His Reason, Her Choice (4 page)

“So you’re actually thinking of leaving him?”

Joy heard a funny sound in his voice, and she recalled Russ’s crush. At least he could always make her smile. “Yeah, we haven’t been working out for a long time now.”

She left it at that.

“Then there’s something else I’ve been thinking about.”

“What?”

“I don’t know if I should say it. Joy, you know I’m your friend before anything else.”

“If you’re about to tell me I should go into stripping or selling my body on the street, don’t.”

His nervous laugh made her stomach muscles tighten. “Not that bad.”

“What the heck do you mean?”

“Strip if you want to, or don’t.” His voice had gone oddly deeper. “But you would give your body to one man only. That’s not so bad.”

At that point, she had frozen, refusing to believe she understood him right. Russ couldn’t be offering her the same situation she was in right now. He couldn’t! He
wouldn’t
, would he?

She had told him she had to go, and she had ignored subsequent texts since last night. Now as she stood in the bathroom, she picked up her phone and read what he wrote. Joy expected groveling. She expected multiple explanations and apologies. None of his words even remotely pointed to him saying he was sorry. He wasn’t. He didn’t withdraw his offer.

“I want you to move in with me. You and the girls. You can work if you want, or not, but I want you in my bed and only mine.”

She shook her head in disbelief, thinking she had never known Russ in all these years.

“I will never be cruel or unkind to you or your daughters. I want you. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” she almost shouted to the empty room. “You want me to replace Isaac with you, but that’s fucking all!”

She raged and paced in the small bathroom space until Isaac banged on the door. “Hey, what are you doing in there?”

“Buzz off,” she shouted, and got what sounded like a kick against the door. Joy sat on the toilet and leaned back to stare at the ceiling. As her nerves began to settle, she wondered. Would it be so bad?

She thought of Russ and his body, his hands, his face, and his lips. He wasn’t bad-looking. In fact, she had already thought he was cute with his brown eyes. Russ had the boy next door thing going with the eyes and the wild, dark hair. If anyone had told her he would make her a sexual proposition, she would have called him or her a liar.

He had promised not to hurt her, and had added in a later text she could call off the arrangement and go her merry way whenever she liked. Joy thought long and hard about it. What would letting him touch her—
enter her
—be like? Would she throw up the same, worse, or not at all?

Joy couldn’t imagine she would like it, but there was the smallest chance Russ wouldn’t gross her out so much she became ill. With that in mind after considering the welfare of her girls, she knew what she was going to do.

J
oy’s throat was dry. She stood with her daughters in the baggage claim section of the airport, waiting for Russ. “Maybe we should get out bags and go outside.”

“Mommy, you sound weird,” Denita said. Leave it to her perceptive daughter to pick up on her nervousness.

“Just tired. Shh, let me think.”

“I think we should go outside,” Denita said. “That boy over there is crying, and he’s getting on my nerves. Plus he has a snotty nose, and it’s gross.”

She spoke so loudly, the boy’s parents glanced their way. Joy was not in the mood to feel shamed so she stared back. The family gathered their noisy kid and shuffled farther away. Joy sighed.

“Don’t be rude, Denita. You probably hurt their feelings.”

“They hurt my feelings.”

Joy pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “Don’t backtalk.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Joy had just decided to walk outside when Russ strode through the automatic doors and scanned the area. He wore a red T-shirt, his favorite color, and blue jeans. His dark hair had been cut shorter than the last time she had seen him, and he hadn’t put on any weight. Not that he was skinny like Isaac. Russ’s average height, about five foot eleven, worked with his build. He was fit without being underweight, muscular without looking like he’d spent too much time in the gym. Most of all, the Georgia sun had tanned him a nice toasty bronze.

He was still a white boy though, she thought, and felt like she needed to run to the bathroom. Not to throw up, but to pee from nerves. She was scared out of her mind and wondered what her face looked like. Try as she might, she couldn’t get a grip.

Russ spotted her and grinned then headed over. The closer he drew, the more she realized he looked the same at twenty-seven as he did at twenty-two, the last time she saw him.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said.

She froze when he leaned in close, but he kissed her cheek.

