Homecoming (A Boys of Fall Novel) (18 page)

She already knew, from Kelly’s text message, that Coach and Mrs. McDonnell weren’t home, so she started up the stairs to Kelly’s old room. She’d brought a bunch of boxes down from the attic at her mom’s request because she wanted to start getting rid of some of the things they’d collected over decades in the house. Since nobody would be using that bedroom in the foreseeable future, it was the designated sorting station.

“Hey,” Kelly said when she saw Jen in the doorway. “You are not going to believe some of the stuff my mother’s been keeping since . . . hell, before I was born.”

“Before you ask, I don’t want any of it. Especially if it involves yarn in any way.”

She laughed and gestured at the far corner of the room, where a pile of yarn shaped into things sat. “There’s a macramé phase and a crocheting phase. And an ‘I don’t even know what that’s called’ phase.”

“You need a Dumpster.”

“You know my mom. She wants to have a yard sale.”

Jen rolled her eyes. “Everybody who would want that stuff already has boxes of it in their own attics.”

“Trust me, I know. Maybe what I need to do is have a Dumpster delivered to the Walker farm. Then I can tell Mom I’m donating it all because who has time for a yard sale?”

“There’s no way she won’t hear about that.”

Kelly frowned. “There has to be someplace I can hide a Dumpster where my mother won’t hear about it five minutes later.”

“Vermont.”

“Funny.” Kelly sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “This isn’t what I wanted to be doing on my time off, but at least it’s something to do while Chase is gone.”

“I hate to say it, but if your actual plan is to sort this for a yard sale and not just throw it all away, you called the wrong person for help.”

“Mostly I was just looking for company. I was talking to myself. So tell me, how are things with you and Sam?”

“Something’s changed.” Jen set a pile of what looked like twenty oven mitts on the floor so she could sit on the bed, too.

“Something like what?”

Jen shrugged, her mouth twisting in a wry smile. “I don’t know. If I knew exactly what had changed, I probably wouldn’t have said
something
.”

“Funny, smart-ass. But if something changed enough for you to notice, what were the changes you noticed? And you’re going to give me a headache playing word games. Just answer the question.”

“He said spending time with me was the best part of his life.”

Kelly’s mouth dropped open. “He said that? Sam Leavitt actually said that?”

Jen laughed. “Yes, he did. It was very sweet.”

“And?”

“And I said I liked spending time with him, too.”

“That sounds . . . awkward, to be honest.”

It sounded that way to her now, though it hadn’t at the time. “It wasn’t, trust me. Like I said, it was really sweet.”

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

Jen pressed her lips together, as if not admitting it out loud meant it wasn’t true. “Okay, fine. Yes. I don’t know how it happened, but yes.”

“It happened because you like each other and you have a good time and you talk and you have great sex. That’s kind of what happens when spending time with each other is the best part of your life.”

“Why didn’t I learn from your mistake?”

Kelly scowled. “I wouldn’t exactly call it a mistake. But the fact I was having temporary fun with Chase while he was back in Stewart Mills and now we’re getting married should have been your first clue that’s a plan that can go sideways on you.”

“I didn’t think it would with us. Who would ever believe I’d be attracted to Sam Leavitt, never mind fall in love with him?”

“Just anybody who sees you together.”

Jen wanted to argue the point, but she was pretty sure she’d lose. Hell, Kelsey Jordan had guessed they were a couple before they’d even become a couple.

“Okay, so what’s the problem?” Kelly asked. “If you’re in love with him and, from the sounds of things, the feeling’s mutual, you should look happier.”

“It’s complicated.” She couldn’t tell Kelly about the coaching job offer. Even though she was one of Jen’s best friends and the keeping-secrets rule shouldn’t apply, she was also Coach McDonnell’s daughter and that made loyalties and promises a lot more murky.

“Do you think he’s still going to leave?” Kelly asked.

“Maybe,” she was able to answer honestly. It just wasn’t Texas he was considering leaving to.

“Maybe you should tell him you want him to stay.”

“I don’t know. I don’t want him to feel pressured to stay here if he really wants to leave.” She sighed. “He’s dealt with a lot emotionally while he’s been here, so I’d just like for him to come around to it on his own.”

“Maybe he needs to know he has something—or somebody—worth staying for.”

If Jen mustered up the courage to tell Sam that her feelings went beyond enjoying spending time with him and told him she was in love with him, would that influence his decision? He’d said outright he couldn’t handle having the opinions of others pushing and pulling in his mind.

But it wasn’t just an opinion. She loved him. “I don’t know, Kelly. I don’t want to push at him, and unless he starts throwing what he owns in the back of his truck, there’s no reason to rush.”

