deep voice washing over her like a soothing blanket.

Looking up, she saw him leaning against the gazebo’s entry, the pale moon illuminating his broad shoulders. “I just needed some fresh air away from the crowd,” she told him.

He came and slid next to her, looking at her intently. “I saw you leave after the father-daughter dance. I thought I’d give you a few minutes alone before coming after you. You’ve been crying. Did your dad say something to upset you?”

“Just the opposite,” she sniffed.

“Want to talk about it?” 

“I know there are times I’ve seemed fickle or that I didn’t know what I wanted. I’ll readily admit, up until a few years ago that’s who I was; but I’ve changed. I’ve grown up, but dad never wanted to see that. No matter what I did, I felt like I never measured up to what he expected of me,” she explained even though he knew most of this; it’s why they were pretending to have a real marriage.

Jase nodded, remaining silent, waiting for her to continue; always there when she needed a shoulder to cry.

“Tonight, for the first time ever, he told me he’s proud of me. Did you know he’s never told me anything like that before? For the first time in my life, I felt like he took me seriously and understood me.”

His hand reached for hers. “I knew you had insecurities when it came to your parents, but I never realized how deep it went; that you never realized how much you mean to your dad.” Tipping her chin up, he continued, “I remember when you won the blue ribbon prize at the fair a few years back for your chokeberry pie. Mrs. Upton, the reigning champ, laughed at you and said it was a waste of chokeberries to try and make a pie out of them. That night your dad came over to our side, bragging about how you put Mrs. Upton in her place. He was so proud of you. I bet you didn’t know he told the old biddy if she ever said another word against you, he’d personally ensure she was never allowed to enter the contest again.”

This was news to Allie. “He did?”

“Yes, he did. He’s always been proud of you. Just last week I overheard him telling dad he was impressed with your initiative on this reservation and internet marketing system. I guess, sometimes, as men, we just don’t express ourselves very well.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” she muttered, breaking a half smile.

“I said sometimes,” Jase countered, pausing to pull her closer.  “Because then there are times like this when I can’t help but tell you how beautiful and sexy you are, that you are my best friend and mean everything to me, that when you look at me like that, all I can think about is the taste of your lips on mine, to tell you this is what you do to me,” he rasped, raising her hand and placing it on his rapidly, beating heart.

Every breath he took, she felt move through her. Their souls were connected through their bodies. Soul mates- that’s how she would describe them. She slid her hand to his face, an open invitation for him. Their lips crashed against each other. This kiss was different from the others they had shared. It had a passion, an urgency they hadn’t known before; but a sweetness she knew could last a lifetime, if they would only give it a chance.

“Break it up, love birds,” a voice called out.

Jase pulled away from her and a rush of coldness hit her at the loss of his touch. Who was looking for them?  Her mind was mush, not thinking clearly.

“It’s almost time for the final dance and then we send off the bride and groom. It’s expected that the best man and maid of honor be there and they’re curiously missing from the reception.”

The Wedding. Dancing. Reception.  Oh no! She’d completely neglected her duties for the last half hour. 

“Sorry, Josh. We’ll be right up,” Jase replied to him.

So that’s who it was.  She should have known his voice, considering they’ve all been friends for years. At least Jase was able to think clearly right now. 

“Hurry it up, please,” Josh ordered, but in the moonlit shadows, Allie could’ve sworn he winked at them before leaving.

“This isn’t over yet,” Jase promised in a throaty whisper.  “One day we’re going to unearth this thing between us once and for all, with no interruptions and no excuses.”

A delicious shiver passed through Allie.  She couldn’t wait for that day, wanting it to come sooner rather than later.   Hand in hand, she allowed him to lead her back to the reception.  They spent the final dance embracing, moving slowly to the tempered beats. 

“What would our first dance have been?” Jase’s eyes never left hers.

“George Strait,
I Cross My Heart
,” she answered without thinking. For years, she’d known that was the song she’d choose for her first dance.

Jase didn’t reply with words, just leaned his head to plant a kiss on her forehead.  The final dance was over and it was time to send Missy and Charlie off.  Allie relished how Jase kept her close to his side, not letting her away again.    The entirety of the wedding guests moved out front, forming two lines.  Missy and Charlie exited, being swept up in a rain of birdseed.  They laughed and waved, rushing to Charlie’s truck, which had been decorated with white paint and empty tin cans.  When they drove away, guests began to leave.  The wedding was over, along with all best man and maid of honor duties.  There was nothing left for them to do except return home.

“Shall we leave, Mrs. Callahan?” Jase asked.

“Let’s go home, Mr. Callahan,” she responded, her body humming in anticipation.

The drive from the Rivers’ Range back to Whispering Winds never seemed to take as long as it did tonight.  Reluctant to be apart from him, Allie sat next to Jase, never having been so thankful he had a truck that still had a bench seat in the front. At long last, they finally pulled up to this cabin.