“Mommy, who is he?” Denita demanded. “Won’t Isaac get mad if he kisses you?”

Confusion touched Russ’s expression, and she wished for just once Denita would stop flapping her lips.

“I told you, Denita. This is Russ. We’re going to be staying with him for a while.”

“Oh, I didn’t know he was—”

Joy covered her mouth. Neither Denita nor Nicolette seemed to have a problem with people’s race, but Denita saw no reason not to refer to it if she liked. The child was not PC in the least.

While Joy muffled Denita’s lips, Denita reached a hand out to Russ, and when he responded, she pumped it. Nicolette darted forward. “Me too, me too.” She grabbed Russ’s other hand and swung it around, not realizing they were doing handshakes.

“Sorry,” Joy said.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. We’re all new to this. It’s going to take some getting used to. Looks like fun.”

Russ crouched in front of Denita and Nicolette. “Hey, girls. I think you’ll like my place. It’s a house, not an apartment. There’s a back yard and everything.”

Nicolette’s eyes bugged. “Really?”

“Really.”

Denita grabbed her purple backpack from the floor in front of her. “Let’s go, Mommy. I need to see this.”

Joy laughed.

“Me too, me too,” Nicolette echoed again and clutched her pink backpack.

As the girls charged ahead, Joy turned to Russ, who grabbed the rest of their luggage. “You don’t have to have anything to do with them.”

He looked at her as he hefted several bags in one hand and linked the rest in the other. “You don’t want me to?”

“I mean...” She stretched for a bag, but he moved it out of reach. “I can take care of them.”

“We’ll be living in the same house, Joy. It’s best if I get to know them and they get to know me. Otherwise, they won’t feel comfortable. And frankly, neither will I.”

Great, now he made her feel stupid because what he said made sense. Knowing it, irritated her all the more. “Well, fine. If they get on your nerves, don’t complain to me!”

She marched out the doors ahead of him. If he wanted to take all the bags and act like some knight, he could do that too. She knew the truth. From today, she was a kept woman, and her responsibility at home aside from taking care of the girls was to satisfy him sexually.

The thought made her stumble, and she glanced over her shoulder to see if he had noticed. He appeared deep in thought, so she hurried ahead to catch the girls before they got it into their heads to walk too close to the street.

“Freeze,” she called, catching Nicolette doing just what she thought. Denita grabbed her younger sister’s hand and dragged her back. Joy took hold of both of their hands and followed Russ to his car.

H
ere she was again. Joy stood in the bathroom before the mirror. She had just showered. Earlier she had bathed the girls—or rather watched Denita take a bath because she “could do it herself.” After they were tucked into their new beds, separate but in the same room to their delight, she had turned off the light.

Russ had agreed to let her use the third bedroom for now and later if everything worked out, she would move to his room. She hadn’t wanted to look like she was jumping from one man’s bed to the next in front of her girls. Of course she was, which depressed her, but they didn’t need to know.

Now he waited for her to get up the nerve to come to him. She expected any second for him to bang on the door to tell her she was taking too long, but silence reigned. At last, deciding she was better off getting it over with than to stand there tense and scared, imagining the worst, she walked out to his room.

Russ stood near the door as if he had just shut it. He wore jeans but no shirt, and his feet were bare. His chest was hairless, and his skin paler on his stomach.

A white boy.
What did
it
look like? Of course she had seen white men’s dicks in the porn Isaac had liked her to watch with him. She had never seen one close up in real life. Wait, did he want her to give him a blowjob? Isaac hadn’t cared about that, thank goodness, but hadn’t she heard white men liked it?

“You seem ready to panic,” he said. “Easy. It’s me, Russ. You know me.”

“The Russ I know wouldn’t—”

“Joy.”

She hugged herself. “Sorry. I agreed. Yes, I’m nervous as hell. I’ve never, you know.”

“Me either.”

She shrugged, trying for nonchalance. “Same parts.”

His gaze dropped to her breasts. She had worn a nightie, a delicate one that was see-though. He must be getting a good look at her nipples. She dared to check out the front of his jeans and yup, he was.

