Home for Love (An Adult Contemporary Romance) (2 page)

“What?” he asked, looking as though she
sucker-punched him. “I don’t think I heard that correctly, Bree.”

“I didn’t lose the baby.” She recoiled
at his shock. She’d told herself to expect this, but nothing would have
prepared her for the reality. “I’m sorry. I was young, I didn’t know what was
going on with you, and then when I told my folks, they were furious. I didn’t
know what to do, so I did what they asked me to do.” She drew in a breath.
“They told me that we were moving to Columbus. My dad had been toying with the
idea of accepting a job offer there and they saw it as the perfect opportunity
for us to get away, for me to start fresh.” Bree wept openly, equally consumed
by relief and guilt. 

“She must be over six years old then?”
His voice was vibrating with contained anger.

“Yes,” She nodded, barely audible

 “Then why the hell didn’t you tell me
sooner?” he roared.

Hunting for a tissue from her handbag,
she continued, “I was a pregnant teenager, confused and relocating to another
state. I got through things first a day at a time and then a month at a time. I
was studying, taking care of her and working part-time, because I no longer
lived with my parents. And, then the longer I kept it from you, the harder it
was to tell you, because the more afraid I became of your reaction.” She
rambled, barely taking a breath between words

“Okay.” He interrupted her. “I get it.
It was tough. But, you only have yourself to blame. Sure, I can understand that
you kept it from me when I was going through a rough patch, but that didn’t
last. I would have helped you; you didn’t need to go through it alone. In fact,
it is my duty and my right to have helped take care of our daughter. Your
grandparents must’ve told you that I’d cleaned up and was doing okay. ”  

“I’d heard that from them. You’re right,
but my parents kept telling me differently. They said that you wouldn’t want to
be bogged down with a child that you’d never wanted and reminded me of how
you’d left after the funeral. I didn’t know what to do.” She was pleading for
understanding now. “I’m sorry,” she reiterated, despite her knowing that it
didn’t help. “I know it’s not a good enough reason, but I did what I thought
was right for Amber at the time.”

“Okay, just give me a moment. I can’t
think right now.” He walked to the windows and looked out at the street at the
back of the building. The Brown kids’ were snow-shoeing in the front yard,
yelling at each other in excitement. Zack Brown was six. He knew that because
he’d seen the party out on the front lawn the previous summer, a big helium
balloon that had proudly displayed his age. Zack was his daughter’s age Amber’s
age. It felt odd, alien. He had a daughter. Holy crap!  Family was important to
him and not knowing his daughter was a living nightmare! As much as he wanted
to shake Bree, he had to focus on Amber.

“Okay,” he repeated, returning to sit at
the table again. “I want to be angry at you. I am angry at you. I’ve missed the
first six years of my daughter’s life. I’ve missed your pregnancy, watching her
grow inside you. I’ve missed doctor’s appointments and those scan things. I’ve
missed birthdays and Christmases. I have a daughter who I don’t know and who
doesn’t know me. Nothing can ever get that back for me or for her. That’s lost
now.” It made him sick to think of it.

“I know. I’m…” Bree began.

He interrupted her apology, “No, you
don’t know. You couldn’t know. You’ve stolen that from me. I can forgive you
for not telling me straight away. I admit that I was a mess after my dad died.
I can’t forgive the past few years when you’d heard that I was here and that I
was okay. That is inexcusable.”

“I would feel the same way if I were
you.”

The simple statement gave him pause.
Raising his brows at that, he asked, “What made you change your mind?”

“After my parents died in the crash, my
grandparents came for the funeral and spoke to me about you. They’d tried to do
so before, but my parents had always run interference. They made me realize
that it wasn’t too late to tell you about Amber…” She broke off, breathed in
and started again, “I also wanted to give Amber a home, family and the roots
she’s begun to crave. I’ve told you because of Amber. Everything I’ve done
since I left here has been for her. I know it wasn’t right, what I've done, but
I did it only because I thought it was best for her. I thought I knew you and
when you acted the way you did after your dad died, I felt as though I didn’t
know you at all. It disillusioned me and I didn’t know what to believe about
what I was hearing about you, so I carried on and tried to do what I thought
was best for her. I did do my best for her.” Her voice held
conviction
now. “No matter what you think of me now,
I can guarantee you that I raised our daughter well, with love, with care, and
all that I am. I gave all of me the last few years to her and she’s wonderful
because of it.”

