His Reason, Her Choice (9 page)

“Come on, Joy,” he coaxed. “You know there aren’t many guys out there who are going to accept you and your kids. Not a good guy anyway. Wait, you got a new man down there?”

She tried to speak, but he kept talking as if he needed to convince her to give him a chance before she could think it over.

“How long you think it’s going to last with him?” Isaac demanded. “We were together a long time, and you were the one that left. Think about that! I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

What he said was true. They were together a while, and Isaac had seemed like he had no problem staying with her. He was never mean to the girls, and he had left their care one hundred percent up to her. She couldn’t imagine him going to the fair and winning stuffed animals for them. “I...” she began but wasn’t sure what she should say.

Russ took the phone gently from her fingers, and a sense of panic came over her thinking he would break it again. He held it up to his ear. “She’s with me now, and I’m never letting her go. You got that, pal? Don’t call again. In fact, it doesn’t matter if you call because you’re going on block. Good-bye.”

He handed the phone back to Joy. She clicked the disconnect button and laid the phone down. “Russ,” she began.

He dropped onto the bed and drew her into his arms. “We’ll talk tomorrow, Joy.”

She sighed. He didn’t sound angry, but neither could she read his expression or his mood. He seemed calm, maybe even resigned. She wished she could figure out what that meant. Either way, she started sorting out in her mind what she would do next and where she and the girls would go. They would survive one way or another.

R
uss paid for the red dress Joy wore that clung to her figure and uncovered her back except for a few delicate straps. She felt beautiful with the outfit and slinky heels, but well—
paid for
—and it hurt.

Her lover escorted her to the table he had reserved, and he held her seat for her. She sat down, and Russ leaned in to kiss her lips before he took his own seat. Joy laid her cell phone on the table and fiddled with it. Russ smiled.

“You’re worried about them.”

“I’m not,” she lied.

“Call, Joy. I want you to be happy tonight.”

She frowned at him. He said it so easily, and he had been using those same words that arrowed into her heart every time he spoke. He confused her, made her long for him, and want to run away at the same time.

“Your parents stayed late so we could have dinner together,” she said. “I don’t want Gloria to think I don’t trust her.”

Russ laughed. “Too late for that. You already called twice on the way here.”

She gasped. “She thinks I don’t trust her?”

“She understands. You’re not used to anyone else helping with Denita and Nicolette. I’m hoping you’ll get used to it.”

“What do you mean?”

“How about we eat first?” he asked. She started to think he was putting her off. Maybe because she wouldn’t like what he had to say.

Joy ordered a soda, and so did Russ. In the few months she had been with him, she had learned he didn’t drink because his favorite uncle had been an alcoholic. He died in a drunk driving accident that took his life and the person he hit. From that time on, Russ swore off alcohol although he had only drunk socially. Now he never touched the stuff. She didn’t blame him.

Joy broke down and called Gloria to see how the girls were. After she settled her mind, she ordered, and she and Russ enjoyed light conversation while they ate. The entire time, she couldn’t get thoughts out of her head of what he might say. When she had eaten as much as she could choke down being anxious, she rested her fork on the table.

“Enough is enough,” she snapped. “If you’re planning to tell me it’s not working out, I’d rather have heard it at home. I’m mature enough not to act like a fool.”

His eyes widened. “Is that what you think?”

“What else am I supposed to think?”

He reached for her hand, but she drew hers away and laid them in her lap. Russ pushed fingers through his hair. “I haven’t been delaying because I’m trying to think about how to let you down easily.”

She waited for him to go on.

“I’ve been delaying because it’s a challenge to admit the truth.”

Her stomach knotted. “What truth?”

“That I love you, Joy.”

She gasped.

He put his hand out again and kept it extended until she gave in and laid her palm over his. His gentle touch sent rockets of desire throughout her being. “My parents aren’t here, so you can’t misinterpret what I’m saying or think there’s an ulterior motive. I. Love. You. I’ve loved you for years. In high school I wasn’t mature enough to come out with what I felt. I let you leave Atlanta, and that was a mistake. Then the timing wasn’t right with your dating and mine. Keeping our friendship going kept the feelings alive. I might have been better off if I hadn’t done that. Either way, I never stopped caring about you.”

“But you offered...” She was breathless, trying to grasp what he was telling her, to dare to believe it. His father had said he saw how Russ felt about her in an instant, but she had been too blind or too scared to see it for herself. Of course she wouldn’t, not after he asked her to trade her body for a place to live. Even thinking of it now brought on emotions she didn’t like. Saying he loved her didn’t erase the hurt.