“So,” Kelly said, “now might not be the best time to tell you this, but it really
is
good news.”

Jen knew immediately what she was talking about. “Coach can go back to work.”

Kelly grinned. “Yeah. His doctor cleared him. Obviously he’s not supposed to get too worked up, but he tires a little more easily now. Hopefully that’ll keep him in check.”

“Maybe now that Dan’s wife had her baby and everything’s going well, he can do a better job of helping him out, too.”

“I hope so. I don’t ever want to go through this again.”

“Did he tell Sam?”

“Yeah. He and Mom stopped by the school right before practice to tell him and I guess they’ll probably tell the team. Dad’s ready to jump right in, of course.” Kelly sighed. “It’s a little scary for me and Mom, but it’s good to see Dad so happy again. I think without football, he’d just sit in his chair and fade away, so he might as well be on the sidelines.”

“I bet your mom will have spies everywhere.”

Kelly laughed. “You know it. But I can’t say that I blame her. Doing CPR on him and . . .”

The words died away as Kelly’s voice cracked, and Jen squeezed her hand. “He’s fine now. Everything turned out okay and, like you said, the football makes him happy. There’s not much sense in taking it away from him.”

“Even though I worry about it, I can’t wait to see him out on the field again.”

Jen reached across the bed and hugged her best friend. “I’m so happy for you guys. I really am.”

It wasn’t a lie. She loved Coach and Mrs. McDonnell like family, and she was genuinely relieved and ecstatic that he’d not only survived his heart attack, but was recovered enough to return to his beloved football program.

And Sam was going to have to move on with his life.

S
am faced the team, his heart pounding in his chest. They were having a team meeting in the gymnasium, due to the cold, and Coach was at his side. They’d be taking them out to the practice field together today.

It should have been a happy moment, but he hadn’t anticipated it being so hard to hand this bunch of teenage boys he’d barely known only five weeks ago back to Coach McDonnell.

He wouldn’t be leaving right away, of course. And there would be a new group of boys to get to know. But he was definitely going to keep in touch with these guys. Especially Cody. And Shawn. Hell, all of them.

“I’m proud of you guys. You all really pulled together when Coach was out and that’s what being a team is about.” He held up the whistle and smiled. “But now I’m giving Coach his whistle back.”

The boys cheered, their joy echoing off the gym walls.

Shawn Riley raised his hand. “Does this mean you’re leaving?”

“Yup. I was subbing for Coach.”

“So you won’t be here for the rest of the season?”

He knew what the quarterback was really asking. If they bucked the odds and made it to the championship game, would he be there to see it?

With the entire team watching, waiting for his answer, Sam admitted to himself that even if he hadn’t accepted the job offer, he would have stuck around for the rest of the season. There was no way he could have told them no. And now it was time to break the news, since he didn’t see a way to dance around it.

“I actually will be around,” he said, not surprised when Coach’s head whipped around. “That team we beat for homecoming? I, uh . . . might be on the other side of the field next year. I’m swearing you all to secrecy because they haven’t announced it yet, but their coach is retiring and the assistant coach is moving up. He asked me to take his place. But I’ll be around for the rest of your season.”

There was a long silence before PJ finally broke it. “It’ll be good for you to experience losing championships for a change.”

They all laughed and there was a little more trash-talking before Sam reiterated he was trusting them to keep quiet and sent them out to do warm-up laps.

Left alone with Coach, Sam sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “What do you think?”

The older man gave him a long look before nodding his head. “You’ll do a good job with that program. You’re a natural, son, and I’m proud of you.”

Suddenly choked up, Sam nodded and turned to watch the
boys. It had been a long, lonely road, but worth the journey. He’d made the man next to him proud, and he was getting used to the feeling of having a place he belonged. His life was changing for the better, and he had almost everything he needed.

When practice was over, Sam spent the short drive back to his apartment in a low-level inner turmoil he couldn’t seem to settle. He’d done it. He’d said out loud he was going to accept Neil’s offer and it had felt right at that moment. Now, though, he felt jumpy and out of sorts.

As soon as he walked up the stairs to his apartment, he knew what it was. Jen was sitting on the top step, her hands pulled up into the sleeves of her winter coat. As soon as his gaze landed on her, his heart seemed to skip a beat. Here was his turmoil, life-sized and blond-haired.

“What are you doing sitting here?” he asked. “It’s cold.”

She shrugged. “I’ve only been here a minute. I texted you to see if you were around and I was going to wait a few minutes before heading home.”

