Home is Where the Heart is (7 page)

A
s soon as Cassie swung open the front door and revealed Jordan standing on her front porch at ten o’clock at night, she knew why he was there.

“Is he mine?” His question pierced through her veins the same way she imagined it would if she were on trial for murder. Jordan shook his head as frown lines formed on his forehead. He looked furious, and he probably had every right to be, but she wasn't going to feel guilty for choosing to become a single parent instead of consulting Jordan about his role in raising their child.

Cassie didn’t say a word. What else could she say?

“You know what? Don’t worry. I already know the answer,” he said shortly, and deep down, she knew that already.

He turned to walk away as Cassie let out a deep breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Everything happened so suddenly. Jordan stopped, turned toward her, and walked back until he was standing in her doorway again.

“Fuck, Cassie! Why didn’t you tell me I had a kid? I had a right to know I’m a dad." The frown lines slowly disappeared from his face, but he still didn't look happy. In fact, his eyes looked troubled and tired. This time, he was expecting her to answer his question.

“You’re asking the wrong person that question, and it’s late, Jordan. Go home. We can talk about it tomorrow.” She pushed him out onto her front porch.

Jordan threw his fist against the half-closed door, shoving it open a little more. “No, I want to talk about everything now.”

“Shh, Jake is asleep; you’ll wake him up. Can you please keep your voice down?” Cassie tried to quiet him in a hushed tone.

Jordan cleared his throat, lowering his voice. “Who am I supposed to be talking to about it then?
You’re
his mother.”

Okay, so there was no hope getting him to leave her house just yet, but she couldn’t have Jake waking up either, so she pulled the door almost closed behind her as she stepped out onto the porch. She was standing directly opposite Jordan, wrapping her jean jacket more tightly around her body, suddenly conscious of how she might look at this very moment.

There was definitely a wintry chill in the night air; she could feel it. Or maybe it was because she was having to face questions from her ex-boyfriend—questions she didn’t feel like answering right now.

“Why don’t you try your father?” Cassie prompted softly.

“What does my dad have anything to do with it?”

“He knew I was pregnant with your child. He begged me not to tell you because it would ruin your fledging career.”

Jordan shook her off, trying not to believe the words coming out of her mouth. It had to be a mistake. His dad was powerful, but he wouldn’t hide something as big as his own son having a child.

“No, I don’t believe you. You’re lying.”

Cassie shook her head, tears almost ready to fall down her cheeks. “I’m not lying. I would never lie about something like this.” He could hear it in her soft, timid voice. Deep down, he knew she could never say something like that and it be a lie. “Go ask him yourself. He even tried to buy me off with money, just so you wouldn't find out about our son. I guessed at the time it showed him just how committed I was to being with you and I should have been grateful to know that he knew I wasn’t seeing anyone else and the possibility that my son was really yours, not someone other guy. According to him, it was my dirty little secret, not yours. I guess he didn’t want you to have to pay for the consequences of one of our nights of passion that turned into an unplanned occurrence in life.”

Cassie hoped her words didn’t make it seem like she regretted Jake because not for one second could she ever regret the life she had created with Jordan. Jake was her everything.

Jordan was stunned.

“I didn’t take his money. I’m not desperate or dirt-poor enough to actually accept his money in exchange for pretending you didn’t have a son. I simply chose to become a single parent with plenty of support from Gabby, Nick, and Gabby’s parents too. They’ve become like surrogate grandparents to Jake since his paternal and maternal ones either live too far away to travel to see us a lot of the time, or the other ones think they are too good to bother acknowledging their only grandchild’s existence. Gabby’s parents have been really great to us. They even let us stay with them for as long as we needed until I could afford my own place.”

Cassie hadn’t meant to sting Jordan, but she knew her words had burned a little. He could try to be as angry with her as he liked, but she refused to allow his words and actions to affect her choices in life. She wasn’t really to blame for him not knowing Jake was his child.

And she certainly wasn’t going to allow Jordan to stand outside her front door yelling hurtful remarks at her. Not tonight.

Cassie held the door open wider, a clear indication she didn’t want him here any longer tonight. Could he not understand that?

“It’s late. I think you should go,” she told him.

Jordan stepped closer to her, with his head bent down slightly to her level, and when he did, she could make out the faint smell of alcohol on his breath and the cologne he was wearing. She took one step backward, refusing to be pulled into his sweetness all over again, even though all she could think about was the lingering feeling of his lips touching hers.

Oh God! She couldn’t fall into his trap again, not when this time she had so much to lose.

Sensing the palpable anxiety she was feeling, Jordan croaked out an ‘I’m sorry’.

“I know you are,” Cassie babbled, sticking to her guns despite her body feeling differently, “but you need to leave. You can’t be here right now. We can talk some other time. You really need to go home and sleep it off.”

“And talk to my parents,” Jordan quickly added with a wince.

Cassie raised her hand. “That’s up to you.” His words were true. He did need to go home and talk to his parents, particularly his father if he wasn’t too sick to have a meaningful and honest discussion with his son.

“Fine, I’ll go, but we’re not done here.”

Cassie couldn’t say another word. Instead, she just gave a simple nod of her head, knowing he was right.

As Cassie watched him walk toward the bright yellow taxi sticking out against the dark night, Cassie shut the door, slid down to the floor with her back against the smoothness of the white, painted wood, and let out one big sigh. It took all her energy trying not to think of what was next to come her way.