“I was wrong,” he admitted. “You were always telling me how happy you were with Isaac. It ate me up, and then when you said you were leaving him, I thought maybe he ended it and you still cared about him. It disgusts me that I offered the proposition because I thought you wouldn’t be open to a normal relationship. I was selfish and thought only of what I wanted. I craved to have you with me, and I was willing to do anything to get you.”

She said nothing.

“Joy?”

“I hear what you’re saying,” she said, but kept her gaze lowered.

“Do you still love him?”

She gave a bitter laugh and pulled her hand from Russ’s. He let her go, but she sensed his disappointment. “I haven’t cared about Isaac in a long time. I stayed with him because I would do anything to make sure the girls have a roof over their head. Every time he touched me, I was physically sick, and you offered me the same arrangement—access to my body in exchange for somewhere to live and daycare.”

Russ’s glass crashed to the floor. Joy started and looked up. He was so pale she thought he would pass out. Devastation clouded his brown eyes, and he gripped the edge of the table. When the waiter came to mop up the spilled soda, Joy didn’t think Russ noticed the man.

“I’m worse than scum,” he ground out when they were alone.

“You’re not scum. You’re a man.”

His eyes narrowed. “A man doesn’t treat the woman he loves like a whore.”

She winced.

“I was selfish, Joy. There is no way I can make it up to you. I hope...” He drew a breath, looking around him as if he searched for a solution. “I hope I didn’t make you ill each time I touched you.”

“No, you made me feel good. That surprised me. I expected it to be the same because it was the same circumstances and the same reasons.”

“Was it?”

She tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“Did you come to me only because you wanted the girls to be looked after?”

“Are you hoping there was more?”

“Of course, but please, you can tell me the hard truth. Tell me if you hate the sight of me.”

“Let’s dispense with the drama.” She smirked. “I don’t hate you.”

“My truth is I still don’t want to let you go, Joy. You or Denita and Nicolette.”

“I was thinking of that. Your mom wants grandkids.”

“If you stay with me, she will.”

“I can’t get pregnant again. I told them to burn my tubes and do a jig on them.”

He laughed. “You have two daughters. Think about how they were with my mom and the way she was with them. She’d love them to call her grandma.”

“She told me.”

He nodded. “Listen, I can’t forgive myself for offering you the same nightmare you came out of, but I can promise to show you as much love as I can from now on. Maybe you’ll feel more resentful of the way I did things. My hope is you’ll eventually forgive me enough to stay with me.”

“I don’t know if I loved you and that’s why I came to you. I can’t be sure now.”

“Why?”

“Because I do love you, Russ. I want to stay.”

He extended his hand again, and she rushed to put hers in his. That night when they got home, they decided not to share their conversation and the new understanding. Gloria gave them tearful hugs and good-byes. Russell hugged his son, and Joy was shocked when he hugged her. Then they were alone.

“Let’s check on the girls before we turn in,” Russ said. She tried to hold back the smile. He was already acting as if Denita and Nicolette were his, and the man radiated happiness. She no longer had any doubt he cared about her. Moving past how he had handled things was another matter, but just as she told him, she wanted to stay no matter what. Not because of Denita and Nicolette but for herself. For her own love and happiness.

Later, Joy lay naked in Russ’s arms and rested her head on his chest. His steady heart beat and his warm skin and strong embrace comforted her. “From now on we’re in a relationship. I’m not your mistress. Nor do I have to take orders from you.”

He looked at her. “You’ve never had to do anything you didn’t want to, Joy.”

“Not unless I wanted to be put out.”

“Never,” he repeated.

“So, if I wanted to move back into the guest room?”

“I’d have follow you there,” he said with a serious tone. “I want to wake up holding you every morning.”

“Those are your terms?”

“Not my terms, my needs.” He rolled her to her back and slid between her legs. Her folds separated, inviting him in as he gave a small push. His dick settled deep inside her, and they both moaned in pleasure. “This,” he gasped, eyelids growing heavy. “I
need
this.”

“Need is such a strong word.”

He pumped in and out, and she shuddered. “Yes, definitely need. Ah, I think I want to come again.”

“As many times as you like.”

Joy ran her toes along his leg. She loved his weight pressing her into the bed and the way he liked holding her hands above her head as he thrust into her. Maybe she had a secret fantasy all along to have the kind of relationship they shared, and she never knew it.

“Russ, it might take me a while to fully move beyond my past and ours.”

“Don’t be afraid, honey. This is your home forever. I love you, and whatever time you need, you have it. You have all of
me.”

She kissed him. “Even when you’re selfish, you’re everything I want in a man. I’m here to stay. Always.”

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The End