“The Bree I loved would have done that,
so I can believe that you raised her well, but the Bree I knew would also not
have kept this from me.” He tried to focus on reasoning and bank the hurt and
anger. He needed to move forward. He needed to see his daughter, get to know
her. “Okay, let’s focus on Amber. I guess she’s with your grandparents?” At her
nod, he urged, “Tell me about her.”

She spent the next half hour telling him
more about Amber, seeing betrayal and hurt move towards pride and anticipation.
“What do you want to do? She’s at the diner.”

“I feel like racing across there and
grabbing her. I need to meet her. But, I don’t want to do it in the diner and
stir up gossip; that’ll make things harder for her. I’ll follow you to the
farm. Does she know about me?”

“Yes,” replied Bree. “She knows your
name and what you look like from pictures we took together in high school. My
parents thought I’d gotten rid of it all, but I kept them.”

“How did you explain my absence?” Todd
hated that his daughter might think he’d been as neglectful a father as his own
had been. He couldn’t fight back the tears and mopped roughly at them while
they slid down his cheeks.

“At first I told her that Alaska was far
away and that was why she didn’t get to see you and her great-grandparents.
She’s a bright kid, though and I knew that when we moved back that the
explanation wasn’t enough, so I gave her a child appropriate version of the
events. She knows that I was scared to tell you because I wasn’t sure of what
your reaction would be or what you’d be like after all these years. I’ve told
her that I was wrong and more importantly, she knows that you didn’t know that
she was around. I took the blame for it and rightly so.”

She stopped and saw the remark he was
about to make. “Yes. I know that it didn’t have to be that way. The fact is that
now we are in this situation and as much as I can imagine that you hate me for
what I did, we have a beautiful daughter and I want to do what’s best for her.
I want us to work together to raise her. I’ve asked her and she wants to give
it a try.”

“I’m her dad. She shouldn’t have to give
it a try,” Todd scoffed.

“I imagine that it feels that way, but
try to imagine what it feels like for her,” Bree interjected. “She’s just six,
Todd. Even though I’ve lied to her and to you, she got over her initial anger
at me because I’m her mother and I’m a good mother. I’ve worked very hard at
it. So, it’s natural that she’d forgive me.” She looked him squarely in the eye
now, ignoring the guilt coursing through her. “But, she doesn’t know you.
That’s going to take time. Todd, I do blame myself for the current situation
and I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you and confusion she’ll be going
through. But, she’s smart and loved and she’ll cope if we handle this well.”

Interpreting his nod as encouragement,
she continued, “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I wouldn’t be callous enough
to expect that, but I’m asking you to work with me.”

“She’s my daughter and I want what’s
best for her too.” His voice held a hint of steel. “I won’t,” he corrected “I
can’t forgive you yet, but with my family background, you should know that I
wouldn’t allow my feelings for you to impact my child.”

“Thank you,” Bree whispered and got up
to leave. “We arrived in Devil’s Peak just before I came over. I have to go and
get Amber settled in at the farm. Tonight, when she’s asleep, we can work out
the next steps?” 

“I can do that,” Todd nodded, sounding
and acting far too civil for the emotions assaulting him. “I’ll get things
sorted out here and meet you at the farm in an hour’s time.”

Bree nodded, then turned around and
walked towards the diner, ambivalent of her surroundings. She wasn’t worried
about him meeting Amber. She’d meant what she’d said; her daughter was good,
strong and had loved ones ready to support her. Bree walked in a daze, because
she realized that she’d wronged the one man she’d loved in her life.