The next morning, after sleeping last night off, Jordan approached his father with delicacy. He had only been home from the hospital for two days, but Jordan needed to say what he had to say. He had to get it off his chest before he lost his nerve. Sometimes, talking to his father made Jordan feel intimidated. He understood why Cassie didn’t like talking to him.

Jordan’s father, Clive, was sitting in his armchair in the study reading the daily newspaper.

“Did you know?” Jordan asked, getting straight to the point, which startled his father slightly, because he jumped. When he saw Jordan standing in the doorway, he folded the paper together and placed it on the pinewood coffee table in front of him.

“I know I’m clever, but I’m still not clever enough to know what you’re talking about or able to read your mind. I have just come out of the hospital, so you’ll have to cut me some slack and help me out by telling me what you want to know,” Clive said, looking over the top of his reading glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. He was an older version of Jordan, but with a receding hairline and some age spots on top of his scalp.

Jordan drew in some air, and then exhaled a long deep breath. “Did you know Cassie was pregnant with my child?”

“Well, of course I knew. I make it my business to know all about your life. That way I can handle it fittingly.”

“It’s
my
fucking life!” Jordan exclaimed. There used to be a time when he wasn’t allowed to curse at his father. He wondered if that rule still existed, despite his age and the fact ferocity surged through his body right now. He couldn’t control the words spilling from the tip of his tongue, even though he should have been using a calmer voice for the sake of his dad’s health. His father was unbelievable, never admitting it when what he thought was right was actually wrong.

“You shouldn’t need to handle it appropriately; I’m capable of doing that myself. I don’t need you interfering in a life that has nothing to do with you. You’re my father, not my agent. That’s what I pay Paul to do.”

“You don’t understand, son—”

“Oh, I understand perfectly clear, Dad. Cassie told me how you tried to bribe her with money in exchange for keeping our child a secret from me. Shit! She told me everything.” Jordan watched as his father showed no remorse whatsoever. No worry lines appeared on his face, like he wasn’t scared what this would do to his relationship with his only son. “Did you think she wouldn’t tell me? Did you actually think she would take your money? You must really think little of her.”

“Son, I know you don’t want to hear it right now, but I was trying to protect you, and only did what I thought was right at the time. That girl wasn’t good for you or your future.”

“
That girl?
” Jordan mimicked. “Shit, Dad, you make it sound like she had some contagious disease or something. Cassie was my girlfriend. I loved her. She was
pregnant
with my child, and I should have been here for her when she needed me the most. But you made sure I wasn’t. You were just trying to protect the precious dreams you had for me. You didn’t want anything getting in the way of what you wanted to achieve
through
me. You didn’t care about what I wanted, which is why you didn’t want to tell me about my own kid.”

Jordan was shaking with his fury. How could his father sit here and believe he had done the right thing for him? Was he delusional?

Thoughts rushed through his veins like he was going to explode at any given moment, and it made him realize a couple of things he needed to get off his chest now before he lost his nerve.

“Our phone calls when I said I wanted to come home for a visit…you insisted I stay at school…was it because you didn’t want me to discover the truth about Cassie?”

“You’re damn right I didn’t. I knew if you found out she was pregnant with your child, you’d want to do the right thing by her. You would have insisted on coming home and would not have continued your football scholarship. You wouldn’t have gone to a great college because you would be too busy earning money in a low-paying job you were not cut out for. Your life would have been miserable. I could see that, so I made it better for you. You certainly wouldn’t be playing in the NFL right now had you learned that boy was your son.
They
would have changed your entire future for you, and it wouldn’t have been for the better.” Clive inhaled deeply. Jordan knew how much this was hurting his father to speak, but he didn’t care. He had a right to know the truth about the life he could have had with Cassie and Jake.

“How can you fucking say that?” Jordan threw his words into his father’s face in a sudden surge of anger. “Did you ever think maybe I might have enjoyed being thrown into the deep end of fatherhood? That maybe it was my dream to stand by and support Cassie during parenthood? I loved her with all my heart, and you made me lose her.”

Lose
, like she was some object. Who was he? He didn’t talk like this. Now he was blaming his father for contributing to his break-up with Cassie, like he didn’t have a backbone back then. He had been too naïve of the things to look forward to in his future to take action in his own life and stand up to his father.

“You’re mad at me now, but you could have been sinking into a dark depression back then too. All those dreams you’d worked so hard to achieve would have been dead to you. You would regret not playing football. By not knowing you’re a father, you were able to accomplish so much. Look where you are now—you’re playing in the NFL! Can you honestly tell me you don’t enjoy the thrill you actually made it into the big leagues? That you would have still become the same superstar you are today had you discovered you were going to become a father? Think logically, son, because I am, and I don’t believe you would be where you are today.”

“Only now I have regrets I wasn’t there for my family when I should have been. I’m not mad at you, Dad; I’m furious with you and the decisions you made on my behalf. It should have been me making those decisions, not you. It’s not your life; it’s mine. Do me a favor and stay out of my way from now on.”

Jordan would leave it at that. He said what he needed to say, he heard what he needed to hear, and he got his answers from his father. Besides, despite the hostility brewing between the two of them—so much he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him—he wasn’t that insensitive of a son to risk sending his father to the hospital again by causing him to suffer another heart attack from his hurtful words…no matter how true they were.

Before he left though, he turned slightly, pressing his lips together as the man behind him stared right back at him, and Jordan said, “It wouldn’t have been my dream I was destroying. It was yours.”