He strode over to her and laid a hand on either arm. She let them drop to her sides. His thumbs caressed her skin, causing goose bumps to rise. “I’m not backing off. We’ll get past your fear by going through with this.”

Tears filled her eyes, and she ducked her head so he couldn’t see and blinked them away. Just as determined, she stepped in closer to him and breathed deep. He smelled good, freshly showered and minty.

“Kiss me,” he said.

She raised her chin a couple inches, and his mouth descended on hers. When the tip of his tongue touched her lips, she parted them with reluctance. He slipped inside, and she got her first surprise. Russ didn’t taste like stale cigarettes or whiskey. She wasn’t sure other than toothpaste what he tasted like, but it wasn’t bad.

He moaned and grasped the back of her head to hold her in place. His tongue swept the interior of her mouth, and he wrapped his other arm around her waist to flatten her to his chest. She brought her hands up, fearful she would thrust him away and fail the terms of their agreement.

Instead, she stood like a statue. After some time, Russ raised his head, amusement in his gaze. “If you act like that, neither one of us will have fun.”

“Sorry.”

“No more apologies. Let me help you loosen up.”

She made a croaky noise in her throat, embarrassed that she was acting like a damn virgin. No matter how much she lectured herself, she couldn’t calm down. Russ moved his hands to her shoulders and backed her up. She bumped the bed and sat down on it.

“Lay down,” he said.

“What are we going to do?”

He didn’t answer but rather reached under her nightie to slide her panties down. Panic set in. She shook, and goose bumps popped up in patches all over her arms and legs. Squeezing her eyes shut so she couldn’t see his shock or whatever it was she expected, she waited for him to say something.

Damn it, get it together, Joy!

Her breathing was erratic, and her heart pounded. She peeked down at him. Russ bent over her and leaned in to kiss her belly then moved higher to her breasts. A tremor passed through her body when his lips closed over her nipple. This was so wrong, she thought, but a ping of pleasure zipped between her legs. Maybe because it was a new experience.

Russ reached beneath her nightie, pushing it higher as his hand moved over her stomach. Joy shuddered watching his reaction. He seemed so focused, the intensity in his eyes darkening them. What was he thinking? Did her brown skin shock him or turn him on? She knew she was crazy being that Russ had known from the beginning she was black, but intimacy gave a whole new connotation to their relationship.

“Your skin is so soft,” he whispered. His tongue touched her heated flesh. “So good.”

He kissed his way down toward her snatch, and she froze. “What are you...?”

“Shh, just let me do it, Joy.” His thumb brushed her bud, and she balled her fingers in the covers, clenching her teeth so she wouldn’t make any sounds. He rubbed the spot again. “You’re not under any obligations to return the favor yet.”

“Yet,” she repeated and swallowed. “W-what favor?”

His mouth touched her heat, and she lost it. Isaac had never done this. Oh, she had a man go down on her plenty of times, but not Isaac and no one for a long time. Russ raised one of her thighs to open her heat, and he stuck his tongue into her wetness. She couldn’t hold back the sound. Her moan broke free, and even as she chewed on her bottom lip, another cry and another echoed in the air.

Russ licked her cream until she shook all over. Then he moved to her bud and sucked it into his mouth. The sensations shot to a whole new level. Her nerve endings buzzed with pleasure. She was so close to an orgasm, but she fought it. To let him make her come, surely, he couldn’t. She
shouldn’t
, not in these circumstances.

She did.

Joy came hard beneath Russ’s ministrations. His tongue and lips moved with such precision and skill over her swollen bud, she had no choice but to give in. Her orgasm shattered her will and took her to unbelievable heights.

“Damn, honey, you taste good,” he moaned against her mound, “I could eat you over and over.”

She shut her eyes again at his voice and the fact that she had just keened through an obvious orgasm. The bed rocked, and she knew he was getting up. She didn’t move.

“Hey,” he said.

She slitted her eyes.

“I can take you right here, but it will be a little awkward. Mind if we move up?”

While she was calmer, she sure wasn’t past the embarrassment. She rolled over without saying anything and climbed higher on the bed. His hand touched her ass, and he squeezed her flesh. She had the feeling he was happy to have the freedom to do what he had wanted to do for a long time.