Home for the Holidays (15 page)

The numb feeling returned as Cait returned to her office. She didn't know what to think. She'd believed…she'd hoped that she and Joe shared a very special feeling. Clearly their times together meant something entirely different to him than they had to her. Otherwise he wouldn't behave so casually about her going out with Paul. And he certainly wouldn't seem so pleased about it!

That was what hurt Cait the most, and yes, she was hurt. It had taken her several minutes to identify her feelings, but now she knew….

More by accident than design, Cait walked into Lindy's office. Her friend had already put on her coat and was closing her briefcase, ready to leave the office.

“Paul asked me to dinner,” Cait blurted out.

“He did?” Lindy's eyes widened with astonishment. But she didn't turn it into a joke, the way Joe had.

Cait nodded. “He just strolled in as if it was nothing out of the ordinary and asked me to have dinner with him.”

“Are you happy about it?”

“I don't know,” Cait answered honestly. “I suppose I should be pleased. It's what I'd prayed would happen for months.”

“Then what's the problem?” Lindy asked.

“Joe doesn't seem to care. He said he hopes everything works out the way I want it to.”

“Which is?” Lindy pressed.

Cait had to think about that a moment, her heart in her throat. “Honest to heaven, Lindy, I don't know anymore.”

 

“I understand the salmon here is superb,” Paul was saying, reading over the Boathouse menu. It was a well-known restaurant on Lake Union.

Cait scanned the list of entrées, which featured fresh seafood, then chose the grilled salmon—the same dish she'd ordered that night with Joe. Tonight, though, she wasn't sure why she was even bothering. She wasn't hungry, and Paul was going to be wasting good money while she made a pretense of enjoying her meal.

“I understand you've been seeing a lot of Joe Rockwell,” he said conversationally.

That Paul should mention Joe's name right now was ironic. Cait hadn't stopped thinking about him from the moment he'd dropped into her office earlier that afternoon. Their conversation had left a bitter taste in her
mouth. She'd sincerely believed their relationship was developing into something…special. Yet Joe had gone out of his way to give her the opposite impression.

“Cait?” Paul stared at her.

“I'm sorry, what were you saying?”

“Simply that you and Joe Rockwell have been seeing a lot of each other recently.”

“Uh, yes. As you know, we were childhood friends,” she murmured. “Actually Joe and my older brother were best friends. Then Joe's family moved to the suburbs and our families lost contact.”

“Yes, I remember you mentioned that.”

The waitress came for their order, and Paul requested a bottle of white wine. Then he chatted amicably for several minutes, bringing up subjects of shared interest from the office.

Cait listened attentively, nodding from time to time or adding the occasional comment. Now that she had his undivided attention, Cait wondered what it was about Paul that she'd found so extraordinary. He was attractive, but not nearly as dynamic or exciting as she found Joe. True, Paul possessed a certain charm, but compared to Joe, he was subdued and perhaps even a little dull. Cait couldn't imagine her stalwart boss carrying her piggyback out the back door because her high heels were too tight. Nor could she see Paul bantering with her the way Joe did.

The waitress delivered the wine, opened the bottle and poured them each a glass, once Paul had given his approval. Their dinners followed shortly afterward. After taking a bite or two of her delicious salmon, Cait noticed that Paul hadn't touched his meal. If anything, he seemed restless.

He rolled the stem of the wineglass between his fingers, watching the wine swirl inside. Then he suddenly blurted out, “What do you think of Lindy's leaving the firm?”

Cait was taken aback by the fervor in his voice when he mentioned Lindy's name. “Frankly I was shocked,” Cait said. “Lindy and I have been good friends for a couple of years now.” There'd been a time when the two had done nearly everything together. The summer before, they'd vacationed in Mexico and returned to Seattle with enough handwoven baskets and bulky blankets to set up shop themselves.

“Lindy's resigning came as a surprise to you, then?”

“Yes, this whole thing caught me completely unawares. Lindy didn't even mention the other job offer to me. I always thought we were good friends.”

“Lindy
is
your friend,” Paul said with enough conviction to persuade the patrons at the nearby tables. “You wouldn't believe what a good friend she is.”

“I…know that.” But friends sometimes had surprises up their sleeves. Lindy was a good example of that, and apparently so was Joe.

“I find Lindy an exceptional woman,” Paul commented, watching Cait closely.

“She's probably one of the best stockbrokers in the business,” Cait said, taking a sip of her wine.

“My…admiration for her goes beyond her keen business mind.”

“Oh, mine, too,” Cait was quick to agree. Lindy was the kind of friend who would trrudge through the blazing sun of Mexico looking for a conch shell because she knew Cait really wanted to take one home. And Lindy had listened to countless hours of Cait's bemoaning her sorry fate of unrequited love for Paul.

“She's a wonderful woman.”

Joe was wonderful, too, Cait thought. So wonderful her heart ached at his indifference when she'd announced she would be dining with Paul.

“Lindy's the kind of woman a man could treasure all his life,” Paul went on.

“I couldn't agree with you more,” Cait said. Now, if only Joe would realize what a treasure
she
was. He'd married her once—well, sort of—and surely the possibility of spending their lives together had crossed his mind in the past few weeks.

Paul hesitated as though at a loss for words. “I don't suppose you've given any thought to the reason Lindy made this unexpected decision to resign?”

Frankly Cait hadn't. Her mind and her heart had been so full of Joe that deciphering her friend's actions had somehow escaped her. “She received a better offer, didn't she?” Which was understandable. Lindy would be an asset to any firm.