Todd pulled his truck into the Ramsay
Farm’s driveway. Daniel’s truck was in front of the house, indicating that they
were all inside – including his unknown daughter. Taking a deep breath, Todd
took a moment and looked around. If his daughter had inherited his love of the
outdoors, she’d thrive on the farm. The farmhouse was a beautiful wooden,
A-frame structure adorned with a multitude of windows, which overlooked four
hundred and eighty acres of central Alaskan forest and farmland. Currently
there was no visible view the long winter night had plunged everything into
darkness and the only indication of light was the soft yellow glow coming from
the windows and the outdoor lighting around the various farm buildings.

The Ramsay family had been amongst the
first non-Native people to come to this area along with the hundreds of
prospectors during the gold rush. Unlike the rest of the fortune seeking
pioneers, the Ramsay’s had come to farm. Daniel’s parents had bought the land,
which had been nothing, more than virgin forest, from the government in the
hopes that they could apply their knowledge of harsh Irish climates to
successfully farm Alaskan ground. Ireland, however, had been insufficient
preparation for the extremities and remoteness of Alaska and they’d had to
supplement their income with the establishment of a roadhouse, servicing the
prospectors in the gold rush while stubbornly working at farming. Daniel and Moira
carried on the legacy and were a big part of both the Devil’s Peak farming
community and the town at large. They had a nice operation, an eclectic mix of
dairy and crop farming. Like most rural Alaskans, they subsidized their income
with a variety of ventures. They also grew vegetables and kept a few chicken
coops for eggs.

Looking around, he spotted the well
restored and maintained roadhouse that was now part of the historical tour of
Devil’s Peak. Todd didn’t often get requests to include that in his tours,
being mostly focused on adventures, but one or two slipped in now and again
during the tourist season. The Ramsay’s also gave farm tours to school children
to help create awareness of early agriculture in Alaska. It sure beat reading
about it in books. That was how he’d first met Bree - a tour of the farm during
Elementary school. They’d fast become friends and later began dating. The farm
had often served as his sanctuary when he’d needed to get away from the
troubles at home. This made the farm as familiar to him as his own home.

Grabbing the big, oversized stuffed toy,
he made his way to the front door. He’d made a quick stop at Suzy’s gift shop,
deciding that he had a lot of birthdays to make up for and that he may as well
start now. It was a moose that had a sweater with yellow and red writing
announcing, “Welcome to Alaska." He’d also bought her a card and the act
of signing it, “love Dad," had been a surreal experience.

It hadn’t quite sunk in yet that he was
a father. He studied his reflection in the car window and noted that nothing
was different. He still looked the same, was the same and yet, everything had
changed. If someone had told him this morning that he’d be visiting the Ramsay
Farm to spend time with his daughter, he’d have thought that they were nuts. He
didn’t doubt that she was his, though. Her age, Bree’s disappearance and the
glimpse of her he’d caught as she had gotten into Daniel’s truck earlier had
been enough to make all the pieces fall into place. After he’d seen Amber, he’d
called his brother and sister, who’d both been more delighted than shocked.
They had always loved Bree and there had been many uncomfortable arguments with
them when she’d left as they pushed for him to go after her and he'd
steadfastly refused.

“Hi.” Bree called from the front porch.
“Come on up.” The greeting left Todd feeling more unhinged – it was just too
bizarre because the way she greeted him hit again and took him straight back to
high school. It was odd, given their earlier conversation, though Todd
acknowledged this by the too bright smile she displayed, that she was probably
over-compensating for nervousness.

“Thanks,” he dipped his head in
greeting. “Are your grandparents around?”

“Yep,” Bree replied. “Gran and I are
just finishing up with the cooking so you’re just in time. Granddad and Amber
have been tasked with setting the table.” She stopped in the arctic entry,
meant to help keep the cold at bay, and waited for him to shed the layers he
wore. She pointed at the stuffed toy, her anxiety betrayed by a slight tremor
in her hand. “That is very sweet of you. She’ll like it. Thank you.”