“Good night, Allie,” Jase told her, not moving.

Her eyebrows knitted in confusion. “You aren’t coming in?”

His hands left the steering wheel, raking his hair. “I’ll walk you to the door, but we both know what will happen if we’re in there alone tonight.”

“Uh, right,” she answered, fumbling for words. Wasn’t that the point? This wasn’t what she was expecting and the rejection stung.

“I want this. More than you can know; you have to believe me on that. But when it happens again, I want it to be because we’re both thinking clearly, not high on the romance from a wedding. This time, I want to do it right and that means walking away tonight.”

She hated to admit it, but he had a point. “I guess you’re right.”

“Please tell me you understand,” he pleaded.

“I do, Jase. I don’t like it, but it’s true.”

He walked her to the door, giving her a lingering kiss; she broke away before she lost control and begged him not to leave. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Standing on the porch, she watched his silhouette pause by the truck, wondering if he was second-guessing his decision to leave. As she watched him drive away, she sighed with pleasure. Disappointment had never known such contentment.

Late spring disappeared and summer erupted in a series of violent storms.  In mid-June, Bumblton and its surrounding areas were treated to nature’s show of incessant lightning and downpours of rain.  Strong winds damaged buildings, forcing everyone on the ranch to work extra hours; many worked non-stop during breaks to make repairs, sometimes overnight.   Last night was one of those nights.  Jase walked into his cabin, drenched from a sudden outburst on his walk home; he was on the brink of exhaustion.   He hadn’t slept in forty-eight hours.   Come to think of it, he hadn’t slept much in a month.

Stopping at the door, he pulled off his boots, which were covered in mud from the rain laden grounds. After tossing his hat on the table, he walked straight to his room and stripped down to the buff. Too tired to care, he crawled into his bed, knowing Allie would be at the main lodge all day. Man, his bed felt like heaven. It’s been one long month since he’d felt the comfort of his mattress. His head rested on the pillow, drawing in the sweet scent of strawberry shampoo Allie had switched to. There was something important about this day, but the fog of fatigue kept him from remembering. Before long he drifted off to a deep sleep.

When he woke, the sun was shining for the first time in days.  Judging by the light coming through the window, he’d slept until mid-afternoon.   A glance at his watch confirmed the time was two o’clock.  With one last inhale, he rolled out of bed then pulled a pair of jeans from his drawer and a shirt from his closet. 
Just a benefit of having a wife,
he thought wryly. His habit of leaving clothes all over drove Allie crazy and it hadn’t been long before she was doing his laundry along with her own and putting it away for him.

There were many things they did that any normal married couple would do.  Most nights, they shared meals at his table instead of joining everyone in the main lodge. Some nights Allie would cook and others she’d bring plates home from Cook. They worked their schedules to have as much time off together as possible. When he took Lightning for a ride, she’d saddle up Thunder and join him. He’d laughed when he saw what horse she’d chosen for those rides.  Normally, she took Chey, but she insisted Lightning and Thunder belonged together. 

When it came down to it, the one thing separating them from being exactly like a married couple was sex. Ever since the night of Charlie and Missy’s wedding, they’d kept a physical distance. No kisses, no hugs, no subtle, non-accidental touches. The tension remained between them, calling out for fulfillment, but neither made a move. They were teetering on a fine line that was blurred with implications. Too many questions would arise once that line was crossed that neither was ready to answer. So, by tacit agreement, they’d call a truce of sorts.

The problem with that was Jase didn’t want a truce. He wanted to possess Allie’s body like she possessed his heart and soul.  Everything he had, and was, belonged to her.  His heart was hers to have; she only needed to accept it.  
This is ridiculous
, he argued with himself. Tonight will be the night, he decided. He was a grown man, married to a woman he was crazy in love with. Why keep shielding it?

He missed Allie.  The last few weeks he’d gotten so used to seeing her, but the storms had everyone working double time and he’d barely seen her since they began. Many guests had cancelled reservations, risking the loss of their deposits, after seeing the forecasts.  The cancellations had the potential to put a serious strain on Whispering Winds.  The truth was, they were land rich and cash poor.  Even when business was good, there was a lot of overhead. They did okay for themselves, but there wasn’t much extra to go around.  Cancellations, during peak season, meant a substantial loss of income.  To make up for the loss, Allie was working her rear off giving the guests who didn’t cancel the experience of a lifetime.  On short notice, she’d arranged for a lecture of the area’s history, an arts and culture demonstration by a member of the Shosone tribe from the Wind River Reservation and even had an indoor carnival for the kids. He had to hand it to her- she’d reacted quickly and took charge. Many guests could be overheard talking about what a great time they were having despite the weather.