Holly Hearts Hollywood (26 page)

“Is the wall very interesting?” he asked jokingly.

“Would you mind putting on a shirt?” I asked quickly, feeling totally embarrassed.

“I don’t mind,” he said. “But I can’t.”

“You
can’t
?” I echoed, unbelieving.

“My assistant spilled coffee on the shirt I was wearing, so I’m waiting for a new one from Wardrobe,” he sighed. “Holly, is it
that
big of a deal? I could put on a robe or something.”

Feeling like a prudish idiot, I said, “No, it’s fine.” I looked away from the wall and toward Grayson’s rippling muscles. His sweatpants hung low on his waist and showed off those “V” muscles he’s so famous for. “I want to talk to you,” I repeated.

“So you’ve said.” Grayson grinned.

“Mr. Salazar threatened me,” I blurted out. “He warned me not to get between you and Lacey, and I think he was the one who turned Lacey’s dad to the media.”

Grayson blinked slowly at me, like he was stunned. “Why would he do that? I thought we were friends.”

“I guess,” I looked down at my feet, “he thought we looked like we’re
more
than that.”

“Is that what you want?” Grayson asked. “To be more than friends?”

It was the second time I’d been asked a question like that, but this time I was sure of my answer. For the first time in my life, I felt truly confident about myself.

“Yes, I do,” I answered.

Grayson sighed and looked at me sadly, which wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for. “How can we be together after Manuel said that? He obviously wants Lacey and me together for the tour’s sake. He could ruin me.”

I sucked in a quick breath, as if I’d been punched in the stomach. But Grayson might as well have punched me, his words hurt so much.

“Wait, are you telling me you’re going to stay with her for your
career?
” I asked disgusted.

Grayson leaned against the vanity behind him. “Holly, it isn’t that simple. I like you, but after what you just told me, do you think it’d be smart to break up with Lacey?”

“I didn’t say it’d be
smart
, but it’s the right thing to do. You don’t really like her. It’s not fair to string her along.”

Grayson shook his head, and his hair fell into his eyes. “That’s not how this business works.”

“You told me you changed,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. My throat swelled with emotion. “And I almost believed you.” I turned around on my heels and left. I might as well have snapped my fingers in a Z-shape, too. I felt sassy, even though my heart was breaking. Why couldn’t it work out for once?

I could die.

THINGS TO DO:

1.
Write goodbye letter.

2.
Kill self.

March 13
^th
, 12:30am—The Plaza Hotel

I was sobbing in the bathroom, thinking about hopping on the next flight out of JFK and starting a new life in whatever city it took me to. I was reaching for my phone to look up flights online when someone knocked on the stall door.

“Are you okay?” a slightly familiar voice asked.

“Not really,” I said, completely out of emotional energy to think up a decent lie.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” the voice asked, warm and comforting. It made me miss my mom. I wiped my eyes, opened the bathroom door, and saw Nasim Pedrad, an
SNL
cast member, on the other side. I was too emotionally drained to be star struck.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on the show?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I’m not in the first sketch. Are you here with Lacey Bennett?”

“Yeah,” I said, guilt crushing my soul. I looked into Nasim’s big brown eyes. “What’s the best way to accept complete and total heartbreak?”

She blinked. “What’d he do to you?” she asked.

“He told me that even though he likes me, he’s staying with a girl he doesn’t for his career. He took the high road, I guess.”

“I’m not opposed to the high road,” she said. “But sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. You like him?”

“More than anyone else,” I said firmly. My head hurt from crying.

“Then go get him. If you don’t fight for him, you might regret it your whole life.” Nasim leaned in, grabbed my hands, and squeezed them.

And then I cried on her shoulder for about five minutes, until the stage manager came to get her. I wiped my eyes and steeled myself. My head still hurt, but I walked out of the bathroom and back to Grayson’s dressing room. Every vein in my body was throbbing with both heartbreak and anticipation.