He shrugged dismissively. “I didn’t know
what to get and went for the safe bet, I guess. Suzy’s questions about girly
girl or active type threw me.”

Lips curving, she let a laugh slip out,
“She’s a bit of both, but this is just fine and very apt. Let’s go so you can
give it to her. She’s as anxious to meet you as I’m sure, you are.”

Feeling relieved that he’d gotten it
right, he followed her into the dining room and was hit by an emotional
lightning bolt. “She looks just like me,” he whispered in awe. His daughter
giggled at her grandfather who was tickling her while she lay half-suspended
over his shoulder. Amber was beautiful, the inheritance of his bone structure
was softened a bit by an indescribable something that she must have gotten from
her petite mother.

Sensing his cautiousness, Bree took his
hand in hers, making him jerk in surprise. She duly ignored it and pulled him
towards Amber and her granddad. Through the shock, he recognized that Bree
still had the ability to sync with what he was feeling and give him what he
needed - silent encouragement. Then again, he mentally shrugged; Bree’s
eagerness could also be attributed to her wanting to get this uncomfortable
introduction over with.

Their approach cut through Daniel and
Amber’s absorption with each other. “Todd, nice to see you boy. Welcome,”
Daniel boomed. He ruffled Amber’s hair eye’s twinkling appreciatively at her
protests when her bangs got into her eyes.

Todd took the hand that Daniel offered,
glad of something familiar, and went through the ritual pleasantries. All the
while, his eyes kept darting to Amber, she had eyes like his, and they stared
at him unnervingly as she stood ramrod straight next to her mom.

“I couldn’t wait to meet Amber,” Todd
said aloud. He approached her cautiously and crouched so that they were level.
“In fact," he said to all of them, “I’ve arranged things so that I have
more time off during the school break, so that we can spend some time together.
I also thought that I could help you get settled, Amber, Bree.”

Todd went over to Amber and kneeled down
like he would with a hurt animal he was rescuing from the wild, thinking that
it would seem less threatening. He held out his hand, as a hug and kiss seemed
a bit premature and looked at her directly, gently. “Hi Amber, I’m really happy
to meet you.”

When Amber continued to stare wordlessly
at him, he felt the trickle of anxiety within him rapidly begin to grow. His
time in the wild had taught him patience though, so he kept his gaze soft and
steady as he mentally banked down his apprehension.

“Daddy?” Amber’s voice quivered. “Are
you my dad?”

“Sure am.” Todd replied, taking her
little hand in his big one, fighting the urge to sweep her into his arms. “I’m
really sorry I’ve never had the opportunity to meet you before, but I promise
you that if it’s what you want, I’ll make it up to you, starting now. Would you
like that?”

Nodding shyly. Amber replied, “I’ve
always wanted a daddy.” Tilting her head, she looked questioningly at him, “Mom
said that I look like you.” With relief and a watery smile, he noted that
Amber’s curiosity was winning the battle over other emotions she might be
feeling.

The first hurdle had been crossed, Todd
thought. Fighting the urge to whoop in relief, he let his lips curve widely. He
looked up at Bree who was trying, but failing miserably at wiping her tears
discreetly. A tentative unit, the three of them stood alone in the quiet of the
dining room. Daniel had quietly slipped away, leaving the three of them to move
into their new life in privacy.

“She’s right,” Todd, responded to Amber,
“Do you want to see?” He held out his arms to her, praying that she’d come.
When she did, he used the opportunity to put his face to her neck and breathe
in her smell. And just like that, the bond was formed. The feeling to nurture
and protect was overwhelming. Keeping things light so that he didn’t scare
Amber, he approached the big decorative mirror that hung above the side-server.
Her resemblance to him was even more startling as they looked into the mirror
with her little face next to his. 

“Now, what do you think we have that’s
the same?” Todd ventured, looking at Amber in the reflection.

“I don’t have gold hair or blue eyes
like mom,” Amber stated while thoughtfully examining their images in the
mirror. “Mine are like yours.”