It was then that Cait understood. Paul hadn't asked her to dinner out of any desire to develop a romantic relationship with her. He saw her as a means of discovering what had prompted Lindy to resign. This new awareness came as a relief, a burden lifted from her shoulders. Paul wasn't interested in her. He never had been and probably never would be. A few weeks ago, that realization would have been a crushing defeat, but all Cait experienced now was an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

“I'm sure if you talk to Lindy, she might reconsider,” Cait suggested.

“I've tried, trust me. But there's a problem.”

“Oh?” Now that Cait had sampled the salmon, she
discovered it to be truly delicious. She hadn't realized how hungry she was.

“Cait, look at me,” Paul said, raising his voice slightly. His face was pinched, his eyes intense. “Damn, but you've made this nearly impossible.”

She looked up at him, her face puzzled. “What is it, Paul?”

“You have no idea, do you? I swear you've got to be the most obtuse woman in the world.” He pushed aside his plate and briefly closed his eyes, shaking his head. “I'm in love with Lindy. I have been for weeks…months. But for the life of me I couldn't get her to notice me. I swear I did everything but turn cartwheels in her office. It finally dawned on me why she wasn't responding.”

“Me?” Cait asked in a feeble, mouselike squeak.

“Exactly. She didn't want to betray your friendship. Then one afternoon—I think it was the day you first recognized Joe—we, Lindy and I, were in my office and—Oh hell, I don't know how it happened, but Lindy was looking something up for me and she stumbled over one of the cords the construction crew was using. Fortunately I was able to catch her before she fell to the floor. I know it wasn't her fault, but I was so angry, afraid she might have been hurt. Lindy was just as angry with me for being angry with her, and it seemed the only way to shut her up was to kiss her. That was the beginning and I swear to you everything exploded in our faces at that moment.”

Cait swallowed, fascinated by the story. “Go on.”

“I tried for days to get her to agree to go out with me. But she kept refusing until I demanded to know why.”

“She told you…how I felt about you?” The thought was mortifying.

“Of course not. Lindy's too good a friend to divulge your confidence. Besides, she didn't need to tell me. I've known all along. Good grief, Cait, what did I have to do to discourage you? Hire a skywriter?”

“I don't think anything that drastic was necessary,” she muttered, humiliated to her very bones.

“I repeatedly told Lindy I wasn't attracted to you, but she wouldn't listen. Finally she told me if I'd talk to you, explain everything myself, she'd agree to go out with me.”

“The phone call,” Cait said with sudden comprehension. “That was the reason you called me, wasn't it? You wanted to talk about Lindy, not that business article.”

“Yes.” He looked deeply grateful for her insight, late though it was.

“Well, for heaven's sake, why didn't you?”

“Believe me, I've kicked myself a dozen times since. I wish I knew. I suppose it seemed heartless to have such a frank discussion over the phone. Again and again, I promised myself I'd say something. Lord knows I dropped enough hints, but you weren't exactly receptive.”

She winced. “But why is Lindy resigning?”

“Isn't it obvious?” Paul asked. “It was becoming increasingly difficult for us to work together. She didn't want to betray her best friend, but at the same time…”

“But at the same time you two were falling in love.”

“Exactly. I can't lose her, Cait. I don't want to hurt your feelings, and believe me, it's nothing personal—you're a trustworthy employee and a decent person—but I'm simply not attracted to you.”

Paul didn't seem to be the only one. Other than treating their relationship like one big joke, Joe hadn't ever claimed any romantic feelings for her, either.

“I had to do something before I lost Lindy.”

“I agree completely.”

“You're not angry with her, are you?”

“Good heavens, no,” Cait said, offering him a brave smile.

“We both thought something was developing between you and Joe Rockwell. Like I said, you seemed to be seeing quite a bit of each other, and then at the Christmas party—”

“Don't remind me,” Cait said with a low groan.

Paul's face creased in a spontaneous smile. “Joe certainly has a wit about him, doesn't he?”

Cait gave a resigned nod.

Now that Paul had cleared the air, he seemed to develop an appetite. He reached for his dinner and ate heartily. By contrast, Cait's salmon had lost its appeal. She stared down at her plate, wondering how she could possibly make it through the rest of the evening.

She did, though, quite nicely. Paul didn't even seem to notice that anything was amiss. It wasn't that Cait was distressed by his confession. If anything, she was relieved at this turn of events and delighted that Lindy had fallen in love. Paul was obviously crazy about her; she'd never seen him more animated than when he was discussing Lindy. It still shocked Cait that she'd been so unperceptive about Lindy's real feelings. Not to mention Paul's…

Paul dropped her off at her building and saw her to the front door. “I can't thank you enough for understanding,” he said, his voice warm. Impulsively he hugged her, then hurried back to his sports car.

Although she was certainly guilty of being obtuse, Cait knew exactly where Paul was headed. No doubt Lindy would be waiting for him, eager to hear the details of their
conversation. Cait planned to talk to her friend herself, first thing in the morning.

Cait's apartment was dark and lonely. So lonely the silence seemed to echo off the walls. She hung up her coat before turning on the lights, her thoughts as dark as the room had been.

She made herself a cup of tea. Then she sat on the sofa, tucking her feet beneath her as she stared unseeing at the walls, assessing her options. They seemed terribly limited.

Paul was in love with Lindy. And Joe…Cait had no idea where she stood with him. For all she knew—

Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone. She answered on the second ring.

“Cait?” It was Joe and he seemed surprised to find her back so early. “When did you get in?”

“A few minutes ago.”

“You don't sound like yourself. Is anything wrong?”