Hollywood Lies (34 page)

Another two weeks go by, and Cole and I text daily. I only see Liliana three times. Twice we have sex, but only once do I have an orgasm.
 

After she gets what she wants from me and sees that my anxiety and what I suspect is depression inhibits me from giving her more, she gives me the fakest smile ever, kisses my cheek, then says, “I’ve got to bolt.”

“Not even going to take a shower before returning to the glamour of your life?”

She whips around, eyes narrowed, ready for a fight. I think she really wants one because she has been trying to goad me into one for weeks. As her lip twitches, I realize she thinks I’m too passive. Not only in life, but between the sheets. It’s not true, of course, I’m capable of some pretty passionate fucking, but I have no reason to push myself with her.
 

With Cole, she liked me even if I didn’t bend her over the arm of a chair and fuck her until she was bruised. She liked me even when our sex was sometimes nothing more than ten minutes and two orgasms. The time she pushed me too far on that New York balcony was probably not intentional.
 

If only I’d just given voice to how I felt, Cole would’ve backed off. If I knew then what I know now, I would have done a lot of stuff differently, starting with how I felt about her. It wasn’t her fault I idolized her to the point of being afraid to speak up. She wasn’t the one who highlighted our inequality. That was me. In my mind, I never measured up, but I should’ve seen through how she treated me that I
was
her equal. She didn’t see me as lesser. But I was an idiot and let it get in my way.
 

Lili’s problem is her uncontrolled want. She wants everything, every way, all the time. She yells at me now, using a condescending voice to make light of my current mental status.
 

It’s okay. If I just sit here long enough with a dull look in my eyes, she’ll leave. Then she’ll call and apologize.

That is exactly what happens. Ten minutes after stomping out of the house and slamming the door, her tinny voice over the cell says, “Baby, I’m sorry. I know you’re not feeling well. It’s just, you make all these comments about how I’m living my life, and I don’t think it’s fair when you . . .”

Liliana has more to say, but I just look out at the ocean and pretend her voice is the crashing waves.

Six hours later, my stupid cell wakes me up. “ ’Lo?”

“Turn on
Locker’s Confidential
.”

I sigh and rub my eyes. “I fucking hate his show, Brady.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but sometimes you gotta put those big girl panties on and do shit you don’t wanna do for the greater good. Now turn it the fuck on.”

I flip the television on and scan the channels. “It’s not playing right now.”

“Then go to the website.”

“Why don’t you just tell me whatever it is they’re saying about me?”

Brady doesn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, he clears his throat. “It’s more about Lili than it is about you.”

When the website loads, I drop the cell. I don’t mean for it to be that dramatic, but my heart feels like it stopped. There in big black letters next to a big red banner are the words:
Exclusive! Is Lili Addison Ditching the Sexist Man Alive?

I hear Brady’s loud voice from the floor calling my name, but I can’t take my eyes off the headline. Roscoe nudges my elbow with his wet nose, and it gives me just enough push to click on the article.

In this conversation recorded by an on-set insider, Hollywood starlet, Liliana Addison, 20, talks to
Chinatown
co-star, Nicholas Charles, 25, about her relationship with an unidentified
him
.
 

Addison has long been linked with Hollywood hottie, Devon Maddox. Could this be the end to Hollywood’s most reclusive and secretive couple?

Be sure to note the steamy sounds of passion.
 

I stare at the button marked
Click to Listen
for God knows how long. I don’t want to hear it, but I click anyway.

It starts off with what can only be kissing sounds. Well, I guess it could be sounds of a guy going down on a woman, but I’m going to push that thought from my mind for now.
 

Nick’s voice can be heard in a whisper. “You’re not going to regret this, are you?”

“You asked that last time. I don’t regret—” Lili breath catches. “Oh, damn, that’s good.”

A thump, followed by a groan sounds off, but I don’t know if it’s hers or his.
 

Nick says, “But you’re the media’s little baby, and he’s—”

“The media might love him, but I don’t.” It sounds like she begins to say something else, but the words are taken by what the website refers to as
steamy sounds of passion.

When it’s over, I carefully close the lid of my laptop, then forcefully throw it across the room.
Why didn’t she just answer honestly when I asked if she wanted to end it? Am I really so fragile she chooses to
cheat
rather than just break up with me? God, what the hell’s wrong with me?
I think about completely destroying my laptop, but I forget about it when I hear Brady’s voice.

“Dev? Devon?”

I reach down and pick up the cell, but don’t bring it to my ear. “Thanks for the heads up, Brady. Gotta go.”

As soon as I disconnect, my world grows incredibly loud. Everyone and their brother calls now. My mom leaves a message and so does my dad.
 

“I’m here for you, son . . . if you need to talk,” my dad says.
 

Everyone I know is lending their support but one. There is only one person I want to talk to, and she isn’t sending me a message. Then I remember that Cole is off the grid at the moment. Intentionally not plugged in.

So I pick up my cell, open up the contacts, and push Cole’s name.
 

It rings several times before a very groggy voice answers, “Devon. Have I ever told you how much I enjoy sleeping now that I can?”

Just her voice takes away some of the pain. “Sorry.”

A deep inhalation from the other side of the line, then, “What’s wrong?”

“A story just broke. She’s fucking someone else.”

“Liliana?”

“Yeah.”

“Broke, as in, publicly, worldwide?”

“It’s on Locker’s website if you—”

“No. I don’t need to see it. I’m sorry.”