“That’s right.” He risked it and kissed
the top of her head, encouraged yet again, when she didn’t back away. He gently
touched her pert little chin and then pointed to his own. “But you got your
chin from your mom.”

“Mom, can you come here please?” Amber
called out, so that Bree could stand next to them and look in the mirror too.
“I do get that from mom,” Amber agreed, fascinatedly. “So, I have something
from both of you.” Amber’s tone was satisfied and her gaze content.

Bree took all of this in and looked at
the three of them. No matter what, they were a family and they were together at
this moment. Meeting Todd’s eyes in the mirror, she saw the same determination
to make things work in his expression. She nodded her agreement, silently
understanding that they’d come to a truce for now. “Thank you.” She mouthed,
acknowledging his concession.

xxx

Todd was sitting on the porch, watching
the spectacular show afforded by the Northern Lights as the green, white, and
red streams of light tangoed in the blackened sky. The sight prompted him to
philosophically reflect on the bigger picture, which was that his newfound
family was part of a greater universe, a greater plan. He needed to anchor the
day’s events to something and he figured that thinking of it in the greater
scheme of things might just help, just as the beer that he was nursing was
helping him settle. Sipping slowly, thinking even slower, he reviewed the day’s
events.

Amber was wonderful. Within minutes, no
seconds, she’d tugged him in all the right places and put a tag on him that
claimed him as hers, instead of the other way around, as parents are want to
do. He’d had many firsts that night - first knowledge and sight, first
interaction with his daughter, first dinner and first bath and first bedtime
story. He’d been unequivocally pleased when she’d requested a kiss and hug
goodnight – another first.

He’d always expected that he’d be a
father one day but just hadn’t settled with the right woman. Hell, he’d had the
right woman, but she’d gone and left him seven years ago without telling him
she was pregnant. In the silence offered by the unoccupied porch, the cover of
darkness aiding it, he could acknowledge the bitterness he felt at the loss of
the years he could’ve had with Amber and that it was eating at him. He’d had
enough bitterness growing up. His dad hadn’t been around and had left him and
his siblings with a mother that was self-absorbed and incapable of looking
after them, so he had to step in and be mother and father to both his siblings
and himself. Then along had come Bree. Bree had breathed new life and hope into
him. She’d shown him another side of love, of belonging, innocent fun, and
acceptance. Being exposed to her family, as intimately as he’d been, coming to
this farm for dinners, Sunday lunch, and just to hang around had proven that
there was normalcy out there and not just on TV.

It had been great until his father had
died and crumbling under the weight of the financial responsibility and the
demands required by his family, he’d caved and gotten as snowed under as the
land in winter. So, he understood why she refrained from confiding in him
initially. He also understood why her parents and grandparents had kept it from
him too and didn’t encourage her to involve him in her life. But, he couldn’t
understand why they remained secretive when they knew that he’d cleaned up. Why
it took her parents’ death to make her come back and start involving him in
their daughter’s life was hard to fathom. He looked out into the dark and
acknowledged the anger that he felt towards Bree, Daniel, and Moira. He’d been
to the farm many times. How could they greet him, make small talk with him,
discuss business, and keep such a secret? Anger bubbled, belied by his still
form.

“It’s a cold night for a man to be
pondering out on a porch.” The lyrical rumble of Daniel’s voice reached out to
him, a white flag calling a truce. “Then again, that man must have had quite a
day to do such sitting.” The wooden bench creaked as Daniel sat on the opposite
end.

“You could say that,” Todd answered,
wanting suddenly to wring the old man’s neck.

“I imagine that you have some questions
for me, Todd,” Daniel’s expression was wary, remorseful. “And I’m offering
explanations. You’re entitled.”

“Funny that you say that, Daniel,” Todd
couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice, spitting the other man’s name
out like a filthy word. “I was just sitting here and thinking how you could
look me in the eye all these years, call me a friend, and lie to me”