“I forgot to plug my phone in and it died about two hours ago.” When she stood and let him pass, he unlocked the door. “Get in here and warm up.”

Once they were inside, he plugged in his phone and took her coat to drape over the back of a chair. She looked tired, he thought. Almost as tired as he felt.

“I heard the good news,” she said, sitting on the couch and pulling her knees up to wrap her arms around them.

It wasn’t because she was cold. He knew just enough about body language to know she was trying to shield herself from him, or from whatever hurt he was about to inflict on her. But he was working his way around to the right words in his mind and he had no intention of hurting her.

“I figured you would.”

“Kelly told me. I’m surprised you didn’t.”

“Coach and Mrs. McDonnell showing up was a total surprise. We talked and then the boys started showing up. By the time I had a chance, I knew it had probably spread through the grapevine and I was going to call you when I got home and could plug my phone in.”

“Are you okay? I mean, I know you’re happy that Coach is back in fighting condition, but I also know you’ve gotten attached to the team and you enjoyed coaching them.”

“I really have. But I won’t be too far away to keep in touch and I’ll have a new crop of kids to coach.”

“So you’re taking the job, then?”

He watched her face as he nodded. She was expressive enough so he knew the lack of reaction there took a supreme act of will on her part. And it was now or never, he thought.

“I want you to go with me,” he said.

Her eyes widened and her lips parted as she took in what he said. And then his stomach knotted when her mouth tightened and it wasn’t happiness he saw in her eyes.

“You want me to move with you?”

He nodded and went all in. “When I said spending time with you was the best part of my life, what I really meant was that I’ve fallen in love with you. I didn’t plan to. I guess I wasn’t really supposed to. But I love you and I want you to come with me.”

—

J
en wasn’t sure what was happening or why it was happening so fast. She only knew that everything was tumbling down around her and it was going to hurt.

“I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, either, but I did,” she said. She watched the lines of his face soften and almost couldn’t say what needed to be said. “But you’re asking me to leave Stewart Mills.”

His jaw tightened again. “It’s a town.”

“It’s
my
town. I left once. And even though my family moved away, I chose to come back here for a reason. I love Stewart Mills and the kids need me.”

“I need you.”

Jen dug her fingernails into her palms, doing everything she could to keep from falling into a heap of tears. “Why can’t you stay here?”

She expected him to pull himself back emotionally. The walls would go back up and he’d close her out. But he walked to her and pulled her into his arms. For a few minutes they just stood in silence, holding each other with his cheek pressed to the top of her head.

“I need to take this job, Jen. I love coaching and I’m good at it. They want me.”

I want you.
The words never left her lips, though. Sam had come to grips with his past while in Stewart Mills, and this was the brass ring for him. He wasn’t that Leavitt kid anymore. He was being invited to be a part of a community that would trust him with their kids. That would support him and maybe in time come to love and respect him like Stewart Mills did Coach McDonnell. She understood why he couldn’t say no, even if she wished she didn’t.

“Maybe I can commute,” he said.

She laughed, a short and humorless sound. “It’s obviously been a long time since you’ve experienced winter up here.”

“It’s forty-five minutes.”

“In good weather. In shitty weather, it can take up to two hours. And by the time practice is over and the temperatures have dropped . . . it wouldn’t work, Sam. No matter how much we want it to, that’s not the answer.”

“So what is the answer?” he asked, but the sorrow in his eyes told her he already knew there wasn’t one.

“You need to take the job and I can’t leave mine.”

The muscles in his jaw flexed and he gave a curt nod. “So I guess we’re back where we started, then.”

They could never be back there, she thought. She could never go back to a time or place where she hadn’t loved Sam Leavitt and lost him before they even had a chance.

“I guess so,” she said, unable to do more than whisper.

He released her, stepping back to rest his forehead against hers for a moment. “The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, Jen. I know what this place means to you, so I won’t keep asking, but I’m sorry I’m hurting you.”

“I know. I wish I could . . .” She let the words die away. Other than rehashing the same points over and over, there was nothing left to say. “We’ll be seeing each other around, but it’ll be okay. I’m happy for you, though. I really am. And I’m proud of you.”

The pain on his face was almost her undoing. “I have to, Jen.”

“I know.” She kissed his mouth for the last time and pulled away. “And I have to go.”

He let her leave without another word, and she managed to make the drive home without shedding a tear. Shock, maybe. But she knew it wouldn’t last long. The pain was like an iron corset squeezing her heart, and the tears were going to come.

Once she was safely parked and in her house, Jen took her phone and her favorite fleece blanket into her bedroom and curled up on the bed. Then she pulled up the group chat with Gretchen and Kelly, her thumb freezing over the keyboard.