I walked into the dressing room without knocking, high on adrenaline. There were about eight people milling about in the small room, talking on cell phones and tending to Grayson. No one even noticed me. Grayson was talking to a woman running gel through his hair. He looked handsome and happy; no one would’ve guessed what had happened a half-hour before.

I walked through the group, toward Grayson, who finally noticed me as I walked up beside him. His eyes bounced over to me, momentarily confused by my appearance.

“Holly?” he said, his voice wary. “What are you doing here?”

I didn’t say anything at first. My words got jammed up in my throat like bad traffic in Times Square. But I remembered Nasim’s words of wisdom and I said, “If Lacey will make you happy, then fine, stay with her and make Mr. Salazar happy. But remember, he needs
YOU
, not the other way around. If you want a career like the one you told me about yesterday, then it’s about time you start to stand up for yourself.”

His jaw slackened, and his face paled slightly. He opened his mouth to speak, but for the second time in a few short weeks, I turned on my heels and walked out of the room. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

I’ve never done anything that dramatic in my life. I sounded confident, like some femme fatale. It was a little bit like Scarlett Johansson in
The Avengers
. All I need now is a black leather bodysuit; but let’s be real, no one wants to see me in that. You know what? Who cares? I’ll wear a leather bodysuit if I want to wear a leather bodysuit.

Later, 1:25am—The Plaza Hotel

I was starting to doze off after taking a rather large and unneeded dose of NyQuil when someone pounded on my door. I had a hard time getting out of bed; I’m even having a hard time writing this because the drugs are trying to knock me out. I walked across the room, stubbed my toe against my suitcase, and opened the door. I didn’t even have a chance to ask Grayson what he wanted before he stepped across the threshold and kissed me on my NyQuil-stained lips. I almost collapsed, but luckily, Grayson’s arms were tightly wrapped around me.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against my cheek when the kiss was over.

“It’s okay,” I whispered back. I knew he could feel my heart pounding like a jackhammer. I was pressed so tightly against him.

He leaned back, but didn’t let go, and looked me in the eyes.

“I can’t stay with Lacey anymore. I thought, despite everything that’s wrong about our relationship, maybe there was still something to it, and I could make it work. When I try to think about the things I like about Lacey, my mind goes blank. I used to be able to say her voice was always that one thing. It isn’t enough anymore. All I seem to focus on are the things that are horribly wrong with that girl—her selfishness and vanity. I love your sense of humor, your compassion, your concern about your friends, and your beautiful smile.”

I was trying so hard to not fall asleep. The moment was so beautiful, and I wanted to enjoy every second.

“So you don’t care about what Mr. Salazar thinks?”

Grayson smiled. “Like you said, I’m the one in control of my career. If he doesn’t like it, oh well.”

He kissed me over and over again. We stood in my doorway and made out until I was practically asleep in his arms from the medication. Grayson, like the gentlemen he is, led me into my room and helped me get into bed safely. Of course, once he left, I grabbed my journal and started writing this to you.

I thought about telling Grayson about the whole “hey-Lacey-can’t-really-sing” thing, maybe dramatically telling him by singing for him, but I couldn’t do it. I’m still legally not allowed to tell him about the singing. There’s nothing in my contract about not kissing him, however. I know I’m technically lying by omission, but I’ve already hit my “brave and bold” quota today.

I don’t know what he’s planning to do about Lacey. They have the tour and a very public relationship. Also, she’s my friend, and I never wanted to hurt her—this whole thing with Grayson just…happened.

It was hard to hear Grayson say there was nothing positive about Lacey. I kind of disagree, but I wasn’t about to argue on her behalf. I’m so, so happy right now, but I definitely win the Worst Friend Award. I doubt Lacey will want to even look at me after Grayson tells her about us.

I need to wake up early to pack my bags and get on the plane home. If I stay awake any longer, I’m going to fall asleep face-first in these pages, miss my flight, and be stranded here.