I flop back down on my bed, and Roscoe comforts me by laying his fat head on my chest. “I don’t know what I’m more upset about, the fact that she’s cheating or the fact that everyone in the world’s all up in my business again.”

“It’s a part of the game.”

“That doesn’t help, Cole. I know it’s a part of the game, but I—”

“You hate it. We all hate it, but we made a choice when we decided to have such a visible occupation. It’s not fair, believe me, but try expressing that to anyone. Everyone will just label you as a whiner and call you ungrateful for all the benefits you’ve gotten from being a star.”

“But—”

“You just need to remain silent about it until you have a solid plan of how to mitigate the situation. I can’t give you advice on what to do with Lili, because I have no idea how you feel about her, but—”

“I don’t like her, Cole. I made the wrong fucking choice, and I hate myself for it. I know it’s a shitty time to say this, I mean, after all these months, I know what it looks like.”

“What does it look like?”

“Like I’m only talking to you because things aren’t working out with Liliana. I know it’s a bonehead thing to do, you know, laying this shit on you now, but I’ve wanted to for a while. Have you ever gotten into a situation you know isn’t right? It doesn’t feel right, but you feel completely powerless to change it? That’s exactly what happened. I’d made the wrong decision because I got swept up in it all.”

Cole is silent.
 

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but I’m tired of not saying things I want to say. “It was fun to have someone who looked up to me, you know? Lili had this little hero worship thing going on. It was like I was with you. And I just . . . I just got swept away with being that important to someone.”

“How did you know that you weren’t
that
important to me?”

“I didn’t. I just
felt
like I wasn’t in your league.”

“I have no league, Devon. I liked you. Loved you, even. We had fun and could just hang together, and the sex was fantastic. I’m sorry if something I did drove you away, but I honestly think you just couldn’t deal with—”

I don’t want to hear her say it again. “Yeah, I freaked out a little bit, but now I can see what a beautiful thing we had going. I’m sorry for abandoning you and—”

“You didn’t abandon me. You made a decision that was right for you.”

“It wasn’t right. It was wrong. Obviously.”
 

“This is all coming up because of the Liliana thing. I suggest you try to get some sleep and—”

“I’ve been sleeping for months.” It’s obviously not true since I can barely sleep at all these days without the help of a pill. I press my lips together. “How can being famous feel so bad when it’s all I’ve wanted for so long?”

“Because the reality is something you don’t know about until after you live it.”

“I’ve got all these awesome scripts, Cole. You wouldn’t believe the quality of some of the characters people want me to play now, but I can’t step foot out of my house. I just . . .” I can’t finish the sentence.

“You just need to get away. Leave LA for a bit. Don’t go to New York because it’ll be no better there. Just—”

“Just go? Where?”

She lets out a long breath. I imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose, eyes squeezed shut. “Come to Scotland.”

I think my heart literally skips a beat. “That’s not what I was after. I mean, I’ll gladly come . . .” I pause at the word and remember what an intense orgasm with Cole felt like. “I’ll come to Scotland, but it’s not why I called.”

“Of course it wasn’t. You’d never invite yourself to my secret hideout, and I wouldn’t invite you either if I wasn’t okay with doing it. You need a break. If you want to get away, then I’ll book the flight.”

“I can pay for it.”

“Whatever. Pay attention to the details because a thousand bucks or less for a plane ticket is meaningless. If you want to do this, I’ll book the earliest flight I can out of LA, but while I do that, you have to pack, and tell everyone who needs to know that you’re leaving Los Angeles for a while. And I’m talking about people who
need
to know. People you can trust. Tell your parents if you think they’ll worry, tell your agent, but don’t tell anyone else.”

“Can I bring my dog?”

“You have a dog?” Cole sighs. “That’ll complicate the travel, but whatever. I’ll just have Terell charter a jet so it can be in the cabin with you. Then you won’t have to worry about people taking your picture mid-flight anyway.”

“Who’s Terell?”

“My friend Jesse’s boyfriend and my new assistant. Terell is still in LA right now, so he can give you all the details when he nails them down.”

I already feel better. “Cole, I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m sure nine or ten hours on a plane will give you time to think about it. Just remember to breathe and don’t tell anyone who doesn’t need to know. I’ll have someone pick you up at the airport.”

“Cole, I—”

She cuts me off. Her voice is strong when she says, “I’m not inviting you here for any other reason than because I’m worried about you.”

It’s incredibly decent of her, and I say the only thing I think means anything:
 
“Thank you.”

“Don’t expect everything to be great between us.”

“I don’t expect anything. I swear, I just need a quiet place and someone who understands.”

Cole’s soft voice comes through the cell again after a few silent moments. “I do understand, Dev. Make your arrangements, I’ll take care of the flight. See you soon.”

The line goes dead, and I can already feel the relief flood me.

It ends up that I fly into France and from France I go over to the U.K. via ferry. France’s law about bringing pets over is less harsh, so since Roscoe has his shots, there isn’t a quarantine period, and with a little extra money, Roscoe rides the ferry with no problem. From Portsmouth, I travel to Southampton, then fly to Inverness. I don’t know if there is a word for how happy I am when I see one of Cole’s bodyguards, Oscar. I shake his hand and smile for the first time in what seems like forever. We talk about random things on the incredibly long car ride to get to Cole’s place. It’s a bit awkward, and I wonder if he’s a still pissed about what happened with Cole and me or not.