She stared at the screen for a long time, not sure what she wanted to say. There was so much, but the words didn’t come. And she was afraid if they started, she’d be typing into her phone for hours.

Finally, she pulled a Gretchen and communicated her feelings with an emoji. The red heart broken in half said everything, really.

Kelly responded almost immediately.
I’m not far away. 5 mins.

The text from Gretchen came about a minute later.
Shit. Finishing some chores. Will be there as soon as I can.
It was followed by a string of emojis that made her sad.

It was less than five minutes before she heard a car door slam and then her door open and close. “Jen?”

Rather than have a pity party on her bed, Jen got up and dragged herself and her blanket to the couch, getting there at the same time Kelly did. Her friend held out a candy bar, which Jen accepted with a tearful smile.

“That’s the emergency chocolate from my cruiser, so it’s all I have. Are you okay?”

“Not really.”

“Did you tell him?”

“That I love him?” She nodded. “Yeah. He loves me, too.”

“Okay, I’m confused. Did you hit the wrong emoji by mistake? Because I know you love him, which means him loving you should be a good thing.”

“He’s leaving Stewart Mills.”

“I . . . What? He told you he loves you, but he’s still taking the job?”

“He asked me to go with him and I said no.”

“Shit.” Kelly plopped onto the couch next to her.

“Yeah.” Jen unwrapped the candy bar and broke it in half. She gave Kelly one of the pieces. “Have some chocolate with me.”

“At least I can’t drink, since I’m on duty,” Kelly said. “Getting Gretchen through Alex leaving wasn’t one of my finer moments.”

Jen was surprised by the laughter that burst out of her mouth. Fifteen minutes ago she would have sworn she’d never laugh again. But they’d all gotten good and drunk when Alex left Gretchen and they didn’t think he was coming back. Especially Kelly. “I don’t think any of us had any particularly fine moments that night.”

“But Sam asked you to go with him?”

Nodding, Jen took a bite of the candy bar and chewed it before answering. “You know I came back here because this is the life I wanted. The kids and their families . . . they’re almost like
my
family. I can’t leave them.”

“Okay, so what are you going to do now?”

Jen wiped a bit of chocolate from the corner of her mouth. “I’m going to do what I was doing before your dad dragged Sam Leavitt into my life again. I’m going to work and keep the kids on track and do a shitload of paperwork and maybe, at some point, I’ll meet a guy I want as much as I want Sam.”

“Hey, what happened to that guy you were meeting for a second date when I called you from the hospital?”

Jen rolled her eyes. “I called him the next day and he was really pissy because it was rude of me to cancel on such late
notice. And a friend shouldn’t be more important than a romantic interest, according to him.”

“He was mad you were coming to me when my dad had a heart attack?”

“Yeah, that was the end of any romantic interest. It wasn’t going to work out, anyway. I was just trying to get Sam and that night at the dam out of my head.”

“Someday you’ll meet a guy who’ll make you forget Sam ever came back to Stewart Mills.”

Jen nodded, grateful she had one last piece of chocolate to shove in her mouth so she wouldn’t confess that she knew that guy didn’t exist.

“He loves you,” Kelly said softly. “Right now things went sideways, but you might still work it out.”

“He’s choosing a job over me. I should be worth more.”

“You
are
worth more. He’s a moron.” Kelly sighed and leaned back against the couch. “And I don’t want to say this because I’m your best friend and I’m totally, one hundred percent on your side and the last thing I would ever want is for you to be an hour away, but you’re not choosing him over
your
job, either.”

Jen scowled and threw the empty wrapper at her. “It’s not just my job. It’s my entire life. My home. You guys are all like family to me. And the kids . . . He’s choosing strangers.”

“You’re right. He’s an asshole.”

Best friends were wonderful things, Jen thought. But then Kelly’s cell phone chimed and she read the text with a scowl.

“I hate to do this, but I have a call. You’ll be okay until Gretchen gets here?” Jen nodded. “You should text her and tell her I only had chocolate, so she should bring something salty and crunchy. Or alcoholic.”

Jen stood, letting the blanket fall away so she could get a hug. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

And she was, until the sound of the cruiser’s engine faded away. Then she clutched the blanket to her face, sobbing into it, but the release did nothing to ease the ache in her heart.

Jen managed to pull herself together a little before Gretchen showed up, carrying a grocery bag stuffed with every comfort food the market carried, including her favorite vanilla bean gelato. She also brought Cocoa, who gave her a high five and then licked Jen’s face as if she could bathe the sadness away.