March 13
^th
, 7:30am—The Plaza Hotel

We were only here for two nights, and somehow I managed to scatter all of my stuff in every corner of this hotel room. I found one of my t-shirts in a desk drawer. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I had a wild party.

I woke up this morning with the biggest, corniest smile on my face. Grayson Frost is my boyfriend! Or at least I think he is. I mean, when he kissed me last night, he was still technically dating Lacey. He hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend or anything, so I’m not exactly sure how this works.

Oh! Someone’s knocking on the door! I hope it’s Grayson; I could really use a five-minute kissing break to take my mind off packing.

Later, 7:45am—The Plaza Hotel

It was Grayson! But he didn’t come for a kissing break; he came to talk to be about “us,” which sounded very serious and romantic.

“I broke up with Lacey,” he said breathlessly when I answered the door. His cheeks were rosy, as if he had been running in the cold.

“You did? How’d she take it?” My stomach churned with guilt.

Grayson shrugged. “Not as badly as I thought. You didn’t hear her screaming, so that’s something.”

“But you told her about us, right?”

“Yeah, I had to,” he said. “She cried at first, but eventually she calmed down and listened to reason. But there’s one thing, Holly.”

I took a deep breath. I was prepared for anything.
Lacey is pregnant! We secretly got married in Vegas, and now I need to file for an annulment! She’s threatened to poison your Diet Snapple next time she sees you!
Instead he said, “The tour is marketing us as a couple. That’s how we’re going to sell tickets and merchandise and records, Holly. I need to keep up appearances with Lacey until the tour is over. And it’ll help make sure Manuel leaves you alone.”

I furrowed my brow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t be seen with you in public doing anything other than looking like friends.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling better. At least Lacey wasn’t pregnant with his lovechild. “I can live with that.” I smiled.

Grayson held up his hand. I could see the calluses from his guitar on his fingers. “It’s not that simple. People still need to believe Lacey and I are a couple. When we’re in public, I need to be affectionate with her. I have to kiss her, hold her hand, and take her on dates.”

My heart felt like it deflated. “So, in other words, I’m your girlfriend, but it doesn’t matter.” I felt like I was going to cry. I felt like his shameful secret!

Grayson rushed forward and pulled me close to him, which made me feel better.

“No! Of course it matters. Don’t you think I want to take you out and show you off to the world? We can still have dates and do things together; they’ll just have to be in private. Besides, do you want photographers swarming you like last time?” I shook my head. “That’s what I thought. Lacey knows this is all for show, and we both know how good she is at faking her way through something.” He leaned down and kissed me gently. “Is that okay then? Will you be fine with that?”

I nodded. “I understand. The tour will be over in a few months, anyway.”

Grayson nodded and smiled. “Exactly.” He looked around me at the mess on my floor. “Looks like you need to get packing.”

“Don’t remind me.”

He kissed me again, longer this time, and I didn’t want to stop. “I’ll see you in a bit,” he whispered and then left.

I was surprised Lacey didn’t throw more of a fit—“not taking it too badly” doesn’t sound like her at all. Maybe she never truly liked Grayson, or maybe she has another guy waiting for her. She could have any guy she wanted, so getting dumped probably didn’t seem like a big deal to her. Though, I’m worried I sacrificed a friendship for the sake of a boyfriend. Oh well, what’s done is done.

Or this is just the beginning.

Later, 10:45am—Lobby of the Plaza Hotel

I ran into Lacey in the lobby while I was waiting for our car to the airport. When I saw her, I couldn’t help but notice her red and swollen eyes. They reminded me of the night she came to my house.

“Hi, Lacey,” I said nervously.

She turned her head slowly and looked at me without blinking. “Hi,” she said flatly. Her nose sounded stuffed.

“I’m sorry,” I spat out. “I never thought I’d be that girl who takes someone’s boyfriend.”

She finally blinked. “You didn’t take him from me,” she said, her voice cracked. “He was never mine to begin with, apparently.”

“Do you hate me?” I said bluntly.

“I don’t know,” she admitted.